Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Elephant jokes - I find all these stupid jokes hilarious.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?




Cuz theres twenty of em

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

so this old woman came into the clinic 2 weeks ago with a pretty embarassing problem.

'doctor, i've been farting all the time recently, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. in fact, since i've been here, i've farted no less than twenty times. what can i do?'

'here's a prescription ma'am. take these pills three times a day for 2 weeks and then come back to see me.'

2 weeks go by, and the woman marches back in, all in a huff. 'doctor, i dont know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse!! i'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! what do you have to say for yourself?'

'aright now, calm down ma'am ... ... ... now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!'

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

what do you call cheese that doesnt belong to you???






























nacho cheese

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

what do gay horses eat??






































haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

most yo momma jokes.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

GG,

I think Michael Jackson jokes should have their own thread.


Did you hear that MJ called up Boyz II Men?
He thought it was an escort service.


What did MJ say to Lorena Bobbitt?
"Silly Bobbitt, dicks are for kids."


What do MJ and Elton John sing together?
Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me.


What's MJ's favorite college?
Bringham Young.


Did you hear that MJ got food poisoning?
He ate a 9-year-old weiner.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
Elephant jokes - I find all these stupid jokes hilarious.

[/ QUOTE ]

You missed one:

Knock knock.
Who's there?

Grape.
Grape who?

Gray poo comes from gray elephants.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Robert Smith at a Cure concert I attended:

Knock Knock.
who's there.
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana Who?

Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Ohhhh, one of my favorite knock knocks. This still works great with kids:


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting chicken.
Interrupting chic......
BAACAAAAAAACKKK

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Blonde driving to the airport for a weekend getaway see's a sign that says Airport Left. So she goes home.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Why did the dumb blonde snort Nutra Sweet ?

She heard it was diet Coke.




Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.




Whats big green and furry - and if it falls out a tree on top of you it'll kill you.

A pool table.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

A man was at a bar, and in walked Joe. Joe sat right next to the man, and Joe introduced himself. He said "hi, I'm Joe. I know everyone and everyone knows me." So the man said "I'll bet you a hundred dollars you don't know the mayor."

Joe said "okay, let's go to his house." The two went to the mayor's house, where the mayor shook Joe's hand warmly, asked about Joe's kids, and invited them in for dinner. The man was impressed.

He handed Joe the hundred bucks and said, "I'll bet you a thousand bucks you don't know the president." Joe said "let's go to the White House." They hopped a plane to D.C., went up to the White House gate, and they were let in by Secret Service, no problem. The President and the First Family met them outside and were so thrilled to meet one of Joe's friends that they took them on a private tour of the White House. The man was amazed.

He forked over the thousand bucks, shaking his head. Joe just smiled and said "I know everyone and everyone knows me." So the man said "I'll bet you ten thousand dollars you don't know the Pope." "Okay," Joe said, and the two flew to Rome, where the Pope was giving mass in the Vatican. There was a big crowd, and the man waited while Joe went up to see the Pope. Joe came out on the terrace and the Pope welcomed him with open arms and raised Joe's hand in unison for the crowd, and the crowd cheered.

Joe looked down to see the man's reaction, and the man had fainted! Joe rushed down the stairs to help the man, and revived him. Joe said "what happened?" The man said "I was impressed that you knew the mayor, and amazed that you knew the president, and totally astounded that you also know the Pope. But when you were up there, a man standing next to me asked me 'who's that guy up there with Joe?'"

[img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

ScottieK

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

how does the butcher introduce his wife ?


MEAT PATTY!

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

also this dude i know has a joke where he uses the word hemaphore , until he gets you to ask "what's a hemaphore?"

then he says




POUNDIN' NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

-- El D.

Are you sure you don't find this funny...

Q: What's Captain Picard's favourite rapper?
A: Snoop Borgy Borg

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

All,

I find all variations on this joke hilarious:

So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper says "Oh yeah, you have a drink called Carl?"

HAHHAHAHHAHA

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
All,

I find all variations on this joke hilarious:

So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper says "Oh yeah, you have a drink called Carl?"

HAHHAHAHHAHA

[/ QUOTE ]

I got a girl goot once with this. Her name was Julie, and she told me this.

"You remind me of the Shakin Stevens song!" says I.

"Julie?" says she.

"No. Hot Dog." says I, and she proceeds to chase me around the bar (we were working behind it at the time).

Okay, doesn't really work cos most of you guys don't know who the hell Shakin Stevens is...

but we drove down to Brighton that night, and made out on the beach, near the peer. It's cool making out under the stars on the beach at about 2am in the morning.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
All,

I find all variations on this joke hilarious:

So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper says "Oh yeah, you have a drink called Carl?"

HAHHAHAHHAHA

[/ QUOTE ]

I got a girl goot once with this. Her name was Julie, and she told me this.

"You remind me of the Shakin Stevens song!" says I.

"Julie?" says she.

"No. Hot Dog." says I, and she proceeds to chase me around the bar (we were working behind it at the time).

Okay, doesn't really work cos most of you guys don't know who the hell Shakin Stevens is...

but we drove down to Brighton that night, and made out on the beach, near the peer. It's cool making out under the stars on the beach at about 2am in the morning.

[/ QUOTE ]

Doesnt this belong in BBV

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
Doesnt this belong in BBV

[/ QUOTE ]

Fussinrussin mods.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Doesnt this belong in BBV

[/ QUOTE ]

Fussinrussin mods.

[/ QUOTE ]


dear god never sayin fussinrussin again

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

A poor guy and a rich guy are in a bar and both their wives' birthdays are coming up.

Poor Guy: Have you decided what you're getting your wife for her birthday?
Rich Guy: Yeah, I think I'm getting her a nice diamond bracelet and a 2006 Mercedez.
Poor Guy: WOW, that's SOME present. But, why the two gifts?
Rich Guy: Very simple. I don't wanna be bothered. If the bracelet doesn't fit her, she can drive it back to the jewelry store in her Benz. What about you?
Poor Guy: I can't afford any of that stuff, but I've already picked out a nice pair of slippers and a dildo.
Rich Guy: That's odd. I guess it's the thought that counts, but if you can't afford to spend that much money, why buy her more than one present?
Poor Guy: (in white) <font color="white">Well, it's very simple. If the slippers don't fit her, she can go [CENSORED] herself!</font>

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

why are women like pianos?

when they aren't upright, they are grand.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Tommy C an 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never been better," he replies. "I've got a twenty two year old bride who's pregnant with my child! . . .What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle...

*BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."

"EXACTLY!"

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

A peanut was walking down the street...

It was assaulted

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

"what do you call a deer with no eyes?"

"no idear"

"what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?"

" still no idear"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no reproductive organs?"

"still no [censored] idear!"

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
why are women like pianos?

when they aren't upright, they are grand.

[/ QUOTE ]

Whats better than having Roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
"No. Hot Dog." says I, and she proceeds to chase me around the bar (we were working behind it at the time).

Okay, doesn't really work cos most of you guys don't know who the hell Shakin Stevens is...


[/ QUOTE ]

I bet that drove her cray-ee-ay-ee-zy.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)

A lump of hard toffee turns up.

"I'm hard!" he snarls at the assorted sweets sitting around, who quake in terror.

"I'm hard!", he says to the weary bartender, who nods in agreement, and serves him a drink.

"I'm hard!" The toffee shouts back at all the seated sweets, who stay quiet.

The toffee swigs his drink with a self-satisfied grin.

Suddenly a tic-tac runs in, and shouts 'There's a Tune coming this way!'

The Toffee leaps over the bar, and hides under it, shivering.

The barman says, 'What are you doing? I thought you were hard?'

The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)


&lt;&lt;Joke truncated out of mercy and horror&gt;&gt;


The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[/ QUOTE ]

.....what? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)


&lt;&lt;Joke truncated out of mercy and horror&gt;&gt;


The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[/ QUOTE ]

.....what? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Cough Sweet = Cough Drop??????? like a Halls

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)


&lt;&lt;Joke truncated out of mercy and horror&gt;&gt;


The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[/ QUOTE ]

.....what? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Cough Sweet = Cough Drop??????? like a Halls

[/ QUOTE ]

Doesn't help.

Perhaps something about the pronunciation of menthol? Maybe brits pronounce it like "mental"?

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)


&lt;&lt;Joke truncated out of mercy and horror&gt;&gt;


The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[/ QUOTE ]

.....what? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Cough Sweet = Cough Drop??????? like a Halls

[/ QUOTE ]

Doesn't help.

Perhaps something about the pronunciation of menthol? Maybe brits pronounce it like "mental"?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Makes zero sense to us Yanks, since menthol is pronounced exactly like you would hope it would be: menth-all.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here!" The mushroom says "awww, c'mon man. I'm a fun guy!"

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. They are in court and the judge says, "So, I see you're divorcing Minnie because she's insane?" Mickey replies, "No judge, I'm divorcing her because she's f'n Goofy!"

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
GG,

I think Michael Jackson jokes should have their own thread.


Did you hear that MJ called up Boyz II Men?
He thought it was an escort service.


What did MJ say to Lorena Bobbitt?
"Silly Bobbitt, dicks are for kids."


What do MJ and Elton John sing together?
Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me.


What's MJ's favorite college?
Bringham Young.


Did you hear that MJ got food poisoning?
He ate a 9-year-old weiner.

[/ QUOTE ]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon...






















...Michael Jackson [censored] little boys.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ohhhh, one of my favorite knock knocks. This still works great with kids:


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting chicken.
Interrupting chic......
BAACAAAAAAACKKK

[/ QUOTE ]

I always heard it as "interrupting cow". It's great when Jimmy on South Park tells it.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ohhhh, one of my favorite knock knocks. This still works great with kids:


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting chicken.
Interrupting chic......
BAACAAAAAAACKKK

[/ QUOTE ]

I always heard it as "interrupting cow". It's great when Jimmy on South Park tells it.

[/ QUOTE ]When you use this one in person, 'interrupting starfish' followed by putting your open hand on their face works pretty well.

Re: Dumb jokes you still find hilarious
 

Why do women love christ?

because he is hung like this:
(visual: spread your arms wide like you are on a cross)