Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

First, a little background:

I am 21, and the girl in question is an ex-girlfriend from about a year ago( also 21). She's black, I'm white, it was never a problem for our relationship, it probably doesn't matter, but hey, plot exposition is plot exposition.

To the story:

About three months ago, she started seeing this guy. It was wierd, because for a long time after we broke up we were in the "friends but sort-of together" limbo area, so I wasn't really expecting her to get a new boyfriend. But, whatever, nothing I can do about it.

I hadn't talked to her in a while, but I ran into her at school on Tuesday. She seemed alright, and we were sitting and talking, when she gets a phone call. AS SOON AS SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE, she starts crying. I'm talking immediately. During the 5 or so minute conversation, she only says "Yes and no" and "No I'm not ready". I immediately suspected that she might be pregnant, but I didn't push it with her.

Last night, I call her and ask her flat-out if she is pregnant. She says yes, about 4 or 5 weeks, by her new boyfriend.

Now here is my dilemma: I still care about what happens to her, whether or not it involves me. However, she is very unsure what to do, and I think she's getting a lot of influence from people who are more interested in stopping an abortion than having her best interests in mind. I told her that she should seriously consider abortion as an option, because she already goes to school and work full-time, and having a baby means she may have to stop going to school. She only makes barely enough to cover her expenses, so taking care of a child financially is a stretch. I also told her that this is not a decision that should be made lightly. This isn't like getting a new pet. Everything about her life will change. Babies are only cute until you can't give them back

Also, I really don't see this child ending up with an attentive father. She and this guy have basically been seeing each other for 3 months. That is no way to start a family in my opinion. In all likelihood, she will end up just another single mother.

I found a workbook online that is supposed to help a woman make a decision about birth, adoption, or abortion, you can look at it here if you want. I suggested that she at least look it over to see what her options are.

So, what should I do? I know it's not my concern, it's really none of my business, and that I should be happy it's not my kid, but I still feel like she needs a level-headed friend to help her in this situation. Am I totally out of line in suggesting abortion, or is it something you would do too?

Cliff Notes: Girl I used to date for 2 years got pregnant by her new boyfriend, do I suggest abortion or leave her to make an uninformed decision in an unbalanced emotional state?

P.S. Dom, you have intimate knowledge of the background here, please don't use any names. Also, I took your advice and am doing much better. Thank you.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

Also, if any of the female posters on OOT would like to weigh in, that would be great.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

obv. abortion

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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obv. abortion

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Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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She's black, I'm white,

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what about the guy who impregnated her? come on, these are critical details

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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She's black, I'm white,

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what about the guy who impregnated her? come on, these are critical details

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he's black.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend *DELETED*
 

Post deleted by Ryan Beal

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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obv. abortion

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Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

Tell her to do what ever she feels is right. Abortion is definitely an option for her but mention it as just an option. There can be severe emotional problems that can result from an abortion if she ends up regretting it later.

Don't push her towards abortion but tell her to consider the pros and cons.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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Cliff Notes: Girl I used to date for 2 years got pregnant by her new boyfriend, do I suggest abortion or leave her to make an uninformed decision in an unbalanced emotional state?

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Boy you really think highly of her don't you? Obviously, she will never make a good choice without your help.

It's none of your buisiness. Stay out of it and let her make a deciscion without everyone else, including you, trying to force their will on her. It's her choice.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

I would stay out of it other than to be sympathetic.

When I was your age I would have tried to stay out of it, but probably would have ended up giving her advice.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

Just leave it the F alone.

Regardless of what direction you push her, in the end you may be wrong. Allow her to make her own decisions in her own time. You don't want blamed if she does have an abortion and then has years of regret (which is a very real possibility).

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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not to be racist, but allow me to be racist for just a minute here...

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fyp

Unfortunately I can't offer any real advice to OP because my experiences have left me slightly bitter and vindictive towards a couple of exes, and he sounds like he doesn't want to go that direction

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

If you're up for it, offer to accompany her to a clinic or doctors office if she wants someone with her. Don't suggest she get an abortion, she has to come to that decision herself.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

You've already stated your opinion, but I'd leave that be for now. While I agree that abortion is probably the best decision, it has to be her choice and her choice alone. Support her either way, but if she gets an abortion she might harbor resentment towards you later on down the road.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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If you're up for it, offer to accompany her to a clinic or doctors office if she wants someone with her. Don't suggest she get an abortion, she has to come to that decision herself.

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good option.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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*deleted*

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omg what a racist

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

what's wrong with adoption?!

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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what's wrong with adoption?!

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dude, she's already going to struggle with 1 kid.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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If you're up for it, offer to accompany her to a clinic or doctors office if she wants someone with her. Don't suggest she get an abortion, she has to come to that decision herself.

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I would totally be up for taking her to the clinic, even if it's just an informational visit. She shouldn't have to go there alone.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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what's wrong with adoption?!

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Not to be callous, but if you can't do the time...

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

Abortion is the way to go here. Unfortunately like most posters said she may have strong feelings against it, or feel a lot of pressure to have the baby which totally sucks for her.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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Cliff Notes: Girl I used to date for 2 years got pregnant by her new boyfriend, do I suggest abortion or leave her to make an uninformed decision in an unbalanced emotional state?

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Boy you really think highly of her don't you? Obviously, she will never make a good choice without your help.

It's none of your buisiness. Stay out of it and let her make a deciscion without everyone else, including you, trying to force their will on her. It's her choice.

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esad, this might be the best idea, but this is probably not the case. She may well want to have an abortion but feel pressured by her parents/guy/other people to do what she feels is best. Aborted fetus' can't talk, so someone has to do the talking for them.

edit to add: maybe she willl resent OP if she does abort, but if OP really cares about her, and thinks this will seriously [censored] up her future than its probably worth it. Also, if she does have this baby OP and her will probably not remain great friends down the road anyways.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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Abortion is the way to go here. Unfortunately like most posters said she may have strong feelings against it, or feel a lot of pressure to have the baby which totally sucks for her.

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yea i know, but it's not like she just walks in, has an abortion, and walks out. I did a lot of research on this, and there is a local clinic that does pre- and post-abortion counseling, in groups and 1-on-1. They even have discounts for students or people with low income. And like i said i would be willing to take her to the clinic. I just don't want it to seem like i'm pushing her.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

I would advise that she speak to a professional. If you feel the need to give advice, I hope it's for adoption, not abortion (just my opinion, please don't turn this into a politics thread).

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

dude, abortions are easy, especially after the first one. I don't know why you need to make it any more than "walk in, get'er done, walk out" because that's literally all there is. Trust me, I've been getting girls pregnant forever.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

There is nothing for you to do. Just be a good friend and be supportive - with whatever decision she makes.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

If your friend having and caring for her baby is not a feasible option, I'm certain a loving family would be estatic to adopt him or her.

Many women later regret their abortions, and your friend is unlikely to feel similar regret by bringing her child to term and letting another family raise it.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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obv. abortion

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shiiiiiiip it!

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

My suggestion.

Step 1) Suggest a day trip with chick to Philadelphia. (If this is cross country for you, suggest a couple day trip!)

Step 2) Run up and conquer the Rocky stairs with chick. (Picture included for visual)

http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/1...20stepspj6.jpg

Step 3) Push chick down the stairs.

Step 4) Run away fast.

<font color="white"> I'm kidding of course, I'm only this sick in my mind, not in practice! </font>

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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My suggestion.

Step 1) Suggest a day trip with chick to Mexico. (If this is cross country for you, suggest a couple day trip!)

Step 2) Run up and conquer the Rocky stairs with chick. (Picture included for visual)

http://www.clickoncuernavaca.com/Graphics/STEPS.JPG

Step 3) Push chick down the stairs.

Step 4) Run away fast.

<font color="white"> I'm kidding of course, I'm only this sick in my mind, not in practice! </font>

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FYP

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

thanks for [censored] up the thread with a huge pic dick head.

throw yourself down the stairs. and try to land awkwardly on your neck.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

my mistake, i 2nd the notion to fix it.

and thank you for your posterity in commenting so elegantly on an honest mistake. see how easily things get fixed when you ask nicely as you did

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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my mistake, i 2nd the notion to fix it.

and thank you for your posterity in commenting so elegantly on an honest mistake. see how easily things get fixed when you ask nicely as you did

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sorry i'm in a bad mood. paper due tomorrow that i'm trying not to procrastinate on. thanks for fixing the pic.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

interesting. i am actively procrastinating on a paper due tomorrow

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

I don't believe in abortion one bit. But I think I'm mature and logical. If she trusts you as a friend then you need to give your honest advice. If you think an abortion is best for her then I guess you need to reccommend that as as option she should look at.

But just cause she isn't ready in your opinion she might turn out to be an awesome mom who really enjoys it.

Good luck

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

Not to be racist, but black babies typically turn out to be criminals.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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Not to be racist, but black babies typically turn out to be criminals.

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what's your new name going to be?

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

kick her in the tummy and/or feed her antifreeze.

Re: Confusing situation involving a pregnant friend
 

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what's wrong with adoption?!

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dude, she's already going to struggle with 1 kid.

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the brilliance in this post was completely ignored by the rest of the posters, so I will chime up, post of the week for sure.

NH