favorite Seinfeld line
 

i have several, but for whatever reason this one tops the list for me.

Elaine: What does it mean when you're on a date and the guy says he has to get up early?

Jerry: It means he's lying.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"My name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

No soup for you.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Vandalay Industries! Vandalay Industries! Say Vandalay Industries!"

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

"Can you spare a square?"

"I don't wanna be a pirate!"

I could spend all damn day in this thread. I need to leave now.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"I'm out!" - Kramer in "The Contest"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"I find it disturbing that you equate eating a block of cheese with some kind of bachelor paradise" - Jerry to George

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Hey nobagel nobagel nobagel!"

"It's not a lie if you believe it."

I refuse to participate any further in this, as I will waste all my time looking quotes up

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

This one requires some setup:

George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.
[Hits a home run]
George Costanza: It's not complicated.
Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?
George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.
Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?
Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.
George Costanza: In six games.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Mulva?

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

[ QUOTE ]
This one requires some setup:

George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.
[Hits a home run]
George Costanza: It's not complicated.
Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?
George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.
Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?
Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.
George Costanza: In six games.

[/ QUOTE ]

"I calculated the odds of ever having the chance to have sex with a Puerto Rican woman again. Mathematically, I had to do it."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"It's MOOPS!"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp
Oh yeah Reilly, well the jerkstore called and they're running out of you

Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint-- it's *delicious*!


You don't know my name, do you?
Yes I do.
What is it?
It, uh, rhymes with a female body part.
What is it?
Mulva...


Newman: "I'm a United States postal worker."
George: "Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?"
Newman: "Sometimes..."
Jerry: "Why *is* that?"
Newman: "Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's *Publisher's Clearing House* day!!!"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"But I don't wanna be a pirate!"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

posted before but

Jerry : He only does well because he follows me. He's like that fish that follows the shark around.

George : And you're the shark?

Jerry : Yeah and he's the fish that's eating my laughs.

George : I don't know how a fish could eat laughs...

Jerry : Just forget it.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Boss: George, it has come to my attention that you engaged in sexual acts on the desk in your office.

George: Is that wrong??

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"I push them away and he brings them back"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

i invented the 'it's not you, it's me'! if it's anyone, it's me!

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"First you give her the cell-phone walk and talk, now she's lost a call waiting face-off..."

G

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

When George is going out with a girl and he tells her that he loves her and she says nothing. George later finds out from Kramer that the girl is deaf in one ear, so he decides to say it again next date because she must not have heard it the first time.

George: "I love you."

Girl: "I know. I heard you the first time."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"The pig says "My wife is a [censored]"".

EDIT: they censor s lut?

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before - flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

edit - ok so its a little more than a line

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"And you want to be my latex salesman?"

"Why don't you just SAY the name of the movie you want to see?"

"You kept making all the stops?" "Well, people kept ringing the bell!"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Jerk Store is one of my favorites ('I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!'), but here's a super-obscure one that always killed me.

Jerry: (on noticing that Kramer smells bad from doing laps in the East River) ... You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the Eastern Seaboard?

Kramer: (deadpan) Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Nice game, pretty boy."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"After he heckled Toby, she got so upset she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky-toe."
"That's unbelievable!"
"Yeah, then after the ambulance left, I found the toe. So, I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice and took off for the hospital."
"You ran?"
"No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, 'I got a toe here buddy. Step on it!'"
"Holy cow!"
"Yeah yeah, then all of a sudden this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay's gonna cost her her pinky-toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, 'Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?' I says, 'Well, I got a little prize for you, buddy.' Pwaa! Pwaa! Keeyah! Knocked him out cold!"
"How could you do that?"
"Yeah, then everybody is screaming because the driver, he's passed out because of all the commotion. The bus is out of control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel... Now I'm driving the bus!"
"You're Batman."
"Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So, I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door with my foot at the next stop."
"You kept making all the stops?"
"Well, people kept ringing the bell!"
"What about the toe? What happened to the toe?"
"Well, I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line."
"You did all this for a pinky-toe?"
"Well, it's a valuable appendage."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a
service."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This one requires some setup:

George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.
[Hits a home run]
George Costanza: It's not complicated.
Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?
George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.
Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?
Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.
George Costanza: In six games.

[/ QUOTE ]

"I calculated the odds of ever having the chance to have sex with a Portuguese woman again. Mathematically, I had to do it."

[/ QUOTE ]

you're welcome [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Jerry: Hey everybody, I'm on no sleep, no sleep!. You don't know what it's like in there, all night long things are creeping and cracking. And that red light is burning my brain!
Elaine: You look a little stressed.
Jerry: Oh I'm stressed!
Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
Elaine: Forty bucks? Are they Sable?
Jerry: No, but the difference is unnoticeable.
Kramer: Oh yea, I like this idea.
Elaine: Alright, lets give it a shot, lets go.
Jerry: Giddee up!

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

[ QUOTE ]

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby."


[/ QUOTE ]

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Let's go watch them carve this fat bastard up."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

hand! but i got the hand!

well, youre gonna need it.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

[ QUOTE ]
hand! but i got hand!

andyoure gonna need it.

[/ QUOTE ]


you guys quote em and i fix em


its a pet peeve of mine

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty. Well, there's nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil."

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

Not much of a line, but when they are sitting in monks, and joe dimmagio is eating a donut, Kramer starts banging the table and yelping. My fav part of any episode.

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

He just wasn't sponge-worthy

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"It's go time!"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Is it a titlelist?"

Re: favorite Seinfeld line
 

"Who? Who doesn't want to wear the ribbon?"