the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

i, and many of my friends, are hilarious. our hilarity, however, is often irreverant and offensive, and our wit often gets us into trouble.

my friend was going to NYU during 9/11. he was outside when the second plane hit. as they all stared in shock/awe/horror/confusion a woman said, as if thinking out loud,

"What happened to that plane? Is it in the building?"

my friend instantly responds,

"well, not without a security pass."

so, what are some of the most horrible things you have said/heard?

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

In my human sexuality class here in college I had one professor who was a youngish black lady, and her assistant professor was a youngish white guy who is crippled and permanently in a wheel chair.

On the first day of class we were just doing introductions and stuff and having a question & answer type thingy just to get to know each other, and she says to her assistant "Scott, i know I'm not the only one wondering about this... so does ummmm, everything work down there?"

Half the class had their mouths open at her bluntness and the rest of us were trying to hold back the laughter.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

a few years ago I was hanging out at my friends house with a bunch of HS friends, he still lived with his parents. my friends parents were not home, but his mom has MS and is completely immobile/confined to a wheelchair and has been for some time.

so we were hanging out, and i guess the windows were open because someone says "why is it so cold in here?". one of my stupider friends says "Because it keeps Mike's mom alive." Complete silence, most people left soon afterwards. He honestly didn't mean to be mean, I think it was just something terrible that popped into his head, and then even more terribly he said it out loud.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

9/11 related ones...

On 9/11- "So does this mean we'll have school off tomorrow?"


"There's more planes still in the air?? Cool, I wonder where they'll hit."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
On 9/11- "So does this mean we'll have school off tomorrow?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, everyone was asking this question.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

GWB after hearing about highjacked planes on 9/11

"Hoo! These are great readers. Very impressive! Thank you all so very much for showing me your reading skills. I bet they practice, too. Don't you? Reading more than they watch TV? Anybody do that? Read more than you watch TV? Oh that's great! Very good. Very important to practice! Thanks for having me. I'm very impressed."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

I was at a party and this guy got a phonecall and he just started crying on the spot so everyone was like whats going on and he said that his mother was finally allowed to come to the United States (he was mexican and was born her) so then 1 guy at the party looks the dude in the eye and says "Well if that spick wouldn't of snuck into the country to have you it wouldn't be that big of a deal". Now racism isn't that shocking but this guy was like a usually very nonconfrontational so it was weird to see.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

My former boss, a jewish guy in his 50s driving a Jaguar, pulls up to a red light along side a red BMW with a young black driver and passengers. They were young enough that he wondered if the car might have belonged to their parents.

The windows were down on both cars, and he leans out and says "Hey, nice car, is it yours?"

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

Keeping with the 9/11 theme, a couple radio DJs around here got fired for saying "What?? We interrupted AC/DC for that???" when the breaking news of the towers being hit was announced.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

After hearing that someone lost a grandfather in the holocaust, my genuis friend replied,

"I did too. He fell off a guard tower."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
After hearing that someone lost a grandfather in the holocaust, my genuis friend replied,

"I did too. He fell off a guard tower."

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sorry but that made me laugh.

This thread has 20+ page potential as long as the stories stay real, or at least believable.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

<font color="gray">so we were hanging out, and i guess the windows were open because someone says "why is it so cold in here?". one of my stupider friends says "Because it keeps Mike's mom alive." Complete silence, most people left soon afterwards. He honestly didn't mean to be mean, I think it was just something terrible that popped into his head, and then even more terribly he said it out loud.
</font>

That sounds like a legit answer, and I don't see why it would be offensive.

"Hey, man, why does your buddy have that oxygen tank connected to that hole in his neck?"

"Because he doesn't want to die."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

I was playing at Commerce a long, long time ago, and a guy awkwardly puts some chips on the table with his left hand. He sits and starts talking to a friend of his with his back to the dealer. I see that he sports a stump where his right hand should be.

The dealer asked him 5 times if he'd like a hand, and I couldn't help but think: "Why yes, I bet he would."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
After hearing that someone lost a grandfather in the holocaust, my genuis friend replied,

"I did too. He fell off a guard tower."

[/ QUOTE ]

If all you need to be a genius is the ability to repeat jokes that most people have heard dozens of times before, my IQ must be like eleventy billion.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

<font color="gray"> After hearing that someone lost a grandfather in the holocaust, my genuis friend replied,

"I did too. He fell off a guard tower."

---------------

If all you need to be a genius is the ability to repeat jokes that most people have heard dozens of times before, my IQ must be like eleventy billion.
</font>

He's a genuis.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
In my human sexuality class here in college I had one professor who was a youngish black lady, and her assistant professor was a youngish white guy who is crippled and permanently in a wheel chair.

On the first day of class we were just doing introductions and stuff and having a question &amp; answer type thingy just to get to know each other, and she says to her assistant "Scott, i know I'm not the only one wondering about this... so does ummmm, everything work down there?"

Half the class had their mouths open at her bluntness and the rest of us were trying to hold back the laughter.

[/ QUOTE ]

What happened next?

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

this ultra creepy french waiter (in paris) to my not at all impressed girlfriend, completely out of left field: "i'd like to have you under my nose".

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

I was babysitting my 10 year old brother, and I had to run to the bank, we walk in, and we walk passed this guy w/ throat cancer, so he spoke with a voice box machine. (this story is way better when I can act all this out). I see my brother stop, look at him, look at me, then look back at the guy, then he turns and says in a robot voice "WOUUULDNT IT BE COOL IF WE COULD TALK LIKE THAT". So I just squeeze his hand really hard, hoping he will get the point, and in a robot voice again he goes "OWW YOU ARE HURTING ME, WHY ARE YOU SQUEEZING ME HAND SO HARD!". By this time we are far enough away that I can explain things too him, tell him its from smoking etc.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

Years ago, I ran a national catalogue for tennis court supplies. One day a guy misdialed thinking he was calling a company dealing with ham radio equipment.
After I explained that he had a wrong number and that we sold tennis court posts, nets, etc, He laughed and said,
"Well that does me no good because I am blind. Could you see me playing tennis?"
Before I could stop myself I said, "Yes, but you couldn't."
Thank God he laughed.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

@guids voice box story

I usually handle that stuff right then and there, since quickly walking away feels wrong to me.

"No, I don't know why that guy has one leg. There are a lot of reasons it could be gone."

"Yeah that guy's got real short arms, but I don't know exactly why. It could have been thalidomide."

"Yeah, people would say that that kid's retarded, but he specifically has Down's Syndrome. There's a chance that he's smarter than our president."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

When I was about 10 I was camping like my family and I do every summer. Me and a few other kids were sitting around a picnic table, and as I was eating some lays chips I offered them to this fat girl and said "bet you can't eat just one bag". She ran away crying while some of the kids with me (mostly the guys) laughed, and the girls got offended. I actually felt like an [censored], now that I look back on it though it was great comedic timing because not 10 minutes earlier she told me I needed to gain weight. (I was a skinny white kid)

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

Not the most inappropriate..more like WTF funny:

In 1982 an Air Florida plane crashed into the Potomac river. I was listening to one of the local radio stations interview some NTSB type expert.
Offhandedly, the radio guy asks "Could you tell us who was the first person at the scene of the crash?"
To which the expert replied "Why, the pilot, of course."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

me at strip club, to stripper on stage:
"Your mother must be very proud."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

This is pretty bad, but I was young. In first grade a group of us were hanging around a globe just randomly naming different countries. I looked down and saw Niger...the next words out of my mouth were "Hey look there's a country called N****r."

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is pretty bad, but I was young. In first grade a group of us were hanging around a globe just randomly naming different countries. I looked down and saw Niger...the next words out of my mouth were "Hey look there's a country called N****r."

[/ QUOTE ]

This reminds me of a story. I was watching the news and the headline was "Niger Famine" and a friend of mine walks in and says "A [censored] famine, I thought we already knew that"?. I about died laughing but I just thought it was short sighted of the news station to put the headline that way as "Famine in Niger" probably would of work without people auto-thinking [censored] famine

Im sure you can figure it out but censored=n word

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not the most inappropriate..more like WTF funny:

In 1982 an Air Florida plane crashed into the Potomac river. I was listening to one of the local radio stations interview some NTSB type expert.
Offhandedly, the radio guy asks "Could you tell us who was the first person at the scene of the crash?"
To which the expert replied "Why, the pilot, of course."

[/ QUOTE ]

Didn't Howard Stern get fired from DC101 for calling Air Florida's ticket desk the next day and asking how much a one-way ticket from Washington National to the 14th St. Bridge cost?

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
After hearing that someone lost a grandfather in the holocaust, my genuis friend replied,

"I did too. He fell off a guard tower."

[/ QUOTE ]

hahahahaha

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

My friend comes up to me around 10/25/02 and says 'here's how we'll dress up for halloween.

Dress up like buildings, get paper planes to stick out of us, paint on smoke and fire

Fall down a lot.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is pretty bad, but I was young. In first grade a group of us were hanging around a globe just randomly naming different countries. I looked down and saw Niger...the next words out of my mouth were "Hey look there's a country called N****r."

[/ QUOTE ]

NIGERIA : Is that where black people eat lunch?

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
Didn't Howard Stern get fired from DC101 for calling Air Florida's ticket desk the next day and asking how much a one-way ticket from Washington National to the 14th St. Bridge cost?

[/ QUOTE ]

That is absolutely correct.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
My friend comes up to me around 10/25/02 and says 'here's how we'll dress up for halloween.

Dress up like buildings, get paper planes to stick out of us, paint on smoke and fire

Fall down a lot.

[/ QUOTE ]

Some kid said this right around a bunch of rednecks at my HS who all signed up for the military on 9/12/02 and they beat the living [censored] out of him right in the hallway. To this day it is the most violent/graphic thing I have seen in real life.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

My cousin, whos a complete NIT and I went down to Mexico for lunch and a couple beers one afternoon and there was a huge line back into the States. While in line for almost two hours I was joking and speaking what little spanish I knew. My cousin was freaking out because I look like Im mexican (IM MOTHER [censored] ITALIAN AND THE NEXT PERSON TO ASK ME THAT GETS A COMPLIMENTARY PAIR OF CEMENT BOOTS) and he thinks im gonna get us pulled aside. We get up to the border gaurd station guy desk thing and when asked if we are US citizens I keep my mouth shut but my brilliant [censored] cousin responds in spanish.... His face immedietly turned pale but the border guy couldnt stop laughing.

I had to show my passport tho.... wtf.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

In my San Antonio, TX, elementary school class, about half full of Mexicans. It was some [censored] like Hispanic Heritage Month, and my 3rd grade class was talking about Mexico. My teacher asked "What's another name for Hispanics?" Having a south Texas ranch and a semi-racist grandfather, my hand immeadiately shot up and I said, with full confidence, "Wet backs!"

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

One of my college roommates has uttered many completely wrong, utterly hilarious comments in his day, but the clincher has to be when he rolled off a girl and said, "I want you to have my abortion."

Scott

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
One of my college roommates has uttered many completely wrong, utterly hilarious comments in his day, but the clincher has to be when he rolled off a girl and said, "I want you to have my abortion."

Scott

[/ QUOTE ]

Was Chuck Palahniuk your roommate?

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
One of my college roommates has uttered many completely wrong, utterly hilarious comments in his day, but the clincher has to be when he rolled off a girl and said, "I haven't been [censored] like that since grade school."

[/ QUOTE ]

The studio made him change the story.

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
Was Chuck Palahniuk your roommate?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but it would not surprise me if Kenny plagiarized Palahniuk on this; he's been caught doing such things before.

Scott

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

[ QUOTE ]
me at strip club, to stripper on stage: "Your mother must be very proud."

[/ QUOTE ]

that is easily the worst one i've read so far

Re: the most inappropriate thing you\'ve ever said/heard
 

About 2 months ago, I'm shitfaced at a party. Girl that graduated from our school the previous year (I'm a senior in HS) is there. She has always been fat and used to have the biggest pair of [censored] I have ever seen until she had tit reduction about 2 years ago. Everyone in our school knows this. I had never talked to her before.

Anyway, I see her at this party, go up to her and ask, "Hey, aren't you the chick that got your [censored] done?" She was thrilled.

edit-tit is not censored but the plural form of it is. Weird.