gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
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Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.
The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?
The specifics:
- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?
Edited by gonores (01/17/05 11:27 PM)
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Dynasty
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If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.
You'd be lucky to handle 10.
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[censored]
He Will Return.
Reged: 01/03/05
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all of them.
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fsuplayer
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since i have worked out now for 3 straight weeks and therefore am in better shape than you, i say your score, plus one...
31 
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Evan
Defeated Soldier
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No way you can take on 30. I think the number is in the single digits.
Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?
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Alobar
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damn, this could very well be the best hypothetical question ever posed on these boards
I think 30 is waaaay to high. Imagine 30 5 year olds all swarming you at once, biting you in the balls, gouging(sp) your eyes. If they handt had training first then I think you could do 30, but if they actually followed the training, no way in hell.
Your average 5 year old weights what? 40 pounds? So figure 15 of them weigh around 600 pounds. If they all swarmed you at once thats alot of weight.
Hmmm, I see it being really dificult for them to knock you out tho, they lack the power I would think. But if they all bit you or tore at your manhood I think the loss of blood/pain would do the trick. I dunno...I think I could take 10 definately, 15 would be hard. 20 tops.
damn, this is going to require much reflection. Someday when I'm uber rich I'm gunna buy a [censored] load of 5 year olds on the black market and try this out
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Mark L
noob
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ok, so you start in the middle of the room, they surround you and charge in from all directions at the same time?
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
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Posts: 2466
Loc: Same Bat Channel
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You start in the middle, they start at random locations in the room.
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CCx
HUHU for nickels
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Wouldn't you hurt your hand something fierce after knocking out about 10-15 of them? I suppose punching would be the method of choice since slamming their heads into the ground would put your body lower towards the ground, increasing their chances of taking you down. I'd imagine you'd break at least one finger/bone/knuckle during your encounter, thus limiting your number.
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Schneids
3 BB/100
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Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?
It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.
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lapoker17
wtf
Reged: 09/14/04
Posts: 4988
Loc: FEELING YOU
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Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
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Loc: Same Bat Channel
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The latter one....no morals involved. And c'mon....I'm a relatively decent-sized 23 year-old. Once my trainers advise me as to whether roundhouse punches or roundhouse kicks are more effective, I've got to be dropping most of those rugrats in one or two blows. Having coached 5 year-olds on the soccer field, I can say with near-certainty I could take on my entire team of 12 with no problems.
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Alobar
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Quote:
Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?
It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.
damn, brilliant idea
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Michael Davis
Little Pimp
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I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.
-Michael
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NLSoldier
something about how awesome i run NOT
Reged: 02/18/04
Posts: 8080
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I am surprised at these answers. I am not that strong of a guy but I was thinking a way bigger number. Probably over 100. Do you guys realize how small 5 yr olds are? One kick to the face and they would be down for the count. The area would be pretty big and you are obviously a lot faster than them so you could just kind of run at around and pick off the ones on the edges of the mob without letting yourself get surrounded. Also I think you guys overestimate how much the training would help them. They probably woulnd't pay much attention to the teacher and wouldn't remember what they had learned the next day anyways. Their biting and whatever else would be no match for your constantly flailing arms and legs that would take them down with a single blow. And how are they ever going to get you to go unconscious? Even if they got you on the ground you could just keep flailing your arms and kicking your legs and they would be no match for you. Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training. Thats probably one of the biggest factors. Once they see you kicking their freinds ass they are going to go try to hide in the corner and then you can just go take em down 1 by 1. Im starting to think 100 is even low, fill up the whole damn gym.
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Mark L
noob
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how tall is the avg 5 yr old?
i actually think 30 is a pretty good number, but it could easily be much higher. the fact that you have to be knocked unconscious is what does it. these kids have to get you on the ground and hit you pretty friggin hard. even when your on the ground with a few of them on you, it shouldnt be too hard to get them off.
PLUS, at their height its probably pretty easy to kick them in the face (unless youre Evan). this might knock them unconscious right away.
whoever said the answer is single digits is stupid, stupid, stupid.
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Alobar
Carpal \'T-shirt
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Quote:
I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.
-Michael
naw, without training it would be to easy, it would basically last until you ran out of stregnth from dropping them like flies.
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slickpoppa
*
Reged: 08/23/04
Posts: 5588
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30 would be a piece of cake. I mean what could they really do to you besides bite you? And how would they be able to knock you out? Even if they are given training, I doubt they would be any good at working as a team and they probably would all just scatter in fear.
In terms of knocking them out, I would prefer to use my feet to avoid breaking a knuckle, but I doubt any of them would be heavy enough to really damage my knuckles anyway. My primary kill tactic would be to knock them down and slam their heads against the ground.
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Stork
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I'm not going to post my estimate just yet but damn Dynasty, only 10? First off, 1 day of combat training isn't going to mean anything, they'll forget it all by nap time the next day. Also, 1 hit to the face or torso region sends these punks sprawling and crying on the ground. Plus, they'd be scared shitless. These are real 5 year olds we're talking about, not some cryogenically frozen mutant kids hellbent on seeing your demise. 10 is a gross underestimate.
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realwtf
enthusiast
Reged: 07/22/04
Posts: 236
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I would go up to 53.
Ity would be a wholescale slaughter. Those little people would be in a world of pain.
Oh and training them? 5 year olds have a 10 second attention span. Half of them still piss there pants . Think they can remember team work and martial arts?
Edited by realwtf (01/17/05 11:26 PM)
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Alobar
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have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls? I Think you are underestimating the damage 5 year olds could do.
You bring up a very good point tho, once you drop the first one and the blood flies the lot of them are going to piss them selves and run screaming.
I think we should add that they are all hopped up on PCP and rabid. That way the psycholical effect of you smashing their little friends doesnt effect the total number you could take down.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
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Loc: Same Bat Channel
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Quote:
Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training.
I forgot to mention that. We must assume there is a motivating force greater than fear at work for the kiddies here. Maybe I'll bribe them with a juice box if they succeed. Either way, they aren't going to get scared.
I fixed the main post to reflect this.
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Brain
Some Sort of Royalty OTKP
Reged: 12/29/03
Posts: 3364
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I just hope we don't mistake you for them if you're in the gym watching. 
I think I could handle a bunch of them. I'm 6'3 and they're not getting anywhere inside my long reach.
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Stork
veteran
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Dynasty, I think you skimmed a little too hastily over this stipulation:
Quote:
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
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brassnuts
[censored]
Reged: 01/28/04
Posts: 1873
Loc: A Wizard draws near!
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This would be like the Neo-Smith fight scene in Matrix Reloaded. I think I could take on way more than 30. I don't see how they could ever knock me out. Plus the fact that only a limited number of them could be attacking me at once. I think I could go on until I'm completely wore out. So... my answer is a lot.
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Alobar
Carpal \'T-shirt
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Quote:
I just hope we don't mistake you for them if you're in the gym watching.
I think I could handle a bunch of them. I'm 6'3 and they're not getting anywhere inside my long reach.
you people are waaay over estimating your strength. They arent coming at you 1 at a time in single file. This isnt a chick norris movie. Its going to be a swarm of them. Thats ALOT of weight, and you are incapable of defending your entire body against their biting. It wouldnt be too hard for 15 5 year olds to swarm you and bring you to the ground.
Its like watching the UFC, the karate guys never win, cuz its to easy to get inside someones reach and take them down. Sure you could fling 2 or 3, 5 year olds away, but you've got the combined weight of 10 more dragging you to the ground.
Edited by Alobar (01/17/05 11:29 PM)
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mmcd
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I think the most important variable in this situation is the type of training. If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.
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slickpoppa
*
Reged: 08/23/04
Posts: 5588
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Quote:
Quote:
Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training.
I forgot to mention that. We must assume there is a motivating force greater than fear at work for the kiddies here. Maybe I'll bribe them with a juice box if they succeed. Either way, they aren't going to get scared.
I don't think that that is possible. No mattter how you motivate them, most of them will get scared.
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Stork
veteran
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Quote:
. You'll go down soon enough.
This is crucial. If you go down with kids on top of you, you may be done for. But if there was no one on top, you may be able to get back up again if your quick. But 5-year olds are just about the weakest people on the planet next to babies, so you'd have to be really skinny and out of shape for there to be a chance that they take you down.
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NLSoldier
something about how awesome i run NOT
Reged: 02/18/04
Posts: 8080
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Quote:
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls?
Did you miss the part about the cup?
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Evan
Defeated Soldier
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 14351
Loc: startupping
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Tell ya what, you set this up and I'll give you 5-1 on your magic number of 30. I'll even fly out to Wisconsin to watch.
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Alobar
Carpal \'T-shirt
Reged: 11/05/03
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Loc: spite shoving minraises
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Quote:
Quote:
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls?
Did you miss the part about the cup?
yeah I did.....still they have teeth, and the jaw is the strongest muscle in the body
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
Posts: 2466
Loc: Same Bat Channel
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Quote:
Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?
I guess you could, but I'd like to think the trainers would teach them how to take advantage of the natural weaknesses you expose when you are swinging the kid around.
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Stork
veteran
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 1474
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Quote:
I think the most important variable in this situation is the type of training. If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.
I think the OP mentioned that they would be taught to attack cohesively as a unit, but still though, 1 day of training isn't gunna change a thing.
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mmcd
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After I seeing the stipulation about the cup, I think 30-35 is more reasonable, but if they are acting cohesively, that would still be pretty tough. Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.
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rJ_
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Quote:
Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.
Not often to i really laugh out loud reading OOT, but this did it.
rJ
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The DaveR
Ponger
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Loc: IMA CUT U, WTF CANADA
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Dude, you're short and easily reachable. Assuming they go all at once and not in the kung-fu movie style one at a time, your nutsack is toast before you take down 10.
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El Diablo
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I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.
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astroglide
retired
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best oot question ever.
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scotnt73
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/03
Posts: 1958
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Quote:
Quote:
Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.
Not often to i really laugh out loud reading OOT, but this did it.
rJ
same here. thread of the year in my opinion. i actually called my wife over to read this.
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The Dude
El Duderino
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I think a huge factor that many are not considering is stamina. It's hard work knocking out that many kids.
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NT!
****
Reged: 02/19/04
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Okay, as a former soccer goalie, I think we all know how I would approach this. It would be like a cavalry charge. If you've ever watched a good goalie take a punt, you know that they do it basically in stride - and land on the opposite foot still going in the same direction. In other words, I run right through 'em, take off a head or two, and circle back.
The number would be higher than 30. It would take an absolutely perfect shot for a 5-year old to do any damage to me if I'm wearing a cup. Hence the only hope is to trip me up, and I have excellent balance.
Basically, the number would have to be small enough that they can't form a wall about four deep and close me in. As long as I could get about 15 feet of running room to make a turn and take another pass, I'd weed them out all day. So, you stack kindergardeners in a line across your average gym, with a little space between, that's what, 20 or 30 kids? I'd take two or three rows of 'em. Especially because there are the most of them when I'm the freshest and I'd pass through without a problem. If they swarm and leave a gap I go around 'em and pick one up as I swing by. Smash his little fuckin skull on the pass and come back for more.
I've spent time working with kids and had three or four ten year olds try to tackle me at once. They didn't have a chance.
NT
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Philuva
veteran
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Quote:
If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.
Agreed. I mean if they are just coming at you one at a time, I am thinking it is simply how many kicks to the face you can do before getting too tired.
But if they all come at you, and I mean really come after you, like a swarm of bees, then the number probably is closer to 30, maaaaaybe 40. They will be crowded around you too tight for you to get off any good kicks or punches, then it is just a matter of time before you lose enough blood from them biting you.
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cnfuzzd
expounding
Reged: 03/09/04
Posts: 5014
Loc: I'm going high....
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this is ridiculous. You have to be knocked unconscious. Not going to happen with a bunch o five year olds. Sure, they could probably pin you to the ground, and keep you there at a great expense to their numbers, but they probably still wouldnt knock you out. With that in mind, i say.....
All of them.
peace
john nickle
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wacki
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Damn NT, you are one sick mofo. I like your style. All I have to say is knees and elbos, knees and elbows. I would crack them skulls. Here is a pick of a 5 year old.
Now I ask Evan, do you really think it is in the single digits? That skull wouldn't stand a chance against a knee. They would go down like dominos. Knees and elbows, knees and elbows....
The biggest factor I think would be your stamina.
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cnfuzzd
expounding
Reged: 03/09/04
Posts: 5014
Loc: I'm going high....
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the answer to your question lies in the fact that this is also a picture of evan.....
peace
john nickle
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NT!
****
Reged: 02/19/04
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Loc: i ain't got my taco
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w-
No need to bend down that far to use an elbow. Even a knee is a bit hazardous as you are going to have to slow down or at least take smaller steps in using it. These kids are really the perfect height for a kick to the face, and it's one-and-done if you get anything on it.
I used to have to kick 100 balls full force into the net at the end of every practice after doing some wind sprints. This is basically the same drill.
NT
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mmbt0ne
em em bee
Reged: 08/18/04
Posts: 12169
Loc: Back in ATL
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En réponse à:
After I seeing the stipulation about the cup, I think 30-35 is more reasonable, but if they are acting cohesively, that would still be pretty tough. Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.
God, the visual of a 5 year old stomping someone's head just made my day.
I don't think enough people are taking into effect the fact that there is almost no way for a 5 year old to rach above the average person's waist. It's not like 5 year olds are the best leapers in the world. So this means that they're always going for the legs. If a bunch of kids are going for my legs, I think I can run through quite a few of them.
My friends and I were discussing something like this last night, and decided that if Barry Sanders was in the apartment and had from the back bedroom to the living room door (about 15 feet) of space to pick up speed, even if he was coming out of a doorway, there was no way the 8 of us there could expect to stop him from reaching the other side of the room even 15% of the time. I think my strength advantage over a 5 year old is huge in relation to Barry Sanders and me. Add this to the fact that I think I can take out 8-10 kids while they are trying to get into groups after being randomly dispersed across the gym, and I think 30 is a reasonable guess.
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Razor
Pooh-Bah
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Posts: 2052
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I don't know what 1 hour of training is going to do for you, if you've had no previous training. You can't learn fancy ass punches and kicks and be able to use them effectively in 1 hour. Most people don't even know how make a proper fist.
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 8569
Loc: whaaaaaaaaaat?
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Quote:
this is ridiculous. You have to be knocked unconscious. Not going to happen with a bunch o five year olds. Sure, they could probably pin you to the ground, and keep you there at a great expense to their numbers, but they probably still wouldnt knock you out. With that in mind, i say.....
All of them.
peace
john nickle
Exactly. People are seriously overestimating these 5 year olds. Unless they're some sort of ultra-smart 5 year olds that will actually learn from their training -- because most won't pick up much worth mentioning. I think the training actually gives YOU an edge. You'll learn more from it than the five year olds will.
Plus you'll have a strategic edge. They won't be able to think of strong group strategy, it'll just be chaotic pile-on. If you can plan an effective counter-strategy, you should have another solid edge.
Add in that I seriously wonder if five year olds could knock me unconscious without a foreign object? I say any 20-something guy in decent shape should be able to take at least 20. I think 30 is realistic based on the one time I met Gonores (speaking of, are those UW poker lunches still going on?). I think even 35 would be within reach. I think I could take 35.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
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Yes, but you would learn how to defend yourself against a semi-disciplined swarm (don't kick, don't walk backwards, etc.). I'd imagine such info would be critical.
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Hoya
Pooh-Bah
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Remember, these kids are slow, have bad stamina, and shitty grips. I'd run around for a while kicking the little bastards that got too close and making sure not to get swarmed. Then after they got wore out from chasing me I'd go in and kill them all, screw knocking them out. They'd be too tired to grab me and try to bring me down by that point.
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hawkeye
stranger
Reged: 05/20/04
Posts: 23
Loc: Chicago, IL
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The problem I see with running around or kicking / flailing your legs is the potential for one of the little carcasses strewn about the room to get caught up in your legs. Inevitably, when this happens, the likelihood of a serious ACL or MCL injury is increased.
To avoid this undesirable situation I would most likely fight my way to an edge of the room, and essentially back up near a wall. By doing this I could guarantee that none of the buggers could get behind me and cause damage to my knees. Also, the proximity to the wall would afford you the opportunity to bash the anklebiters' heads against the wall one at a time until they are neutralized.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
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Loc: Same Bat Channel
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Quote:
are those UW poker lunches still going on?
I could be down with that, although they have not been going on for a while.
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Justin A
Stranger
Reged: 05/10/04
Posts: 6340
Loc: Clark County
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you people are waaay over estimating your strength.
You're underestimating our speed. There is no way 30 kids could corner me to the point where I wouldn't be able to run around them. If this was eight year olds, you'd have a point, but five year olds are very slow, uncoordinated, and weak.
What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway? Are you really going to be moving so slowly that they can get their mouth within biting range? I think the only limiting factor here is the size of the enclosed area. As long as you have room to move around and keep from getting swarmed, the amount of kids should be limitless.
Justin A
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Justin A
Stranger
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I think another good question would be how many ten year olds you could take on. Ten year olds at least have some strength and speed. I'm thinking the number would be close to ten. Five year olds are too easy.
Justin A
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Justin A
Stranger
Reged: 05/10/04
Posts: 6340
Loc: Clark County
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Another question, are we assuming all these five year olds are boys? Or are they mixed?
Justin A
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wacki
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Quote:
What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway?
When I was an undergrad there was this 100 pound sophmore freak that would get shitfaced off of vodka and start biting me. I would pick her up and throw her onto a couch/bed. She would bounce up like in about 2 seconds and then attack me again. The cycle went on and on. It happened every time she got shitfaced off of vodka. Not once did any of her bites phase me. If her bites couldn't phase me then there is no way a 5 year old's bite would. Well, the ear might be vulnerable. But if you are wearing a cup you will be ok.
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wacki
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Quote:
Another question, are we assuming all these five year olds are boys? Or are they mixed?
Justin A
They are prepubescent, does it matter?
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Clayton
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I don't know about you guys, but this is the funniest thing I've read in months. One of the rare occasions where I can't control laughing out loud. 
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Sephus
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Quote:
Quote:
you people are waaay over estimating your strength.
You're underestimating our speed.
i think this is absolutely key. this is the size of a basketball court, i just run around plowing them over a few at a time. i bet i could take 50. the limitations would be how long i could fight before getting really tired and just how densely packed they became. i think i could incapacitate 50 5 year olds in 10 minutes. once you start going past 50 though, running around without messing up a knee or ankle by tripping over their little broken bodies would be the biggest issue.
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Evan
Defeated Soldier
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 14351
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That's low dude. How did I get to the point where people I've never even met are making fun of my size?
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 8569
Loc: whaaaaaaaaaat?
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Quote:
Quote:
are those UW poker lunches still going on?
I could be down with that, although they have not been going on for a while.
The other really interesting option would be a drunken UW 2+2 NL tourney once a month or something like that. I definitely plan on playing more low stakes drunken poker around campus this semester. My friends can't believe I make money online because I play like a maniac in $5 buy-in NL tourneys.
But yeah, I'd be up for trying to do that this semester if there were people interested. Although my class schedule is pretty tight around lunch. 
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IronDragon1
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The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....
8
I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
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Quote:
That's low dude. How did I get to the point where people I've never even met are making fun of my size?
Well, Evan, midgets are always funny, whether you've met them or not.
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El Diablo
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Hmmmm, after reading nothumb's post, I think I may have been mistaken in my original assessment.
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ThaSaltCracka
Brotha TSC
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great post NT.
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cnfuzzd
expounding
Reged: 03/09/04
Posts: 5014
Loc: I'm going high....
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im sorry evan.
climb on up here and i will give you a hug....
peace
john nickle
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wacki
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Loc: reading 1K climate journals
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Quote:
Hmmmm, after reading nothumb's post, I think I may have been mistaken in my original assessment.
Ya, when Nothumb said:
Quote:
I used to have to kick 100 balls full force into the net at the end of every practice after doing some wind sprints. This is basically the same drill.
I started to think as long as you are in shape the number could be really really high.
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NT!
****
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I do what I can.
Look, most of you guys haven't worked with kids, or really been around a five year old in a while, I bet. They are really completely helpless. There's a reason we have to wipe their asses for them. Not only that, they are short enough that an athletic guy could jump over 2 or 3 of them easily if they were close together.
So, it's not your fault. Take it from a child care worker. A killer child care worker.
NT
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ThaSaltCracka
Brotha TSC
Reged: 09/10/03
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LMAO, dude this is great stuff. Honestly, beating up 5 year olds would be like beating up noobs on Halo 2.
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mmbt0ne
em em bee
Reged: 08/18/04
Posts: 12169
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You're going to work tomorrow with an imaginary bullseye on every kid now aren't you? I can see you just slowly racking up a total kill count as the day wears on.
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ThaSaltCracka
Brotha TSC
Reged: 09/10/03
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dude, I have only read 5 or 6 replies in this thread but damn, this is funny stuff.
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DMBFan23
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this thread kicks so much ass it's not even funny
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NT!
****
Reged: 02/19/04
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Loc: i ain't got my taco
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Eh, I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too. City kids. I sometimes feel like it's me wearing the target.
NT
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Benholio
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/30/04
Posts: 2411
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Quote:
LMAO, dude this is great stuff. Honestly, beating up 5 year olds would be like beating up noobs on Halo 2.
Quick, someone crosspost this to every first person shooter forum you can find. I'm sure someone can whip up a mod to simulate this, lol. Who here wouldn't download THAT mod??
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wacki
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Quote:
I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too.
In english please.
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ThaSaltCracka
Brotha TSC
Reged: 09/10/03
Posts: 24282
Loc: Team Slayer!
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Quote:
Quote:
I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too.
In english please.
gang members, thugs, street kids.
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NT!
****
Reged: 02/19/04
Posts: 17165
Loc: i ain't got my taco
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I mean they can fight. This is their terminology, i.e., "You think that staff can bang?" "Naw, he's sweet. I'll tear his white ass up."
NT
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ThaSaltCracka
Brotha TSC
Reged: 09/10/03
Posts: 24282
Loc: Team Slayer!
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Wacki is so white.
Listen to more rap music Wacki, then you'll know how to be "street".
holla atcha boy.
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Alobar
Carpal \'T-shirt
Reged: 11/05/03
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Quote:
Quote:
What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway?
When I was an undergrad there was this 100 pound sophmore freak that would get shitfaced off of vodka and start biting me. I would pick her up and throw her onto a couch/bed. She would bounce up like in about 2 seconds and then attack me again. The cycle went on and on. It happened every time she got shitfaced off of vodka. Not once did any of her bites phase me. If her bites couldn't phase me then there is no way a 5 year old's bite would. Well, the ear might be vulnerable. But if you are wearing a cup you will be ok.
her bites didnt phase you cuz she was a drunk bitch who wasnt biting you hard. A 5 year old could rip a chunk from your skin if he really wanted too
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Reef
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most posters failed to notice that you get a cup. This makes you practically invincible to them. The only thing I can see them doing is having 10 or so go for your legs and then a 2nd wave crawls on over them to get at your torso, etc. Once they have your whole body pinned (which would require at least 30 dogpiled on ya), the only way to get you unconscious would be if the fattest one got a clear jump on your face/throat from the height of another little kid pyramid.
I'm going with 100+
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DMBFan23
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just to go in a bit of a different direction...I want my magic number to be 1, so I can just plain [censored] his [censored] up. man would he get owned.
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Sephus
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i think 100 is way too high. what happens when you have 40 to go and there are 60 of them sprawled on the floor? it's a basketball court, not a football field, you're gonna sprain an ankle stepping on a torso or crack your head after slipping on a huge pool of blood. then you have 1500 pounds of little kid smothering you.
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daveymck
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The answer is 1, my daughter is that age and has been trained by hours of watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers combined with WWE wrestling.
A hit in the balls followed by a leap from the arm of the settee is generally enough.
The answer is also 1 cos the first five year old you hit will go running to their mam/dad and tell, either will come out and give you a good pasting.
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invast
member
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Posts: 125
Loc: Oregon
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I am 99% sure I could take on atleast 30.
This accounts for getting tired.
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daveymck
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I think 100 is underestimating even after a day of training, they have weight of numbers but no skill and no real power in punches, biting is the only real weopon they have and as long as you stay mobile you would be fine, only so many can get at you at once.
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invast
member
Reged: 09/01/04
Posts: 125
Loc: Oregon
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Quote:
I think 100 is underestimating even after a day of training, they have weight of numbers but no skill and no real power in punches, biting is the only real weopon they have and as long as you stay mobile you would be fine, only so many can get at you at once.
But you also have to understand that doing this would get very tiring very fast. And if they get you on the ground somehow and start jumping on your head and neck.. you're done.
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daveymck
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I dont see how they would get you on the ground unless you tripped. At 5 you can pick one up and throw them into the group push them over easy I see it taking more than a 100 to get you unconcious, even if they got you down getting up would be easier than given credit for.
If you said 7-8 year olds I would revise it down a lot but at five I think its lots.
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invast
member
Reged: 09/01/04
Posts: 125
Loc: Oregon
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Hmm, that's true... the only way I could see them getting you on the ground is if you got very tired and they all started jumping on you, running at you, and pulling you down. The thing is I don't know how long it would take me to get that tired, since I have never tried killing a swarming pack of 5 y/o. So I conclude that the real answer is no one knows.
Although I'm guessing I could estimate between 30 - 200
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TylerD
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They have to short enough to kick them in the head as they approach you.
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Sephus
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dude, if there are 60 little broken bodies littered around a basketball court and you are also having to trample kids as you move around, you WILL trip. what's so hard about this?
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daveymck
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If you trip though and there are 60 bodies around the 40+ are going to be tripping as well allowing you to get up easy.
Its still a lot more than 100 in my opinion.
Thinking about my daughters school they all line up ready to go in 180 kids aged 5-8 they dont take up as much room as you might think, and I reckon I could take all of them.
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Manimal
member
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 134
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Is there some type of custodian to clear the kids as they get knocked out or do they just lie there, unconcious?
If it's A, my answer's all of them.
If it's B, I think I can take ~70, maybe more. I'll have a definitive answer after I pick a fight at the local preschool this morning.
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DukeSucks
maverick avatar mechanic
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 1228
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Quote:
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
Are they allowed to touch the wall? If not, you could just bounce them off the wall and keep going. Plus, they would be relatively stacked up around the edges of the room, helping with the trip hazard.
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elwoodblues
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A couple of things to consider:
* 5 year olds are going to be afraid of you...regardless of how many of them there are. Once you hurt one or two of them pretty badly, then they are terrified of you. It would be them running from you, not the other way around. (EDIT --- Okay, I just read the rules again, but still...)
* For 99+% of the population it would be EXTREMELY difficult (psychologically) to hurt a five year old that bad. The first one would be horrible, the second would be worse. By ten, you'd probably be okay with it
* Why are people wanting to avoid the herd of kids that will inevitably form (think of a 5 year old soccer game, just one clump of kids regardless of how much training they have)? Run into it knocking many over and knocking their heads together.
* Remember that their number is always diminishing. So, for example, for those saying 100 --- the question isn't whether 100 kids could take you when you get tired. The question is whether (maybe) 50 could. You drop them at a faster rate than you tire. It would take SO little effort to incapacitate them.
Edited by elwoodblues (01/18/05 09:07 AM)
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barongreenback
addict
Reged: 11/23/04
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I've had a long think about this. It's a difficult question but I think ,yes ,I could take a 5yr old.
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Bluffoon
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n/m
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
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I think the answer here is as many as you could fit in the gym. The limiting factor is stamina. There's only so long you can go around punching little kids before you're gonna get tired and I think that's what's going to set your number.
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MattSuspect
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I'd say 20ish. My method would be running up to the scrawniest one; snapping their neck and killing them. It would give the others something to think about.
Good thread.
EDIT: Oops missed this.
Quote:
The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
I'm still snapping necks though, not gonna waste my time with punching, they are low to the ground, I'll just run up, grab the top of their heads and twist, which would be easier then throwing them around,--a best defense is a good offense.
Kill the 5 yr olds, they can't come back and attack.
Edited by IndieMatty (01/18/05 09:57 AM)
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DMBFan23
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dude, once they go unconscious, they're "out" so it's not like they wake up and start rushing you again. so there's no need to snap necks to take em out.
now, if a man just wants to snap necks, then who am I to criticize?
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MattSuspect
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I'm snapping necks. Let word get out to the other 5 yr olds. Also I seriously think snapping necks is less abuse to yourself then hitting the kids. Which will help you hurt more kids in the long run. Grab and twist man, grab and twist.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.
you couldn't get a group of 5 year-olds to work together that cohesively with a month of training, much less a single day. and i highly doubt they would come up with such tactics on their own, in the heat of battle, and be able to get themselves organized to pull it off.
i honestly think the main limiting fatcor is the adult's stamina. it takes energy to punch, kick, throw, and run. how many 5 year-olds you can take out is directly related to what kind of shape you're in. as for myself, i'll say 50. and i think that would be a bit of a challenge.
wait, can we bash them against the walls? if so i'll bring my number up to at least 60, and maybe even 75.
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LALDAAS
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Posts: 1541
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This is a tough one. Have you ever seen the energy of a 5 year old. I think one would tire by the 2nd or 3rd wave.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....
8
I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins
are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.
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LALDAAS
veteran
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 1541
Loc: Confuzlleds
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Quote:
Quote:
The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....
8
I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins
are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.
Yo my ex-girls son was 2 1/2 He poped my in the mouth busting my lip open.(we were playing of course) Dont entirely under estamate these little bastards.
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tyfromm
addict
Reged: 05/19/04
Posts: 673
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How many of these 5 year olds are Hot Chicks? Just a joke fellas:/
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Stork
veteran
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 1474
Loc: deterraforming your FACE
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Arite so I just thought up a strategy for it. Just keep running. Barrel through them like a they're pins in a bowling ally. They won't stand a chance, and they won't have a chance to trip you. They won't be able to lay a finger on you, as soon as your knee collides with their jaw it's lights out, and you'll have so much momentum going that it'd be like stopping a locamotive for them. I'm going with at least 40.
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Stork
veteran
Reged: 07/03/03
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Loc: deterraforming your FACE
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Also, I second that this is the best post I've seen on the forums in a long time.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
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We have to make a couple of assumptions for the answer to be more than 30.
First assumption: The 5 year olds will not attack en masse. Even if you get the first wave down, I don't care how badassed you are, you will tire very quickly and several will get in and latch onto your legs.
Second Assumption: picking up one kid and using them as a weapon is allowed. If this is the case, I can see you using this kid to knock out quite a few of them.
third assumption: the kids are removed from the arena after being knocked out. If this is not true, then I say maybe 25, but definitely no more than 30.
My reasoning is that you will simply tire out way too quickly to put up much of a fight for more than 10 minutes. Also, assuming a couple of the kids latch onto your legs making it harder for you to move, the rest could swarm you easily. I say the majority of you are highly over-estimating how good you are at fighting.
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nicky g
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"I say the majority of you are highly over-estimating how good you are at fighting. "
Fighting is like poker and sex. It's one of those things people always think they are great at. Also like poker, they like to worship high profile players/fighters as if they were gods (Doyle's diseas/Bruce Lee nutriding). (I'm not sure if that' relevant to sex. Except sex with Bruce Lee).
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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I think you underestimate the ease at which I can remove a child from my leg when I don't feel a need to not hurt them.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
Loc: 2,no 6, no 12, bakers dozen!!!
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Quote:
I think you underestimate the ease at which I can remove a child from my leg when I don't feel a need to not hurt them.
Sure, one kid is no problem. How about 5? 10? 15?
See what I mean?
I mean, come on Patrick, this isn't rocket science.
(I had to, sorry)
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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I stand by my original estimate that I could take out an amount limited only by my own stamina and enough room to move around. Given the need, I can outrun a pack of 5-year-olds for quite a long time. I envision a strategy of keeping out of the pack and picking off the stragglers around the outside much like a group of lions or wolves working over a herd of prey. Do you know how easy it is to throw a kid to the ground just by grabbing his head and giving it the proper shove? It's even easier at speed. It wouldn't even slow me down. Another tactic would be to just bullrush the pack and just plow through the whole lot of them. If they're tall enough, my arms will be out clothesline style for maximum effectiveness. If not, my knees and overall mass will take out plenty. There is a peril with this strategy, though, and that is if you trip - you better get up quick.
It's not rocket science.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
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Quote:
I stand by my original estimate that I could take out an amount limited only by my own stamina and enough room to move around. Given the need, I can outrun a pack of 5-year-olds for quite a long time. I envision a strategy of keeping out of the pack and picking off the stragglers around the outside much like a group of lions or wolves working over a herd of prey. Do you know how easy it is to throw a kid to the ground just by grabbing his head and giving it the proper shove? It's even easier at speed. It wouldn't even slow me down. Another tactic would be to just bullrush the pack and just plow through the whole lot of them. If they're tall enough, my arms will be out clothesline style for maximum effectiveness. If not, my knees and overall mass will take out plenty. There is a peril with this strategy, though, and that is if you trip - you better get up quick.
It's not rocket science.
It would be an interesting world if this were rocket science.
That said, is it too early to nominate this for TOTY?
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Stork
veteran
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Loc: deterraforming your FACE
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Only your 2nd assumption is true in this scenario.
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Keats13
enthusiast
Reged: 03/01/04
Posts: 249
Loc: 4th and 26
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Quote:
Fighting is like poker
So are you saying that once these 5yo battle royales start, we'd have posts like this?
"Man, WTF? I can't beat these 5-year olds! It's not possible. I punch and kick, but they just don't respect my strength! They have no muscles, but they won't go away! How are you supposed to beat up opponents like this? I need to start fighting older, stronger opponents who respect my strength and will back down once I start fighting."
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.
More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.
Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.
Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.
Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.
Clearly the possibilities are endless.
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 8569
Loc: whaaaaaaaaaat?
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Awesome. I was thinking about this last night, but your Arcade / Simulation / Quick Game modes did a much better job laying out the possibilties than my thoughts could have.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
Loc: 2,no 6, no 12, bakers dozen!!!
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Quote:
I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.
More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.
Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.
Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.
Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.
Clearly the possibilities are endless.
Dude, once VR tech catches up, I see this as being a cult classic amongst the hardore gamers. If I were you, I'd add this post to my favorites so when the game invariably gets created, you can show prior art and make some serious cashesh.
This thread is golden, and this post is by far the best post in it.
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jakethebake
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It would be a lot. Way beyond single digits. If I hit a 5 year old once he ain't getting up. I can also take a 5 year-olds kick or punch pretty much anywhere, including the groin. So I'm just hitting them each once. That's it.
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MattSuspect
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I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.
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beckham9
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I think everyone needs to think about how tired they would get in this fight. Having 10 or 15 little guys jumping and crawling over you would tire you out in 2 minutes tops. Once you go down you are finished.
i say an average 22 year old could take on 12-13 kids, with any more taking you down.
B9
PS i love this type of [censored]
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.
It's too time consuming to try to get a grip on a kid and then twist his neck. If you give these kids the second or two that it'd take to accomplish this, you're finished. Plowing or even flailing wildly would be much more effective. Speed and keeping out of their grasp is of the essence here. Plus, a breakneck strategy would require you to bee too close. Hitting gives you much more range and potentially lets you keep them somewhat at bay.
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beckham9
member
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the jaw is not the strongest muscle in body
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Madtown
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Quote:
I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.
Well, I think a good solid knee / fist to the face WOULD snap their necks. Snapping necks sounds very inefficient, especially considering that they're going to be at knee-height for everyone except Evan.
I think Patrick's strategy is best so far -- keeping up to speed on the perimeter picking off stragglers, mixed with sprints through the pack to break them up and delivering knees to faces. Eventually I think you start resorting to using kids as weapons though. In fact, I think this might be a good idea right of the bat.
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Shajen
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Quote:
It would be a lot. Way beyond single digits. If I hit a 5 year old once he ain't getting up. I can also take a 5 year-olds kick or punch pretty much anywhere, including the groin. So I'm just hitting them each once. That's it.
"Are they ill-tempered?"
Seriously though, I guess I'm giving these kids too much credit. I say a bum rush by 30 kids at once and you are toast. And remember Jake, line training takes too long.
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Bluffoon
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I don't know man.
My son is a bruiser but when he was three he did a WWF body slam knee into my balls and I he gave me a hernia and I needed surgery. Even as an infant when he got mad he could deliver a hell of a headbutt. I can still remember the headaches.....
Never underestimate a kid's ability to do damage.
I say anything more than twenty kids and you are toast. And I still think this is sick. But I like it.
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gonores
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Quote:
I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
"Are they ill-tempered?"
Brilliant.
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HesseJam
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15 5 y olds like my son with proper one day mental programming and combat training would take out almost anybody. If 5 like my son attack you in full speed mode from behind so that you cant dodge them you are not going to stay on your feet.
Then, I would suggest some eyeball popping and the rest is just a matter of time.
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Madtown
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Quote:
Quote:
I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.
This may be true, but even smart 5 year olds are pretty dumb. If you were talking even a couple years older, I think it'd be a huge difference, but you're talking about kindergarteners. Even the smart ones have trouble learning to tie their shoes.
Hell, I was a smart kid and I still have trouble tying my shoes. I'm lazy though.
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DMBFan23
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Quote:
I don't know man.
My son is a bruiser but when he was three he did a WWF body slam knee into my balls and I he gave me a hernia and I needed surgery. Even as an infant when he got mad he could deliver a hell of a headbutt. I can still remember the headaches.....
Never underestimate a kid's ability to do damage.
I say anything more than twenty kids and you are toast. And I still think this is sick. But I like it.
I respectfully submit that you were not elbowing your son in the face as he was moving in for that headbutt. or snapping his neck.
point taken, though.
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MattSuspect
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Interesting. I see it as easy and efficient with no issues of tiring yourself out. It's pretty sick that I want to see how easy it is to grab a kids head right now.
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bisonbison
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I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.
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Michael Davis
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If you could take the most intelligent 2+2ers at age five, ten of them could rock an adult.
-Michael
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Madtown
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Quote:
Interesting. I see it as easy and efficient with no issues of tiring yourself out. It's pretty sick that I want to see how easy it is to grab a kids head right now.
If by "sick" you mean "really awesome," then I agree.
This is similar to the feelings you get after a three or four hour GTA playing session followed by a drive. You just really really want to ram some cars off the road...
Back on topic, I just think snapping necks is going to take too much time, especially at the beginning. It won't tire you out, but I don't think you can afford to remain stationary long enough to bend down, get a grip on a flailing 5 year old, twist, and then back up again.
I think it might be a good tactic to utilize when you DO get tired out and the numbers are dwindling.
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MattSuspect
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Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.
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bisonbison
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Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.
If you can kick 'em in the abdomen they'll be sucking wind long enough for you to come along in a minute and step on their necks.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.
This may be true, but it's also not hard to immobilize them. If I were to hit a 5-year-old in the face like I meant it, he's not going to be getting up and if he does, he's certainly not going to be doing anything useful. You could immobilize all of them and then come back for the finishing move at your convenience.
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MattSuspect
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I'd just like to add, kicking/kneeing and punting are big no-nos, if you trip at any time, you're done for.
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Madtown
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Quote:
Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.
If you can kick 'em in the abdomen they'll be sucking wind long enough for you to come along in a minute and step on their necks.
Exactly. As long as you take a bunch of them out of the game early, you can go along on neck-snapping clean-up duty later on.
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Michael Davis
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No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.
-Michael
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MattSuspect
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I really don't think you want to get to a position when you are on one foot. If one of those bastards can get you to trip, there gonna swarm on you.
Oh yeah...welcome, did you get traded for TSC?
web page
Edited by IndieMatty (01/18/05 01:12 PM)
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Shajen
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Quote:
I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.
How did you avoid slipping all over the place? How did you keep them in the room? Licked door or something?
I'm interested in what you have to say and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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DMBFan23
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Quote:
I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.
I once got busy in a burger king bathroom.
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MattSuspect
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Quote:
No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.
-Michael
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?
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bisonbison
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How did you avoid slipping all over the place? How did you keep them in the room? Licked door or something?
Movies vastly overstate the amount of blood a dying person will release under the soothing touch of blunt force trauma.
Let's just say that was the last time I got to drive the carpool.
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Shajen
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Quote:
Quote:
No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.
-Michael
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?
absolutely. I believe intelligence of attackers has everything to do with it. That and I'm irrationally afraid of the wee people.
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Matt Flynn
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if the kids were brain-warped motivated, like 5-year-olds on PCP / Dr. Evil psychokids, then 30 is a fair bet. many more if not: they will all cry after a few blood-curdling screams and you show them an eyeball or two. if you get to pick out of 5x the number then 30 again. there are some strong enough to hurt you if you aren't big.
but, suppose each child is motivated and gets a very sharp one-inch knife. then i think it's more like 20.
and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
matt
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MattSuspect
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Man, someone needs to call FOX and set this up.
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Madtown
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Quote:
I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?
Yes, but not for the reasons you're trying to get at.
Midgets have adult intelligence, so you'd be more suceptible to strategy. I'd also wager they weigh a bit more on average.
That is an important factor -- are these 5 year olds rabid fighting machines, or just determined-but-still-normal 5 year olds? I mean, if they'll get up and keep fighting right away after you bust their limbs, that changes the equation.
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DMBFan23
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if they get a knife I put my number in the single digits. the bull rush strategy goes to [censored] in that scenario.
although now the picture of a 5 year old getting hit with a mace has me laughing out loud in my office.
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B00T
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I love this place.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
matt
You definitely need to pick out something heavy and unweildy (and blunt - sharp elements are bad for you) for this option.
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Stork
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Sequential mode would definetely be the toughest. For all the modes though, I think the KO'ed kids should stay in the arena. Adds a nice aroma to the atmosphere, and you can pick them up and use 'em as weapons.
And to whoever wrote that their 5 year old is really strong, HE'S NOT. Your 5-year old is as weak as any 5 year old, he's NOT special.
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fnord_too
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Zero, I couldn't bring myself to attack a five year old unless there was a life threatening situation (like he had a loaded gun).
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bicyclekick
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great topic gonores.
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DMBFan23
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sharp objects definitely increase your variance, and are -EV. one poke to the eye from a spear and you're screwed, but good luck picking up a big club, you little punks.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.
More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.
Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.
Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.
Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.
Clearly the possibilities are endless.
I think we need a good name for this game.
Also, let's say you're going to be a professional or at least a serious enthusiast of this game. How would you train? I think my main focus would be on stamina and upper arm strength. I'd go with a rowing machine and upper body training.
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Shajen
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Quote:
Quote:
I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.
More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.
Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.
Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.
Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.
Clearly the possibilities are endless.
I think we need a good name for this game.
Also, let's say you're going to be a professional or at least a serious enthusiast of this game. How would you train? I think my main focus would be on stamina and upper arm strength. I'd go with a rowing machine and upper body training.
I think Gladiator Games 2005 is a good name. (Of course, you'd have to have Madden in there pimping updates every year, stuff like BOOM! only gets you so far before it starts getting lame and you have to resort to chainsaws and the like.
As far as strength conditioning, from all these posts I've read saying they could handle 30+, I'm sure just pounding some OEs and snorting coke would do the trick (sarcasm)
Seriously, if you were gonna do this, I think you'd need to cross train, meaning a "strongest man" routine and a marathon runners routine. That way you have quick burst energy/strength, and the stamina to wade through the puddles of death you leave in your wake.
Happy Hunting.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
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Quote:
Zero, I couldn't bring myself to attack a five year old unless there was a life threatening situation (like he had a loaded gun).
Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.
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Shajen
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Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.
WTF are you talking about, suspend reality? This is the next Extreme Game dude. ESPN is salivating at the mouth to get this program launched. Makes Moto-X seem pretty weak.
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Sponger.
HEADS WILL ROLL
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I think 20. Any more than that, and there would just be so many kids in this enclosed area they would just be able to bum rush you and tackle you and dogpile on you and it would be over.
You really think that you'd be able to stop more than a certain number of kids rushing you at the same time? Get real.
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Hoya
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A basketball court is very large compared to a mass of 20 5 year olds. Keeping running and they'll break formation.
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DMBFan23
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if they were well trained they'd pull a gladiator style huddle in the center kind of action, and when you came near them, they'd try to get around behind you and then you'd be in a tough spot. if you got one and managed to bull rush through, they reform and start over, and you're more tired then they are. this is why I think numbers above 50 are too hard to beat *if traned*
- especially since gonores gets to pick the smartest ones.
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jakethebake
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Quote:
I think 20. Any more than that, and there would just be so many kids in this enclosed area they would just be able to bum rush you and tackle you and dogpile on you and it would be over.
The arguement against this logic is that all 20 kids can't get at you at once. Only like 5 or 6 at a time could reach you or they're just getting in each others way. I don't believe 5 or 6 five year-olds could pull me down.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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There definitely is a critical mass after which more kids doesn't make any difference. What is this critical number? It would be different for different tactics. If you were talking about them jumping on you and doing whatever, there's only room for so many of them to jump on you. If you're talking about them forming en masse and bumrushing you, then the number is different. You could say that 100 kids running at you is a lot of mass, but when it hits you, it's certainly not with 100 times the force of one kid running into you.
I think anything more than single digits for either of these scenarios is all the same in the immediate. Any more than that just adds to the stamina and recovery ability required to keep repeating.
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pudley4
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Do you see why?
I'll leave it for others to elaborate...
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Patrick del Poker Grande
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Quote:
Quote:
and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
This strategy has some merit, but I think you really underestimate a kid with an aluminum bat. For this to work, I think you'd have to be an all-universe swordsman who could beat these kids down without letting them get a shot in.
I think in the end, the best strategy is to just pick either something so unweildy that they can't use it or something so ridiculously weak that it doesn't give them any advantage. I'd then just not use the weapon. I think there's plenty of advantage to the adult without any weapons and the introduction of any weapons is only tipping the scales more to the kids' favor.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
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Hey gonores,
wtf got you guys talking about this subject? I mean, it's awesome, don't get me wrong, but wtf dude?
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lucas9000
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Quote:
Do you see why?
classic.
on an unrelated note, i can't wait for some stupid idiot to think this thread is serious. "tonight on action news: internet psycopaths plot to kidnap 5 year-olds for gladiator-style deathmatch."
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elwoodblues
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A bat is an awful choice. At some point you will fall down or get tackled. Having kids hit you with bats while you are down would be horrible. You have to choose something heavier than a bat, but not too heavy to prematurely tire yourself. Either that or choose a weapon that requires greater dexterity than a five year old could handle (compound bow? would require both strength and dexterity.)
I think I would rather opt for some sort of protection over a weapon. Maybe a helmet without a face guard. That way, you can still hurt them pretty bad and protect the one part of the body that would allow them to knock you out.
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B00T
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I agree with standing in the corner and cracking their heads up againist the wall. A half push (they only weigh like 40 pounds total) would knock them out. I think I could even crack 2 at once with 2 hands and just ram them to the wall. I also like the wall idea so that you could back up againist it and not fall, as well as not having anyone hit your legs from behind or something that could cause you to lose balance.
I think with this strategy you could knock out about 70 before you come physically exhausted and are ripe for the pickens.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
I think in the end, the best strategy is to just pick either something so unweildy that they can't use it or something so ridiculously weak that it doesn't give them any advantage. I'd then just not use the weapon.
ok then, so maybe this or one of these.
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MattSuspect
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- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
A bat is an awful choice. At some point you will fall down or get tackled. Having kids hit you with bats while you are down would be horrible.
damnit you're right. i feel like i'm inferior to a 5 year-old for even suggesting it. i guess i'll just take
a leather glove.
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jakethebake
Carpal \'Tunnel
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I wonder what the QLCers would think of this thread?
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Losing all
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I think 30 is way too low, even under the assumption they're highly motivated and fear failing this task more than being maimed or killed in action. 5 year olds have no power, no speed, and no height. You wouldn't need power kicks, hooks and uppercuts. more like light jabs and a stomp(this would save a lot of energy).
They'll never reach your head while standing, so only 2 ways to lose. get totally gassed, or taken down and stomped (and they'd probably need to get you down several times before they could keep you down)
People are seriously overestimiating 5 year olds here. I'll say 100, maybe a lot more.
9 or 10 year olds would be a different story. Would you rather do this (to the death) against 100 5yr olds, or 25 10yr olds? I'd take the 100
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jakethebake
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Do the kids get candy if they beat you?
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DMBFan23
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anyone else picturing these 5 year olds as robot/gremlin/doppelganger style 5 year olds to make this a little easier to think about?
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MattSuspect
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Quote:
damnit you're right. i feel like i'm inferior to a 5 year-old for even suggesting it. i guess i'll just take
a leather glove.
Well Played.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
does this mean everyone is naked except for the cup? because bare naked flesh v. flesh covered with a pair of jeans is a HUGE difference.
i vote that you can wear normal "street" clothes, in normal layers (ie, only one pair of jeans). having everyone nude except for a cup is WAY too NAMBLA. (note that the nude part disturbs me, but i am unphased by the wanton destruction of 5 year-olds ).
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MattSuspect
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[censored] that. I'm picturing the kid from Big Daddy. Toughen up sport.
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Losing all
Carpal \'Tunnel
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I'm picturing a pack of little brainwashed killers just out of a pol pot re-education camp.
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Justin A
Stranger
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Quote:
There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.
The best and the brightest five year olds are pretty dumb. Their lack of attention spans don't allow them to be too organized. These kids are five, do you remember what you were like when you were five?
Justin A
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The once and future king
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The obvious weapon of choice is the knuckle duster. One with spikes on etc. This will be useless in the hands of the infantile horde.
My real problem is bellieving that the kids would keep attacking me. Once I had picked out the toughest kid, lifted him over my head whilst bellowing in rage then piledriven the kid headfirst into the concrete I cant see the other 5yr olds doing anything other than breaking down in tears and wimpering.
The solution to this problem is obvious. We must have a time
machine. We can then trek through time looking for truely hard 5 years old, not the current crop of soft as shite western five year olds. I would stop of in Sparta.
Spartan 5 yr olds must the hardest 5yr olds in human history, but more importantly there entire culture would have socialised them into wanting to fight on and on and never surrender like wusses.
So in short this scenario is only realistic and feasible with access to a time machine.
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jakethebake
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Quote:
There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.
Spoken like some who's never tried to organize a pack of five year-olds.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
Posts: 2466
Loc: Same Bat Channel
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I have video tape of me yelling at Forrest Gregg, Green Bay head coach, for not running the ball in a 3rd and short situation. As far as he tape shows, there was no prompting from my parents or anyone else for this outburst. However, it was filmed a month before my 6th b-day, and I was one of those special, advanced kids.
The 5yos I coached on the soccer field are smart enough to hold positions (with verbal coaching from the sidelines).
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TimM
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Great another OOT problem that can only be solved with a time machine. What if one of those Spartan kids whose neck you just snapped would later become one of your ancestors. Then you're screwed.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
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Quote:
So in short this scenario is only realistic and feasible with access to a time machine.
I like it.
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
Posts: 2466
Loc: Same Bat Channel
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Chick friend works at a day care, was telling us how there was a ring leader that had the whole place riled up that day. I suggest that the ring leader should take an unfortunate fall off the monkey bars. She said such an act would spark a revolt and that she didn't think she could take all of them at once. Add alcohol to this line of conversation and you get this challenge.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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Quote:
Chick friend works at a day care, was telling us how there was a ring leader that had the whole place riled up that day. I suggest that the ring leader should take an unfortunate fall off the monkey bars. She said such an act would spark a revolt and that she didn't think she could take all of them at once. Add alcohol to this line of conversation and you get this challenge.
Very nice.
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Stork
veteran
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 1474
Loc: deterraforming your FACE
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OK, spin-off question: Same stipulations, EXCEPT: The arena is a MOONWALK, like at those school carnivals. How many 5 year olds could you take on in that hell hole?
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
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Let me also add that anybody who says it's in the single digits is either a huge pansy or way overestimating 5-year-olds. I can support this from my own experience that I just remembered. I earned a bit of a reputation in elementary school when I was in 4th grade and took out 8 6th graders during lunch recess. I don't remember the exact circumstances and surely it wasn't anything like a deathmatch, but I do remember one kid charging at me and I picked up another kid and threw him into the charging kid, taking out both. By "taking out," I of course don't mean that they were knocked out, but they weren't coming back for more. If I could defend against 8 6th graders, who are much more advanced than 5-year-olds (6th grade is what - 10-11 years old?), when I was myself a 4th grader and obviously quite a bit smaller and arguably less intelligent than I am now, I think the number here is most certainly well into double or triple digits.
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Duke
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But can you just flat out kill the kids?
It's a lot easier to kill a 5 year old than knock one out. It's pretty trivial to snap a little kid's neck Steven Segal style.
~D
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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Quote:
a MOONWALK, like at those school carnivals
Refresh my memory. Are you talking about the inflatable jump around deals? That would be one badass challenge - take on about 50 little kids in one of those - we'll call it the Cage Match Mode.
It would completely wipe out any ability to bullrush them and also make it much more difficult to stay on your feet. This is going to have to be one of the levels you unlock after beating the game on "difficult."
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Tron
1 2 3 4 fiiiif
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 5196
Loc: Mad Real World, yo
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Quote:
But can you just flat out kill the kids?
Quote:
When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose
Yeah. Dead=Unconscious.
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MattSuspect
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Please see all my posts. Good job.
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jakethebake
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Quote:
much more difficult to stay on your feet.
That would be the tough part. On the other hand, 5 year-olds are pretty clumsy so I'd probably be better at it than they were. And they'd probably be too busy falling down to really get after you. I'd say this would make it tougher, but not much more dangerous for you.
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lucas9000
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moonwalk mode would reduce my number by 10-15% i think. the only REAL added difficulty of moonwalk mode would be that it would require greater stamina...you wouldn't be able to kick as many kids, and it would be tougher for you to stay on your feet. nevertheless, it would make their task more difficult. but, they've still got sheer numbers.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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I think Moonwalk/BounceCage Mode definitely gives a bit of an edge to the numbers.
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Duke
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Quote:
Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?
I'm thinking Sauron from the opening to the first LOTR movie, swinging his mace and sending the soldiers flying.
~D
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brassnuts
[censored]
Reged: 01/28/04
Posts: 1873
Loc: A Wizard draws near!
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Quote:
These kids are five, do you remember what you were like when you were five?
5 year olds are retarded.
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bholdr
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AWESOME post.
5 year olds!
hundreds of 'em! no problem. i'd let the biggest, toughest 5 year old i've ever met boot me in the junk as hard as he likes- it's not gonna incapacitate me, but one backhand slap and that kid's a crying wreck.
geez. do you guys have any idea how weak, fragile, emotionally vulnerable, and just plain incapable of real fighting 5 year olds are? they can barely hurt each other in fights, let alone an adult. and you gotta assume one punch/ one kid, and i can throw a lot of punches (lord help me for writing this stuff).
i geuss i'd be a little concerned about biting- that'd be they're only shot.
smae question, ten year olds, maybe 5 maybe not.
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Stork
veteran
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Posts: 1474
Loc: deterraforming your FACE
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Moonwalk mode would have to reduce the number you could take by at least 50%. It gives the little tykes a chance to get eye level with you, and they have alot more force if their being propelled off the ground. And it's easier for you to trip. If you jump up, a bunch of em can roll under you and land where you would so you trip, and then a bunch more would jump on your head.
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jakethebake
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Is anyone else suprised we haven't had any five year-olds chime in on this debate?
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lapoker17
wtf
Reged: 09/14/04
Posts: 4988
Loc: FEELING YOU
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Has anyone addressed footwear? If everyone's wearing sneakers, then the number gets exponentially higher. If the little psychos are wearing steel toed boots, then kicks to the shins become much more incapacitating.
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elwoodblues
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It gives more than a bit of an edge. It takes away one of your best weapons --- a hard floor.
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Duke
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Quote:
Has anyone addresses footwear?
What about clothing in general? I assumed that everyone was naked.
~D
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J_V
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Yes, 100 is too low.
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Justin A
Stranger
Reged: 05/10/04
Posts: 6340
Loc: Clark County
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Quote:
I have video tape of me yelling at Forrest Gregg, Green Bay head coach, for not running the ball in a 3rd and short situation. As far as he tape shows, there was no prompting from my parents or anyone else for this outburst. However, it was filmed a month before my 6th b-day, and I was one of those special, advanced kids.
The 5yos I coached on the soccer field are smart enough to hold positions (with verbal coaching from the sidelines).
That's awesome. My only stories from when I was five go something like this:
I was the most advanced student in kindergarten, so when the teacher ran to the office for an errand, she left me in charge. All hell broke loose when I got distracted by some cool toys, and I actually got in trouble. But then she got in trouble when my mom heard about it and really chewed the teacher out.
I was playing baseball when I was five, and I was out in left field, both literally and figuratively. A helicopter overhead caught my attention, and after hearing some screaming from the dugout, I look down just in time to see the ball rolling past me out towards the fence.
You must be a freak of nature, I'm rather impressed that you even watched sports at that age, let alone got pissed that they didn't run the ball on third and short. Most five year olds are dumb, slow, and weak.
Justin A
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lucas9000
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i addressed that earlier. to summarize: i don't like naked because it's too nambla for my tastes.
if you're allowed to wear jeans, decent footwear and a decent long-sleeved shirt you can increase your number by at least 5% i think. jeans especially are +ev.
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Freakin
Betsecure Rep
Reged: 09/20/04
Posts: 6022
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"How can you shoot innocent women and children!?!"
"Easy, you just don't lead them as much"
Freakin
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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The attire is normal street clothes in normal layers. That means jeans, t-shirt or similar, and normal tennis/walking shoes. It also means you're not able to wear multiple pairs of jeans or a ton of shirts or something made of kevlar. Also on the banlist would be steel-toed shoes/boots.
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Duke
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Quote:
i addressed that earlier. to summarize: i don't like naked because it's too nambla for my tastes.
Yeah, and for others the erection might get in the way.
~D
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lucas9000
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http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?iaja5ky6jow
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A_C_Slater
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I haven't read all the posts on this topic so this may have been mentioned already but.....
I think this comes down to a matter of conditioning. There's no way even a full gym of 5 year olds is going to knock out an adult until he gets tired. How many of them can you knock out before you get tired? You can't puch all day. It would be like the Ali/Foreman fight. Ali just let George pound the [censored] out of him until he was too tired to even stand. I think the most effective tactic to use against them would be grabbing the back of their heads and yanking it down violently into your rising knee-cap.
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Zoltri
old hand
Reged: 10/20/04
Posts: 1163
Loc: .
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Quote:
The kids receive one day of training specifically to team up to take down one adult.
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SomethingClever
CHUMPtown City Pwncil
Reged: 04/16/04
Posts: 10278
Loc: Viva Robusto! (new 11/26)
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Quote:
You have to choose something heavier than a bat, but not too heavy to prematurely tire yourself.
How about an Indiana Jones-style whip? The sound alone, not to mention having to watch a fellow 5-year-old have his face literally whipped off his head, would shock and awe the entire group.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
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I think the Indiana Jones whip is not a bad idea. How about if we make it a multi-player game? How about if you can tag-team the kids with another adult? Then you could run stunts and various plays like using the whip as a clothesline and just run down a whole pack of kids.
edit: On second thought, the whip is a bad idea. I see tripping problems and the kids could do the whole lilliputian thing and get you all tied up.
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DMBFan23
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side question: you can add an adult on your team, but double the number of kids. at which number of kids does this switch from +EV to -EV for you?
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tolbiny
*
Reged: 03/11/04
Posts: 7347
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"Once my trainers advise me as to whether roundhouse punches or roundhouse kicks are more effective, I've got to be dropping most of those rugrats in one or two blows"
You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.
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Duke
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Quote:
You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.
Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?
~D
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SomethingClever
CHUMPtown City Pwncil
Reged: 04/16/04
Posts: 10278
Loc: Viva Robusto! (new 11/26)
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Quote:
Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?
Now that'd just be showing off.
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Sponger.
HEADS WILL ROLL
Reged: 05/20/04
Posts: 19136
Loc: San Diego
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Quote:
You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.
This seems to be the most effective, just tossing them on the ground until they get weak or possible break something from the fall, and then stomping on them.
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tolbiny
*
Reged: 03/11/04
Posts: 7347
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"I started to think as long as you are in shape the number could be really really high."
As long as you have enough room to run in you could probably do upwards of 200. The only real danger you are in is if two or three of them grab a hold of a leg and others are able to get to you and grab a hold.
# of 5yr olds = stamina/density of kids is the equation i believe.
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Michael Davis
Little Pimp
Reged: 09/02/02
Posts: 6853
Loc: Grinding out 3k a month at 9-1...
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I say never. Having the protection of a teammate to bail me out on the rare occasion I get in trouble is huge, well worth doubling the tykes, possibly tripling.
-Michael
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 8569
Loc: whaaaaaaaaaat?
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Quote:
Quote:
Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?
Now that'd just be showing off.
Hell, if I just fended off 75 rabid 5 year olds, you'd better believe I'm going to go WWF style on those last 25 just for giggles.
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Diplomat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 09/05/02
Posts: 2378
Loc: Toronto
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Jesus, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying over here.
-Diplomat
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FoxwoodsFiend
Prahlad Friedman?
Reged: 11/15/04
Posts: 4497
Loc: i ain't got my taco
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....
8
I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins
are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.
Yo my ex-girls son was 2 1/2 He poped my in the mouth busting my lip open.(we were playing of course) Dont entirely under estamate these little bastards.
That's because you let the kid get within striking reach of a part of your body that's soft and vulnerable. Have the kid punch you just as hard in the shin and he'd break his fist. Also, if you had punched the kid back even at half force he'd probably be dead. These kids are so weak, I'd say you can probably knock out a good 20 or 30 just in the first minute by zig-zagging through the crowd so they can't get a grip on you and grabbing random ones by the head to keep them still while you punch them in the face.
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FoxwoodsFiend
Prahlad Friedman?
Reged: 11/15/04
Posts: 4497
Loc: i ain't got my taco
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The kids would suffer more from the presence of corpses than you would. At least you have the agility to avoid the corpses-these 5 year olds are so uncoordinated and can only take small steps so you have to assume most of them would trip over some corpses on their way to rush you. At that point, you could just step on their heads or kick them in the face. I might even think that it gets easier and easier to get these kids the more you've downed as you can adjust to the terrain better.
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FoxwoodsFiend
Prahlad Friedman?
Reged: 11/15/04
Posts: 4497
Loc: i ain't got my taco
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You'd have to hunch over so low to actually tackle/barrel into them that you'd fall over the second one of the kids pushes you. A much better strategy would be the zig-zag and punch approach I mentioned earlier.
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Reef
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A group of little kids were walking through my campus today. I could swear they were eyeing me out- I know it. I almost went medieval on their asses!
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
Loc: 2,no 6, no 12, bakers dozen!!!
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Quote:
You'd have to hunch over so low to actually tackle/barrel into them that you'd fall over the second one of the kids pushes you. A much better strategy would be the zig-zag and punch approach I mentioned earlier.
I'm thinking the best approach would be to rip the legs off one of the spindly ones and use the bloody legs like clubs.
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Stork
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You can't pull a leg off a kid... just swing the whole kid around.
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Duke
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Anyone else think of the following regarding this thread?
~D
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Shajen
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Quote:
You can't pull a leg off a kid... just swing the whole kid around.
obviously you've never seen me eat chicken wings.
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realwtf
enthusiast
Reged: 07/22/04
Posts: 236
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Quote:
I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.
I love the nech snapping idea.
Would probably be best to pick your moments though. Like say you have one not really in the group coming towards you. This would be a moment to neck snap..
Maybe afterwords you can toss the toddler into a small group of them to immobilize for a few moments. Perhaps even use the neck snapped as a weapon until another nech snapping oppertunity comes along.
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Stork
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Typcially, when eating 5-year olds it's considered pour etiquette to rip the leg off before you eat it. As long as the leg is rigid, this shouldn't be a problem.
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NT!
****
Reged: 02/19/04
Posts: 17165
Loc: i ain't got my taco
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I think Patrick's strategy is best so far -- keeping up to speed on the perimeter picking off stragglers, mixed with sprints through the pack to break them up and delivering knees to faces.
Excuse me. This was my strategy. Except that it calls for kicks rather than knees.
NT
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LALDAAS
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This by far my favorite line in the whole thread: Quote:
There's a reason we have to wipe their asses for them.
Had me laughing for a good minute or two.
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Dr. Strangelove
veteran
Reged: 12/07/04
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Quote:
I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.
I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.
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Reef
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I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.
wuss
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Nick B.
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Does anybody here really think they could get knocked out by a 5 year old?? If I somehow get knocked on the ground, what is the worst thing they could do? My arms will be covering my head and If I get into a ball, there is almost nothing they could do. What is the most a 5 year old can weigh? 60 lbs??
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nicky g
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"If I somehow get knocked on the ground, what is the worst thing they could do?"
Sit all over you pinning you down, then sit on your throat. They could certainly stop you getting back up and claim a Judo victory.
Some thoughts: I think the best way to imagine this is Zombie five-year olds. Zombies don't get frightened and are willing to take as many hits as they can before being incapacitated.
If you did it on a bouncy castle (that's what a Moonwalk is, right?) you really wouldn;t be able to take many. Those things are fairly enclosed, but more importanly you would absolutely not be able to keep your balance for very long when they threw themselves at you.
I'm taking the under on this, assuming the over/under is around 30. If a large mass of five year olds charges into your legs, it'll knock you over. If they're normal stupid frightened five year olds, its much more, but that's not hat I understand the problem to be.
I don;t think the zig-zag through the crowd would work; you'd lose momentum as more and more tried to grab your legs and you'd eventually go down.
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daveymck
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Its my daughters birthday in May, may be the year to hire a bouncy castle invite her class round and see what games I can get going (my dauhter will be safely left in the house of course).
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Shajen
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Quote:
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and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.
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Sephus
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Quote:
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and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.
depravity level of the thread just got upped.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
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Quote:
Quote:
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and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.
The problem here is that there's not just going to be one of these - all the kids will each have their own too. So you'll have 100 chipper/shredders. Actually, this might be to your advantage, as it would inhibit any sort of massive herd if they were scattered about the playing field and you could potentially arrange them in such a way to give you a territory advantage where you could force them to come at you one or a few at a time.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
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Quote:
Quote:
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and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.
the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.
i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.
I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.
The problem here is that there's not just going to be one of these - all the kids will each have their own too. So you'll have 100 chipper/shredders. Actually, this might be to your advantage, as it would inhibit any sort of massive herd if they were scattered about the playing field and you could potentially arrange them in such a way to give you a territory advantage where you could force them to come at you one or a few at a time.
If they all get their own chipper/shredder, then I'd have to say that's a no go. Take up too much space. Hmmm...maybe a flame thrower. I doubt the kids could get it started...but the smell would be horrible.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
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I guess I'm just old-school. I'll take no weapon or one that would essentially boil down to no weapon.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
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Quote:
I guess I'm just old-school. I'll take no weapon or one that would essentially boil down to no weapon.
True enough. I was just trying to maximize my score is all.
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Wake up CALL
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Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.
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lucas9000
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Quote:
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I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.
I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.
there's NO WAY you can analogize a room full of 5 year-olds to a pack of wild dogs. the dogs will be MUCH BETTER at working as a team, both instinctually and from their life experiences. also, the dogs would know where to attack to take the prey/opponent down and incapacitate it fastest, and they would strike quickly and effectively. one day of training could not bring 5 year-olds up to this level.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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Quote:
Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.
Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.
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lucas9000
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how about a weedwhacker with the metal blade attachment? the 5 year-olds won't even be able to start it, and even if they do they can't lift it. you could just lay into them with that spinning blade.
note that this carries a big risk, as you're in a room full of 5 year-olds and weedwhackers, and if you fall down they probably won't even need to start the thing to [censored] you up.
choose the weedwhacker if you like to GAMBOOOOL!!!!111
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Slacker13
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 10/09/03
Posts: 1926
Loc: Chances Make Champions
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I see many responses in the 10 range and cannot figure this out. I got jumped by 5 adults once and though they did some damage they never came close to taking me out. One swat to a 5 year old and he's on the floor crying. I would say stamina comes into play, you would tire after x amount of 5 yr olds so that's what needs to be determined first. I would say for myself, in my current shape I could take at least 30+ 5 yr olds, give me a cup to protect the jewels and increase the number to 50. Give me a month or two to exercise and I think I could do 80 easily. Now I am talking your average 5 yr old, untrained and not organized.
You could stand in one spot spinning in a circle with your arms out and take out at least 10 or so.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
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Quote:
Quote:
Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.
Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.
I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.
BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.
Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.
I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.
BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.
Probably, but I really think this is the kind of thing that needs to be experienced 'for real' and loses much of its value when ported to a TV screen. Don't get me wrong - it'd be fun as hell, but I think it'd not have much replay value.
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Shajen
OOT Pro
Reged: 11/02/04
Posts: 7482
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Quote:
Quote:
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Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.
Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.
I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.
BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.
Probably, but I really think this is the kind of thing that needs to be experienced 'for real' and loses much of its value when ported to a TV screen. Don't get me wrong - it'd be fun as hell, but I think it'd not have much replay value.
True, but I bet it would be hard to get the parents to sign the waivers 
I wonder how many hungry (of course they'd be ill-tempered) house cats people think they could take out. That'd be more of a challenge then the 5yr olds I think. I say if they are truly hungry/angry, maybe 15 cats could do the trick.
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DukeSucks
maverick avatar mechanic
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 1228
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I think I would also have a pocket full of new pennies or other shiny things. That way, if they did rush at you, you could throw the pennies on the floor, distracting half of them, which would buy you some time to regroup.
Plus, in a group of 100 5-year olds, probably at least 10 of them would put the pennies in their mouth. They start passing out from choking, and your score just went up.
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vulturesrow
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Gonores,
I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.
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jakethebake
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Gonores,
I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.
We have plenty of jarheads here. Besides the swinging wing don't know squat about killing 5 year-olds unless you want them blown up.
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Yeti
Abominable
Reged: 06/30/04
Posts: 8332
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Great thread.
This question becomes a lot more interesting if we consider 9 or 10 year olds. I think 20 would definitely be tricky then.
Am I allowed to headbutt?
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jakethebake
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Am I allowed to headbutt?
obviously, but what are you gonna do, crawl around headbutting?
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gonores
2005 OOT POTY Winner
Reged: 01/20/03
Posts: 2466
Loc: Same Bat Channel
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Naturally, we'd need a trip report, but, yeah...feel free... Assuming you aren't trying to make money off it
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Yeti
Abominable
Reged: 06/30/04
Posts: 8332
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10 Pick nearest child up with two hands.
20 Lift child to head height.
30 Headbutt.
40 Goto 10
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jakethebake
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Posts: 20495
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Quote:
10 Pick nearest child up with two hands.
20 Lift child to head height.
30 Headbutt.
40 Goto 10
Sweet Alaskan asparagus tips! That's way too slow.
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Yeti
Abominable
Reged: 06/30/04
Posts: 8332
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I'd obviously be thrashing around with my legs too.
I'm not saying this is the most +EV way to play it, not by a long way. But you can't beat a bit o' tupping.
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Madtown
Mish-Mash Founder
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 8569
Loc: whaaaaaaaaaat?
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I have since concluded that the responses in this thread are vastly overestimating the physical strength and intelligence of ever the top 50% of 5 year olds. Since these are REAL 5 year olds and not zombie genetically modified super 5 year olds, I would conservatively estimate my number at 75, and it could be as high as twice that.
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Jake (The Snake)
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/31/04
Posts: 1612
Loc: Georgetown
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These are "average" 5 year olds. AVERAGE AVERAGE AVERAGE. That means there are many fat kids, unathletic kids, and girls. In a group of 30 there would be maybe 3 or 4 that I'd be worried about.
I have been a camp counselor for 10 and 11 year olds with groups of 20-30 kids and there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I could EASILY destroy them. Like above, there would be maybe 3 or 4 I'd be worried about and these kids are TWICE THEIR AGE!
5 year olds? I bet I could take on about 80. At that point there would be just too many and they would swarm over me, but less than 30? Come on now... how many of you have actually been with large groups of 5 year olds?
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Jake (The Snake)
Pooh-Bah
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Posts: 1612
Loc: Georgetown
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nope, not if they're AVERAGE 10 year olds. I think 40 or 50 is reasonable then.
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shemp
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I've actually done this, and while it's no fun when there are a ton of the little bastiges, once you get down to the last few, and you're kicking the crap out of them, it's a party.
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vulturesrow
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Quote:
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Gonores,
I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.
We have plenty of jarheads here. Besides the swinging wing don't know squat about killing 5 year-olds unless you want them blown up.
Well we could give one call for fire per hour to the adult. Say maybe a single salvo from a battalion battery, load up some DPICM.
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Malone Brown
enthusiast
Reged: 09/10/03
Posts: 378
Loc: ??????
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I have thought about this before when wresling with a couple of my 5 year oldish cousins. I think the best thing to do would be to run around untill the kids spread out a bit then hit them one by one, not giving them a chance to overwhelm you. 5 year olds are extremely light, you could toss them really high in the air one at a time, when they land, they are bound to break something and are not getting up. i agree that you will be limited by stamina, I think people are definately underestimated how useless 5 year olds are.
Malone
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TimM
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Quote:
how many of you have actually been with large groups of 5 year olds?
On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.
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Reef
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so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?
I'm saying he could take ALL of them
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Sponger.
HEADS WILL ROLL
Reged: 05/20/04
Posts: 19136
Loc: San Diego
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Quote:
so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?
I'm saying he could take ALL of them
Wrong. Bruce probably couldn't take 2x the ammount of kids we could
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private joker
public nuisance
Reged: 10/16/04
Posts: 11413
Loc: north american scum
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Bring it on, motherfuckers!!!
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Reef
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/31/04
Posts: 13198
Loc: PCPforums
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Quote:
Quote:
so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?
I'm saying he could take ALL of them
Wrong. Bruce probably couldn't take 2x the ammount of kids we could
I'd be willing to put down a jackson that he could. Too bad no way to test it (poll?).
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Tron
1 2 3 4 fiiiif
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 5196
Loc: Mad Real World, yo
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Quote:
Bring it on, motherfuckers!!!
AK-47 IS THE TOOL! DON'T MAKE ME ACT A MOTHAFUKKIN' FOOL! -Ice Cube of NWA
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Chobohoya
old hand
Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 867
Loc: New Orleans
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This thread is one of the best reasons I can think of for the existence of the internet. Good work all.
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deacsoft
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What is the most a 5 year old can weigh? 60 lbs??
(just in case the pic doesn't work: Fat Kid
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radek
*
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 3350
Loc: Mega monkey tilt!!!!!!!!!!!
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Me VS 1 5 year old I think the 5 year old wins. I am out of shape and drink too much beer!
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Dr. Strangelove
veteran
Reged: 12/07/04
Posts: 1245
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Quote:
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I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.
I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.
there's NO WAY you can analogize a room full of 5 year-olds to a pack of wild dogs. the dogs will be MUCH BETTER at working as a team, both instinctually and from their life experiences. also, the dogs would know where to attack to take the prey/opponent down and incapacitate it fastest, and they would strike quickly and effectively. one day of training could not bring 5 year-olds up to this level.
We are talking about a huge tiger (even for a tiger 800 pounds is huge) and while five year olds are not wild dogs, you are not a tiger. Wild dogs are small and incredibly weak in comparison to a large tiger. In fact, I think most 2+2ers could take a wild dog in hand to hand combat; we outweigh them by a lot, are stronger, and most of us are smarter.
Yet the difference between an 800 pound tiger and a grown human is greater than a grown human and a 5 year old human. I think most of you are underestimating the problem that being vastly outnumbered poses, regardless of the strength of the individuals.
So given this difference, I think you will get an upper bound on the number of 5 year olds a 2+2er can take by figuring out how many unarmed 2+2ers it would take to kill an 800 pound tiger.
I think this number is somewhere between 15 and 40.
A related question would be, how many ants can you take? The answer is not all of them.
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kemystery
Pooh Bah
Reged: 01/07/05
Posts: 2045
Loc: leveling you
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Bruce Lee would shred those little tykes, 100 at least - the man could kill a full grown man with one blow
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MMMMMM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/02
Posts: 10876
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Quote:
Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?
Assume they are rabid.
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Dr. Strangelove
veteran
Reged: 12/07/04
Posts: 1245
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Quote:
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Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?
Assume they are rabid.
Psh. These are 5 year olds. This should be reason enough.
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Patrick del Poker Grande
Rocket Scientist
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 9999
Loc: Sciencing Rockets
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Anyone ever play Pikmin (or Pikmin 2)?
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TimM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/14/04
Posts: 4564
Loc: The Gym
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On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.
Poor turnout due to snow, so there were not enough 5 year olds to pose a threat. I will say this though: 5 year olds are really bad at chess.
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Two Plus Two 
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