Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

why does hellen keller masturbate with one hand?

<font color="white">she uses the other hand to moan </font>

Four nuns go to confession together.
The first nun goes in to speak to the priest
"Father i saw a man's penis"
"If you're sorry for what you viewed, go to the holy water- wash your eyes out and you'll be absolved of your sin sister."

The other 3 nuns watch her come out and wash her eyes with the holy water

The next nun goes in to the confession
"Father i touched a man's penis"
"If you're sorry for what you did sister, wash your hands in the holy water and you'll be absolved of your sin."

The other nuns watch her come out and wash her hands in the holy water.

The third nun gets up to go into confession and is grabbed from behind my the still waiting 4th nun.
"Why are you grabbing me?!"

"I'M GOING NEXT! If you think i'm going to wash my mouth out with the holy water after you stick your ass in there you're fking crazy!!"



not too edgy, but enjoyable

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
How do scientists know that Christa McCullough had dandruff?

<font color="white">
They found her head and shoulders on the beach.
</font>

[/ QUOTE ]

Q. What were Christa McCullough's last words to her family?





A. You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish.

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

What was the point of women's liberation?

<font color="white">So the federal government wasn't limited to taxing 50% of the adult population and to break up the family so public schools could be used to indoctrinate the young.</font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.

"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"

The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.

"Is there time?" asks the priest.

----

Q: How does Jesus masturbate?

A: [Mime: place the palm of your hand over your groin, then move your hand away from and towards yourself, as if you were using the hole through your palm.]

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

how do you get a catholic girl pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.


-1

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

A Mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving?

<font color="white">the cop. </font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
how do you get a catholic girl pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.


-1

[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't this supposed to be an arab joke?

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

How does Jesus bite his nails?
<font color="white">[make biting pantomime on wrist area] </font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back in the wheelchair.

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car. He says sure, but only if she'll blow him. She reluctantly agrees and gets down on her knees. She unzips his fly and starts approaching him. As she approaches, she smells a terrible smell and says "Yuck, Dad, you smell like [censored]!" "Oh right!" her dad responds "Your brother already has the car!"

[/ QUOTE ]

haha, best of the thread so far imo...definitely funny, definitely on the border...

[/ QUOTE ]

haha i love it too. its told perfectly with the exclamation points and all.

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back in the wheelchair.

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car. He says sure, but only if she'll blow him. She reluctantly agrees and gets down on her knees. She unzips his fly and starts approaching him. As she approaches, she smells a terrible smell and says "Yuck, Dad, you smell like [censored]!" "Oh right!" her dad responds "Your brother already has the car!"

[/ QUOTE ]

haha, best of the thread so far imo...definitely funny, definitely on the border...

[/ QUOTE ]

haha i love it too. its told perfectly with the exclamation points and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

instead of "Smell" its supposed to be "Taste"

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

A white family, a black family, and a Mexican family all live in the same apartment building. One afternoon a terrible fire breaks out in the building and it burns to the ground. Which family survives?

<font color=" white">The white family. The kids were at school and the parents were at work.</font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
How does Jesus bite his nails?
<font color="white">[make biting pantomime on wrist area] </font>

[/ QUOTE ]
Why was Jesus a good lover?

<font color="white">'Cause he was hung like this: [stretch out arms in crucifixion pose]</font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

3 tampons are walking down the street, a super, a maxi and a mini, which one will talk to you first?

None they ar all stuck up c*nts


A black guy and a mexican are in a car who's driving?

The probation officer.

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered women's shelter?
<font color="white">
The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.
</font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

a gay guy is walking home 1 night and takes a shortcut through a park. Along the way he comes across a passed out drunk on a park bench. He is horny as hell and figures wtf the guy will never know the difference and he screws the drunk.

Afterwards the gay guy feels really bad about what he did so he leaves $10 in the drunks pocket.

The next day the drunk wakes up finds the $10 and runs to the nearest liquor store and says to the guy behind the counter "Give me $10 worth of the cheapest wine you've got!!" The drunk drinks it and passes out.

The next night the same thing happens. The gay guy takes the shortcut through the park finds the bum on the bench, does his business with him, feels guilty and leaves him $10.

The next morning the drunk wakes up and again finds the $10 in his pocket and runs to the nearest liquor store and says to the guy at the counter "Give me $10 worth of the cheapest wine you've got!"

On the 3rd night the gay guy is walking home again only this time with a friend of his. He says to him "OMG you are not gonna believe this!" and they both screw the guy and leave him $10.

The next morning the drunk wakes up and runs to the nearest liquor store. The guy behind the counter says " I know i know you want $10 worth of the cheapest wine we've got" The drunk says "No, give me $20 worth of the BEST wine you've got! that cheap crap is tearing my ass apart!"

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

pocket,

That was the first "dirty" joke I ever learned!

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
wait, i just remembered another one.

-what do you tell a [insert minority here] in a [please choose one: bus, oven, teepee, dildo]?

-[profanity] in a [shock word]!!

[/ QUOTE ]

That's gold Jerry! Gold!

b

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

What's lesson did we learn from the Oklahoma City bombing and September 11?

<font color="white">Foreigners showed yet again that they can do it better and more efficiently than Americans.</font>

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

how do u guys do this invisible text stuff??

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]
how do u guys do this invisible text stuff??

[/ QUOTE ]

Change the font color to white.

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

[ QUOTE ]


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how do u guys do this invisible text stuff??


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Change the font color to white.




[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, easier than I thought...

So, there we go:
-Which is the strongest animal in the world??
-<font color="white"> The horse </font>-

-Why?
-<font color="white"> b/c he left Superman on a wheelchair </font>-

Re: Jokes that push the envelope
 

How many pallbearers are there at a black mans funeral?

- Two. A trashcan only has two handles.