Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Last night. Casino Arizona 40-80.

I post a $60 kill on the button. This hand is played at 60-120 stakes. Three loose players limp, a slightly tighter guy limps, a regular raises, a tightish guy 3-bets out of the blind, I fold (strange, getting used to a kill acting last,) everyone else calls.

6 to the flop for 3 bets. $1160. Flop Jh 6h 3c. The blind bets. Four calls.

$1460 in the pot as the turn pairs the jack. Someone not in the hand turns to the blind and says "wow, that card probably killed your hand." The blind says "I'm betting anyway" and bets. Three calls, and then the regular raises, leaving himself five $10 chips. Everyone calls.

$2660 in the pot going into the river, which is a non-board-pairing flush card. Everyone checks to the regular who stares at the board, looks at his cards, and seems to examine the empty felt where numerous stacks have been replaced by five lonely chips. A few seconds pass. He finally decides that even though he can't face a raise he can't even stick the last $50 in -- someone had to have a flush draw, right?

So he taps the table and turns over J9 and gives a head-flick like "OK, table your flush, whichever of you bastards has it." Everyone briefly looks at the blind, who is busy squinting at his obvious big pair. Then we all look at the three loose limpers, conveniently clustered in the 1-, 2-, and 3-seats. The 2 picks his cards up so the 1 and 3 can see them, but the 1 is too busy looking at the pile consisting of a kill button and 2.66 racks of brown chips to pay any attention.

Now the regular starts to get excited. Everyone with a live hand has had all the information necessary to claim the pot for several seconds now. He pushes his jack forward a little and seems to search for something to tip with. The 1-seat has by now slid his hand into the muck and the 2-seat has flung his away.

A pregnant pause later, the 3-seat holds his hand a foot in front of his face and then, in overhand flyswatter style, tables the 9h-7h.

The game, already profitable, was about to get even better.

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Guess Arizona doesn't have a concealed carry law.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

LOL at "flyswatter style"

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Great story but you're a distant second place.

Calling Entity and all witnesses!

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Guess Arizona doesn't have a concealed carry law.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh it does. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Great story but you're a distant second place.

Calling Entity and all witnesses!

[/ QUOTE ]

DaveR --

Thanks for the compliment.

I wasn't actually expecting that this be crowned the world's severest slowroll -- one reason is that I've never been to Commerce, but I've heard stories.

I also wanted to invite others to share slowrolling stories, but didn't want to distract from the story. So, share.

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Was it a slowroll? I mean if seat 3 was just waiting for seats 1&2 to muck or show an argument could just be made he was waiting for the action to get to him.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Was it a slowroll? I mean if seat 3 was just waiting for seats 1&2 to muck or show an argument could just be made he was waiting for the action to get to him.

[/ QUOTE ]

One could strictly interpret the showing-in-turn-clockwise protocol and say that 3 was waiting for 1 and 2. But 3 knew that he had the winner as soon as 2 exposed his cards to him and 1 wasn't doing anything but mustering the will to stop hoping his hand would become a full house.

Even if we grant the 3 seat the full force of this protocol -- which, I think, etiquette demands we partially suspend in cases such as this one, when there is zero chance he's going to be giving away free information he wouldn't get anyway -- he still took several more beats as he surveyed the scene, held his hand up where the rest of the table couldn't see it, and then tabled it.

So, in my view, reasonable interpretations range from moderate pause to very long pause. In a huge pot with a near-felted player riding the exponential surge in confidence that comes once you've tabled a hand, the former is more than enough to label this a severe slowroll.

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]

Guess Arizona doesn't have a concealed carry law.

[/ QUOTE ]

Unconcealed as well. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

My favorite is the classic Two-Pair-Slowroll. It is rare, because you can only use it in special circumstances. First of all, you need to have Quads, and they need to be concealed well enough for the "2pr" claim to be believable. Secondly, your opponent needs to have a hand that crushes 2pr, but not quads. Third, you need to have a pretty good feel for your opponent, or pretty good running shoes on. Seriously. Then, as the excited player shows down his flush or set or whatever, you look sad and say something to the tune of: "Oh, that's too bad... all I have is Two-Pair... Eights and....... (long pause before rolling).... EIGHTS!!!!" (Scoop pot with both hands grinning wildly)
Beautiful.


I was playing a buddy's chips the other night at Ceasar's Palace when I flopped a monster. He returned from the bathroom just as I was pushing all in on a flop of all clubs. Shocked to see all of his chips in the center of the table, he asked to see what I had that I could bet like that with. I showed him the Ace of Clubs and said "Pray for me" He sweated as I was called and the board rolled out hearts and spades. My opponent showed down a flopped two pair, and just as my pal patted me on the back with an ever-so-sad "dude" sigh, I exposed (what else?) the King of Clubs. Of course I had it, duh! What else would I be all in with. I didn't have to slow roll my opponent on this hand, it all happenned so fast that he never could have noticed the drama that my pal was going through, rooting for me, then thinking I was losing all his money, to seeing that we had the stone nuts! What excitement. All it cost me was a charlie-horse to the arm. Fun times.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Great story but you're a distant second place.

Calling Entity and all witnesses!

[/ QUOTE ]

I would like to hear this story.

-McGee

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Oh, that's too bad... all I have is Two-Pair... Eights and....... (long pause before rolling).... EIGHTS!!!!" (Scoop pot with both hands grinning wildly)
Beautiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's strange, I just got out of a long hospital stay and hated it.

I find it odd that you'd try so hard to get in.


Seriously, this is the douchiest (douchiest is a word now?) move in poker. Do NOT attempt it.

Ever.

Seriously.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"Oh, that's too bad... all I have is Two-Pair... Eights and....... (long pause before rolling).... EIGHTS!!!!" (Scoop pot with both hands grinning wildly)
Beautiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's strange, I just got out of a long hospital stay and hated it.

I find it odd that you'd try so hard to get in.


Seriously, this is the douchiest (douchiest is a word now?) move in poker. Do NOT attempt it.

Ever.

Seriously.

[/ QUOTE ]

In that vein, a small postcript:

A couple hands later the 3-seat raised in early position and was three-bet next to act by a winning regular, "Jim."

Immediately, the guy to my left -- the one who said "that jack probably killed your hand," and the one who expressed the most outrage at the slowroll -- said, "go get 'im, Jimmy!"

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

i played w/some douche like 3 years ago, and will never forget it. i think this same thing happened at least 3 times in 1 session, all by the same kid. i wish it would have been a home game, and i would have taken care of it.

hero has big A (e.g. AK). flop comes A-high.
villain checks, hero bets, villain calls.
turn random card (e.g. 7).
villain checks, hero bets, villain raises, hero calls.
river random card (e.g. 2).
villain bets, hero calls.

villain slowly flips over A...pause...slowly flips over 7 for turned 2-pair. hero clinches teeth and mucks.

it happened 3 years ago, and i still remember the dude well.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Live $300 mtt at Paradise HardRock in Holloywood FL, blinds at 2k/4k/500. I have 36k, vilian has me covered. We're on the monkey-money bubble.

1 limper then table folds to me in lp and I raise to 12k with QQ.

Folds to bb who's thinks a bit, then mini-raises.

Limper folds, back to me and I push.

Back to nit, who I've been calling "Puerto Rico" all nite 'cause of his ballcap and shirt. He asks the dealer how much. Then acts confused, counts out chips, asks the dealer again for the total, stares at the pot....this goes on for literally 2 minutes, no exaggeration.

He asks the dealer again for the count and finally, frustrated, flips over his cards and says, "I call, I call" tabling KK.

Donkey-boy bubbles, moping stage left as Puerto Rico runners an unecessary flush....

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I also wanted to invite others to share slowrolling stories, but didn't want to distract from the story. So, share. -

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll share.

A few nights ago I'm playing the 3-5 NL game at Hollywood Park. I flopped a set of tens on a T-x-x rainbow board from late position. All the money goes in (about $700) on the flop versus my one opponent in early position. The turn river come diamonds, making a possible flush. Now even though the rules require that the showdown goes clockwise from the button (i.e., he shows first), I would often show first because I'm pretty sure I have the winner and it seems to be the right thing against a normal human being.

But I know this guy. He looks at the board and says "missed my hand, you show" while holding onto his cards. Now some would say muck fast to get the pot on the "You Win" rule, but I know this rule isn't consistently applied (nor am I sure it actually still exists). Plus how safe would you feel about mucking here with the near nuts? So I wait. He repeats, "I missed, show, show". Now I'm really worried about the flush but I hold on. Finally he tables the flush and "pretends" not to notice it but I know he does.

I'm usually quiet but this time I go ballistic given some history. I stand up and say, "Nice slowroll you P.O.S. I'd let it pass if it weren't for the fact you f_cked over my girlfriend in that 20/40 game at the Bike three years ago". Now the table is looking at me astonished, I'm not normally a screamer. I continue, addressing the astonished table. "He's head up with my girlfriend in a 20/40 limit game at the Bike and about six raises go in on the river. Finally he pushes his entire stack of about $700. When my girlfriend accepts the action he pulls his bet back. Floorman ruled he can do that because it wasn't a legal bet but I've seen this play dozens of times and no honorable person would pull back." Just about everyone nods their head in agreement.

Now the P.O.S. says he missed his straight, but his face is red and I know he's lying. He sheepishly leaves the table a couple hands later. I apologize for my outburst but two regulars nod their heads in agreement; they have seen his antics before.

Still, the best slow roll story of all was sung by Tommy Angelo on his CD of poker songs.

~ Rick

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

Can you describe the P.O.S. ?

Stories like this make be wanna trap and stack...


AB

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I also wanted to invite others to share slowrolling stories, but didn't want to distract from the story. So, share. -

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll share.

A few nights ago I'm playing the 3-5 NL game at Hollywood Park. I flopped a set of tens on a T-x-x rainbow board from late position. All the money goes in (about $700) on the flop versus my one opponent in early position. The turn river come diamonds, making a possible flush. Now even though the rules require that the showdown goes clockwise from the button (i.e., he shows first), I would often show first because I'm pretty sure I have the winner and it seems to be the right thing against a normal human being.

But I know this guy. He looks at the board and says "missed my hand, you show" while holding onto his cards. Now some would say muck fast to get the pot on the "You Win" rule, but I know this rule isn't consistently applied (nor am I sure it actually still exists). Plus how safe would you feel about mucking here with the near nuts? So I wait. He repeats, "I missed, show, show". Now I'm really worried about the flush but I hold on. Finally he tables the flush and "pretends" not to notice it but I know he does.

I'm usually quiet but this time I go ballistic given some history. I stand up and say, "Nice slowroll you P.O.S. I'd let it pass if it weren't for the fact you f_cked over my girlfriend in that 20/40 game at the Bike three years ago". Now the table is looking at me astonished, I'm not normally a screamer. I continue, addressing the astonished table. "He's head up with my girlfriend in a 20/40 limit game at the Bike and about six raises go in on the river. Finally he pushes his entire stack of about $700. When my girlfriend accepts the action he pulls his bet back. Floorman ruled he can do that because it wasn't a legal bet but I've seen this play dozens of times and no honorable person would pull back." Just about everyone nods their head in agreement.

Now the P.O.S. says he missed his straight, but his face is red and I know he's lying. He sheepishly leaves the table a couple hands later. I apologize for my outburst but two regulars nod their heads in agreement; they have seen his antics before.

Still, the best slow roll story of all was sung by Tommy Angelo on his CD of poker songs.

~ Rick

[/ QUOTE ]

Rick --

All right! Thanks! This is the sort of material I was hoping for in this thread.

Everyone else --

C'mon, share. Water's warm.

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite is the classic Two-Pair-Slowroll. It is rare, because you can only use it in special circumstances. First of all, you need to have Quads, and they need to be concealed well enough for the "2pr" claim to be believable. Secondly, your opponent needs to have a hand that crushes 2pr, but not quads. Third, you need to have a pretty good feel for your opponent, or pretty good running shoes on. Seriously. Then, as the excited player shows down his flush or set or whatever,


[/ QUOTE ]

Wouldn't that "set" in fact now be a full house if the other guy has "2 pair" that is actually quads? One pair on board, if the other guy has a set, then it's actually a full house [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] Or he just doesn't know how to read his hand and deserves to lose to "2 pair" lol

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Can you describe the P.O.S. ?

Stories like this make be wanna trap and stack...


AB

[/ QUOTE ]

He normally plays 15/30 holdem but he's the guy with the nearly shaved head who often bets the pot while turning his head away from the table. About 90% of the yellow chip limit holdem regulars in LA have probably played with him.

~ Rick

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

One of my 1st times B&M poker I called with AA on river thinking I was beat. Since I was the last caller I wanted to wait and see what other two players had instead of them mucking. I got called every name in the book but I just wanted them to show 1st like they should.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

(personal opinion rant)

I think everyone takes slow rolling way too seriously, why does it get you all bent out of shape? It only bothers me when it slows down the game, or if it is mean in nature, but otherwise I actually get a kick out of it when someone pulls this trick.

Although I agree that its one of the douchiest douchebag moves around, there is a time and a place where it is acceptable. Like putting local nits on hyper title - very profitable. Or at 2+2 home games... thats always good for a laugh. But then there is my personal favorite, something I used to do all the time just with a wink and a smile - never maliciously - but it really got under my oponent's skin. On the river bet, get called, and instantly say I win while turning over a hand that I very thinly value bet. Wanna see steam rising out of people's ears like it does in the old Popeye cartoons? My little obnoxious move will produce real steam every time!

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]TT [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
(personal opinion rant)

I think everyone takes slow rolling way too seriously, why does it get you all bent out of shape? It only bothers me when it slows down the game, or if it is mean in nature, but otherwise I actually get a kick out of it when someone pulls this trick.

Although I agree that its one of the douchiest douchebag moves around, there is a time and a place where it is acceptable. Like putting local nits on hyper title - very profitable. Or at 2+2 home games... thats always good for a laugh. But then there is my personal favorite, something I used to do all the time just with a wink and a smile - never maliciously - but it really got under my oponent's skin. On the river bet, get called, and instantly say I win while turning over a hand that I very thinly value bet. Wanna see steam rising out of people's ears like it does in the old Popeye cartoons? My little obnoxious move will produce real steam every time!

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]TT [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

TT --

So I'd originally intended on including not only a request in the OP but a confession: I love slowrolls. I don't do it, because it's impolite and a breach of etiquette, but I love being around them.

As for your own techniques... you seem like a stand-up guy, so I'll assume that they fall on the banter/gamesmanship side of the line. (Though I'd recommend you be careful.) I don't (often) intend to tilt my opponents at the table, but I'd like to be there when you do it.

--Nate

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(personal opinion rant)

I think everyone takes slow rolling way too seriously, why does it get you all bent out of shape? It only bothers me when it slows down the game, or if it is mean in nature, but otherwise I actually get a kick out of it when someone pulls this trick.

Although I agree that its one of the douchiest douchebag moves around, there is a time and a place where it is acceptable. Like putting local nits on hyper title - very profitable. Or at 2+2 home games... thats always good for a laugh. But then there is my personal favorite, something I used to do all the time just with a wink and a smile - never maliciously - but it really got under my oponent's skin. On the river bet, get called, and instantly say I win while turning over a hand that I very thinly value bet. Wanna see steam rising out of people's ears like it does in the old Popeye cartoons? My little obnoxious move will produce real steam every time!

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]TT [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

TT --

So I'd originally intended on including not only a request in the OP but a confession: I love slowrolls. I don't do it, because it's impolite and a breach of etiquette, but I love being around them.

As for your own techniques... you seem like a stand-up guy, so I'll assume that they fall on the banter/gamesmanship side of the line. (Though I'd recommend you be careful.) I don't (often) intend to tilt my opponents at the table, but I'd like to be there when you do it.

--Nate

[/ QUOTE ]

Pure gamesmanship... I would not really intentionally do it to offend, although I have done it in jest only to discover it offended. I always apologize when that occurs of course, but to be honest as I have risen up the ranks I haven't found many opportunities to jokingly do this anymore. Higher limit tables are a lot more stressful than low limit games.

Again for clarification.. although it doesn't offend me, I know it offends others so its best to be avoided. Unless its all in good fun.

TT [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

I don't really hate slow rollers, but it affords me the opportunity to put on my most authoritative voices, and in loud, deliberate booming tones, say "DON'T SLOW ROLL ME! Put your cards ON THE TABLE or THROW THEM IN THE MUCK... NOW."

Usually scares the bejezzes out of 'em. LOL


AB

Slowroller / lyrics
 

[ QUOTE ]
Still, the best slow roll story of all was sung by Tommy Angelo on his CD of poker songs.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Rick!

I found an ancient file with the lyrics to "Slowroller" all typed up and ready for transport. Here ya go!

Tommy

----------------------

Slowroller

(Spoken, except for the chorus)

I want to tell you about a hand I played against this guy. I’ll call him Nimrod, and that’s being kind. He’s a work of art, a real beauty. Nimrod takes more shots than a one-armed golfer. He’s got more moves that a ballet troup. Man, he’s got more angles than a protractor. He’s . . . He’s ...


Chorus:

He’s a slowroller
He’s a ratholer
It don’t take long to discover
That he’s a card-marking string-raising mother
It’s true but sad, that some guys are just born bad



See, I’m not normally into getting revenge. I’ve turned the other cheek so many times, my neck hurts. But this hand here is a fair case of naturally occurring retribution — like when a maniac driver cuts you off and then a mile down the road you see him pulled over.

Nimrod is under the gun and he limps in. Everyone folds up to me. I’m on the button and I pop it. The big blind calls, Nimrod calls, and three of us take a flop. The flop comes: ten, eight, six, twotone.



The big blinds checks, Nimrod bets and I raise it. They both call.

The turn comes a deuce.

The big blind checks again, Nimrod bets again, and I raise again. They both call, but the big blind is one chip short, so now there’s two chips on the side between me and Nimrod.

The river pairs the deuce. Nimrod checks, and I check behind him.

Nimrod looks right square at me. He taps the table and he says, “I missed.”

Hoo boy, I’ve been down this road before. And it’s a slow journey.



I start doing my impression of a guy waiting for a bus. Everybody starts grumbling, like, c’mon you guys, somebody turn over a hand already.

So, the all-in guy, he turns over his hand. He shows pocket sevens, and I can tell from Nimrod’s cool reaction that he has that pair of sevens beat. I mean, if Nimrod can’t beat the sevens, then the most he can win is the two-chip side pot, and even Nimrod wouldn’t slowroll me over two chips, would he?

Nimrod says it again, “I missed.”

I’m like, Mm Hmm, right, sure ya did.



Finally, Nimrod turns over his hand. He shows Ten-nine suited, and puts on that pathetic smirk of his.

He had a flush draw. He had a straight draw. But the main thing is, he had top pair. Yeah, he missed all right. Everything but the flop. [censored].

I took one look at his hand and I popped a vessel. Nimrod? What the hell is your problem, dude? You got top pair and we check the river and you’ve got the unmitigated audacity to tell me you missed? You do this kinda thing all the time man. I think something went wrong with your wiring. What, d’you have a bad childhood or something? What the [censored]!



Now, I guarantee you, everyone at that table was thinking Nimrod had a winner with a pair of tens because of all the fuss I was making. Then I slooowly rolled my hand. I had a pair of tens too, but I also had a jack kicker, just enough to beat Nimrod’s nine and take down the pot.

I watched him while I was stacking the chips, and Nimrod was shook up pretty bad, but he sure as hell couldn’t say anything. That was the beauty of it. Everyone was glancing around and nodding, like a court passing judgement. They ruled my crime justifiable, on the grounds of an eye for an eye, and, because it was against Nimrod. And as we know …


Chorus:

He’s a slowroller
He’s a ratholer
It don’t take long to discover
That he’s a card-marking string-raising mother
It’s true but sad, that some guys are just born bad

Re: Slowroller / lyrics
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Still, the best slow roll story of all was sung by Tommy Angelo on his CD of poker songs.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Rick!

I found an ancient file with the lyrics to "Slowroller" all typed up and ready for transport. Here ya go! - Tommy

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd like to let everybody know it's better with the music and Tommy's vocal inflections (especially for Nimrod).

Tommy - As an aside I copied five of your six songs from your CD to my Ipod Shuffle (love that little thing, I can't see a small MP3 display anyway and its smaller than three sticks of gum) and they are at the beginning of the play-list (three clicks to reset). First song is "I'm Running Good" and when a friendly player sitting next to me is running bad or took a beat, I often let him listen to it (as long as he has his own phones, I wouldn't want him to get contaminated by a creepy old man's earwax!). Anyway, it always brings a smile to their face and they ask "Who the hell is this guy" so I tell them. Hopefully you'll get more orders for your CD!

Only news is I'm mostly playing NL these days. Hero is fine but playing less with a new, juicy job and other commitments. Because of time and the breadth and depth of the forums I don't post too much on strategy anymore but I do skim when I have the time. Things are looking up.

Hope you are doing well.

Take Care,

Rick

PS When I wrote this story I was thinking "How would Tommy write this?" - better I would think, but you were an inspiration.

Re: Severest Slowroll Ever?
 

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite is the classic Two-Pair-Slowroll. It is rare, because you can only use it in special circumstances. First of all, you need to have Quads, and they need to be concealed well enough for the "2pr" claim to be believable. Secondly, your opponent needs to have a hand that crushes 2pr, but not quads. Third, you need to have a pretty good feel for your opponent, or pretty good running shoes on. Seriously. Then, as the excited player shows down his flush or set or whatever, you look sad and say something to the tune of: "Oh, that's too bad... all I have is Two-Pair... Eights and....... (long pause before rolling).... EIGHTS!!!!" (Scoop pot with both hands grinning wildly)
Beautiful.

[/ QUOTE ]

Unbelievably stupid and deserving of a kick in the nuts -- but you were close...