Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Here is a good one mine just sent me

Elisa* says: can you send me the pic of the pornstar who looks like me

Elisa* says: i want to see what style her glasses are

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

which pornstar?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

I can't figure out if this is a brag post because OP thinks his GF looks like a porn star, or an anti-brag post because OP thinks his GF isn't funny. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

My wife (GF at time) --- In college (University of South Florida) she is introduced to a foreign exchange student from the UK. The first words out of her mouth are, "Did you have trouble learning English before coming over here?"

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Here's mine, she's adorable [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Elisa* says: I'll be over at 9, I can't believe my boyfriend still isn't on to us.. He just bought me a cute new pair of glasses, what a moron.

NSFW: Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
which pornstar?

[/ QUOTE ]

I knew that would be coming

http://www.newnudegirls.com/tgp/covers/14/biopic.jpg

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
I can't figure out if this is a brag post because OP thinks his GF looks like a porn star, or an anti-brag post because OP thinks his GF isn't funny. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Not a brag at all, it isn't the insane hot pornstar. I laughed pretty hard when she sent that is all.

Also I just checked from a few days ago. She kinda wanted to learn to play poker a bit so she is messing around at the micros on stars.

Elisa says: man these people are pussies
Elisa says: everyone just checks

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Her: "6 inches, isn't that kind of small?"
Me: "How big do you think I am?
Her: "8? 9?"
Me: "phew"

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Ex Girlfriend...

Me: We're going to Vegas this weekend...what are you gonna do while I play poker?
Her: Roulette, I read that board b/c it helps me
Me: Really? If the ball lands on black 99 times in a row, what are the chances its gonna land on black the 100th time?
Her: 99%?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

two:

me: so are you going to come with me to the new years party this year?
ex gf: when is it?

------------------------------------------


ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.


....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

"Hey that's not the right hole."

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
"Hey that's not the right hole."

[/ QUOTE ]

And you respond, "I know!"

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

[/ QUOTE ]


that was more of the joke part, we really broke up because of several other issues, such as her being a flaming whore and dropping her life for drinking lots of alcohol and hooking up with guys that she thought loved her, then used her, only for her to spend countless hours crying to her roomate about it. she'll die alone.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

[/ QUOTE ]


that was more of the joke part, we really broke up because of several other issues, such as her being a flaming whore and dropping her life for drinking lots of alcohol and hooking up with guys that she thought loved her, then used her, only for her to spend countless hours crying to her roomate about it. she'll die alone.

[/ QUOTE ]
this sounds a lot like my ex g/f, maybe they should hang out

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

[/ QUOTE ]


that was more of the joke part, we really broke up because of several other issues, such as her being a flaming whore and dropping her life for drinking lots of alcohol and hooking up with guys that she thought loved her, then used her, only for her to spend countless hours crying to her roomate about it. she'll die alone.

[/ QUOTE ]
this sounds a lot like my ex g/f, maybe they should hang out

[/ QUOTE ]


PM me and we'll exchange their #s [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

[/ QUOTE ]
how old are you? If this is your criteria for awesome chicks then....well...damn son

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]

PM me and we'll exchange their #s [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Then give me both their #s and the three of us will hang out.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Sports-related (5 years back or so, I'm living in SF at this point, she's in LA):

GF: "Hey, so I just saw the weirdest thing."

Al: "What."

GF: "I'm driving south on the 110 and there's like this enormous Staples store there. It's really nice looking I guess it's the corporate headquarters or something."

Al: ...

-Al

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

her : i was looking in the mirror, and i decided that i am really very cute.

me : AHAHAHAHAHA, i am breaking up with you next week.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

gf: So you're homophobic?
me: No, I just don't want to go to a gay bar.
me: I'd probably get hit on, you know gay dudes dig the 'fro.
gf: Yeah, they'd be on you like gay men on... rice.

Had to be there.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
GF: "I'm driving south on the 110 and there's like this enormous Staples store there. It's really nice looking I guess it's the corporate headquarters or something."


[/ QUOTE ]

Al,

I bet you turned as white as, well, you can turn white!

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

To each his own ... pops.

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T - it was like a year before I moved to LA and got Clips season tickets... still it was a very disturbing moment for me.

-Al

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

Me - "Do you know Mike's last name?"
Her - "Mike who?"

Re: NSFW: Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
which pornstar?

[/ QUOTE ]

I knew that would be coming

http://www.newnudegirls.com/tgp/covers/14/biopic.jpg

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THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

[img]http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A9iby4RpWpdEq34B1dyjzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTBsdmIydTZ hBHNlYwNwcm9mBHZ0aWQDSTAwMV83MA--/SIG=12qoohpul/EXP=1150856169/**http%3a//www.omelete.com.br/imagens/cinema/news/atores/steve_carrell.jpg[/img]

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

ex gf (after i didnt put it in her mouth when i finished, and it got on her face): if you ever miss the mouth again, im going to tear your balls off and shove them up your ass.

....we broke up soon after [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice brag post.

And why would you break up with this awesome chick?

[/ QUOTE ]
how old are you? If this is your criteria for awesome chicks then....well...damn son

[/ QUOTE ]


HAHAHAH, josh, whats up man....youll never guess who it is

Re: NSFW: Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
which pornstar?

[/ QUOTE ]

I knew that would be coming



[/ QUOTE ]

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

[img]http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A9iby4RpWpdEq34B1dyjzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTBsdmIydTZ hBHNlYwNwcm9mBHZ0aWQDSTAwMV83MA--/SIG=12qoohpul/EXP=1150856169/**http%3a//www.omelete.com.br/imagens/cinema/news/atores/steve_carrell.jpg[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Larissa Fox -> NSFW

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
Here's mine, she's adorable [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Elisa* says: I'll be over at 9, I can't believe my boyfriend still isn't on to us.. He just bought me a cute new pair of glasses, what a moron.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ouch! Is there a story to this?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ex Girlfriend...

Me: We're going to Vegas this weekend...what are you gonna do while I play poker?
Her: Roulette, I read that board b/c it helps me
Me: Really? If the ball lands on black 99 times in a row, what are the chances its gonna land on black the 100th time?
Her: 99%?

[/ QUOTE ]

probably more like 100%. what f'n roulette board lands black 99 times in a row?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

w=me.

w= There is a new show on tv named after white people. It's called the amazing race. (followed by signature douchebag grin)

gf- And there's a new show on NBC named after you, it's called the Biggest Loser.



gah.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

"me: I'd probably get hit on, you know gay dudes dig the 'fro."

did you just admit to saying this?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ex Girlfriend...

Me: We're going to Vegas this weekend...what are you gonna do while I play poker?
Her: Roulette, I read that board b/c it helps me
Me: Really? If the ball lands on black 99 times in a row, what are the chances its gonna land on black the 100th time?
Her: 99%?

[/ QUOTE ]

probably more like 100%. what f'n roulette board lands black 99 times in a row?

[/ QUOTE ]

if your roulette wheel never lands on black 99 times in a row, it's not truly random.

p.s. to make this post worthwhile.

after i made her do her own damn russian homework, since we were both russian. she threw a fit, but still did it.

gf : if you think i learned anything by doing it myself, you are wrong.

me : WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I AM NOT DOING YOUR WORK THAT SHOULD BE BUTT EASY!!! GET THE F*** OUT OF MY HOUSE!

gf : i am sorry. how about a [censored]?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]

if your roulette wheel never lands on black 99 times in a row, it's not truly random.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f3...oding-head.gif

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ex Girlfriend...

Me: We're going to Vegas this weekend...what are you gonna do while I play poker?
Her: Roulette, I read that board b/c it helps me
Me: Really? If the ball lands on black 99 times in a row, what are the chances its gonna land on black the 100th time?
Her: 99%?

[/ QUOTE ]

probably more like 100%. what f'n roulette board lands black 99 times in a row?

[/ QUOTE ]

if your roulette wheel never lands on black 99 times in a row, it's not truly random.

[/ QUOTE ]

If a roulette wheel lands on black 99 times in a row, it is somewhat more likely that the calibration is off somewhere.

If you were going to bet black or red anyway, you should bet on black simply for that reason -- after all, if it's just a rare 99-black run on a correctly calibrated wheel, your odds betting on red or black are the same. I know Sklansky talks about this in one of his books, essentially saying that the idiot bets on black "because it's on fire" or red "because it's due," the mathematician bets on either one "because the odds are the same regardless of previous events" and the gambler bets on black "because the wheel is probably rigged."

There's also another reason to bet on black:

http://paisley.presys.com/graphics/passenger.jpg

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

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fter all, if it's just a rare 99-black run on a correctly calibrated wheel, your odds betting on red or black are the same

[/ QUOTE ]

this is what obviously made me laugh at her...considering every spin is theoretically independent of the previous ones

we can substitute roullette for coin flipping if you want to make it simpler...

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Here's mine, she's adorable [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Elisa* says: I'll be over at 9, I can't believe my boyfriend still isn't on to us.. He just bought me a cute new pair of glasses, what a moron.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ouch! Is there a story to this?

[/ QUOTE ]

haha

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
fter all, if it's just a rare 99-black run on a correctly calibrated wheel, your odds betting on red or black are the same

[/ QUOTE ]

this is what obviously made me laugh at her...considering every spin is theoretically independent of the previous ones

we can substitute roullette for coin flipping if you want to make it simpler...

[/ QUOTE ]

It's the same thing. If a coin lands on tails 99 times in a row it is likely not a fair coin.

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
fter all, if it's just a rare 99-black run on a correctly calibrated wheel, your odds betting on red or black are the same

[/ QUOTE ]

this is what obviously made me laugh at her...considering every spin is theoretically independent of the previous ones

we can substitute roullette for coin flipping if you want to make it simpler...

[/ QUOTE ]

It's the same thing. If a coin lands on tails 99 times in a row it is likely not a fair coin.

[/ QUOTE ]

What if both sides are tails?

Re: Funny girlfriend quotes
 

[ QUOTE ]
What if both sides are tails?

[/ QUOTE ]

you just blew my mind