gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/17/05 11:06 PM
How many 5 year-olds.....

Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?


Dynasty
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.

You'd be lucky to handle 10.


[censored]
(He Will Return.)
01/17/05 11:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

all of them.

fsuplayer
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:11 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

since i have worked out now for 3 straight weeks and therefore am in better shape than you, i say your score, plus one...

31


Evan
(Defeated Soldier)
01/17/05 11:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

No way you can take on 30. I think the number is in the single digits.

Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?


Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

damn, this could very well be the best hypothetical question ever posed on these boards

I think 30 is waaaay to high. Imagine 30 5 year olds all swarming you at once, biting you in the balls, gouging(sp) your eyes. If they handt had training first then I think you could do 30, but if they actually followed the training, no way in hell.

Your average 5 year old weights what? 40 pounds? So figure 15 of them weigh around 600 pounds. If they all swarmed you at once thats alot of weight.

Hmmm, I see it being really dificult for them to knock you out tho, they lack the power I would think. But if they all bit you or tore at your manhood I think the loss of blood/pain would do the trick. I dunno...I think I could take 10 definately, 15 would be hard. 20 tops.

damn, this is going to require much reflection. Someday when I'm uber rich I'm gunna buy a [censored] load of 5 year olds on the black market and try this out


Mark L
(noob)
01/17/05 11:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

ok, so you start in the middle of the room, they surround you and charge in from all directions at the same time?

gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/17/05 11:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You start in the middle, they start at random locations in the room.

CCx
(HUHU for nickels)
01/17/05 11:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Wouldn't you hurt your hand something fierce after knocking out about 10-15 of them? I suppose punching would be the method of choice since slamming their heads into the ground would put your body lower towards the ground, increasing their chances of taking you down. I'd imagine you'd break at least one finger/bone/knuckle during your encounter, thus limiting your number.

Schneids
(3 BB/100)
01/17/05 11:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?

It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.


lapoker17
(wtf)
01/17/05 11:20 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.

gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/17/05 11:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The latter one....no morals involved. And c'mon....I'm a relatively decent-sized 23 year-old. Once my trainers advise me as to whether roundhouse punches or roundhouse kicks are more effective, I've got to be dropping most of those rugrats in one or two blows. Having coached 5 year-olds on the soccer field, I can say with near-certainty I could take on my entire team of 12 with no problems.

Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?

It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.




damn, brilliant idea


Michael Davis
(Little Pimp)
01/17/05 11:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.

-Michael


NLSoldier
(something about how awesome i run NOT)
01/17/05 11:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I am surprised at these answers. I am not that strong of a guy but I was thinking a way bigger number. Probably over 100. Do you guys realize how small 5 yr olds are? One kick to the face and they would be down for the count. The area would be pretty big and you are obviously a lot faster than them so you could just kind of run at around and pick off the ones on the edges of the mob without letting yourself get surrounded. Also I think you guys overestimate how much the training would help them. They probably woulnd't pay much attention to the teacher and wouldn't remember what they had learned the next day anyways. Their biting and whatever else would be no match for your constantly flailing arms and legs that would take them down with a single blow. And how are they ever going to get you to go unconscious? Even if they got you on the ground you could just keep flailing your arms and kicking your legs and they would be no match for you. Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training. Thats probably one of the biggest factors. Once they see you kicking their freinds ass they are going to go try to hide in the corner and then you can just go take em down 1 by 1. Im starting to think 100 is even low, fill up the whole damn gym.

Mark L
(noob)
01/17/05 11:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

how tall is the avg 5 yr old?

i actually think 30 is a pretty good number, but it could easily be much higher. the fact that you have to be knocked unconscious is what does it. these kids have to get you on the ground and hit you pretty friggin hard. even when your on the ground with a few of them on you, it shouldnt be too hard to get them off.

PLUS, at their height its probably pretty easy to kick them in the face (unless youre Evan). this might knock them unconscious right away.

whoever said the answer is single digits is stupid, stupid, stupid.


Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.

-Michael




naw, without training it would be to easy, it would basically last until you ran out of stregnth from dropping them like flies.


slickpoppa
(*)
01/17/05 11:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

30 would be a piece of cake. I mean what could they really do to you besides bite you? And how would they be able to knock you out? Even if they are given training, I doubt they would be any good at working as a team and they probably would all just scatter in fear.

In terms of knocking them out, I would prefer to use my feet to avoid breaking a knuckle, but I doubt any of them would be heavy enough to really damage my knuckles anyway. My primary kill tactic would be to knock them down and slam their heads against the ground.


Stork
(veteran)
01/17/05 11:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm not going to post my estimate just yet but damn Dynasty, only 10? First off, 1 day of combat training isn't going to mean anything, they'll forget it all by nap time the next day. Also, 1 hit to the face or torso region sends these punks sprawling and crying on the ground. Plus, they'd be scared shitless. These are real 5 year olds we're talking about, not some cryogenically frozen mutant kids hellbent on seeing your demise. 10 is a gross underestimate.

realwtf
(enthusiast)
01/17/05 11:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I would go up to 53.

Ity would be a wholescale slaughter. Those little people would be in a world of pain.

Oh and training them? 5 year olds have a 10 second attention span. Half of them still piss there pants . Think they can remember team work and martial arts?


Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls? I Think you are underestimating the damage 5 year olds could do.

You bring up a very good point tho, once you drop the first one and the blood flies the lot of them are going to piss them selves and run screaming.

I think we should add that they are all hopped up on PCP and rabid. That way the psycholical effect of you smashing their little friends doesnt effect the total number you could take down.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/17/05 11:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training.




I forgot to mention that. We must assume there is a motivating force greater than fear at work for the kiddies here. Maybe I'll bribe them with a juice box if they succeed. Either way, they aren't going to get scared.

I fixed the main post to reflect this.


Brain
(Some Sort of Royalty OTKP)
01/17/05 11:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I just hope we don't mistake you for them if you're in the gym watching.

I think I could handle a bunch of them. I'm 6'3 and they're not getting anywhere inside my long reach.


Stork
(veteran)
01/17/05 11:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Dynasty, I think you skimmed a little too hastily over this stipulation:

Quote:

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.




brassnuts
([censored])
01/17/05 11:27 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This would be like the Neo-Smith fight scene in Matrix Reloaded. I think I could take on way more than 30. I don't see how they could ever knock me out. Plus the fact that only a limited number of them could be attacking me at once. I think I could go on until I'm completely wore out. So... my answer is a lot.

Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I just hope we don't mistake you for them if you're in the gym watching.

I think I could handle a bunch of them. I'm 6'3 and they're not getting anywhere inside my long reach.




you people are waaay over estimating your strength. They arent coming at you 1 at a time in single file. This isnt a chick norris movie. Its going to be a swarm of them. Thats ALOT of weight, and you are incapable of defending your entire body against their biting. It wouldnt be too hard for 15 5 year olds to swarm you and bring you to the ground.

Its like watching the UFC, the karate guys never win, cuz its to easy to get inside someones reach and take them down. Sure you could fling 2 or 3, 5 year olds away, but you've got the combined weight of 10 more dragging you to the ground.


mmcd
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think the most important variable in this situation is the type of training. If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.

slickpoppa
(*)
01/17/05 11:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Plus alot of them would be scared of you despite their training.




I forgot to mention that. We must assume there is a motivating force greater than fear at work for the kiddies here. Maybe I'll bribe them with a juice box if they succeed. Either way, they aren't going to get scared.



I don't think that that is possible. No mattter how you motivate them, most of them will get scared.


Stork
(veteran)
01/17/05 11:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

. You'll go down soon enough.




This is crucial. If you go down with kids on top of you, you may be done for. But if there was no one on top, you may be able to get back up again if your quick. But 5-year olds are just about the weakest people on the planet next to babies, so you'd have to be really skinny and out of shape for there to be a chance that they take you down.


NLSoldier
(something about how awesome i run NOT)
01/17/05 11:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.





have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls?

Did you miss the part about the cup?


Evan
(Defeated Soldier)
01/17/05 11:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Tell ya what, you set this up and I'll give you 5-1 on your magic number of 30. I'll even fly out to Wisconsin to watch.

Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/17/05 11:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.





have you ever been kicked, punched, or bitten in the balls?

Did you miss the part about the cup?




yeah I did.....still they have teeth, and the jaw is the strongest muscle in the body


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/17/05 11:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?




I guess you could, but I'd like to think the trainers would teach them how to take advantage of the natural weaknesses you expose when you are swinging the kid around.


Stork
(veteran)
01/17/05 11:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think the most important variable in this situation is the type of training. If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.




I think the OP mentioned that they would be taught to attack cohesively as a unit, but still though, 1 day of training isn't gunna change a thing.


mmcd
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:37 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

After I seeing the stipulation about the cup, I think 30-35 is more reasonable, but if they are acting cohesively, that would still be pretty tough. Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.

rJ_
(Carpal Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.





Not often to i really laugh out loud reading OOT, but this did it.

rJ


The DaveR
(Ponger)
01/17/05 11:43 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Dude, you're short and easily reachable. Assuming they go all at once and not in the kung-fu movie style one at a time, your nutsack is toast before you take down 10.

El Diablo
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/17/05 11:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.

astroglide
(retired)
01/17/05 11:55 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

best oot question ever.

scotnt73
(Pooh-Bah)
01/17/05 11:58 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Zero in on the one who appears toughest - Kick his ass and then you own the rest of them.





Not often to i really laugh out loud reading OOT, but this did it.

rJ




same here. thread of the year in my opinion. i actually called my wife over to read this.


The Dude
(El Duderino)
01/18/05 12:01 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think a huge factor that many are not considering is stamina. It's hard work knocking out that many kids.

NT!
(****)
01/18/05 12:03 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Okay, as a former soccer goalie, I think we all know how I would approach this. It would be like a cavalry charge. If you've ever watched a good goalie take a punt, you know that they do it basically in stride - and land on the opposite foot still going in the same direction. In other words, I run right through 'em, take off a head or two, and circle back.

The number would be higher than 30. It would take an absolutely perfect shot for a 5-year old to do any damage to me if I'm wearing a cup. Hence the only hope is to trip me up, and I have excellent balance.

Basically, the number would have to be small enough that they can't form a wall about four deep and close me in. As long as I could get about 15 feet of running room to make a turn and take another pass, I'd weed them out all day. So, you stack kindergardeners in a line across your average gym, with a little space between, that's what, 20 or 30 kids? I'd take two or three rows of 'em. Especially because there are the most of them when I'm the freshest and I'd pass through without a problem. If they swarm and leave a gap I go around 'em and pick one up as I swing by. Smash his little fuckin skull on the pass and come back for more.

I've spent time working with kids and had three or four ten year olds try to tackle me at once. They didn't have a chance.

NT


Philuva
(veteran)
01/18/05 12:09 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

If it's just individual hand to hand combat training, then the number would be relatively large, but if they are taught to attack cohesively as a unit, then I would say no more than 20.




Agreed. I mean if they are just coming at you one at a time, I am thinking it is simply how many kicks to the face you can do before getting too tired.

But if they all come at you, and I mean really come after you, like a swarm of bees, then the number probably is closer to 30, maaaaaybe 40. They will be crowded around you too tight for you to get off any good kicks or punches, then it is just a matter of time before you lose enough blood from them biting you.


cnfuzzd
(expounding)
01/18/05 12:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

this is ridiculous. You have to be knocked unconscious. Not going to happen with a bunch o five year olds. Sure, they could probably pin you to the ground, and keep you there at a great expense to their numbers, but they probably still wouldnt knock you out. With that in mind, i say.....



All of them.


peace

john nickle


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:23 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Damn NT, you are one sick mofo. I like your style. All I have to say is knees and elbos, knees and elbows. I would crack them skulls. Here is a pick of a 5 year old.




Now I ask Evan, do you really think it is in the single digits? That skull wouldn't stand a chance against a knee. They would go down like dominos. Knees and elbows, knees and elbows....

The biggest factor I think would be your stamina.


cnfuzzd
(expounding)
01/18/05 12:24 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

the answer to your question lies in the fact that this is also a picture of evan.....


peace

john nickle


NT!
(****)
01/18/05 12:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

w-

No need to bend down that far to use an elbow. Even a knee is a bit hazardous as you are going to have to slow down or at least take smaller steps in using it. These kids are really the perfect height for a kick to the face, and it's one-and-done if you get anything on it.

I used to have to kick 100 balls full force into the net at the end of every practice after doing some wind sprints. This is basically the same drill.

NT


mmbt0ne
(em em bee)
01/18/05 12:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

En rponse :

After I seeing the stipulation about the cup, I think 30-35 is more reasonable, but if they are acting cohesively, that would still be pretty tough. Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.




God, the visual of a 5 year old stomping someone's head just made my day.

I don't think enough people are taking into effect the fact that there is almost no way for a 5 year old to rach above the average person's waist. It's not like 5 year olds are the best leapers in the world. So this means that they're always going for the legs. If a bunch of kids are going for my legs, I think I can run through quite a few of them.

My friends and I were discussing something like this last night, and decided that if Barry Sanders was in the apartment and had from the back bedroom to the living room door (about 15 feet) of space to pick up speed, even if he was coming out of a doorway, there was no way the 8 of us there could expect to stop him from reaching the other side of the room even 15% of the time. I think my strength advantage over a 5 year old is huge in relation to Barry Sanders and me. Add this to the fact that I think I can take out 8-10 kids while they are trying to get into groups after being randomly dispersed across the gym, and I think 30 is a reasonable guess.


Razor
(Pooh-Bah)
01/18/05 12:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I don't know what 1 hour of training is going to do for you, if you've had no previous training. You can't learn fancy ass punches and kicks and be able to use them effectively in 1 hour. Most people don't even know how make a proper fist.

Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 12:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

this is ridiculous. You have to be knocked unconscious. Not going to happen with a bunch o five year olds. Sure, they could probably pin you to the ground, and keep you there at a great expense to their numbers, but they probably still wouldnt knock you out. With that in mind, i say.....



All of them.


peace

john nickle




Exactly. People are seriously overestimating these 5 year olds. Unless they're some sort of ultra-smart 5 year olds that will actually learn from their training -- because most won't pick up much worth mentioning. I think the training actually gives YOU an edge. You'll learn more from it than the five year olds will.

Plus you'll have a strategic edge. They won't be able to think of strong group strategy, it'll just be chaotic pile-on. If you can plan an effective counter-strategy, you should have another solid edge.

Add in that I seriously wonder if five year olds could knock me unconscious without a foreign object? I say any 20-something guy in decent shape should be able to take at least 20. I think 30 is realistic based on the one time I met Gonores (speaking of, are those UW poker lunches still going on?). I think even 35 would be within reach. I think I could take 35.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 12:37 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Yes, but you would learn how to defend yourself against a semi-disciplined swarm (don't kick, don't walk backwards, etc.). I'd imagine such info would be critical.

Hoya
(Pooh-Bah)
01/18/05 12:38 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Remember, these kids are slow, have bad stamina, and shitty grips. I'd run around for a while kicking the little bastards that got too close and making sure not to get swarmed. Then after they got wore out from chasing me I'd go in and kill them all, screw knocking them out. They'd be too tired to grab me and try to bring me down by that point.

hawkeye
(stranger)
01/18/05 12:38 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The problem I see with running around or kicking / flailing your legs is the potential for one of the little carcasses strewn about the room to get caught up in your legs. Inevitably, when this happens, the likelihood of a serious ACL or MCL injury is increased.

To avoid this undesirable situation I would most likely fight my way to an edge of the room, and essentially back up near a wall. By doing this I could guarantee that none of the buggers could get behind me and cause damage to my knees. Also, the proximity to the wall would afford you the opportunity to bash the anklebiters' heads against the wall one at a time until they are neutralized.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 12:39 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

are those UW poker lunches still going on?




I could be down with that, although they have not been going on for a while.


Justin A
(Stranger)
01/18/05 12:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

you people are waaay over estimating your strength.

You're underestimating our speed. There is no way 30 kids could corner me to the point where I wouldn't be able to run around them. If this was eight year olds, you'd have a point, but five year olds are very slow, uncoordinated, and weak.

What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway? Are you really going to be moving so slowly that they can get their mouth within biting range? I think the only limiting factor here is the size of the enclosed area. As long as you have room to move around and keep from getting swarmed, the amount of kids should be limitless.

Justin A


Justin A
(Stranger)
01/18/05 12:45 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think another good question would be how many ten year olds you could take on. Ten year olds at least have some strength and speed. I'm thinking the number would be close to ten. Five year olds are too easy.

Justin A


Justin A
(Stranger)
01/18/05 12:46 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Another question, are we assuming all these five year olds are boys? Or are they mixed?

Justin A


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:50 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway?




When I was an undergrad there was this 100 pound sophmore freak that would get shitfaced off of vodka and start biting me. I would pick her up and throw her onto a couch/bed. She would bounce up like in about 2 seconds and then attack me again. The cycle went on and on. It happened every time she got shitfaced off of vodka. Not once did any of her bites phase me. If her bites couldn't phase me then there is no way a 5 year old's bite would. Well, the ear might be vulnerable. But if you are wearing a cup you will be ok.


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:50 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Another question, are we assuming all these five year olds are boys? Or are they mixed?

Justin A




They are prepubescent, does it matter?


Clayton
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:54 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I don't know about you guys, but this is the funniest thing I've read in months. One of the rare occasions where I can't control laughing out loud.

Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:15 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

you people are waaay over estimating your strength.

You're underestimating our speed.







i think this is absolutely key. this is the size of a basketball court, i just run around plowing them over a few at a time. i bet i could take 50. the limitations would be how long i could fight before getting really tired and just how densely packed they became. i think i could incapacitate 50 5 year olds in 10 minutes. once you start going past 50 though, running around without messing up a knee or ankle by tripping over their little broken bodies would be the biggest issue.


Evan
(Defeated Soldier)
01/18/05 01:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

That's low dude. How did I get to the point where people I've never even met are making fun of my size?

Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 01:22 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

are those UW poker lunches still going on?




I could be down with that, although they have not been going on for a while.




The other really interesting option would be a drunken UW 2+2 NL tourney once a month or something like that. I definitely plan on playing more low stakes drunken poker around campus this semester. My friends can't believe I make money online because I play like a maniac in $5 buy-in NL tourneys.

But yeah, I'd be up for trying to do that this semester if there were people interested. Although my class schedule is pretty tight around lunch.


IronDragon1
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:22 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....

8

I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 01:23 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

That's low dude. How did I get to the point where people I've never even met are making fun of my size?




Well, Evan, midgets are always funny, whether you've met them or not.


El Diablo
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Hmmmm, after reading nothumb's post, I think I may have been mistaken in my original assessment.

ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
01/18/05 01:35 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

great post NT.

cnfuzzd
(expounding)
01/18/05 01:36 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

im sorry evan.

climb on up here and i will give you a hug....


peace

john nickle


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:37 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Hmmmm, after reading nothumb's post, I think I may have been mistaken in my original assessment.




Ya, when Nothumb said:

Quote:

I used to have to kick 100 balls full force into the net at the end of every practice after doing some wind sprints. This is basically the same drill.




I started to think as long as you are in shape the number could be really really high.


NT!
(****)
01/18/05 01:39 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I do what I can.

Look, most of you guys haven't worked with kids, or really been around a five year old in a while, I bet. They are really completely helpless. There's a reason we have to wipe their asses for them. Not only that, they are short enough that an athletic guy could jump over 2 or 3 of them easily if they were close together.

So, it's not your fault. Take it from a child care worker. A killer child care worker.

NT


ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
01/18/05 01:41 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

LMAO, dude this is great stuff. Honestly, beating up 5 year olds would be like beating up noobs on Halo 2.

mmbt0ne
(em em bee)
01/18/05 01:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You're going to work tomorrow with an imaginary bullseye on every kid now aren't you? I can see you just slowly racking up a total kill count as the day wears on.

ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
01/18/05 01:47 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

dude, I have only read 5 or 6 replies in this thread but damn, this is funny stuff.

DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:52 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

this thread kicks so much ass it's not even funny

NT!
(****)
01/18/05 01:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Eh, I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too. City kids. I sometimes feel like it's me wearing the target.

NT


Benholio
(Pooh-Bah)
01/18/05 01:54 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

LMAO, dude this is great stuff. Honestly, beating up 5 year olds would be like beating up noobs on Halo 2.




Quick, someone crosspost this to every first person shooter forum you can find. I'm sure someone can whip up a mod to simulate this, lol. Who here wouldn't download THAT mod??


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too.




In english please.


ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
01/18/05 01:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I work with teenagers now, most of 'em can bang too.




In english please.


gang members, thugs, street kids.

NT!
(****)
01/18/05 01:59 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I mean they can fight. This is their terminology, i.e., "You think that staff can bang?" "Naw, he's sweet. I'll tear his white ass up."

NT


ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
01/18/05 02:00 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Wacki is so white.

Listen to more rap music Wacki, then you'll know how to be "street".

holla atcha boy.


Alobar
(Carpal \'T-shirt)
01/18/05 02:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

What makes you think any of them would be able to bite you anyway?




When I was an undergrad there was this 100 pound sophmore freak that would get shitfaced off of vodka and start biting me. I would pick her up and throw her onto a couch/bed. She would bounce up like in about 2 seconds and then attack me again. The cycle went on and on. It happened every time she got shitfaced off of vodka. Not once did any of her bites phase me. If her bites couldn't phase me then there is no way a 5 year old's bite would. Well, the ear might be vulnerable. But if you are wearing a cup you will be ok.




her bites didnt phase you cuz she was a drunk bitch who wasnt biting you hard. A 5 year old could rip a chunk from your skin if he really wanted too


Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

most posters failed to notice that you get a cup. This makes you practically invincible to them. The only thing I can see them doing is having 10 or so go for your legs and then a 2nd wave crawls on over them to get at your torso, etc. Once they have your whole body pinned (which would require at least 30 dogpiled on ya), the only way to get you unconscious would be if the fattest one got a clear jump on your face/throat from the height of another little kid pyramid.

I'm going with 100+


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:49 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

just to go in a bit of a different direction...I want my magic number to be 1, so I can just plain [censored] his [censored] up. man would he get owned.

Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:52 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i think 100 is way too high. what happens when you have 40 to go and there are 60 of them sprawled on the floor? it's a basketball court, not a football field, you're gonna sprain an ankle stepping on a torso or crack your head after slipping on a huge pool of blood. then you have 1500 pounds of little kid smothering you.

daveymck
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:23 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The answer is 1, my daughter is that age and has been trained by hours of watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers combined with WWE wrestling.

A hit in the balls followed by a leap from the arm of the settee is generally enough.

The answer is also 1 cos the first five year old you hit will go running to their mam/dad and tell, either will come out and give you a good pasting.


invast
(member)
01/18/05 04:29 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I am 99% sure I could take on atleast 30.
This accounts for getting tired.


daveymck
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think 100 is underestimating even after a day of training, they have weight of numbers but no skill and no real power in punches, biting is the only real weopon they have and as long as you stay mobile you would be fine, only so many can get at you at once.

invast
(member)
01/18/05 04:35 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think 100 is underestimating even after a day of training, they have weight of numbers but no skill and no real power in punches, biting is the only real weopon they have and as long as you stay mobile you would be fine, only so many can get at you at once.



But you also have to understand that doing this would get very tiring very fast. And if they get you on the ground somehow and start jumping on your head and neck.. you're done.


daveymck
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:40 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I dont see how they would get you on the ground unless you tripped. At 5 you can pick one up and throw them into the group push them over easy I see it taking more than a 100 to get you unconcious, even if they got you down getting up would be easier than given credit for.

If you said 7-8 year olds I would revise it down a lot but at five I think its lots.


invast
(member)
01/18/05 04:51 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Hmm, that's true... the only way I could see them getting you on the ground is if you got very tired and they all started jumping on you, running at you, and pulling you down. The thing is I don't know how long it would take me to get that tired, since I have never tried killing a swarming pack of 5 y/o. So I conclude that the real answer is no one knows.
Although I'm guessing I could estimate between 30 - 200



TylerD
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

They have to short enough to kick them in the head as they approach you.

Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:51 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

dude, if there are 60 little broken bodies littered around a basketball court and you are also having to trample kids as you move around, you WILL trip. what's so hard about this?

daveymck
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 06:06 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

If you trip though and there are 60 bodies around the 40+ are going to be tripping as well allowing you to get up easy.

Its still a lot more than 100 in my opinion.

Thinking about my daughters school they all line up ready to go in 180 kids aged 5-8 they dont take up as much room as you might think, and I reckon I could take all of them.


Manimal
(member)
01/18/05 06:13 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Is there some type of custodian to clear the kids as they get knocked out or do they just lie there, unconcious?

If it's A, my answer's all of them.

If it's B, I think I can take ~70, maybe more. I'll have a definitive answer after I pick a fight at the local preschool this morning.


DukeSucks
(maverick avatar mechanic)
01/18/05 08:34 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

- You are not allowed to touch a wall.





Are they allowed to touch the wall? If not, you could just bounce them off the wall and keep going. Plus, they would be relatively stacked up around the edges of the room, helping with the trip hazard.


elwoodblues
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 09:04 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

A couple of things to consider:

* 5 year olds are going to be afraid of you...regardless of how many of them there are. Once you hurt one or two of them pretty badly, then they are terrified of you. It would be them running from you, not the other way around. (EDIT --- Okay, I just read the rules again, but still...)

* For 99+% of the population it would be EXTREMELY difficult (psychologically) to hurt a five year old that bad. The first one would be horrible, the second would be worse. By ten, you'd probably be okay with it

* Why are people wanting to avoid the herd of kids that will inevitably form (think of a 5 year old soccer game, just one clump of kids regardless of how much training they have)? Run into it knocking many over and knocking their heads together.

* Remember that their number is always diminishing. So, for example, for those saying 100 --- the question isn't whether 100 kids could take you when you get tired. The question is whether (maybe) 50 could. You drop them at a faster rate than you tire. It would take SO little effort to incapacitate them.


barongreenback
(addict)
01/18/05 09:07 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I've had a long think about this. It's a difficult question but I think ,yes ,I could take a 5yr old.

Bluffoon
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 09:37 AM
This is not healthy n/m

n/m

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 09:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think the answer here is as many as you could fit in the gym. The limiting factor is stamina. There's only so long you can go around punching little kids before you're gonna get tired and I think that's what's going to set your number.

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 09:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'd say 20ish. My method would be running up to the scrawniest one; snapping their neck and killing them. It would give the others something to think about.

Good thread.

EDIT: Oops missed this.

Quote:

The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.




I'm still snapping necks though, not gonna waste my time with punching, they are low to the ground, I'll just run up, grab the top of their heads and twist, which would be easier then throwing them around,--a best defense is a good offense.

Kill the 5 yr olds, they can't come back and attack.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 10:15 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

dude, once they go unconscious, they're "out" so it's not like they wake up and start rushing you again. so there's no need to snap necks to take em out.


now, if a man just wants to snap necks, then who am I to criticize?


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 10:24 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm snapping necks. Let word get out to the other 5 yr olds. Also I seriously think snapping necks is less abuse to yourself then hitting the kids. Which will help you hurt more kids in the long run. Grab and twist man, grab and twist.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 10:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.




you couldn't get a group of 5 year-olds to work together that cohesively with a month of training, much less a single day. and i highly doubt they would come up with such tactics on their own, in the heat of battle, and be able to get themselves organized to pull it off.

i honestly think the main limiting fatcor is the adult's stamina. it takes energy to punch, kick, throw, and run. how many 5 year-olds you can take out is directly related to what kind of shape you're in. as for myself, i'll say 50. and i think that would be a bit of a challenge.

wait, can we bash them against the walls? if so i'll bring my number up to at least 60, and maybe even 75.


LALDAAS
(veteran)
01/18/05 11:01 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This is a tough one. Have you ever seen the energy of a 5 year old. I think one would tire by the 2nd or 3rd wave.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 11:05 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....

8

I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins




are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.


LALDAAS
(veteran)
01/18/05 11:16 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....

8

I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins




are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.




Yo my ex-girls son was 2 1/2 He poped my in the mouth busting my lip open.(we were playing of course) Dont entirely under estamate these little bastards.


tyfromm
(addict)
01/18/05 11:17 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How many of these 5 year olds are Hot Chicks? Just a joke fellas:/

Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 11:27 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Arite so I just thought up a strategy for it. Just keep running. Barrel through them like a they're pins in a bowling ally. They won't stand a chance, and they won't have a chance to trip you. They won't be able to lay a finger on you, as soon as your knee collides with their jaw it's lights out, and you'll have so much momentum going that it'd be like stopping a locamotive for them. I'm going with at least 40.

Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 11:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Also, I second that this is the best post I've seen on the forums in a long time.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 11:38 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

We have to make a couple of assumptions for the answer to be more than 30.

First assumption: The 5 year olds will not attack en masse. Even if you get the first wave down, I don't care how badassed you are, you will tire very quickly and several will get in and latch onto your legs.

Second Assumption: picking up one kid and using them as a weapon is allowed. If this is the case, I can see you using this kid to knock out quite a few of them.

third assumption: the kids are removed from the arena after being knocked out. If this is not true, then I say maybe 25, but definitely no more than 30.


My reasoning is that you will simply tire out way too quickly to put up much of a fight for more than 10 minutes. Also, assuming a couple of the kids latch onto your legs making it harder for you to move, the rest could swarm you easily. I say the majority of you are highly over-estimating how good you are at fighting.


nicky g
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 11:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

"I say the majority of you are highly over-estimating how good you are at fighting. "

Fighting is like poker and sex. It's one of those things people always think they are great at. Also like poker, they like to worship high profile players/fighters as if they were gods (Doyle's diseas/Bruce Lee nutriding). (I'm not sure if that' relevant to sex. Except sex with Bruce Lee).


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 11:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think you underestimate the ease at which I can remove a child from my leg when I don't feel a need to not hurt them.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 11:45 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think you underestimate the ease at which I can remove a child from my leg when I don't feel a need to not hurt them.




Sure, one kid is no problem. How about 5? 10? 15?

See what I mean?

I mean, come on Patrick, this isn't rocket science.

(I had to, sorry)


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 11:54 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I stand by my original estimate that I could take out an amount limited only by my own stamina and enough room to move around. Given the need, I can outrun a pack of 5-year-olds for quite a long time. I envision a strategy of keeping out of the pack and picking off the stragglers around the outside much like a group of lions or wolves working over a herd of prey. Do you know how easy it is to throw a kid to the ground just by grabbing his head and giving it the proper shove? It's even easier at speed. It wouldn't even slow me down. Another tactic would be to just bullrush the pack and just plow through the whole lot of them. If they're tall enough, my arms will be out clothesline style for maximum effectiveness. If not, my knees and overall mass will take out plenty. There is a peril with this strategy, though, and that is if you trip - you better get up quick.

It's not rocket science.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 11:57 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I stand by my original estimate that I could take out an amount limited only by my own stamina and enough room to move around. Given the need, I can outrun a pack of 5-year-olds for quite a long time. I envision a strategy of keeping out of the pack and picking off the stragglers around the outside much like a group of lions or wolves working over a herd of prey. Do you know how easy it is to throw a kid to the ground just by grabbing his head and giving it the proper shove? It's even easier at speed. It wouldn't even slow me down. Another tactic would be to just bullrush the pack and just plow through the whole lot of them. If they're tall enough, my arms will be out clothesline style for maximum effectiveness. If not, my knees and overall mass will take out plenty. There is a peril with this strategy, though, and that is if you trip - you better get up quick.

It's not rocket science.




It would be an interesting world if this were rocket science.



That said, is it too early to nominate this for TOTY?


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 12:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Only your 2nd assumption is true in this scenario.

Keats13
(enthusiast)
01/18/05 12:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Fighting is like poker




So are you saying that once these 5yo battle royales start, we'd have posts like this?

"Man, WTF? I can't beat these 5-year olds! It's not possible. I punch and kick, but they just don't respect my strength! They have no muscles, but they won't go away! How are you supposed to beat up opponents like this? I need to start fighting older, stronger opponents who respect my strength and will back down once I start fighting."


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 12:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.

More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.

Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.

Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.

Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.

Clearly the possibilities are endless.


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 12:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Awesome. I was thinking about this last night, but your Arcade / Simulation / Quick Game modes did a much better job laying out the possibilties than my thoughts could have.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 12:42 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.

More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.

Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.

Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.

Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.

Clearly the possibilities are endless.




Dude, once VR tech catches up, I see this as being a cult classic amongst the hardore gamers. If I were you, I'd add this post to my favorites so when the game invariably gets created, you can show prior art and make some serious cashesh.

This thread is golden, and this post is by far the best post in it.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:44 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

It would be a lot. Way beyond single digits. If I hit a 5 year old once he ain't getting up. I can also take a 5 year-olds kick or punch pretty much anywhere, including the groin. So I'm just hitting them each once. That's it.

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:46 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.

beckham9
(member)
01/18/05 12:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think everyone needs to think about how tired they would get in this fight. Having 10 or 15 little guys jumping and crawling over you would tire you out in 2 minutes tops. Once you go down you are finished.

i say an average 22 year old could take on 12-13 kids, with any more taking you down.

B9

PS i love this type of [censored]


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 12:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.



It's too time consuming to try to get a grip on a kid and then twist his neck. If you give these kids the second or two that it'd take to accomplish this, you're finished. Plowing or even flailing wildly would be much more effective. Speed and keeping out of their grasp is of the essence here. Plus, a breakneck strategy would require you to bee too close. Hitting gives you much more range and potentially lets you keep them somewhat at bay.


beckham9
(member)
01/18/05 12:49 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

the jaw is not the strongest muscle in body

Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 12:49 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.




Well, I think a good solid knee / fist to the face WOULD snap their necks. Snapping necks sounds very inefficient, especially considering that they're going to be at knee-height for everyone except Evan.

I think Patrick's strategy is best so far -- keeping up to speed on the perimeter picking off stragglers, mixed with sprints through the pack to break them up and delivering knees to faces. Eventually I think you start resorting to using kids as weapons though. In fact, I think this might be a good idea right of the bat.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 12:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

It would be a lot. Way beyond single digits. If I hit a 5 year old once he ain't getting up. I can also take a 5 year-olds kick or punch pretty much anywhere, including the groin. So I'm just hitting them each once. That's it.





"Are they ill-tempered?"

Seriously though, I guess I'm giving these kids too much credit. I say a bum rush by 30 kids at once and you are toast. And remember Jake, line training takes too long.



Bluffoon
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I don't know man.

My son is a bruiser but when he was three he did a WWF body slam knee into my balls and I he gave me a hernia and I needed surgery. Even as an infant when he got mad he could deliver a hell of a headbutt. I can still remember the headaches.....

Never underestimate a kid's ability to do damage.

I say anything more than twenty kids and you are toast. And I still think this is sick. But I like it.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 12:52 PM
What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.




There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 12:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

"Are they ill-tempered?"



Brilliant.


HesseJam
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

15 5 y olds like my son with proper one day mental programming and combat training would take out almost anybody. If 5 like my son attack you in full speed mode from behind so that you cant dodge them you are not going to stay on your feet.
Then, I would suggest some eyeball popping and the rest is just a matter of time.


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 12:57 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

Quote:

I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.




There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.




This may be true, but even smart 5 year olds are pretty dumb. If you were talking even a couple years older, I think it'd be a huge difference, but you're talking about kindergarteners. Even the smart ones have trouble learning to tie their shoes.

Hell, I was a smart kid and I still have trouble tying my shoes. I'm lazy though.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:59 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I don't know man.

My son is a bruiser but when he was three he did a WWF body slam knee into my balls and I he gave me a hernia and I needed surgery. Even as an infant when he got mad he could deliver a hell of a headbutt. I can still remember the headaches.....

Never underestimate a kid's ability to do damage.

I say anything more than twenty kids and you are toast. And I still think this is sick. But I like it.




I respectfully submit that you were not elbowing your son in the face as he was moving in for that headbutt. or snapping his neck.

point taken, though.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 12:59 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Interesting. I see it as easy and efficient with no issues of tiring yourself out. It's pretty sick that I want to see how easy it is to grab a kids head right now.

bisonbison
(anarchocatapult)
01/18/05 01:01 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.

Michael Davis
(Little Pimp)
01/18/05 01:01 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

If you could take the most intelligent 2+2ers at age five, ten of them could rock an adult.

-Michael


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 01:02 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Interesting. I see it as easy and efficient with no issues of tiring yourself out. It's pretty sick that I want to see how easy it is to grab a kids head right now.




If by "sick" you mean "really awesome," then I agree.

This is similar to the feelings you get after a three or four hour GTA playing session followed by a drive. You just really really want to ram some cars off the road...

Back on topic, I just think snapping necks is going to take too much time, especially at the beginning. It won't tire you out, but I don't think you can afford to remain stationary long enough to bend down, get a grip on a flailing 5 year old, twist, and then back up again.

I think it might be a good tactic to utilize when you DO get tired out and the numbers are dwindling.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:04 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.

bisonbison
(anarchocatapult)
01/18/05 01:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.

If you can kick 'em in the abdomen they'll be sucking wind long enough for you to come along in a minute and step on their necks.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 01:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.



This may be true, but it's also not hard to immobilize them. If I were to hit a 5-year-old in the face like I meant it, he's not going to be getting up and if he does, he's certainly not going to be doing anything useful. You could immobilize all of them and then come back for the finishing move at your convenience.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'd just like to add, kicking/kneeing and punting are big no-nos, if you trip at any time, you're done for.

Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 01:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ok ok. I just think people don't realize how hard it is to "knock someone out" especially a little 5 yr old. There like made of rubber.

If you can kick 'em in the abdomen they'll be sucking wind long enough for you to come along in a minute and step on their necks.




Exactly. As long as you take a bunch of them out of the game early, you can go along on neck-snapping clean-up duty later on.


Michael Davis
(Little Pimp)
01/18/05 01:07 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.

-Michael


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I really don't think you want to get to a position when you are on one foot. If one of those bastards can get you to trip, there gonna swarm on you.

Oh yeah...welcome, did you get traded for TSC?

web page


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 01:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.




How did you avoid slipping all over the place? How did you keep them in the room? Licked door or something?

I'm interested in what you have to say and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I killed eight 6-year-olds in a room no larger than a Burger King bathroom, so I'm guessing I could take 3 score 5-year-olds.




I once got busy in a burger king bathroom.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:11 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.

-Michael




* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?


bisonbison
(anarchocatapult)
01/18/05 01:11 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How did you avoid slipping all over the place? How did you keep them in the room? Licked door or something?

Movies vastly overstate the amount of blood a dying person will release under the soothing touch of blunt force trauma.

Let's just say that was the last time I got to drive the carpool.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 01:13 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.

-Michael




* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?




absolutely. I believe intelligence of attackers has everything to do with it. That and I'm irrationally afraid of the wee people.


Matt Flynn
(Co-Author of PNL)
01/18/05 01:13 PM
What about with weapons?!!!

if the kids were brain-warped motivated, like 5-year-olds on PCP / Dr. Evil psychokids, then 30 is a fair bet. many more if not: they will all cry after a few blood-curdling screams and you show them an eyeball or two. if you get to pick out of 5x the number then 30 again. there are some strong enough to hurt you if you aren't big.

but, suppose each child is motivated and gets a very sharp one-inch knife. then i think it's more like 20.

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.

matt


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:13 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Man, someone needs to call FOX and set this up.

Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 01:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?




Yes, but not for the reasons you're trying to get at.

Midgets have adult intelligence, so you'd be more suceptible to strategy. I'd also wager they weigh a bit more on average.

That is an important factor -- are these 5 year olds rabid fighting machines, or just determined-but-still-normal 5 year olds? I mean, if they'll get up and keep fighting right away after you bust their limbs, that changes the equation.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:16 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

if they get a knife I put my number in the single digits. the bull rush strategy goes to [censored] in that scenario.

although now the picture of a 5 year old getting hit with a mace has me laughing out loud in my office.


B00T
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:16 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I love this place.

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 01:17 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.

matt



You definitely need to pick out something heavy and unweildy (and blunt - sharp elements are bad for you) for this option.


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 01:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Sequential mode would definetely be the toughest. For all the modes though, I think the KO'ed kids should stay in the arena. Adds a nice aroma to the atmosphere, and you can pick them up and use 'em as weapons.

And to whoever wrote that their 5 year old is really strong, HE'S NOT. Your 5-year old is as weak as any 5 year old, he's NOT special.


fnord_too
("gets" sklansky)
01/18/05 01:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Zero, I couldn't bring myself to attack a five year old unless there was a life threatening situation (like he had a loaded gun).

bicyclekick
(Luckbox)
01/18/05 01:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

great topic gonores.

DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 01:59 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

sharp objects definitely increase your variance, and are -EV. one poke to the eye from a spear and you're screwed, but good luck picking up a big club, you little punks.

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 02:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.

More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.

Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.

Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.

Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.

Clearly the possibilities are endless.



I think we need a good name for this game.

Also, let's say you're going to be a professional or at least a serious enthusiast of this game. How would you train? I think my main focus would be on stamina and upper arm strength. I'd go with a rowing machine and upper body training.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 02:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I vote for the "out" kids to disappear as if it were a video game.

More to this, let's change the game a little bit. Let's say you can either play "Arcade" mode, "Sequential" mode or "Quick Game" mode.

Arcade Mode: You start with a set number of kids in the room, which is set by the difficulty rating. As each kid is immobilized, he disappears and a new one is generated and runs out on the field. You essentially are playing an endless game and are trying for a high score. Parameters can be changed so that, for instance, as you progress, maybe 2 kids come out for each one you knock out or maybe instead of kids coming in only when others are knocked out, maybe they come in at a certain time interval, which can speed up as time goes along. Maybe you get special bonuses for killer moves or taking out several kids at once. If you picked the easy mode, this could potentially go on seemingly forever, especially if you knew where the kids generated from and could just camp out right there and pop 'em in the face right as they run onto the field like we used to do playing multiplayer FPS games.

Sequential Mode: You start with one kid, knock him out, then two come out in the next round, then three, etc. Again, it's an endless game and you're playing for high score. Things like break time or health rejuvination between rounds can be discussed, as well as parameter changes discussed in Arcade Mode above.

Quick Game: You set the number of kids you want to begin with and once you're done with them, the game's over. This is pretty much what we've been talking about so far, I assume, and I think would be the toughest to get the high score in, depending on the exact parameters.

Clearly the possibilities are endless.



I think we need a good name for this game.

Also, let's say you're going to be a professional or at least a serious enthusiast of this game. How would you train? I think my main focus would be on stamina and upper arm strength. I'd go with a rowing machine and upper body training.




I think Gladiator Games 2005 is a good name. (Of course, you'd have to have Madden in there pimping updates every year, stuff like BOOM! only gets you so far before it starts getting lame and you have to resort to chainsaws and the like.

As far as strength conditioning, from all these posts I've read saying they could handle 30+, I'm sure just pounding some OEs and snorting coke would do the trick (sarcasm)

Seriously, if you were gonna do this, I think you'd need to cross train, meaning a "strongest man" routine and a marathon runners routine. That way you have quick burst energy/strength, and the stamina to wade through the puddles of death you leave in your wake.

Happy Hunting.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 02:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Zero, I couldn't bring myself to attack a five year old unless there was a life threatening situation (like he had a loaded gun).




Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 02:33 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.




WTF are you talking about, suspend reality? This is the next Extreme Game dude. ESPN is salivating at the mouth to get this program launched. Makes Moto-X seem pretty weak.



Sponger.
(HEADS WILL ROLL)
01/18/05 02:39 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think 20. Any more than that, and there would just be so many kids in this enclosed area they would just be able to bum rush you and tackle you and dogpile on you and it would be over.

You really think that you'd be able to stop more than a certain number of kids rushing you at the same time? Get real.


Hoya
(Pooh-Bah)
01/18/05 02:42 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

A basketball court is very large compared to a mass of 20 5 year olds. Keeping running and they'll break formation.

DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:44 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

if they were well trained they'd pull a gladiator style huddle in the center kind of action, and when you came near them, they'd try to get around behind you and then you'd be in a tough spot. if you got one and managed to bull rush through, they reform and start over, and you're more tired then they are. this is why I think numbers above 50 are too hard to beat *if traned*

- especially since gonores gets to pick the smartest ones.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:46 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think 20. Any more than that, and there would just be so many kids in this enclosed area they would just be able to bum rush you and tackle you and dogpile on you and it would be over.



The arguement against this logic is that all 20 kids can't get at you at once. Only like 5 or 6 at a time could reach you or they're just getting in each others way. I don't believe 5 or 6 five year-olds could pull me down.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 02:54 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 03:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

There definitely is a critical mass after which more kids doesn't make any difference. What is this critical number? It would be different for different tactics. If you were talking about them jumping on you and doing whatever, there's only room for so many of them to jump on you. If you're talking about them forming en masse and bumrushing you, then the number is different. You could say that 100 kids running at you is a lot of mass, but when it hits you, it's certainly not with 100 times the force of one kid running into you.

I think anything more than single digits for either of these scenarios is all the same in the immediate. Any more than that just adds to the stamina and recovery ability required to keep repeating.


pudley4
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:01 PM
The correct answer is 47

Do you see why?

I'll leave it for others to elaborate...


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 03:02 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.



This strategy has some merit, but I think you really underestimate a kid with an aluminum bat. For this to work, I think you'd have to be an all-universe swordsman who could beat these kids down without letting them get a shot in.

I think in the end, the best strategy is to just pick either something so unweildy that they can't use it or something so ridiculously weak that it doesn't give them any advantage. I'd then just not use the weapon. I think there's plenty of advantage to the adult without any weapons and the introduction of any weapons is only tipping the scales more to the kids' favor.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 03:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Hey gonores,

wtf got you guys talking about this subject? I mean, it's awesome, don't get me wrong, but wtf dude?


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:05 PM
Re: The correct answer is 47

Quote:

Do you see why?




classic.

on an unrelated note, i can't wait for some stupid idiot to think this thread is serious. "tonight on action news: internet psycopaths plot to kidnap 5 year-olds for gladiator-style deathmatch."


elwoodblues
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:07 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

A bat is an awful choice. At some point you will fall down or get tackled. Having kids hit you with bats while you are down would be horrible. You have to choose something heavier than a bat, but not too heavy to prematurely tire yourself. Either that or choose a weapon that requires greater dexterity than a five year old could handle (compound bow? would require both strength and dexterity.)

I think I would rather opt for some sort of protection over a weapon. Maybe a helmet without a face guard. That way, you can still hurt them pretty bad and protect the one part of the body that would allow them to knock you out.


B00T
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:09 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

I agree with standing in the corner and cracking their heads up againist the wall. A half push (they only weigh like 40 pounds total) would knock them out. I think I could even crack 2 at once with 2 hands and just ram them to the wall. I also like the wall idea so that you could back up againist it and not fall, as well as not having anyone hit your legs from behind or something that could cause you to lose balance.

I think with this strategy you could knock out about 70 before you come physically exhausted and are ripe for the pickens.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:09 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

I think in the end, the best strategy is to just pick either something so unweildy that they can't use it or something so ridiculously weak that it doesn't give them any advantage. I'd then just not use the weapon.




ok then, so maybe this or one of these.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:10 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

- You are not allowed to touch a wall.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:13 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

A bat is an awful choice. At some point you will fall down or get tackled. Having kids hit you with bats while you are down would be horrible.




damnit you're right. i feel like i'm inferior to a 5 year-old for even suggesting it. i guess i'll just take

a leather glove.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:16 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I wonder what the QLCers would think of this thread?

Losing all
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think 30 is way too low, even under the assumption they're highly motivated and fear failing this task more than being maimed or killed in action. 5 year olds have no power, no speed, and no height. You wouldn't need power kicks, hooks and uppercuts. more like light jabs and a stomp(this would save a lot of energy).

They'll never reach your head while standing, so only 2 ways to lose. get totally gassed, or taken down and stomped (and they'd probably need to get you down several times before they could keep you down)

People are seriously overestimiating 5 year olds here. I'll say 100, maybe a lot more.

9 or 10 year olds would be a different story. Would you rather do this (to the death) against 100 5yr olds, or 25 10yr olds? I'd take the 100


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:18 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Do the kids get candy if they beat you?

DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:20 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

anyone else picturing these 5 year olds as robot/gremlin/doppelganger style 5 year olds to make this a little easier to think about?

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:22 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

damnit you're right. i feel like i'm inferior to a 5 year-old for even suggesting it. i guess i'll just take

a leather glove.




Well Played.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.




does this mean everyone is naked except for the cup? because bare naked flesh v. flesh covered with a pair of jeans is a HUGE difference.

i vote that you can wear normal "street" clothes, in normal layers (ie, only one pair of jeans). having everyone nude except for a cup is WAY too NAMBLA. (note that the nude part disturbs me, but i am unphased by the wanton destruction of 5 year-olds ).


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

[censored] that. I'm picturing the kid from Big Daddy. Toughen up sport.

Losing all
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm picturing a pack of little brainwashed killers just out of a pol pot re-education camp.

Justin A
(Stranger)
01/18/05 03:29 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.




The best and the brightest five year olds are pretty dumb. Their lack of attention spans don't allow them to be too organized. These kids are five, do you remember what you were like when you were five?

Justin A


The once and future king
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:31 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

The obvious weapon of choice is the knuckle duster. One with spikes on etc. This will be useless in the hands of the infantile horde.

My real problem is bellieving that the kids would keep attacking me. Once I had picked out the toughest kid, lifted him over my head whilst bellowing in rage then piledriven the kid headfirst into the concrete I cant see the other 5yr olds doing anything other than breaking down in tears and wimpering.

The solution to this problem is obvious. We must have a time
machine. We can then trek through time looking for truely hard 5 years old, not the current crop of soft as shite western five year olds. I would stop of in Sparta.
Spartan 5 yr olds must the hardest 5yr olds in human history, but more importantly there entire culture would have socialised them into wanting to fight on and on and never surrender like wusses.

So in short this scenario is only realistic and feasible with access to a time machine.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:32 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

There is a HUGE gap between an 80th percentile 5yo and a 20th percentile 5yo. And I'm not talking about physical ability. If I get to choose the best and the brightest (emphasis on the brightest) the pack of kids is going to be more organized than you think.



Spoken like some who's never tried to organize a pack of five year-olds.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 03:38 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

I have video tape of me yelling at Forrest Gregg, Green Bay head coach, for not running the ball in a 3rd and short situation. As far as he tape shows, there was no prompting from my parents or anyone else for this outburst. However, it was filmed a month before my 6th b-day, and I was one of those special, advanced kids.

The 5yos I coached on the soccer field are smart enough to hold positions (with verbal coaching from the sidelines).


TimM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 03:45 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Great another OOT problem that can only be solved with a time machine. What if one of those Spartan kids whose neck you just snapped would later become one of your ancestors. Then you're screwed.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 03:48 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:


So in short this scenario is only realistic and feasible with access to a time machine.




I like it.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/18/05 04:08 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Chick friend works at a day care, was telling us how there was a ring leader that had the whole place riled up that day. I suggest that the ring leader should take an unfortunate fall off the monkey bars. She said such an act would spark a revolt and that she didn't think she could take all of them at once. Add alcohol to this line of conversation and you get this challenge.

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 04:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Chick friend works at a day care, was telling us how there was a ring leader that had the whole place riled up that day. I suggest that the ring leader should take an unfortunate fall off the monkey bars. She said such an act would spark a revolt and that she didn't think she could take all of them at once. Add alcohol to this line of conversation and you get this challenge.



Very nice.


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 04:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

OK, spin-off question: Same stipulations, EXCEPT: The arena is a MOONWALK, like at those school carnivals. How many 5 year olds could you take on in that hell hole?

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 04:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Let me also add that anybody who says it's in the single digits is either a huge pansy or way overestimating 5-year-olds. I can support this from my own experience that I just remembered. I earned a bit of a reputation in elementary school when I was in 4th grade and took out 8 6th graders during lunch recess. I don't remember the exact circumstances and surely it wasn't anything like a deathmatch, but I do remember one kid charging at me and I picked up another kid and threw him into the charging kid, taking out both. By "taking out," I of course don't mean that they were knocked out, but they weren't coming back for more. If I could defend against 8 6th graders, who are much more advanced than 5-year-olds (6th grade is what - 10-11 years old?), when I was myself a 4th grader and obviously quite a bit smaller and arguably less intelligent than I am now, I think the number here is most certainly well into double or triple digits.

Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

But can you just flat out kill the kids?

It's a lot easier to kill a 5 year old than knock one out. It's pretty trivial to snap a little kid's neck Steven Segal style.

~D


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 04:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

a MOONWALK, like at those school carnivals



Refresh my memory. Are you talking about the inflatable jump around deals? That would be one badass challenge - take on about 50 little kids in one of those - we'll call it the Cage Match Mode.

It would completely wipe out any ability to bullrush them and also make it much more difficult to stay on your feet. This is going to have to be one of the levels you unlock after beating the game on "difficult."


Tron
(1 2 3 4 fiiiif)
01/18/05 04:33 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

But can you just flat out kill the kids?




Quote:

When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose




Yeah. Dead=Unconscious.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:37 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Please see all my posts. Good job.

jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

much more difficult to stay on your feet.



That would be the tough part. On the other hand, 5 year-olds are pretty clumsy so I'd probably be better at it than they were. And they'd probably be too busy falling down to really get after you. I'd say this would make it tougher, but not much more dangerous for you.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

moonwalk mode would reduce my number by 10-15% i think. the only REAL added difficulty of moonwalk mode would be that it would require greater stamina...you wouldn't be able to kick as many kids, and it would be tougher for you to stay on your feet. nevertheless, it would make their task more difficult. but, they've still got sheer numbers.

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 04:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think Moonwalk/BounceCage Mode definitely gives a bit of an edge to the numbers.

Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 04:51 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?




I'm thinking Sauron from the opening to the first LOTR movie, swinging his mace and sending the soldiers flying.

~D


brassnuts
([censored])
01/18/05 04:59 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

These kids are five, do you remember what you were like when you were five?





5 year olds are retarded.


bholdr
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

AWESOME post.
5 year olds!

hundreds of 'em! no problem. i'd let the biggest, toughest 5 year old i've ever met boot me in the junk as hard as he likes- it's not gonna incapacitate me, but one backhand slap and that kid's a crying wreck.

geez. do you guys have any idea how weak, fragile, emotionally vulnerable, and just plain incapable of real fighting 5 year olds are? they can barely hurt each other in fights, let alone an adult. and you gotta assume one punch/ one kid, and i can throw a lot of punches (lord help me for writing this stuff).

i geuss i'd be a little concerned about biting- that'd be they're only shot.

smae question, ten year olds, maybe 5 maybe not.


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 05:01 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Moonwalk mode would have to reduce the number you could take by at least 50%. It gives the little tykes a chance to get eye level with you, and they have alot more force if their being propelled off the ground. And it's easier for you to trip. If you jump up, a bunch of em can roll under you and land where you would so you trip, and then a bunch more would jump on your head.

jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:02 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Is anyone else suprised we haven't had any five year-olds chime in on this debate?

lapoker17
(wtf)
01/18/05 05:03 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Has anyone addressed footwear? If everyone's wearing sneakers, then the number gets exponentially higher. If the little psychos are wearing steel toed boots, then kicks to the shins become much more incapacitating.

elwoodblues
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:03 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

It gives more than a bit of an edge. It takes away one of your best weapons --- a hard floor.

Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:07 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Has anyone addresses footwear?




What about clothing in general? I assumed that everyone was naked.

~D


J_V
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Yes, 100 is too low.

Justin A
(Stranger)
01/18/05 05:12 PM
Re: What I think you guys are underestimating

Quote:

I have video tape of me yelling at Forrest Gregg, Green Bay head coach, for not running the ball in a 3rd and short situation. As far as he tape shows, there was no prompting from my parents or anyone else for this outburst. However, it was filmed a month before my 6th b-day, and I was one of those special, advanced kids.

The 5yos I coached on the soccer field are smart enough to hold positions (with verbal coaching from the sidelines).




That's awesome. My only stories from when I was five go something like this:

I was the most advanced student in kindergarten, so when the teacher ran to the office for an errand, she left me in charge. All hell broke loose when I got distracted by some cool toys, and I actually got in trouble. But then she got in trouble when my mom heard about it and really chewed the teacher out.

I was playing baseball when I was five, and I was out in left field, both literally and figuratively. A helicopter overhead caught my attention, and after hearing some screaming from the dugout, I look down just in time to see the ball rolling past me out towards the fence.

You must be a freak of nature, I'm rather impressed that you even watched sports at that age, let alone got pissed that they didn't run the ball on third and short. Most five year olds are dumb, slow, and weak.

Justin A


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i addressed that earlier. to summarize: i don't like naked because it's too nambla for my tastes.

if you're allowed to wear jeans, decent footwear and a decent long-sleeved shirt you can increase your number by at least 5% i think. jeans especially are +ev.


Freakin
(Betsecure Rep)
01/18/05 05:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

"How can you shoot innocent women and children!?!"

"Easy, you just don't lead them as much"

Freakin


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 05:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The attire is normal street clothes in normal layers. That means jeans, t-shirt or similar, and normal tennis/walking shoes. It also means you're not able to wear multiple pairs of jeans or a ton of shirts or something made of kevlar. Also on the banlist would be steel-toed shoes/boots.

Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

i addressed that earlier. to summarize: i don't like naked because it's too nambla for my tastes.




Yeah, and for others the erection might get in the way.

~D


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?iaja5ky6jow

A_C_Slater
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I haven't read all the posts on this topic so this may have been mentioned already but.....


I think this comes down to a matter of conditioning. There's no way even a full gym of 5 year olds is going to knock out an adult until he gets tired. How many of them can you knock out before you get tired? You can't puch all day. It would be like the Ali/Foreman fight. Ali just let George pound the [censored] out of him until he was too tired to even stand. I think the most effective tactic to use against them would be grabbing the back of their heads and yanking it down violently into your rising knee-cap.


Zoltri
(old hand)
01/18/05 05:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

The kids receive one day of training specifically to team up to take down one adult.





SomethingClever
(CHUMPtown City Pwncil)
01/18/05 05:28 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

You have to choose something heavier than a bat, but not too heavy to prematurely tire yourself.




How about an Indiana Jones-style whip? The sound alone, not to mention having to watch a fellow 5-year-old have his face literally whipped off his head, would shock and awe the entire group.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/18/05 05:34 PM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

I think the Indiana Jones whip is not a bad idea. How about if we make it a multi-player game? How about if you can tag-team the kids with another adult? Then you could run stunts and various plays like using the whip as a clothesline and just run down a whole pack of kids.

edit: On second thought, the whip is a bad idea. I see tripping problems and the kids could do the whole lilliputian thing and get you all tied up.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:49 PM
Another side question

side question: you can add an adult on your team, but double the number of kids. at which number of kids does this switch from +EV to -EV for you?

tolbiny
(*)
01/18/05 05:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

"Once my trainers advise me as to whether roundhouse punches or roundhouse kicks are more effective, I've got to be dropping most of those rugrats in one or two blows"

You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.


Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 05:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.




Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?

~D


SomethingClever
(CHUMPtown City Pwncil)
01/18/05 05:58 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?




Now that'd just be showing off.


Sponger.
(HEADS WILL ROLL)
01/18/05 06:01 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:


You shouldn't be punching or kicking- you should be grabbing the first kid and throwing him into a group of them, rinse repeat as needed untill there are just a few left.




This seems to be the most effective, just tossing them on the ground until they get weak or possible break something from the fall, and then stomping on them.


tolbiny
(*)
01/18/05 06:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

"I started to think as long as you are in shape the number could be really really high."

As long as you have enough room to run in you could probably do upwards of 200. The only real danger you are in is if two or three of them grab a hold of a leg and others are able to get to you and grab a hold.
# of 5yr olds = stamina/density of kids is the equation i believe.


Michael Davis
(Little Pimp)
01/18/05 06:14 PM
Re: Another side question

I say never. Having the protection of a teammate to bail me out on the rare occasion I get in trouble is huge, well worth doubling the tykes, possibly tripling.

-Michael


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/18/05 06:37 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Why not Zangief-style 360 piledrivers?




Now that'd just be showing off.




Hell, if I just fended off 75 rabid 5 year olds, you'd better believe I'm going to go WWF style on those last 25 just for giggles.


Diplomat
(Pooh-Bah)
01/18/05 06:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Jesus, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying over here.

-Diplomat


FoxwoodsFiend
(Prahlad Friedman?)
01/18/05 07:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

The cup certainly helps-but my knees/shins remain vulnerable so I'd say.....

8

I have to think I could knock out that many with just my fists/short kicks before they break my shins




are you made of glass? how hard do you think a 5 year-old could hit you? they'd be lucky to make bruises.




Yo my ex-girls son was 2 1/2 He poped my in the mouth busting my lip open.(we were playing of course) Dont entirely under estamate these little bastards.




That's because you let the kid get within striking reach of a part of your body that's soft and vulnerable. Have the kid punch you just as hard in the shin and he'd break his fist. Also, if you had punched the kid back even at half force he'd probably be dead. These kids are so weak, I'd say you can probably knock out a good 20 or 30 just in the first minute by zig-zagging through the crowd so they can't get a grip on you and grabbing random ones by the head to keep them still while you punch them in the face.


FoxwoodsFiend
(Prahlad Friedman?)
01/18/05 07:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The kids would suffer more from the presence of corpses than you would. At least you have the agility to avoid the corpses-these 5 year olds are so uncoordinated and can only take small steps so you have to assume most of them would trip over some corpses on their way to rush you. At that point, you could just step on their heads or kick them in the face. I might even think that it gets easier and easier to get these kids the more you've downed as you can adjust to the terrain better.

FoxwoodsFiend
(Prahlad Friedman?)
01/18/05 07:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You'd have to hunch over so low to actually tackle/barrel into them that you'd fall over the second one of the kids pushes you. A much better strategy would be the zig-zag and punch approach I mentioned earlier.

Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 07:44 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

A group of little kids were walking through my campus today. I could swear they were eyeing me out- I know it. I almost went medieval on their asses!

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 07:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

You'd have to hunch over so low to actually tackle/barrel into them that you'd fall over the second one of the kids pushes you. A much better strategy would be the zig-zag and punch approach I mentioned earlier.




I'm thinking the best approach would be to rip the legs off one of the spindly ones and use the bloody legs like clubs.


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 08:07 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You can't pull a leg off a kid... just swing the whole kid around.

Duke
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/18/05 08:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Anyone else think of the following regarding this thread?



~D


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/18/05 08:40 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

You can't pull a leg off a kid... just swing the whole kid around.




obviously you've never seen me eat chicken wings.



realwtf
(enthusiast)
01/18/05 10:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I still can't believe people are discussing "hitting". It is very much more efficient to snap the little bastards necks.




I love the nech snapping idea.

Would probably be best to pick your moments though. Like say you have one not really in the group coming towards you. This would be a moment to neck snap..

Maybe afterwords you can toss the toddler into a small group of them to immobilize for a few moments. Perhaps even use the neck snapped as a weapon until another nech snapping oppertunity comes along.


Stork
(veteran)
01/18/05 10:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Typcially, when eating 5-year olds it's considered pour etiquette to rip the leg off before you eat it. As long as the leg is rigid, this shouldn't be a problem.

NT!
(****)
01/18/05 10:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think Patrick's strategy is best so far -- keeping up to speed on the perimeter picking off stragglers, mixed with sprints through the pack to break them up and delivering knees to faces.




Excuse me. This was my strategy. Except that it calls for kicks rather than knees.

NT


LALDAAS
(veteran)
01/19/05 12:22 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This by far my favorite line in the whole thread:
Quote:

There's a reason we have to wipe their asses for them.




Had me laughing for a good minute or two.


Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/19/05 03:25 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.




I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.


Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 04:36 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.




wuss


Nick B.
(Member # 24)
01/19/05 04:57 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Does anybody here really think they could get knocked out by a 5 year old?? If I somehow get knocked on the ground, what is the worst thing they could do? My arms will be covering my head and If I get into a ball, there is almost nothing they could do. What is the most a 5 year old can weigh? 60 lbs??

nicky g
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 06:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

"If I somehow get knocked on the ground, what is the worst thing they could do?"

Sit all over you pinning you down, then sit on your throat. They could certainly stop you getting back up and claim a Judo victory.

Some thoughts: I think the best way to imagine this is Zombie five-year olds. Zombies don't get frightened and are willing to take as many hits as they can before being incapacitated.

If you did it on a bouncy castle (that's what a Moonwalk is, right?) you really wouldn;t be able to take many. Those things are fairly enclosed, but more importanly you would absolutely not be able to keep your balance for very long when they threw themselves at you.

I'm taking the under on this, assuming the over/under is around 30. If a large mass of five year olds charges into your legs, it'll knock you over. If they're normal stupid frightened five year olds, its much more, but that's not hat I understand the problem to be.

I don;t think the zig-zag through the crowd would work; you'd lose momentum as more and more tried to grab your legs and you'd eventually go down.


daveymck
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 08:36 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Its my daughters birthday in May, may be the year to hire a bouncy castle invite her class round and see what games I can get going (my dauhter will be safely left in the house of course).

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/19/05 10:13 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.




I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.


Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 10:52 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.




I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.




depravity level of the thread just got upped.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/19/05 10:57 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.




I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.



The problem here is that there's not just going to be one of these - all the kids will each have their own too. So you'll have 100 chipper/shredders. Actually, this might be to your advantage, as it would inhibit any sort of massive herd if they were scattered about the playing field and you could potentially arrange them in such a way to give you a territory advantage where you could force them to come at you one or a few at a time.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/19/05 11:32 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

and, suppose you could pick any weapon, but each kid gets the same weapon. what would you choose (if anything)? I would take a 35-pound spiked elongated mace or a 45-pound broadsword.




the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.




I've been thinking about this, and my weapon of choice would definitely be a chipper/shredder. It would get slippery, but I'm thinking I could chuck a few of the kids in there and then "aim" the small shards of flesh and bone at the eyes of the other children, blinding them. Rinse and repeat.



The problem here is that there's not just going to be one of these - all the kids will each have their own too. So you'll have 100 chipper/shredders. Actually, this might be to your advantage, as it would inhibit any sort of massive herd if they were scattered about the playing field and you could potentially arrange them in such a way to give you a territory advantage where you could force them to come at you one or a few at a time.




If they all get their own chipper/shredder, then I'd have to say that's a no go. Take up too much space. Hmmm...maybe a flame thrower. I doubt the kids could get it started...but the smell would be horrible.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/19/05 11:34 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

I guess I'm just old-school. I'll take no weapon or one that would essentially boil down to no weapon.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/19/05 11:35 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

I guess I'm just old-school. I'll take no weapon or one that would essentially boil down to no weapon.




True enough. I was just trying to maximize my score is all.



Wake up CALL
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 11:35 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 11:37 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.




I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.




there's NO WAY you can analogize a room full of 5 year-olds to a pack of wild dogs. the dogs will be MUCH BETTER at working as a team, both instinctually and from their life experiences. also, the dogs would know where to attack to take the prey/opponent down and incapacitate it fastest, and they would strike quickly and effectively. one day of training could not bring 5 year-olds up to this level.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/19/05 11:40 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.



Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 11:42 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

how about a weedwhacker with the metal blade attachment? the 5 year-olds won't even be able to start it, and even if they do they can't lift it. you could just lay into them with that spinning blade.

note that this carries a big risk, as you're in a room full of 5 year-olds and weedwhackers, and if you fall down they probably won't even need to start the thing to [censored] you up.

choose the weedwhacker if you like to GAMBOOOOL!!!!111


Slacker13
(Pooh-Bah)
01/19/05 11:42 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I see many responses in the 10 range and cannot figure this out. I got jumped by 5 adults once and though they did some damage they never came close to taking me out. One swat to a 5 year old and he's on the floor crying. I would say stamina comes into play, you would tire after x amount of 5 yr olds so that's what needs to be determined first. I would say for myself, in my current shape I could take at least 30+ 5 yr olds, give me a cup to protect the jewels and increase the number to 50. Give me a month or two to exercise and I think I could do 80 easily. Now I am talking your average 5 yr old, untrained and not organized.
You could stand in one spot spinning in a circle with your arms out and take out at least 10 or so.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/19/05 11:51 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.



Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.




I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.

BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/19/05 11:53 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.



Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.




I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.

BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.



Probably, but I really think this is the kind of thing that needs to be experienced 'for real' and loses much of its value when ported to a TV screen. Don't get me wrong - it'd be fun as hell, but I think it'd not have much replay value.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/19/05 11:59 AM
Re: What about with weapons?!!!

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.



Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.




I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.

BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.



Probably, but I really think this is the kind of thing that needs to be experienced 'for real' and loses much of its value when ported to a TV screen. Don't get me wrong - it'd be fun as hell, but I think it'd not have much replay value.




True, but I bet it would be hard to get the parents to sign the waivers

I wonder how many hungry (of course they'd be ill-tempered) house cats people think they could take out. That'd be more of a challenge then the 5yr olds I think. I say if they are truly hungry/angry, maybe 15 cats could do the trick.


DukeSucks
(maverick avatar mechanic)
01/19/05 08:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think I would also have a pocket full of new pennies or other shiny things. That way, if they did rush at you, you could throw the pennies on the floor, distracting half of them, which would buy you some time to regroup.

Plus, in a group of 100 5-year olds, probably at least 10 of them would put the pennies in their mouth. They start passing out from choking, and your score just went up.


vulturesrow
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 09:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Gonores,

I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 09:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Gonores,

I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.



We have plenty of jarheads here. Besides the swinging wing don't know squat about killing 5 year-olds unless you want them blown up.


Yeti
(Abominable)
01/19/05 10:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Great thread.

This question becomes a lot more interesting if we consider 9 or 10 year olds. I think 20 would definitely be tricky then.

Am I allowed to headbutt?


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 10:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Am I allowed to headbutt?



obviously, but what are you gonna do, crawl around headbutting?


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
01/19/05 10:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Naturally, we'd need a trip report, but, yeah...feel free... Assuming you aren't trying to make money off it

Yeti
(Abominable)
01/19/05 10:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

10 Pick nearest child up with two hands.
20 Lift child to head height.
30 Headbutt.
40 Goto 10


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/19/05 10:15 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

10 Pick nearest child up with two hands.
20 Lift child to head height.
30 Headbutt.
40 Goto 10



Sweet Alaskan asparagus tips! That's way too slow.


Yeti
(Abominable)
01/19/05 10:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'd obviously be thrashing around with my legs too.

I'm not saying this is the most +EV way to play it, not by a long way. But you can't beat a bit o' tupping.


Madtown
(Mish-Mash Founder)
01/19/05 11:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have since concluded that the responses in this thread are vastly overestimating the physical strength and intelligence of ever the top 50% of 5 year olds. Since these are REAL 5 year olds and not zombie genetically modified super 5 year olds, I would conservatively estimate my number at 75, and it could be as high as twice that.

Jake (The Snake)
(Pooh-Bah)
01/20/05 12:03 AM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

These are "average" 5 year olds. AVERAGE AVERAGE AVERAGE. That means there are many fat kids, unathletic kids, and girls. In a group of 30 there would be maybe 3 or 4 that I'd be worried about.

I have been a camp counselor for 10 and 11 year olds with groups of 20-30 kids and there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I could EASILY destroy them. Like above, there would be maybe 3 or 4 I'd be worried about and these kids are TWICE THEIR AGE!

5 year olds? I bet I could take on about 80. At that point there would be just too many and they would swarm over me, but less than 30? Come on now... how many of you have actually been with large groups of 5 year olds?


Jake (The Snake)
(Pooh-Bah)
01/20/05 12:05 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

nope, not if they're AVERAGE 10 year olds. I think 40 or 50 is reasonable then.

shemp
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/20/05 12:10 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I've actually done this, and while it's no fun when there are a ton of the little bastiges, once you get down to the last few, and you're kicking the crap out of them, it's a party.

vulturesrow
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/20/05 12:17 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Gonores,

I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.



We have plenty of jarheads here. Besides the swinging wing don't know squat about killing 5 year-olds unless you want them blown up.




Well we could give one call for fire per hour to the adult. Say maybe a single salvo from a battalion battery, load up some DPICM.


Malone Brown
(enthusiast)
01/20/05 01:12 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have thought about this before when wresling with a couple of my 5 year oldish cousins. I think the best thing to do would be to run around untill the kids spread out a bit then hit them one by one, not giving them a chance to overwhelm you. 5 year olds are extremely light, you could toss them really high in the air one at a time, when they land, they are bound to break something and are not getting up. i agree that you will be limited by stamina, I think people are definately underestimated how useless 5 year olds are.
Malone


TimM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/20/05 01:43 AM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

how many of you have actually been with large groups of 5 year olds?




On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.


Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/20/05 02:12 AM
5 year olds

so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?

I'm saying he could take ALL of them


Sponger.
(HEADS WILL ROLL)
01/20/05 03:03 AM
Re: 5 year olds

Quote:

so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?

I'm saying he could take ALL of them




Wrong. Bruce probably couldn't take 2x the ammount of kids we could


private joker
(public nuisance)
01/20/05 03:38 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



Bring it on, motherfuckers!!!


Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/20/05 03:51 AM
Re: 5 year olds

Quote:

Quote:

so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?

I'm saying he could take ALL of them




Wrong. Bruce probably couldn't take 2x the ammount of kids we could




I'd be willing to put down a jackson that he could. Too bad no way to test it (poll?).


Tron
(1 2 3 4 fiiiif)
01/20/05 04:00 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:



Bring it on, motherfuckers!!!




AK-47 IS THE TOOL! DON'T MAKE ME ACT A MOTHAFUKKIN' FOOL! -Ice Cube of NWA


Chobohoya
(old hand)
01/21/05 03:51 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread is one of the best reasons I can think of for the existence of the internet. Good work all.

deacsoft
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/21/05 04:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

What is the most a 5 year old can weigh? 60 lbs??






(just in case the pic doesn't work: Fat Kid


radek
(*)
01/24/05 01:52 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Me VS 1 5 year old I think the 5 year old wins. I am out of shape and drink too much beer!

Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/24/05 08:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

I think the number is a lot less than people think, and definitely less than 30.




I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs. I think the five year olds would have you on the ground pretty quick and that's the ballgame.




there's NO WAY you can analogize a room full of 5 year-olds to a pack of wild dogs. the dogs will be MUCH BETTER at working as a team, both instinctually and from their life experiences. also, the dogs would know where to attack to take the prey/opponent down and incapacitate it fastest, and they would strike quickly and effectively. one day of training could not bring 5 year-olds up to this level.




We are talking about a huge tiger (even for a tiger 800 pounds is huge) and while five year olds are not wild dogs, you are not a tiger. Wild dogs are small and incredibly weak in comparison to a large tiger. In fact, I think most 2+2ers could take a wild dog in hand to hand combat; we outweigh them by a lot, are stronger, and most of us are smarter.

Yet the difference between an 800 pound tiger and a grown human is greater than a grown human and a 5 year old human. I think most of you are underestimating the problem that being vastly outnumbered poses, regardless of the strength of the individuals.

So given this difference, I think you will get an upper bound on the number of 5 year olds a 2+2er can take by figuring out how many unarmed 2+2ers it would take to kill an 800 pound tiger.

I think this number is somewhere between 15 and 40.

A related question would be, how many ants can you take? The answer is not all of them.


kemystery
(Pooh Bah)
01/24/05 08:46 AM
Re: 5 year olds

Bruce Lee would shred those little tykes, 100 at least - the man could kill a full grown man with one blow

MMMMMM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 09:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?




Assume they are rabid.


Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/24/05 10:09 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Also, does the fact that I might have a hard time really hitting a 5 year old matter? Or should I just assume that if the situation were to arise I could go after them full on?




Assume they are rabid.




Psh. These are 5 year olds. This should be reason enough.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/24/05 10:46 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Anyone ever play Pikmin (or Pikmin 2)?

TimM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 11:22 AM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.




Poor turnout due to snow, so there were not enough 5 year olds to pose a threat. I will say this though: 5 year olds are really bad at chess.


Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/24/05 11:27 AM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

Quote:

On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.





Poor turnout due to snow, so there were not enough 5 year olds to pose a threat. I will say this though: 5 year olds are really bad at chess.




Lmao. The real question is, how many 5 year olds would it take to beat Kasparov at chess.


nicky g
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 11:58 AM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

I think the real question is how many five year olds it would take to beat a tiger.

Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 02:52 PM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

I think the real question is how many five year olds it would take to beat a tiger.




after a thousand or so it collapses from exhaustion and ends up choking to death on an arm or leg.


Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/24/05 03:17 PM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

I think the real question is how many five year olds it would take to beat a tiger.




The correct answer is 1252. Do you see why? I'll let others elaborate.


Pharity
(addict)
01/24/05 05:27 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

There is only one way to find out! (Find a really big kindergarden)

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 05:35 PM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

I think the real question is how many five year olds it would take to beat a tiger.




That depends?

Am I throwing the 5 yr olds at the tiger? Or am I beating the tiger with them by swinging them from their legs like a baseball bat?

Can I freeze the 5 yr olds first to make them sting more?


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/24/05 05:41 PM
Re: 5 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Quote:

Can I freeze the 5 yr olds first to make them sting more?




quote of the day.


Shoe
(King of the Stock Market)
01/24/05 09:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This would be a good topic over at QLC... and if trained right I think it would be hard to take more than 15.

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 04:36 PM
Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

I jusr ordered 65 of these.



Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
01/25/05 04:39 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

Quote:

I jusr ordered 65 of these.





Is there a price break when you buy in bulk?


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 04:39 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

Nope, but hopefully I will be able to return them after they are use.

That is, if the blood stains come out.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 04:48 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

will you be wearing this?


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 04:50 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

Your pic did not link correctly. But if it was a picture of a assless leather chaps....

the answer of course is yes.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 04:57 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

Quote:

Your pic did not link correctly.




URL


Sponger.
(HEADS WILL ROLL)
01/25/05 05:02 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:


A related question would be, how many ants can you take? The answer is not all of them.




So you're saying you can't walk in a circle?


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/25/05 05:08 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

I need to get my avatar poll off the ground, because I am really torn between tecmo and this little tyke with location.

"Snapping Peter Pan Jr's Neck"

or

"You want some of this?"


something...christ I'm stoned.


Dr. Strangelove
(veteran)
01/25/05 09:04 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:


A related question would be, how many ants can you take? The answer is not all of them.




So you're saying you can't walk in a circle?




So you're saying you could take all of them?


Bez
(old hand)
01/26/05 12:40 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Any decent sized male could take on an almost infinite number of 5 yr olds. They could barely hurt you.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/26/05 09:32 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Any decent sized male could take on an almost infinite number of 5 yr olds. They could barely hurt you.




Your average 5 yr old, sure.

But these are ill-tempered 5 yr olds. Not to be tarried with.


TimM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 10:43 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Any decent sized male could take on an almost infinite number of 5 yr olds. They could barely hurt you.




Your average 5 yr old, sure.

But these are ill-tempered 5 yr olds. Not to be tarried with.




Plus if you get enough of them in a small space, their screaming could reach a decibel level high enough to cause unconsciousness.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 10:57 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Plus if you get enough of them in a small space, their screaming could reach a decibel level high enough to cause unconsciousness.




Funny, I always imagined them with muzzles.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 10:59 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Plus if you get enough of them in a small space, their screaming could reach a decibel level high enough to cause unconsciousness.




Funny, I always imagined them with muzzles.




if they had to wear muzzles this would be way too easy. everyone could probably double their number.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 11:02 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I know I just wanted people to picture the little brats with muzzles on.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/26/05 11:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I this thread.

it's everything that's wrong with OOT.



lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 11:35 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I know I just wanted people to picture the little brats with muzzles on.




i do everytime i'm on an airplane or at a restaurant/movie near one.

if the enclosed space in question here was a commercial passenger airplane, say a boeing 737, how would that affect the number of 5 year-olds you think you could take? the seats would obviously be a big obstacle (for you and the 5 year-olds).


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/26/05 02:55 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How many 6 yr olds could you handle?

At what age does the number you can handle drop off significantly?

I'm thinking 8 yrs old.


CSguy
(enthusiast)
01/26/05 05:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

All of the tactics and strategies being discussed in this thread will be very usefull when the Martians invade.

2+2ers will be the only people left in the world.

- Jason


TimM
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/26/05 06:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

2+2ers will be the only people left in the world.




[censored], there go all the good poker games.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
01/27/05 04:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Seriously, can we get this thread stickied?

This should be everyone's intro to OOT.


soundgarden4
(journeyman)
01/27/05 06:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I agree, I never came into OOT and then one day I had nothing better to do at work and wandered in here and this was the first post I read. Funniest thing ever. I even copy and pasted some of the best responses and sent them to my friends. Now I try and read all the OOT posts, but there's so much crap it's hard, yet I can't stop reading them.
Sticky it.

kevin


Loser
(enthusiast)
01/28/05 11:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think that everyone is forgetting the axioms to this problem. Clearly gonores, being locked up in his own statistical knowledge, chose 30 due to it being the minimum number need for a standard bell curve normalized distribution. He knows he can get some extraneously fit/aggressives to compensate for the weaker runts of the group. He has know clue what to consider in his assessment and hasn't given a good evaluation other than a statistical cliche. When you assess the area of combat 30 is too small of number as I bump up the value--for any average American adult (wheter male or female) to at least 60.
Humbling yourself when it comes to the distruction of an inferior opponent/opponents is a disgrace to yourself, puberty, and poker players natural competitive insticts.


Zoltri
(old hand)
01/28/05 11:33 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Huh?




MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
01/30/05 05:30 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

bump because this is betta then whats up there right now.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
02/03/05 02:49 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How many 5 year old could the Texas Tech swim team and that french chick handle?

Or even better, how many 5 year olds would it take to shovel a tunnel through this:



This was on page 5 for me. WTF?


Jonny
(old hand)
02/03/05 03:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

best thread i've ever seen. I could take 40 with ease.

jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/03/05 03:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

best thread i've ever seen. I could take 40 with ease.




I can't belive this...


...is still alive.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
02/22/05 01:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Bump cause the rocket scientist said to.

Having worked with some youths here recently, at my wife's community theatre, I confidently proclaim I could take 30 7 year olds. (Even if they were ill-tempered)


Fratony
(enthusiast)
02/22/05 01:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I havent read all of the responses, because there are way too many, but i think the fact that they will "swarm you" is irrelevant unless there are an exorborant amount. If they start around you, you could easily charge at 1 or 5 and just run them over. All you have to do is make sure to run around enough to not encounter too many at once. If they bundle together, pick off the ones on the edges. I would think it would just be a game of endurance.

Tron
(1 2 3 4 fiiiif)
02/22/05 01:34 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm so glad this thread is back.

Shajen
(OOT Pro)
02/22/05 01:35 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

you seriously should read all the responses. There's some comedic gold in this thread.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/22/05 01:37 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I'm so glad this thread is back.




this thread needs to be stickied.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/22/05 02:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Sneaking in at work...this thread is da bomb. It was the running joke of my trip this weekend to montreal. But 5 yr olds was replaced with...
17 yr old girls, Canadian prostitutes, Strippers, Mounties, etc.

And in some instances, the verb was different..


htc1278
(member)
02/22/05 05:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm pretty sure I could take 65-80 w/out weapons and if given the option for a weapon I would take a gas powered lawnmower and chop them up all Dead Alive style. There's no way they could pull the start cord on theirs or lift it high enough to hurt me.

I'd back up towards a corner and destroy them all--until I was out of gas...


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/22/05 05:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I'm pretty sure I could take 65-80 w/out weapons and if given the option for a weapon I would take a gas powered lawnmower and chop them up all Dead Alive style. There's no way they could pull the start cord on theirs or lift it high enough to hurt me.

I'd back up towards a corner and destroy them all--until I was out of gas...




but remember that would put you in a room roughly the size of a basketball court with not only 65-80 five year olds, but also 65-80 lawnmowers. you wouldn't be able to manuever yours, and you'd get tired pretty quick trying to carry and swing it around.


Fratony
(enthusiast)
02/22/05 05:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think using the 5y/o's as weapons is a rather intelligent idea. I bet if you got a hold of one you could swing those things pretty damn fast, and toss them too.

htc1278
(member)
02/22/05 05:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think that once my arms and shoulders got tired I would resort to the bullrush/slam heads off walls method (although this is definitely where the other lawnmowers as obstacles creates a great problem). Would there be any of those Maury Povich 300lb 5 year olds to contend with?

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/27/05 09:59 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

bump....for the children.

bholdr
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/27/05 10:20 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

this thread should be made sticky, as an example of the kind of discourse new posters in oot should aspire to.

best thread EVER, ANYWHERE!


Drac
(addict)
02/28/05 01:11 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

My 5 year old daughter weighs over 60 pounds and has very little fat on her body. She is in the 90th percentile for weight for girls but there are plenty of boys her size and larger. Having a pool of 2x to select from will lead to some good size rug rats coming after you. People that think you can't be knocked out quickly by a 5 year old are insane. Once you are on the ground one of the little bastards will do a running cannon ball on your head and game over. They certainly don't need any training to learn this move as I've experience it more than once when wrestling with a pack of the little buggers. I also think it's a lot harder to run through kids, knocking them down, trampling them, etc. without going down. Ramming your leg into a skull will throw you off balance (I know, I just tried it on my daughter) and you may well trip on the corpse you just created (I know I just did). I'm going with a number around 30 as reasonable as the ability to pick the best from the 2x group AND an entire day to train them will make them considerably more challenging than going down to the local daycare and stomping on the first herd you run into.

It's scary to realize how much thought I put into this question and the above only reflects a small percentage of my work. Sick may be a better word.


BradleyT
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 01:56 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think you're over-estimating their ability to take you down.

5 year olds are pussies who don't have any developed muscles.


Reef
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 02:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think you're over-estimating their ability to take you down.

5 year olds are pussies who don't have any developed muscles.




I could undoubtedly take out the toughest 5 year old in the world with my legs and arms tied together


Filet O' Fish
(journeyman)
02/28/05 03:44 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Abso-freakin-lutely amazing how many replies this post has received. The only thing that could help spike this number now is if Malmsky got into the fray.

deacsoft
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 03:47 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread ownes, but my question is: Why hasn't anybody posted the results yet? I'd do it but I just don't know enough 5 year olds.

Eihli
(**)
02/28/05 04:39 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Did you forget this question is hypothetical?

Eihli
(**)
02/28/05 04:47 AM
nm

nm

Eihli
(**)
02/28/05 04:47 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'll bet it would be possible, with a good bit of work, to determine this using computer simulation. Trying to figure out the question "How many" is a lot harder than "How long can you run?", "How much strength does it take to knock out a 5 year old?", "How many five year olds can attack someone at once?", "How hard can an average 5 year old kick/bite/etc?". It should be much easier for people to agree with a relatively close number on those questions. Use those answers to have factors like endurance, endurance regeneration, strength, etc... plug them in to some type of computer simulation and ta da, problem solved.

Would there be any interest in a project like this?


Michael Davis
(Little Pimp)
02/28/05 04:57 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread, like Samuel Jackson, has become a caricature of itself. There hasn't been anything worthwhile posted here in about 200 responses. Make that 201.

-Michael


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 09:39 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Did you just make a post not referencing your winrate? or a headsup match?

Is everything ok?


good natured ribbing


asofel
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 09:43 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I think you're over-estimating their ability to take you down.

5 year olds are pussies who don't have any developed muscles.




I could undoubtedly take out the toughest 5 year old in the world with my legs and arms tied together




no way...you know there's some 5 year old out there who's a 9th degree blackbelt who'd kick your ass...


Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 10:08 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This is the best OOT post ever.

Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 11:36 AM
So many questions!

Quote:

I'll bet it would be possible, with a good bit of work, to determine this using computer simulation. Trying to figure out the question "How many" is a lot harder than "How long can you run?", "How much strength does it take to knock out a 5 year old?", "How many five year olds can attack someone at once?", "How hard can an average 5 year old kick/bite/etc?". It should be much easier for people to agree with a relatively close number on those questions. Use those answers to have factors like endurance, endurance regeneration, strength, etc... plug them in to some type of computer simulation and ta da, problem solved.

Would there be any interest in a project like this?




Excellent point. We really can't answer this question with any degree of certainty until we start breaking it down into smaller elements.

To me, here are the two hugely key questions:

1) What tactics would the 5-year olds learn during their hour about how to bring you down to your knees, or lower?

2) What tactics would you learn to stop them from doing this?

3) Given #1 and #2, how quickly could they bring you down to your knees, or lower? On average?

4) If they did bring you down to your knees, or lower, what % of the time could you right yourself and toss the little buggers off?

Seems to me that as long as you're upright, you're golden. But as soon as enough of them are clasped around your legs to make you immobile/easily tripped, or enough of them are underneath you to make you fall, you're in trouble.

My guess is that dispatching the first 10 or 20 will be a massive piece of cake, but by 25 or 30 they'll get you down, and start jumping on your head. At that point you won't have any idea where you are or what the hell is going on -- it'll be like being surrounded by a swarm of hornets.

50-50 to get up at that point. If you get up and shake them off, you can probably take down another 20 or so, rinse, repeat.

So my guess is around 40.

Follow up question: Instead of being slightly above-average 5-year olds, they are little f'ing well-organized and super-intelligent geniuses like in Ender's Game. Not any stronger than the usual 5-year old, but basically adult minds in 5-year old bodies.

How many are you taking down then?

Or, more humorously put: what's your magic number if you have to fight that many 2+2'ers, shrunk down to the size of 5-year olds?


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 12:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ramming your leg into a skull will throw you off balance (I know, I just tried it on my daughter) and you may well trip on the corpse you just created (I know I just did).




just when i thought nothing could be added to this thread to make it better, a statement like this is made.

eagle.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/28/05 12:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

This thread, like Samuel Jackson, has become a caricature of itself. There hasn't been anything worthwhile posted here in about 200 responses. Make that 201.

-Michael




just one example of how wrong you are


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
02/28/05 01:01 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I'll bet it would be possible, with a good bit of work, to determine this using computer simulation. Trying to figure out the question "How many" is a lot harder than "How long can you run?", "How much strength does it take to knock out a 5 year old?", "How many five year olds can attack someone at once?", "How hard can an average 5 year old kick/bite/etc?". It should be much easier for people to agree with a relatively close number on those questions. Use those answers to have factors like endurance, endurance regeneration, strength, etc... plug them in to some type of computer simulation and ta da, problem solved.

Would there be any interest in a project like this?



I spend my entire day developing, running, and analyzing the results of computer simulations of many different structures, both static and dynamic. It is my professional opinion that it would be damn near impossible to get a realistic and accurate simulation like this, and if you could do it, it would take an investment on the order of hundreds of thousands of dollars (at least if you hired out the equivalent of me/my company to do the work). I really think conjecture is a more accurate and cheaper way to assess this situation.

To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
02/28/05 01:02 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Ramming your leg into a skull will throw you off balance (I know, I just tried it on my daughter) and you may well trip on the corpse you just created (I know I just did).




just when i thought nothing could be added to this thread to make it better, a statement like this is made.

eagle.



Agreed. Brilliant!


Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 01:10 PM
Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Quote:

To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.




That was me -- and here I have to agree with the folks who point out just how puny and weak 5-year olds are. I think that the main difference with the 2+2'ers is that they'll bring you down faster and you'll be more likely to stay down. But you still need enough to swarm, and while we'd be better organized, it's not like we'd have a hive mind.

I'll put my guess for 2+2'ers at something like 20. 25 max. Five or six get taken out quickly, the remaining 15 swarm, 5 more get taken out but the final 10 gouge your eyes out and rip your ears off .


Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
02/28/05 01:13 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Quote:

Quote:

To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.




That was me -- and here I have to agree with the folks who point out just how puny and weak 5-year olds are. I think that the main difference with the 2+2'ers is that they'll bring you down faster and you'll be more likely to stay down. But you still need enough to swarm, and while we'd be better organized, it's not like we'd have a hive mind.

I'll put my guess for 2+2'ers at something like 20. 25 max. Five or six get taken out quickly, the remaining 15 swarm, 5 more get taken out but the final 10 gouge your eyes out and rip your ears off .



I'm thinking a combination eyes/face and nuts attack in combination with a whipsaw variant to ensure you get taken down. If we're playing the variation where we get to choose a weapon, my 'weapon' would definitely be a cup. In this challenge, I think a very manly woman (or a castrated Grey) has a decided advantage.


Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 01:18 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

What's the whipsaw variant?

Patrick del Poker Grande
(Rocket Scientist)
02/28/05 01:24 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Some sort of play where they lay down behind you and the others push you over the one behind you and trip you to the ground.

Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 01:42 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Gotcha. I think that a well-coordinated mass of 5-year olds could bring someone down to their knees pretty quickly. I know that you're not allowed to touch a wall, but if I were the big guy here I'd have to stand with my back to it to have a chance.

Which brings us to the natural question, gonores (if you're still around), what happens if you DO touch a wall?

ooh, ooh, I'll ask and answer this one . . . each wall is covered with nasty pointy spikes, ala the final room in The Running Man. That'll make sure you don't back up against it, and it will make you wary of putting your back to it as well!

Seriously, I think the Magic Number is 10 or 20 less than normal (at least) if it's very difficult to stop them from getting behind you.

Another consider: offense/defense. Do they automatically attack? Must you automatically attack? The attacker, it seems, has the disadvantage here. Is there a time limit, i.e., you have to bring them down in ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? An hour?


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
02/28/05 03:20 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Quote:

what happens if you DO touch a wall?




You lose.

Sorry the response is boring.


Grisgra
(Calling you down with K-high.)
02/28/05 03:27 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Quote:

Quote:

what happens if you DO touch a wall?




You lose.

Sorry the response is boring.




I like the wall-of-daggers idea much better.


meep_42
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/16/05 03:20 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Post of the year, deserves another look-see.

-d


KidPokerX
(addict)
03/16/05 03:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

probably 15

MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/16/05 03:46 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

From my Friend who I have discussed this with:

By the way, I was at the Christening the next day and there was a girl there who was about to turn 5. I though about putting her through some tests (you know, make her run a 50 yard dash, lift some weights, climb over objects) but I didn't know her family so I figured it wasn't a good idea. I mean, what would I tell her, "I know what you're thinking, I'm not trying to molest your daughter. That's sick. I'm trying to figure out how many of her I can kill."


odellthurman
(Cool Hand Luke)
03/16/05 05:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I don't normally read OOT, but saw this and had to throw in some bragging. I have a son who has just turned 6. He takes karate and is a badass. If I could coach him and some of his bigger and quicker buddies on some tactics and strategy, I think about 10-15 of them could whip you.

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/16/05 05:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I don't normally read OOT, but saw this and had to throw in some bragging. I have a son who has just turned 6. He takes karate and is a badass. If I could coach him and some of his bigger and quicker buddies on some tactics and strategy, I think about 10-15 of them could whip you.




you can't have all black-belt 5 year-olds:

Quote:

The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.




certainly extensive martial arts training is an abnormality in terms of demographics. out of 1,000 random american 5 year-olds, how many have that level of martial arts training? 1? 2? you can add one martial-arts trained 5 year-old to the mix of average 5 year-olds with one day of training and my number doesn't change. using 10-15 of them who have your son's level of training would violate the conditions of this thread. assuming you could do that, though, i would be inclined to agree that 10-15 5 year-olds with extensive martial arts training could take out an average adult.


tolbiny
(*)
03/16/05 05:34 PM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

WE have the technology to do this-
we just clone Evan and give him a couple of years to grow.


odellthurman
(Cool Hand Luke)
03/16/05 05:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

One followup question - Would my son and his buddies fight gonores only, or gonores AND his personal assistant?

tolbiny
(*)
03/16/05 05:45 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

ok-
assuming an average sized high scholl gymnasium-
i think i could take 70-80 if i have a week or two to get ready.

I start in the middle of the room- when the whistle blows (or whatever) i lower my shoulder and sprint in any direction- bowling over five or six kids. i cut hard to either the right or the left knocking over a few more, cut again, a couple more. this should scatter most of the kids as i keep this up and then i grab one shrieking little sh*t by the ankles and use him as a weapon if any amount of them has formed a group i toss him directly into their center. i do this any time i see a clump of them organizing. Other wise i stick to the charge at them philosophy, pausing for breath and punch and kick whoever is closest. I think i could def take 70.


odellthurman
(Cool Hand Luke)
03/17/05 12:05 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I discussed this with my son this evening before he went to bed, and he is ready to whip some ass.

bholdr
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/17/05 01:11 AM
This is the greatest thread of all time.

any forum, anywhere, hands down, the G.O.A.T.

and my answer is 'all of them'.


yoshi_yoshi
(member)
03/17/05 03:58 AM
to whoever last bumped this thread

thank you, sir

wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/17/05 04:00 AM
Re: Regarding 2+2'ers shrunk down to 5-year old size . . .

Quote:

WE have the technology to do this-
we just clone Evan and give him a couple of years to grow.




wow.


nihasa3000
(stranger)
03/20/05 02:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think what the most of you are forgetting is the fact that you are drunk...I don't know how well you can react, but I know I do slag a bit...I could probably take on about 25 5 year olds...I know karate, but still being drunk plays a bigger role then what you think...

hicherbie
(*)
03/20/05 02:45 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

yeah dude 30 is a lot.
and im 6'1, so im sure id be taking heavy fire in all the wrong places.
maybe 10, i could beat the crap out of ten.


Grey
(Alien Pirate)
03/20/05 04:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

ok-
assuming an average sized high scholl gymnasium-
i think i could take 70-80 if i have a week or two to get ready.

I start in the middle of the room- when the whistle blows (or whatever) i lower my shoulder and sprint in any direction- bowling over five or six kids. i cut hard to either the right or the left knocking over a few more, cut again, a couple more. this should scatter most of the kids as i keep this up and then i grab one shrieking little sh*t by the ankles and use him as a weapon if any amount of them has formed a group i toss him directly into their center. i do this any time i see a clump of them organizing. Other wise i stick to the charge at them philosophy, pausing for breath and punch and kick whoever is closest. I think i could def take 70.


I think you're overestimating how well a thrown kid will disperse a crowd, and underestimating both their regrouping speed, and their ability to avoid your shoulder. Unless you're sonic the hedgehog. 5-year olds tend to be on the short side.

Martin Aigner
(old hand)
03/20/05 07:09 PM
roflol

hilarious

herzog3
(stranger)
03/20/05 09:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok, time to get serious about these rules and the situation. We need some more details if we're ever going to figure out a DECENT estimate here.

Let's assume:
- You start in the middle of the basketball court area.
- The kids start randomly surrounding you.
- The kids have NORMAL 5-year-old intelligence, organization, and retention of information and training. The training they receive would give them broad tactical ability, like "swarm him" or "go for the legs", or "bite".
- The kids have ABNORMAL response to seeing you kick other kid asses. They simply don't fear you at all.
- The kids have an ABNORMAL threshhold for pain. I don't like "zombie kids" because I think that's giving them a little too much credit. I imagine a very determined 5-year-old, with NO super-strength or pain resistance - let's assume an adult-fighting-for-life pain threshhold.

Now to reiterate - everyone is wearing normal clothes. You get a cup. First, let's "know the enemy":

http://www.umext.maine.edu/onlinepubs/htmpubs/GrowYears/4251.htm

"By 5 years of age, an average child is 43 inches tall and weighs about 41 pounds. At 5 years of age, height can range from 40 to 47 inches and weight can range from 34 to 52 pounds."

Now reading all these posts, I think 30 is low if you have a decent enough strategy. A basketball court is plenty big - think of little kids playing kickball indoors or dodgeball or something - they would be fairly spread out to start. You can probably take out 5 or so before they get tightly grouped, and run around plucking them off. The real limitation becomes the size of the room, followed by exhaustion, but seriously, in a life-or-death sort of situation, I think it'd be very hard to lose against 30 without making a big mistake. People that are thinking 10 or fewer are obviously thinking of wrestling with little kids which is always an unfair situation - you're not trying to keep your distance, and they're not necessary trying not to hurt you, so occasionally you take a hit to the face or get smooshed or something. Imagine ugly green aliens with the same strength, speed, height and intelligence of 5 year olds and it's easier to imagine mopping up.

I would predict 50-60 for me, limited by the size of the room (the grabbing the leg tactic would eventually let them tip me I think, and there wouldn't be enough room to run). I think exhaustion wouldn't be such an issue at this level - you'd be winded but how long would this really take? 10 minutes absolute tops? More like 5. It would go very quickly once the clock started.

BTW, found this from waxy.org. Great thread.


nickey009
(*)
03/22/05 07:46 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread is famous...sorta'

http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?t=34561


kurosh
(using god mode)
03/23/05 12:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This is what the average zombie 5 year old looks like. Know your enemy.



locomotivbreth
(stranger)
03/23/05 07:51 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Definitely at least 30. With the terms as they are for this battle royal (and assuming as another respondent said that my conscience would not get in the way of the repeated knocking 5 year olds unconscious) the 5 year olds would not have much of a chance to knock me out. I'm not saying it wouldn't get hairy at times, but the fact is that 5 year olds are like barely above toddlers and just simply would not recover quickly from a shot of any kind from a full grown adult fighting for his consciousness. Incidentally, whoever posted this should be commended for starting this thread. I have had similar debates on many occasions.

SupaTuffDude
(stranger)
03/23/05 11:08 AM
At least 50 for me

Ever see The One, at the end where he is whoopin all the cons on the prison planet, That would be me whoopin Lil 5 year olds all day long. No 5 year old or group of 5 year olds would stand a chance against my Supa Powa Style Fighting skills.

Jetcar
(stranger)
03/23/05 01:18 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I actually can say from having run Judo classes for 5-8 year olds, that an infinite number would be unrealistic. Classes ranged from 18-25 participants, and the warm-up would be for them to come at me all at once, and I would dispatch them as I saw fit. Our rules were different, obviously, the students had to practice their break falls and rolls once I sent them flying, and our area was about a quarter of the size of a basketball gym. I would say around 45-60 would be a realistic number, given the space (quite large in a gym) and the fitness level of the person delivering the knockouts. In my case, while doing the warm ups with the classes, I often projected the kids into other oncoming students as a measure of self defense. It would be pretty easy to do similarly as this thread suggests. You wouldn't necessarily have to knock them all out on the first shot, but just buy some time.

Girchuck
(old hand)
03/23/05 04:10 PM
How would you train them?

If the kids have clothes, some could be trained to take them off, manufacture ropes and nets out of their pants and shirts, and take you down, while others threaten you with charging en masse. If the training is differential, and the teams have labor division, it could get very interesting.
If you were in charge of training the kids and you knew how many you have, how would you do it?
How would you train 10 kids, 20, 30, 50?


odellthurman
(Cool Hand Luke)
03/23/05 04:30 PM
Re: How would you train them?

Now, we have a suggestion that 5 year olds be "trained" to take their clothes off. Is Michael Jackson a brown trout? Sup bro?

kalwein
(stranger)
03/23/05 05:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Not so... a never ending amount CAN be accomplished... as follows:

No group of five-year-olds is going to out-stamina a normal adult male fighting for his life. Id keep running around until they run out of breath chasing me or until they fall asleep, then stomp on their windpipes as fast as I could get around to them...a rate of at least 2 per minute after I get into the swing of things.

With this in mind... I see wiping out about 30-60 of these guys initially (depending on the dispersion probabilities), enough to clear some terrain to maneuver in. Then, Id wait until they tire of chasing me (remember, my legs cover four times or more the distance of their legs).

While they rest, Id first build cover by piling the dead bodies into a rough fort configuration and improvise a weapon or two from the same, perhaps a leg bone or two with a head tied on via some gut. I'll need this fort and weaponry later.... With enough opponents taken down, I should be able to build at least a full four-sided fort around myself. Id try to slow their advance by use of bodily fluids and squishy parts to create a slick on the field. This would give enough cover and time advantage to negate arguments based on the swarm, overbear and take down approach they might employ.

Id begin the out-maneuvering and tiring them again phase after Ive made the makeshift fort. After tiring them out, Id begin killing them off at the rate of 2 per minute, once they pass out or lay down to rest (crush windpipes, snap necks, etc). Build up the mound around the fort while I do so... it's my future defense...Not to mention, it will likely be my primary source of future nutrition. I suspect their blood content may well also be the only source of water Ill encounter in this absurd scenario.

Since exhaustion is now my primary gating factor... I would rest in the fort of dead bodies I created. No 5-year-old is going to be able to climb through the squishy pile of his former 'friends' when they are piled ten high. Just in case, Id spend some of down time fashioning 8 caltrops made from rib bones tied together with gut, handily supplied by the now dead bodies. These would be strewn around the entrance.

I half suspect a few more kids will die trying to get in. Somewhere along the line, Id capture a few kids and tie them near the opening of the fort (with my clothes initially then eventually with rope made from gut). Doubtless they will give warning, albeit unintentionally, when the swarm starts trying to get in again.

I should be able to rest for 5-6 hours per night and still be functional, since I do this already...Five year olds need 8-10 hours per night...that give me three hours per day, at least, during which I can kill them at a rate of 2 per minute, or at least 180 per night.

Id be pretty tired for the first week or so of this. Fortunately, however, my high protein diet, coupled with pretty of lifting exercise and the aerobic exercise of running around, would soon have me in tiptop shape. Over time, Id be able to improve my standard of living somewhat, by fashioning bone knives from the remains. This would help me skin the dead bodies, as time permitted. This skin could be used for clothing, decorative rug, rope, to make nets with, and to cover pits with (a future project). First Id have to thoroughly wet them down and cure them with human urine. Thered be no lack of that.

Id have to rebuild my fort every couple of days. The stench would make it not inhabitable, eventually. Fortunately, theres no lack of raw materials

Having now accomplished the food, water and shelter requirements of Maslowes pyramid, Id now begin my longer-term project of reconciling my bleak existence dealing with the endless swarm of human five-year-olds and my understanding of natural law

BR


jaztheclown
(stranger)
03/23/05 05:49 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I actually have a little experience in this weird though it seems. From my login name you can guess a previous occupation. I used to do hospital visit and play with the children on wards on the weekends when the play rooms were closed.

On the day in question a young lad named Myles (Yes he was 5) organised the other kids (Mixed ages but none over 10) to grab my ankles and lower legs. Once they were latched on they pushed until I toppled over. They then sat on me (It takes surprisingly few to weigh you down) and Myles stood on my head cracking it off the floor. Then in his excitement he dropped a turd on my face and the smell almost knocked me out.

I wouldn't go for the toughest kids or the biggest kids but the smartest kids. They are the ones that'll get you.

Back to the question at hand though. Presuming I am not hindered by big shoes, floppy hat, fake wig, bag full of balloons and being limited in my retaliation of pretending to cry then I reckon 20 - 30 is reasonable if they don't get co-ordinated. Half of that sitting on your chest is enough to stop you breathing and blacking out so does that count as a win for them?

Much more than 30 and you should expect to get crapped on

Jaz


bd8802
(addict)
03/23/05 05:51 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I actually have a little experience in this weird though it seems. From my login name you can guess a previous occupation. I used to do hospital visit and play with the children on wards on the weekends when the play rooms were closed.

On the day in question a young lad named Myles (Yes he was 5) organised the other kids (Mixed ages but none over 10) to grab my ankles and lower legs. Once they were latched on they pushed until I toppled over. They then sat on me (It takes surprisingly few to weigh you down) and Myles stood on my head cracking it off the floor. Then in his excitement he dropped a turd on my face and the smell almost knocked me out.

I wouldn't go for the toughest kids or the biggest kids but the smartest kids. They are the ones that'll get you.

Back to the question at hand though. Presuming I am not hindered by big shoes, floppy hat, fake wig, bag full of balloons and being limited in my retaliation of pretending to cry then I reckon 20 - 30 is reasonable if they don't get co-ordinated. Half of that sitting on your chest is enough to stop you breathing and blacking out so does that count as a win for them?

Much more than 30 and you should expect to get crapped on

Jaz




POTD canidate


Girchuck
(old hand)
03/23/05 05:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I was just going to suggest that part of the kids' training could be to throw their poop at you aiming for the eyes.

wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/23/05 06:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread will never die.

meep_42
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/23/05 06:31 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

It was very popular when I crossposted it to another forum, as well.

-d


rockymp9
(stranger)
03/23/05 07:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

No way. 5-year-olds don't often get hit by someone whose life (or simulated life) depends on the little kids getting seriously hurt. One shot to most of these kids will put them on the ground, and even if they get up they'll be crying and incapacitated.

-Michael




* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


I think people need to think of the 5 yr olds as animals and not babies. Or let me put it this way, would your answers change if we changed the question to same sized dwarves/midgets/little people?





Animals? Most 5 year olds have trouble assembling a transformer. A 5 year old is a minimal threat, regardless of numbers.


BradL
(old hand)
03/23/05 07:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:


If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.




Having not frequented OOT too often, this is the first time i stumbled across this thread. Having read this post, this is the second time today that I burst out laughing in a gradschool class.

-Brad


BradL
(old hand)
03/23/05 07:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok now thats three times burst out laughing in class today.

KMyers
(stranger)
03/23/05 09:23 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

So why do all of you assume it's a guy doing the defense? I used to be a field hockey goalie, and I have no nuts to defend.

Now, if they had adult planning skills, it would be much tougher... After all, if we were talking about 30 40-lb dogs, we might not be so optimistic. So - are teeth that much more worrisome than hands? If 3 kids hug each leg, what does that do to your maneuverability? Can a couple of them line up to form a knee-high barrier behind you that you can be pushed down over? Plus the downed attackers would be easy to stumble over...

If you fall and they pin each limb, the weight would be difficult. If they just go for the torso, then not so many can concentrate on the area.

My conclusion: if they don't get you down in a hurry and you can pick off a number of them right away, they are unlikely to prevail.


jedi
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/24/05 07:46 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

This thread will never die.




A non-poker playing colleague at work just emailed me this link. It's really getting around the world. I love the internet.


BillNye
(veteran)
03/24/05 07:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

200

fslexcduck
(52s go all in)
03/25/05 04:25 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

thought this thread could use 400 posts. it's funny because this was the question debated every day at lunch for an entire summer on this bike trip i was doing, except the question was posed as a gymnasium full of 8th graders. we decided they were too chicken [censored] to band together and as you'd only have to take them on one at a time, the answer was really a factor of stamina.

Stuey
(Avatar Freak)
03/25/05 05:08 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

People keep talking about the need for a cup. And how this will up their numbers. I don't think it matters.

I have seen a small man beat up 8 adult males. Yah I just watched. Why make it 9 hey? When a guy loses it he is unstopable. Hit him in the nuts he does not notice. This cannot be sustained for long however so time is the limit. Unless drugs are used of course. What if we put the kids on drugs?

So the number is based on how nuts you can go. This is a god given gift and cannot be learned. And how long you can keep it up. This is based on drug intake and or motivation.

People also fail to realize how fast a crazy guy could take these kids out. 30 could be done in under 1 min if he can bite and the kids don't work together perfectly.

Anyways I could not take more than 10, if no freaks were in my batch. I just don't get mad even when attacked. It would be hard not to laugh really. But I know guys and gals I would put money on that could take as many as you can fit into the room.

These guys are rare but they were 5 year olds at one time also. And I don't think I could take more than 2 of these sobs when they were 5.

ps When I was 6ish I was chopping wood and almost took off a toe. I'm told I didn't cry. What if the beggars don't feel pain! All that crying could be bs for attention!


shakabuku
(stranger)
03/25/05 05:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have been reading all the comments on this topic..great discussion guys. Most everyone would agree that the weakness of the 5 year olds is their size and ability to have the mindset of such a task. So, I question the board to this. How many adult midgets could you take out. Same rules apply.

FishBurger
(addict)
03/25/05 05:03 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Didn't Michael Jackson do this once?

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/25/05 06:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I have been reading all the comments on this topic..great discussion guys. Most everyone would agree that the weakness of the 5 year olds is their size and ability to have the mindset of such a task. So, I question the board to this. How many adult midgets could you take out. Same rules apply.




that depends. are we talking about this kind


or this kind
?


esher_04
(stranger)
03/25/05 10:59 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Couldnt the bouncy castle mode work to your advantage?

I mean take a big bounce and just spread your whole body out and land. Take out quite a few of them and scatter the rest, they'd fall over from the force of you hitting the floor and causing the rest of the castle to move up.


mm2x5
(stranger)
03/26/05 12:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I read this shaking my head. Most posters clearly don't have experience with 5 year olds. I have twin 5 yr olds. They DO have a longer attention span than discussed, esp if it is 5 year old boys and it is about fighting. They are made out of rubber. Their heads are like bowling balls (ouch). They just keep coming back for more without an adult's sense of when to give up. You will also be laughing so hard it will be hard to stay focused! Your only hope is that half of them will be girls who even at 5 have better sense. Loved the costumes.

OttoVonFoo
(stranger)
03/26/05 08:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This is my first post on this board. I was emailed a link to this discussion because I was told it would amuse the boojum out of me. I am now without boojum. Mad props to the originator.

I have worked with kids of all ages for many years. The five year old mark is a great place to put this test, because most 5's haven't yet been exposed to team sports, real guided learning, group activites, active violence or anything more physically intimidating than a slide. If you made the age even 7... much harder. That being said, I know nothing about martial arts, the human limits of endurance, how to swing a 5-year-old, etc. If I had to guess, I'd put my number at around 25-30.

Unless one of them was Caitlin. I met Caitlin when I was the arts-and-crafts director at a summer camp back in the mid 80's. She was five, small for her age, and looked like your average little spindly girl. But she could gnaw through brick, run up the side of a building, scream loud enough to bust your eardrums, bust reinforced glass with her forehead and kick through the rear door of a '78 Chevy Nova. Caitlin had moments where she became posessed by the demon Ba'al, the strength of 10 grown men, and her brain produced a natural version of PCP. We don't know how or why. But when she went on a binge, we got "the big guy" from the swimming instruction program and stayed the heck out'n their way.

You get one or two like that in your crowd... fuggedaboudit.

Now, I'm a lazy, shortish, bookish, couch-potato who spends all day working on the computer. So, for contrast, I asked my buddy Neil, who works out and is trained in two martial arts, what he thought of this insanely entertaining topic. His email to me was highly illuminating. I share it with you now:

* * * * *

I have done quite a bit of competitive sparring. I have had to defend myself simultaneously from ten attackers (fellow martial arts students of varying age and expertise, but all adults) for periods of five minutes. I make the analogy because in the posts the assumed critical turning point was being brought to the ground by the children - which was also the end of competition in sparring. (note: A focus of my training has been countering being grabbed)

Here are my thoughts, based on my training and experience;

1) Staying vertical while competing against trained adults - for even five minutes - is utterly exhausting. To the point of physical collapse. Even for someone who has been training for that purpose, and preparing over a long period of time.

2) Staying vertical while competing against a group of average American adults who have no previous martial arts experience or training is not so hard. That is assuming I am only defending - as long as there is no actual requirement for me to attack and knock the others out. (much more risky) The reality is that, even with serious training, more than three attackers get in each other's way and are not a factor until the first ones are eliminated and there is room for them to get in. Barring shear bad luck (often a determinant) a limit of up to ten minutes to stay on my feet against a group of untrained adults is a reasonable expectation. I hesitate to guess how many adults I could knock unconscious. However, I am confident that I could stay on my feet over a period of ten minutes. Say... four tries out of five.

3) I could render a child unconscious in about four seconds. Pacing myself, and using the same time limit to exhaustion, that is fifteen per minute or a total of 150 over ten minutes. Even completely exhausted, I am going to grant myself that it would take six 50-lb children to pull me down.

So my personal estimate is 156.

Now.

What if the adult is my most senior martial arts instructor, instead of me? I have seen him take down a group of five simultaneously attacking black belts without breaking a sweat. He can defend against all of the students until after we are all exhausted without ever going down himself. And believe me, we are giving it all we've got or he would *really* kick our butts.

If the adult chosen is my most senior martial arts instructor instead of me, I would increase the estimate of time-to-collapsing-fatigue to an hour, conservatively. He could also render them unconscious as soon as he touched them (say 1 to 2 seconds, or avg 1.5 sec. ea.) That would make my estimate for him a total of 40 per minute x 60 minutes = 2,400, and I will grant him ten to pull him down even while completely exhausted.

That makes my estimate for a senior martial arts instructor a total of 2,410.

Since one of the stipulations is that this is happening inside, the real answer is "as many as will fit in the room."

Thanks for the mental exercise!

~ Neil

* * * * *

I love Neil. He always gives any question his full, intense scrutiny.

Thanks for really brightening up my weekend.


dodge_holdsem
(stranger)
03/28/05 01:02 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Here's a better question, how many retarded, bitch poker players in a room could I beat the [censored] out of? A freaking ton if you asked this question to me in person. Obviously too busy [censored] around online to actually have kids, or you wouldn't be able to actually tolerate this [censored]. It's not funny or cool, just wrong. Grow up cum chuggers.

InchoateHand
(*)
03/28/05 01:13 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Cum chuggers---now THAT is funny and cool. You are my new hero.

ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
03/28/05 01:29 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

you are a [censored].

willie
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/28/05 02:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

ok, screw that douchebag.

but anyway

i'm gonna go with 50.

i definitely think that the jogging around/ quick strike would be highly effective. I would need to be swarmed heavily to be brought down since these little beings are extremely weak.

As for my weapon of choice....I'm going to have to go with a crowbar of decent weight. The knuckle duster is also a good option. I would not resort to the crowbar until i felt that my jogging around and kicking method was starting to break down in effectiveness.

and this is definitely the funniest thread i've ever read in OOT.... i just picture one of us jogging around and laying full bore kicks into children.

This hypothetical situation kicks ass.


CaSToR
(stranger)
03/28/05 02:21 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

First off, even if I am unarmed I still say that I could take out a good 45+ of the little buggers before I got too tired to be able to fend them off. It is simply a matter of stamina. I have a five year old nephew that tries to flying tackle me and every time it is simply a swipe of my arm that causes him to go flying back onto the couch. He is not exactly your normal five year old kid either, more like a seven year old at age five.

Secondly, if I got my choice of weapon(s) I would either have to go with a set of escrima sticks (think 1" thick dowel rods) or a combination medium shield and a single escrima stick. One whack to the face, or pretty much anywhere on the head and they are down for the count. Not to mention shield bashing. I could clear whole swathes with that. With either one of those weapon sets I would set the numbers at somewhere around 250 with just the sticks, upwards of 400 with the shield. I mean the first 50 or so would go down in less than five minutes. With the shield I would simply have to keep the little bastards in front of me while I circle around them beating heads. I still don't see them taking me down unless I got REALLY tired.


lopes
(stranger)
03/28/05 10:15 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

alright, my uncle told me about this at Easter dinner and had me laughing my ass off. His son, my cousin, is five years old and without a doubt i think i could take on his entire kindagarden class. just ring the recess bell and let the massacre begin. a five year? seriously, they are more interested in sponge bob then learning fighting techniques.

hmm, thats a good idea. what if you dressed up as Sponge Bob and started attacking these tiny fists of fury? that would be hilarious not to mention detramental to the kids....hahaha imagine seeing sponge bob whaling on 30 five years olds hahahaha

besides...if they are all coming at you from one side of the court you could just ran through them like a big rig through a corn field.

i say my number would be atleast 30.


SimonFlagstaff
(stranger)
03/28/05 02:42 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Pose the hypothetical another way ...

Remember when you were 5? How many of you and your friends would you need to take down one of your dads? We actually discussed this when we were 5! We said that all six of us could do it.


SimonFlagstaff
(stranger)
03/28/05 02:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Look at it as an energy conservation issue. Granted, you'll be able to dispatch the first few little buggers in seconds, but on the average, I reckon that you'll be able to do one every two minutes.

As an athletic event, I see this as sort of a middle distance event; 1000m swim, 10K run, or 20K bike. After which, you'll need to rest. These events take between 20 and 40 minutes.

In 20 to 40 minutes you'll dispatch between 10 and 20, at which time you'll need a rest. The moment you rest, they got you!

I'd say to all you who put higher numbers have never spent a solid five minutes on the punching bag, or 10 minutes on the rowing machine, or run a marathon, or actually been in a fire fight.

Great hypothetical. I had fun!


xanthuos
(stranger)
03/28/05 04:31 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Well, I'm hoping there's no little girl like this one in the group I would get to muderalize.

FrankLu99
(addict)
03/28/05 05:08 PM
3

IINEC

Tron
(1 2 3 4 fiiiif)
03/28/05 08:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

It's spread to the Tucker Max Message Board

gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
03/29/05 06:45 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Yeah....just when I was starting to think that nothing of value could be added to this debate, Tucker & Co. get their hands on it. I haven't laughed at responses to this question since around reply 150 of this thread, but Tucker's thread has me laughing so hard I'm crying. Making it to Tucker's site like that is easily coolest part about this whole thing. I encourage everyone who still reads these replies to read Tron's link.

Oh yeah, while you're at it, Google "How many 5 year olds" and see how many replies link back to here.


Drunk Bob
(veteran)
03/29/05 07:01 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

All of them. Please let this thread end.

Y2D
(stranger)
03/30/05 02:11 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

well, i think I could do 25 with a success rate of 80%, but I think it may be possible for me to KO 50 of them with a success rate of maybe 20%... I'm 26, 6', 145 lbs, 5% body fat, and have done hard physical labour since I was about 13, I have a very high pain threshold (I've had 1500 lb cows step on my bare feet, and a GF who bit my hand as hard as she could trying to get me to let go of my keys.. the key ring let go before I did.. here's my strategy

i would start by moving around a lot and picking random ones, I think I could KO about 4-6 per minute (KO = finished.. don't need to come back for them), though I'd probably be dealing a hit every 3-4 seconds. I would do above routine for about 3-5 minutes (I'm a heavy smoker), at which point I'd want to regain my breath.. at this point I'd let them get closer and I would problably deal a few good slaps which will nearly remove facial skin, or I will grab for the throat which would probably not require me to lean over enough to not lose my balance easily, I have strong forearms so I think I can get a KO in about 10 seconds with a good hold. the average kid will probably wiegh about 45 lbs, not a big deal, I worked on a farm and have had to do a lot of heavy lifting on tight deadlines, so lift a few, throw onto others, maybe swing 'em around once or twice, twist a couple necks here and there, and maybe I regain breath doing this enough to actually go jogging again. I do not think anyone could keep this up for longer than about an hour if they're in supreme shape, and remember that not every hit will be fatal. remember that if you get 4 of them pulling on each side of you the net effect is nil.. they aren't goung to be able to pull your arm off, though it could be hard to shake 4 on each arm, if you keep at least one hand free, I think you'd do OK.. i'm not all that concerned with biting, you'll be able to tell when they're going in for a bite at which you grab thier throat and throw them. if you were to get a weapon, i'd choose nunchucks (spelling?) they're complicated enough that the kids would be pretty worthless with them, strong enough you can do serious damage, also, they do not require huge amounts of energy to keep swinging unlike axes etc, a baton may work too, but the kids would be able to make better use of it... second use for nunchucks? great stranglerif I were to get any sort of defense, Leather chaps or just good fingerless gloves... Oh, I think I would want earplugs...

more to come later.. need sleep, sorry about typos, this K/b really sucks


willie
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/30/05 02:22 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i really like that people have signed up just to post in this thread...


this thing kicks ass and has a life of its own.


VarlosZ
(Pooh-Bah)
03/30/05 07:45 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'm amazed at some of the low estimates for the number of children a healthy adult male could take out. Only a handful would be able to attack at once, they're too weak to rely on brute force, and too stupid to be trained to use any strategy. Based on years of wrestling and horsing around with my little brothers, I'm confident that I could go on indefinitely until one of two things happens:

1) I become severely exhausted.

2) I break my right hand (presumably against one of the little bastards' skulls).


#2 is essentially random, so I won't factor it into the equation.

What about #1? Admittedly, I'm out of shape, but I figure the adrenaline rush I get from having to fend off hordes of bloodthirsty kindergarteners (not to mention all the fun I'll be having) should let me keep going for, say, 20-30 minutes. How many kids can I kill (excuse me: "render unconscious") in half an hour? Quite a lot, I believe. It's very hard to pick a number, though, since I'm just not sure how a melee like this would work; I think I could dispatch somewhere from 4-10 kids per minute. Therefore, given the 20-30 minutes I mentioned above. . .

Low estimate: 80-120 ---- High estimate: 200-300

So, somewhere between 80 and 300 -- inexact, to say the least, but that's hardly surprising given this sort of chaos.


Those number would shrink dramatically as the kids got older. If we're talking 8-year olds, I figure 12 or fewer could take me, exhaustion or no. By the time we hit 10-year olds, 4 might do the trick.


locomotivbreth
(stranger)
03/30/05 09:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

OK, I was an advocate of being able to take out a huge number of these kids and I still am, but have rethought it a little bit. One of the stated rules is that you cannot touch the walls which i guess would end the contest. So let's say the walls are charged with roughly 450,000 volts of electricity and of course the kids are fearless with absolutely no regard for their own safety even in the face of seeing their five year old brethren being absolutely trashed one by one as they charge in. It is POSSIBLE that a huge wave of kids could maybe push you backwards and cause you to make contact with the aforementioned "shocker walls" (patent pending) and end the melee. I also think a good addition to this contest would be a pit of some kind in the middle of the gym with quicksand in it.

voltron.
(***)
03/30/05 10:13 AM
Let's let this thread go to the graveyard of legends

This thread was amazing. But it is over. The last 100 posts have been pointless, mostly new posters say "ROFFLE thats hilarious I'll post something which has already been discussed THIS THREAD IS SO COOL". Nothing funny has been said.

GoliathCobalt
(stranger)
04/03/05 01:43 AM
Re: Let's let this thread go to the graveyard of legends

Having given this lots of thought. I work a job moving 40-60 lb crates all day long. Using that as a system of measurment, I'd imagine I could whoop ass on 5 year olds for about 6 hours straight before I'd need a breather. If I could knock out 1 per minute, that's 60 an hour, or 360 in my 6 hour 5-year old bashing shift. and that's a low estimate.

Sincerely,
Goliath Cobalt


Vinster
(stranger)
04/04/05 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This actually happened to me. I taught kindergarten for two years. One day I brought in a pack of Pokemon cards and told my class "who ever was tough enough to take me could have the cards" and tucked them in my pocket. Out of a class of 24, I took 22 of those little &**&#ers until one of them was smart enough to to get a pencil from his book bag and jam it in my eye. I was only out for a second or two but they got me for my cards, my watch and my wallet. That is the last time I teach at an all girls school.

Vinster the one eyed teacher


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/04/05 11:22 AM
Re: Let's let this thread go to the graveyard of legends

Quote:

This thread was amazing. But it is over. The last 100 posts have been pointless, mostly new posters say "ROFFLE thats hilarious I'll post something which has already been discussed THIS THREAD IS SO COOL". Nothing funny has been said.






csmart
(stranger)
04/05/05 10:18 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

So, the demographics of them are pretty mixed, but would the Mexicans be in the first wave? Maybe the black ones would be squirmy.

Sponger.
(HEADS WILL ROLL)
04/05/05 10:55 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

All of them. Please let this thread end.




This thread is retarded simply because everyone is throwing out incredible exaggerations.

If 30 5 year olds charged at you at once, you'd lose. Its pretty simple.


csmart
(stranger)
04/05/05 11:16 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

So, "vulturesrow", eh. What a great choice. I see FOD in your future.


[censored]


ThaSaltCracka
(Brotha TSC)
04/05/05 11:18 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

stfu you worthless n00b go sign up somewhere else and then go [censored] yourself.

csmart
(stranger)
04/05/05 11:33 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds..... *DELETED*

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky

vulturesrow
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/05/05 11:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

So, "vulturesrow", eh. What a great choice. I see FOD in your future.


[censored]




So what exactly was the point of that post?


csmart
(stranger)
04/05/05 11:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'll break it down into internet vernacular for you:

UR GAY, LOL

No, seriously, I thought it was witty and a little brilliant to incorperate work terms so seamlessly. Hazzah to you


Skipbidder
(veteran)
04/06/05 12:09 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The answer is 42.

I'm old and fat. I'm going to hurt myself before too long--twist an ankle or bust my hand. Even if I don't, I'm going to be gasping for air and eventually the little bastards are going to get a shot at my face.

The answer goes down to 12 if I'm barefoot and don't get a cup.


mason55
(THE Dirk Diggler)
04/06/05 01:54 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

nOOb? I'm sorry I don't speak "Epilepsy". Are you that ignorant as to resort to petty name calling.


You fairy, fagg0t, fu ck




can we have this thread locked so that it doesn't get ruined by idiot n00bs?


TripleH68
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/06/05 02:06 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

When my nephew was 5 years old he already enjoyed punching me in the balls. It wouldn't take much training.

Brock Landers
(enthusiast)
04/06/05 02:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think most of the posters are highly overestimating the #. Kramer only had about 10 to 15 kids attack him and he went down fast. He even was taking karate classes at the time.

The Truth
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/06/05 03:16 PM
4

If I could select the 4 strongest/smartest 5 year olds and train them for 11 months so that they are 5 years 11 months I would wager the 4 5 year olds could defeat any of you. 6 would be bad overkill.
5 year olds are amazingly durable. i.e. they dont go out as easy as you might think. With training, numbers are hard to overcome.


kennyshat
(stranger)
04/07/05 10:50 AM
Re: 4

Having taken on 5,6 and 7 year olds at parties (bouncey castles are ace cos you can fling them about and they don't get hurt) I think they would quickly learn to hang onto your legs. Once they do that it's surprising how few it takes before you can't move them. Once they do that they'd have your arms and before long it'd be lights out.
If you could keep moving and take them one at a time then I'd say 50 odd. But as they will all swarm at you in the first few seconds I reckon 20 could take a decent sized bloke down.


MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/07/05 10:20 PM
Cool

A poker playing friend, just emailed this to me.

well, i'd say best "poker" discussion ever, but only best discussion on a poker web forum, ever.

enjoy:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1556673&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=9&o=14&vc=1



Mike whats your username?!?!?


Francis
(member)
04/08/05 02:35 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

What the hell?

Dear god, are you some zit freaked teenager?!? What twisted logic comes up with such an absurd situation? I have a 5 year old boy, and no parent, or adult over 23 would ever think of something so absurd.

5 yo's weigh around 40 pounds... They have poor coordination, virtually no ability to hurt an adult, couldn't possibly work together to pose a serious threat to an adult. Did you actually talk about 'training' a 5yo in hand to hand combat??? They aren't little ninja turtles...

A more socially acceptable fantasy would be to debate who would win a fight; batman or hulk hogan...

jeez,

I knew OOT was strange, but I had no idea how strange


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
04/08/05 08:54 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

What the hell?

Dear god, are you some zit freaked teenager?!? What twisted logic comes up with such an absurd situation? I have a 5 year old boy, and no parent, or adult over 23 would ever think of something so absurd.

5 yo's weigh around 40 pounds... They have poor coordination, virtually no ability to hurt an adult, couldn't possibly work together to pose a serious threat to an adult. Did you actually talk about 'training' a 5yo in hand to hand combat??? They aren't little ninja turtles...

A more socially acceptable fantasy would be to debate who would win a fight; batman or hulk hogan...

jeez,

I knew OOT was strange, but I had no idea how strange





Some people just don't get it.

It's a theoretical exercise, much like your batman vs whoever.

And, if you have any sort of a sense of humor, it's damned funny too.

Of course, this thread died like 2 months ago.


dtbog
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/08/05 11:53 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Dear god, are you some zit freaked teenager?!?




Ahh, the days when I was "zit-freaked".

-dB


son of crazymum
(stranger)
04/09/05 08:32 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You people need to vote on this outcome - Its the only civilized way!

billygrippo
(Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!)
04/09/05 08:40 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

You people need to vote on this outcome - Its the only civilized way!



this is endless just like this thread.


Rosy at Random
(stranger)
04/11/05 10:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I am surprised no-one has nominated the lawnmower as weapon of choice:



KungFuSandwich
(bad link poster)
04/11/05 12:09 PM
.

Another copy, but this one has added some stuff

Bulldog
(Threat Level: Midnight)
04/12/05 04:05 PM
Re: .

Quote:

Another copy, but this one has added some stuff




CollegeHumor linked to this yesterday.


Bezl
(stranger)
04/12/05 06:34 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Well, I am a small guy 170lb 5'9" but I do have a 2nd degree blackbelt in karate. I think that it all depends on how spaced out the kids are. If they start off 1 or 2 feet from you in a circle they might have a chance. I don't think that they could take me if they were spaced out 10 feet apart or something like that. They would probably not be able to knock me out...however, if they were motivated by the myterious force that made them fearless, and if they used their mouths as weapons AKA biting...then I would think that 30 kids would cause some serious damage. You would eventually pass out from blood loss from bites. They wouldn't have the strength to actually knock you out. If they were trying to HIT you..well you could probably take out a whole gym full. However if they were just grabbing onto you and biting then you would be screwed. I would say I could comfortably take out 20 fearless biting grappling children that all started no more than 5 feet away from me...probably more, but you always run into those kids that are a suprise...tougher..faster..stronger. Just my 2 cents worth.

jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

In a pool I took on 15 11-13 year olds, and they couldn't dunk me under water. I know this is a different situation, but I think the number for your given situation could be fairly high. I'm pretty sure I could take on 2 classrooms of Kindergartners ~50 probably more. The sooner you go on the attack and start dropping them the less chance they have. I think you would have to be the aggressor for sure. On a NBA sized court you should be able to use speed to maneuver around 70 kids? Balance and speed would be critical. They are perfect heighth for knees to the grill. Interesting question. Sorry I missed it the first time.

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Your average 5 year old weights what? 40 pounds? So figure 15 of them weigh around 600 pounds. If they all swarmed you at once thats alot of weight.



There is a point where more kids will just have more adverse affect on the other kids than you. If they all tried to get you at once they would start trampling themselves and be doing your work for you. They would have a VERY difficult time of getting me off my feet.

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Use your knee. drop one and use your speed to move to a less populated area. Target another for your knee. Move to a less populated area. Wash rinse repeat.

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Your arms would tire and spinning would make you lose balance.

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I agree. I heard about an 800 pound tiger getting killed by a pack of 30-40 wild dogs.




How many puppies would it take?

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:35 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Sure, one kid is no problem. How about 5? 10? 15?



Can more than 3 kids grab a leg without compromising their own effectiveness?

Joe


jaybee_70
(enthusiast)
04/12/05 07:48 PM
Re: Official Uniforms of the 5 Year Olds

I'm sorry, but this is the greatest thread ever.

This had better be part of illunious' thread.

Joe


HamJam
(addict)
04/12/05 07:59 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

A 5 year old is very small. If you wanted to you could jump in the air and land on their head.

I go with at least 40, probably 50.


CCass
(Pooh-Bah)
04/12/05 08:08 PM
A Man's got to know his limitations

I am whipped!!!

I give up!

I thought I could make it without posting in this thread, but 3 months is just too long. This thread has won me over. I kept hoping it would go away, but like the sun it rises every morning without fail.

Now that I have admitted defeat, maybe I will be at peace with the 5 year olds.


Kijin
(stranger)
04/12/05 10:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

So... Fairly new at this thread thing, but a friend introduced me to this discussion and I had to add my two cents.
I've been training in Jujutsu (a form of martial arts centered on grappling, taking down opponents and keeping myself from being taken down, all while using the most minimal amout of personal effort possible) for about ten years now. I've trained with many people from various age groups. My dojo holds childrens classes for kids 4 and up.
If you think one day of teaching them to be organized will make a difference, you are sadly mistaken. That being said, I've worked with the kids on a fairly regular basis. We play some games with them when they're good, including 'keep the adult on the floor'. we lie on the floor on our backs, and their job is to keep us down.
Agreed, they don't get to punch, kick, scratch, etc, but neither do we. and it's no challenge getting out from under any 5 or 6 kids in my dojo.
If you gave me the ability to start standing up, and do whatever I needed to to keep these kids away, I could easily do it all day. I'm no big guy, 5' 10", about 175, but you need to realize that even with hundreds of kids, they can only come so many at a time. and when you use one to take out another two, that limits them further. kids heads are very hard. If you grab one by the ankles, he makes a very feasable blackjack. My feeling, therefor, is that an indefinite number of 5 year olds is nearly irrelevant. the breaking point would be when I got bored.


gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
04/12/05 11:09 PM
OMFG

This thread has opened doors for me to become a freelance humor writer, made me a C-list internet celebrity, and provided me with hours of entertainment, and I still [censored]ing hate this thread and everyone other than me who has posted on it since around post #250. If I ever go to a big 2+2 gathering, I will memorize the people who fit in this category of non-funny posters who feel the need to still comment on this thread, and I will see how many pasty-white, pimple-faced 18 year-olds I can take in a fight. Damn...I am so glad I am not you.

John Ho
(addict)
04/12/05 11:58 PM
I have personal experience in this

When in kindergarten we had a game one day where we tried to push our chaperone (a young woman) off a platform and down the slide. I was about 5 years old. There were at least 10 of us and it took everything we had to get that skinny girl down the slide. I say with pride that I gave the shove that did her in (I was a strong kid.)

Now...considering she wasn't hitting us and was a girl I have to say that I could take on at least 60. Using proper tactics you will never face them all at once.

Use your speed. When they clump together charge at them like a knight on a horse and take out little groups of them. You should be able to knock out at least 2 each charge by knocking their heads together. Add one flying kick to the head (to maintain balance upon landing) as well as one running punch and that is at least 4 per charge. Then run away from them and charge another group.

And I don't agree that if you fall you're finished. 5 year old kids can't kick that hard. And if half are girls that is even better. I could take 60 boys if there are girls involved....a lotta sad families.

Best topic ever btw.


delahouss
(stranger)
04/14/05 06:01 PM
Re: I have personal experience in this

Having been directed to the conversation, I must offer my opinion. Your strength is in your stability - if you move around too much, you are liable to trip on the children already "out." Plus, they will have the ability to gain position on you in a period of unbalance. The key is to get as close to a wall as possible and stay in a solid base. As you begin knocking them out, pile their little bodies around your legs. This will force them to either shove the bodies into you as a distraction (unlikely as they are not strong and the number of bodies should be too great)or climb the pile of bodies - leaving them even more vulnerable. You should strike with the palm of your hand, elbow, and occasionally fist. Grab the neck or collar with one hand and strike swiftly to the temple with the other. This will conserve energy. The problem will be the first 10-15 minutes. You will have to fight ferociously to position yourself near a wall and knock enough out to begin the knocked out kids buffer. Also, make sure you build the wall behind you - this will create a buffer in case you get pushed back.

Yobz
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/14/05 07:41 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

7 and a half.

stunnah
(stranger)
04/21/05 06:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have a 4 year old daughter. We play boxing all the time. If I really wanted to, it is REDICULOUS how easy I could take her out. I dont imagine it'll get much harder when she turns 5.

I know I could take on 100 of them without any trouble. If they were trained better than the hypothetical 1 day, MAYBE they could get lucky.

I imagine if they all just rush me and as many as possible grabs jumps on my legs and holds on, and the rest of them charge me and push me down, then they all pile up on me, maybe I would suffocate. That would be over 2 tons of 5 year olds. They would have to execute it flawlessly, and get it done before I knocked too many of them out and diminishing their numbers.


J_V
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
04/21/05 06:18 PM
THREAD OF THE YEAR!!!!

no brainer?

StevenFittos
(stranger)
04/21/05 07:20 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I was a varsity wrestler in high school. Iiiiiim a good wrestler, but I once had to forfeit a match. I could beat an infinite amount of five year olds. Im not kidding. I was that good. Now Im a pro poker player. Iiiiits a good movie.

StevieG
(understudy)
04/21/05 08:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I could beat an infinite amount of five year olds. Im not kidding.




You have no idea what infinite means. I'm not kidding.

Quote:

I was that good.




sup bro?


LifeofBrian
(stranger)
05/02/05 06:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Well, screw ethics and morals, and you could take down hundreds if you're in good shape. Think Chinese action movie with people flying from kicks and such. If you hold back, because as was said before, they're not going to, then they'll win. Maybe it's like zombies and they'll just swarm you, but I really doubt the entire populace of five year olds, one at a time, with rest as needed, could ever do any real damage on their own. For females in which they'd have no sense of ethics, then this would be easy for them... then again, we have testosterone. And a sense of uncaring for talking about maiming hundreds of five year olds.

ILuvMyVan
(stranger)
05/09/05 07:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

how about taking it further?....

http://i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=10249


imaohw
(stranger)
05/12/05 11:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I haven't read every single post, so somebody else may have submitted this solution, but if not, I humbly present it here:

I propose that a healthy adult (or relatively healthy--one who has gone through puberty and has no functional physical defects) can pummel five year olds until he gets tired, and considering that one could probably incapacitate a five-year-old with a single hit, I believe this number would be much higher than thirty for most.

There are several points to be taken into account:
1) In response to whoever commented on getting bitten in the balls: the situation clearly states that you will be wearing a cup
2) While the five year olds are "swarming" around you and not lining up one one one, as a previous poster noted, only a certain number can reach you at a time. If we estimate this at eight (which I think is fairly generous, considering their diminutive reach), then it should be obvious that no adult would really ever be threatened, at least until fatigue strikes. I think that four or five rounds of head bashing would be quite easy for any adult.
3) While it is true that they can bite, these would not really incapacitate an adult; they would annoy, and maybe sting, but not actually limit one's ability to fight, Unless perhaps they bite off a finger, but one's hands should be moving quick enough to prevent that.
4) As the fight progresses, the adult will probably have a ring of bodies around him. Any remaining five year olds will be forced to trudge through these bodies to reach the adult, and will probably get tripped up along the way, making them increasingly ineffective as the fight goes longer.
5) As a post near the top stated, you can grap one by the feet and swing him around. You'll be able to slap the crap out of any five year old before he gets within five of his arm-lengths of you.


ceczar
(enthusiast)
05/17/05 12:08 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

funny if it weren't true:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets


asofel
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/17/05 12:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

funny if it weren't true:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets




funny cuz its not.


ceczar
(enthusiast)
05/17/05 12:11 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

funny if it weren't true:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets




funny cuz its not.




boy am i a retard. should look at the text of the url first next time. but then again this is good because it makes it funny


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
05/17/05 12:15 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



It's dead, Jim.


bump
(member)
05/17/05 01:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The 'fort' strategy would be the most effective strategy here.

The first step would be to knock out 15 little buggers in the first 5-10 minutes and when you knock one out throw their body into the corner of the room. Then, take a corpse and start swinging it at oncomming children to ward off the attack while building a semicircle boundry of bodies and using the corner of the room. Once you build up the fort it will be hard for the attackers to penetrate it so you will have a relatively safe zone. As you procede you should build your wall of bodies only 1 or 2 high but more importantly very wide. Make it so that they have to trample the dead just to get to you .

You cant afford to have them continually swarming you for hours so building up a boundry will stem the flow of 5-year-olds to a manageable pace.

After you have built up your wall and outer perimiter you should build a secondary perimiter of bodies, leave a 5 foot radius from the first boundry and build a second one, this way you will have room to retreat if your boundry gets broken.

The key is that you want to fight at your own pace so that you dont get tired. Ideally the boundry will look as follows:

|-------------|
|................|
|---------| |
|.........|...|
|-----|...|...|
|.....|....|...|
|.....|....|...|
|---------------------


By building up a boundry you will be able to ensure your rest and you should be able to take out many more children.

Using this method I would set my number somewhere around 400 5-year-olds.


Also, it would be important to deliver the knockout blows with the palm of your hands to prevent broken hands. Also make sure that the blows are swift enough so that no buggers bite one of your fingers.


ripdog
([censored])
05/17/05 02:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

When I was 19 I drove a van for the YMCA and was in charge of feeding the pre-schoolers lunch, taking them out to run off some steam, and getting them down for a nap. There was one particular 5 year old there who was an incredible load. I could not believe how strong this kid was. I have no doubt in my mind that he went on to be a star athlete. 30 of these types would be a tough proposition. 30 of your average 5 year olds would be a piece of cake.

gunt
([censored])
05/17/05 07:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i got taken down by 5 10 year olds at the st. patricks day parade in south boston.... 1 was on my back, 2 were in front kicking each one of my shins, and 2 were in back kicking each one ofmy ass cheeks... i was also drunk. not my defining moment.

Biloxi
(addict)
07/10/05 03:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ive worked as a summer camp counselor with 5-11 year olds and Ive had many of battles against them. They can put a hurting on ya when they work together and attack from all fronts. Just a kick in the shin or knee causes some bad pain.
You have to use one hand to protect below the belt,so thats a disadvantage. And the training will show them how to wrap up legs quick and take you down to there height, where the real battle begins. A quick jumping roundhouse kick will drop the first 2 to reach me, then two hard punches will take another 2 down. By then you will probably have one on your back if you stay still. Its hard to sling the little punks off your back and it will slow you down.
With sufficient room to run I would have to go with 14. Im pretty athletic and could jump over them, and almost fly around the room kicking them in the head. But Im not strong enough to keep fighting once they get a hold of me and my endurance wears down. Over/under 13.5
Id bet over cuz of my speed.

who the hell thought of this?

EDIT: changing that to +/- 16.5 after reading a few others ideas.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
07/10/05 01:29 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ive worked as a summer camp counselor with 5-11 year olds and Ive had many of battles against them. They can put a hurting on ya when they work together and attack from all fronts. Just a kick in the shin or knee causes some bad pain.
You have to use one hand to protect below the belt,so thats a disadvantage. And the training will show them how to wrap up legs quick and take you down to there height, where the real battle begins. A quick jumping roundhouse kick will drop the first 2 to reach me, then two hard punches will take another 2 down. By then you will probably have one on your back if you stay still. Its hard to sling the little punks off your back and it will slow you down.
With sufficient room to run I would have to go with 14. Im pretty athletic and could jump over them, and almost fly around the room kicking them in the head. But Im not strong enough to keep fighting once they get a hold of me and my endurance wears down. Over/under 13.5
Id bet over cuz of my speed.

who the hell thought of this?

EDIT: changing that to +/- 16.5 after reading a few others ideas.




you're overlooking some important things:

1) you get to wear a cup

2) i'm sure you weren't trying to take those kids out...put in the op's proposed scenario, you would fight much harder and be able to ignore more pain.

3) for all but the the weakest/smallest adults, your number is too low.


hicherbie
(*)
07/10/05 01:34 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

wow this post is still updating?
im still confident that i can beat the crap out of at least 50 of them.


MelK
(old hand)
07/10/05 01:38 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

My odds on who will lock this thread:

Wacki 48%
Dynasty 37%
Mat 14%
Mike Haven in a drunken stupor not realizing this is OOT 1%


PorscheNGuns
(addict)
07/10/05 01:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I havent read all of the posts but Im pretty sure one thing that people forget about, and what virtually ensures that any one human being could not take on more than, lets say, 20 five year olds, is BITING. These kids will bite like zombies and will eat you alive.

Personally I think a better question to ask would be, how many cancer patients could you take on, under the given circumstance that should the cancer patients win, their cancer would be cured (eliminates the fear factor of your 5 yr old question)

-Matt


dtbog
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
07/21/05 11:21 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

bump

diebitter
(grotesquely handsome)
07/21/05 11:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

About 20, maybe 12 if all given a sugary drink and chocolate first, and suitably excited by a promise to be taken to toysrus if they can beat up the bad guy.

But they wouldn't stop when you're unconscious. You'd die.


Shajen
(OOT Pro)
07/21/05 12:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Hey Dynasty or Wacki, can we lock this damned thread?

It's [censored] OVER. Done. Kaput. Finito. Finished.


TheWorstPlayer
(HoldEmKillah)
07/21/05 12:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

bump



POTY.


Random Bump
(stranger)
09/14/05 03:24 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

...

lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 01:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

bump for early thread of the year consideration.

jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 01:52 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

bump for early thread of the year consideration.




Wow! nice bump!


theweatherman
(Revolutionary)
09/26/05 01:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Lets look at the advantages an adult has.
1) Speed
2) Strenght
3) Intelligence
4) Height
Based on this i think i could grab oneby the feetand swing him around my head bashing the other kids. Once they get too close i could then run and put distance between myself and them and then do it again. Based on this strategy I'd wager about 35


asofel
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 01:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Lets look at the advantages an adult has.
1) Speed
2) Strenght
3) Intelligence
4) Height
Based on this i think i could grab oneby the feetand swing him around my head bashing the other kids. Once they get too close i could then run and put distance between myself and them and then do it again. Based on this strategy I'd wager about 35




#3 following #2 is funny.


lucas9000
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 01:58 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Lets look at the advantages an adult has.
1) Speed
2) Strenght
3) Intelligence
4) Height
Based on this i think i could grab oneby the feetand swing him around my head bashing the other kids. Once they get too close i could then run and put distance between myself and them and then do it again. Based on this strategy I'd wager about 35




#3 following #2 is funny.




man does this thread rule.


wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 11:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Love the avatar.

Also, somebody should report this thread to the Guiness book of world records.


Scotty.
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/26/05 11:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Love the avatar.

Also, somebody should report this thread to the Guiness book of world records.




You think someone can break the record for number of 5 year olds taken at once?


Stork
(veteran)
09/26/05 11:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I see this thread making its way to VH1's "I love the 00's".

Tony_P
(Crimson Challenge Conqueror)
10/08/05 09:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

time for a bump

pokerjoker
(***)
10/08/05 10:55 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

if it was me...[censored] unconsciousness...death would be easier....I think the problem is more fatigue from breaking all their necks. The question should really be how many tiny necks can u break before you pass out.

wacki
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
10/08/05 11:36 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Love the avatar.

Also, somebody should report this thread to the Guiness book of world records.




You think someone can break the record for number of 5 year olds taken at once?




No, for LONGEST THREAD EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Peter666
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
10/08/05 11:37 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Gentlemen, you are clearly overestimating your endurance levels.

The idiots thinking they can do their fancy karate kicks and punches will quickly be trampled to death from loss of balance if not fatigue.

The most sensible attack would be powerful knee strikes to the head as Jaybee70 mentioned. But to ward off fatigue, one would have to use psychological warfare as well. If you could concentrate on mangling one child as an example(repeated knee strikes causing their head to cave in with lots of blood) the others would begin to panic as five year olds are want to do seeing such things. Fleeing towards the closest exit, you would have easy pickings and be able to grab them and destroy them one by one.

Remember, the key is not to lose your balance.


TheIrishThug
(Pooh-Bah)
10/09/05 12:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

read the description again, fear will not affect them

Sephus
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
10/09/05 12:27 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Gentlemen, you are clearly overestimating your endurance levels.

The idiots thinking they can do their fancy karate kicks and punches will quickly be trampled to death from loss of balance if not fatigue.

The most sensible attack would be powerful knee strikes to the head as Jaybee70 mentioned. But to ward off fatigue, one would have to use psychological warfare as well. If you could concentrate on mangling one child as an example(repeated knee strikes causing their head to cave in with lots of blood) the others would begin to panic as five year olds are want to do seeing such things. Fleeing towards the closest exit, you would have easy pickings and be able to grab them and destroy them one by one.

Remember, the key is not to lose your balance.




you suck at this.


Matador225
(old hand)
10/09/05 12:48 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

What an amazing thread.

SplitGrin
(stranger)
10/17/05 08:21 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Though the discussion continues about how many five-year olds you can take, it is now proven that a lion can take on AT LEAST 42 TRAINED FIGHTING MIDGETS!
BBC: Midgets vs. Lion


buffett
(old hand)
11/17/05 02:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

A related question would be, how many ants can you take? The answer is not all of them.



Yuck.


wdead
(*)
11/17/05 02:27 PM
Underestimation of five year olds

I think you guys are being WAAAAAY to generous here. If 20 five year olds (or even less maybe) swarmed on you, at least one or two would get to your face, claw out your eyes, and then its GAME OVER.

Tron
(1 2 3 4 fiiiif)
12/03/05 03:06 AM
Re: Underestimation of five year olds

The person who ghost-bumped this (and possibly the other threads) was "douchebagnozzle"

Guess I should have taken a screen shot, huh?


ChipWrecked
(Bracketologist)
12/03/05 03:12 AM
Re: Underestimation of five year olds

Good bump, because it's almost POTY time. This is the clear winner, we wouldn't want those fatass 'swingers' to distract us.

Tony_P
(Crimson Challenge Conqueror)
12/08/05 05:17 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I haven't answered this yet, so here it is:

20

TONY


Vavavoom
(Photobucket Voyeur Extraordinaire)
12/08/05 05:17 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I hadn't either thinking about it...

I'm guessing 25...

I didn't do an MS paint either....


The Truth
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/08/05 06:59 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I love this thread soooo much. Its why I started posting on OOT.

blake


The Truth
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/08/05 07:04 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How many people have read every post in this thread? Cause I have.

blake


imitation
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/08/05 09:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Atleast 100

Tilt
(Pooh-Bah)
12/08/05 09:48 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

As the parent of a 5 year old, I'd have to say realistically that you couldn't handle more than 7. They are ALOT stronger, faster, and tougher than you think.

Dan BRIGHT
(Ban Dright)
12/08/05 03:25 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You have no idea how strong and tough some people that go to gyms really are. On top of that, the ones that do martial arts are even tougher.

The whole thing in the scenario is that if everything is done properly by the lone hero, he would take out a single 5 year old in one strike. Also, each blow from a 5 year old would not do significant damage to him. This is especially true if he is of tall stature.


LostMyMoney
(journeyman)
12/13/05 06:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

somewhere between 17-22

cambraceres
(Quick like a Cat)
12/13/05 06:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I can take at least 30, I'm 6'8 so the reach will get em'

Cambraceres< flies like a butterball, stings like a bee


Peter666
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/13/05 06:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Oh yeah? How many five year olds have YOU killed?

ThinkQuick
(old hand)
12/14/05 02:46 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

How many people have read every post in this thread? Cause I have.

blake




I thought it was sick that I did
I don't read every post in any other thread, but this was really funny all year


ep510
(enthusiast)
12/14/05 04:55 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Didn't take my time to read all this. But anyone thought of building a kid wall out of the knocked out children? That way, if you make the wall high enough, and from only one side, you can fight them one on one till they're all dead. And if you ever get tired, wall it all up, and just rest inside the dead kid wall till you're ready again. Open up the wall, and kill some more. Rinse and repeat for best results.

ThePenguin
(addict)
12/14/05 04:56 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I Only read about a quarter of this thread, but I haven't seen this taken into account. Do you know how slippery a basketball court gets when it is wet? Seriously, if there is blood and sweat on the floor, you won't be able to move quickly without slipping. And falling is disastrous. Staying on your feet would be harder than most of you would think.

OneTimePlease
(stranger)
12/19/05 02:30 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Bump this thread ONE TIME

Xhad
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/24/05 01:24 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I post on 2+2, but I don't read OOT, but then all of a sudden I end up here from Cruel Site of the Day. You guys freaking rock.

TTChamp
(*)
02/02/06 06:47 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Alright, I've been thinking about this a long time. I have settled on 35 as my cutoff.

I think that above 35 I would be too fatigued to fend the group off and they would be able to pull me down. Also, I wouldn't be able to get away from a group that big.

On a really good day I could maybe take on a few more, but no way I could take more than 50.


lmcjaho
(enthusiast)
02/10/06 05:38 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

http://www.grudge-match.com/History/rott-chi.shtml

beenben
(Pooh-Bah)
02/10/06 07:08 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I haven't read this whole thread, but I would say 30 is way high; consider the whole scenario, not just the headline question. They get to pick the best half of the kids, there's no objects and they don't get scared. They get a day of training and you get an hour.

I think 8 is the maximum for me.


dmoney
(addict)
02/16/06 09:46 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

1) this is potentially the best post ive ever read on here.

I honestly feel like I could take 50 no problem. possibly more. at most 10 kids could be on u at once. It would take at most 2 hits to knock out and or kill a 5 year old

so basicaly as long as u have energy u only have to deal with probably 10 kids at one time. i cant see their punches hurting. and also. u can kick correct?

they cant get access to your only vulnerable spot (your eyes) and ur wearing a cup so ur safe there)

i challenge 50 - 5 year olds to a fight by the monkey bars after school, i wonder if theyll show.
i think they are scared


marchron
(Irish Mike)
02/17/06 03:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I must have read this blog post half a million times. I never clicked the link to find out it came from here.

[censored] awesome.


Relvin
(member)
03/03/06 02:15 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have only read the first 2 pages, but the best strategy is to get into a corner so that only a few of them can attack you at one time.

dblgutshot
(veteran)
03/03/06 02:18 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I have only read the first 2 pages, but the best strategy is to get into a corner so that only a few of them can attack you at one time.




KILL YOURSELF


jesusarenque
(Pooh-Bah)
03/03/06 02:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I have only read the first 2 pages, but the best strategy is to get into a corner so that only a few of them can attack you at one time.




KILL YOURSELF




This is a poor strategy.


Prodigy54321
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/03/06 02:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

a baseball bat should be added to the equation...that would be fun

_TKO_
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/04/06 02:01 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I have only read the first 2 pages, but the best strategy is to get into a corner so that only a few of them can attack you at one time.




True, but you can't touch any walls.


ncboiler
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/04/06 02:29 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Zero

Emperor
(veteran)
03/12/06 10:58 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I imagine running atop their lil heads, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style.

All of them


GaryGlitter
(stranger)
03/29/06 10:28 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?




It depends.

How sexy are these 5 years olds?


Hornacek
(Resident Detroit Fan)
03/29/06 10:29 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

wow.

hell of a first post and bump.


jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/29/06 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This thread needed a bump, but this really would only have been funny several months ago.

HarryCH
(enthusiast)
03/29/06 11:16 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Whats wrong with Gary Glitter?

jakethebake
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/29/06 11:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Whats wrong with Gary Glitter?




I don't understand the question.


blaze666
(addict)
03/29/06 11:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Whats wrong with Gary Glitter?




His last name rhymes with a euphamism of pooper.


HarryCH
(enthusiast)
03/29/06 11:29 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I don't see why everyone is hating on him he is a great man.

GaryGlitter
(stranger)
03/29/06 04:19 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I just heard about this thread today. I've been....busy. Yeah, thats it, busy.

diebitter
(grotesquely handsome)
03/29/06 04:27 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I just heard about this thread today. I've been....busy. Yeah, thats it, busy.




Is it good to be back?


GaryGlitter
(stranger)
03/29/06 04:42 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

If by good you mean "I have trouble sitting down due to this colostomy bag", then yes, it's good.

maxx_730
(stranger)
05/03/06 10:26 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I actually have some real experience with this. With a scouting group, i handled about 30 of these once.

Elevens
(Untucked)
05/03/06 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I actually have some real experience with this. With a scouting group, i handled about 30 of these once.




Did you break their necks?


Abones
(veteran)
05/03/06 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think I could take 20ish. My tactic would be to throw them at each other and to break there arms are quick as possible, 5 year olds have weak arms!

noggindoc
(old hand)
05/03/06 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I actually have some real experience with this. With a scouting group, i handled about 30 of these once.




elaborate?


LALDAAS
(veteran)
05/03/06 10:31 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

funny to see this thread rise back up to the front again

Badger
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 10:35 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Since this got bumped back up anyways- I'll risk what might be a re-post
A Realistic Assesment of How Many 12 Year Olds I Could Beat Up Before They Overtook Me.


Riddick
(banned)
05/03/06 10:49 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think exposing myself might freak some of them out.

waxie
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 10:52 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?

It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.




You stole this from the Matrix.


Cooker
(old hand)
05/03/06 11:26 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.

You'd be lucky to handle 10.




You must be the weakest grown person in the world or 10 years old. A five year old runs slower than a typical adult's brisk walk. A five year old can barely open a typical gas station door. A five year old can be put out of commission (to a crying fit) for at least ten minutes by shove of similar strength required to open a typical gas station door. The number for a typical male adult is much bigger than ten and probably a good deal bigger than 30.


mak15
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 11:34 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i think everyone is overestimating how big a five year old is. you could knock out a couple with every kick you throw.

i'd say i could take 50 easy. are they allowed to reach into my cup? that's the only way they do any damage at all. and whenever they grab you, you just punch them in top of the head and that kid is out.


DMBFan23
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/03/06 11:40 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



Ong-Bak versus 5-year olds would be one of the coolest things ever.


FoxwoodsFiend
(Prahlad Friedman?)
05/03/06 12:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.

You'd be lucky to handle 10.




You must be the weakest grown person in the world or 10 years old. A five year old runs slower than a typical adult's brisk walk. A five year old can barely open a typical gas station door. A five year old can be put out of commission (to a crying fit) for at least ten minutes by shove of similar strength required to open a typical gas station door. The number for a typical male adult is much bigger than ten and probably a good deal bigger than 30.




Am I the only one somewhat amused by this guy's frepeated use of the "pushing open a gas door" metric of strength? Do you work at a sunoco or something?


Cooker
(old hand)
05/03/06 01:31 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.

You'd be lucky to handle 10.




You must be the weakest grown person in the world or 10 years old. A five year old runs slower than a typical adult's brisk walk. A five year old can barely open a typical gas station door. A five year old can be put out of commission (to a crying fit) for at least ten minutes by shove of similar strength required to open a typical gas station door. The number for a typical male adult is much bigger than ten and probably a good deal bigger than 30.




Am I the only one somewhat amused by this guy's frepeated use of the "pushing open a gas door" metric of strength? Do you work at a sunoco or something?




I am getting at a specific type of door and gas station is the only place that I can think of that still almost universally uses said door. The type is the self closing door with the mechanism at the top that applies minor pressure in order to close the door after someone passes through it. Similar to a screen door, but usually the ones in public places require somewhat more pressure to open. Obviously, a five year old could open a regular door, and many places like supermarkets have eliminated this type of door in favor of the fully automatic kind which a five year old can also obviously open. I was trying to call up the correct mental image with as few words as possible. I guess you could read McDonalds or Olive Garden instead of gas station if you like, but I happened to see a 5 year old struggle with a gas station door this morning which is why it came to mind.


FoxwoodsFiend
(Prahlad Friedman?)
05/03/06 02:04 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

If the kids get a little training, there's no way you can take on 30. One of them is going to get in a good shot below the belt. Then another will. Then another. You'll go down soon enough. Soon, you'll be getting kicked in the head and then it's lights-out.

You'd be lucky to handle 10.




You must be the weakest grown person in the world or 10 years old. A five year old runs slower than a typical adult's brisk walk. A five year old can barely open a typical gas station door. A five year old can be put out of commission (to a crying fit) for at least ten minutes by shove of similar strength required to open a typical gas station door. The number for a typical male adult is much bigger than ten and probably a good deal bigger than 30.




Am I the only one somewhat amused by this guy's frepeated use of the "pushing open a gas door" metric of strength? Do you work at a sunoco or something?




I am getting at a specific type of door and gas station is the only place that I can think of that still almost universally uses said door. The type is the self closing door with the mechanism at the top that applies minor pressure in order to close the door after someone passes through it. Similar to a screen door, but usually the ones in public places require somewhat more pressure to open. Obviously, a five year old could open a regular door, and many places like supermarkets have eliminated this type of door in favor of the fully automatic kind which a five year old can also obviously open. I was trying to call up the correct mental image with as few words as possible. I guess you could read McDonalds or Olive Garden instead of gas station if you like, but I happened to see a 5 year old struggle with a gas station door this morning which is why it came to mind.




Very good explanation! Sarcastic comment rescinded.


microbet
(The Best Poster Ever)
05/03/06 02:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

If the opponent could search the world and pick the biggest toughest 5 year olds the answer would be fewer than most anyone said. The most unrealistic requirement is that the 5 year olds aren't afraid. If they were physically 5 year olds, but mentally Green Berets, it wouldn't take that many of them. Ten large fearless 5 year olds that jump on you simultaneously and start biting and trying to grab and bite your nuts would be very difficult to deal with. Ten more in reserve would probably do just about anyone in. If they were a real group of 5 year olds, you could use your deepest, loudest, meanest voice and yell at them and they will throw in the towel.

bad beetz
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 03:07 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

If they are trained, then they will be trained to group before attacking, so where they start doesn't matter.

I would like to train them. I would train them to for chicken fighters (fat kids with smaller on shoulders) hahah. They need to group and try and get you to the ground. All that is needed is one good eye gouge, or cup removal/ball kick (or headbut)

I can't believe I'm responding to this thread.

I think swinging a kid would be the way to go. You could take off a kids leg and use it as a weapon, and the would be really really intimidating.

How many chimps could you take. IE, if you think you can take 30 kids, how many chimps (give your answer in a fraction, like 1/5 as many chips as kids)


Badger
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 04:09 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

How many chimps could you take. IE, if you think you can take 30 kids, how many chimps (give your answer in a fraction, like 1/5 as many chips as kids)




As a fraction: 0/(any number goes here)

EDIT: Provided the chimp was trained for combat (would take more than an hour), or really wanted to kill you.


Badger
(Pooh-Bah)
05/03/06 04:28 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I did some research and it looks like chimps are 4-7 times stronger than humans. Ineterestingly enough I saw this quote from janegoodall.org

"By age five they [chimpanzees] are stronger than most human adults."

So how many 5 year old chimps do you think you could take, given you had equal strength? Meaning, how many additional chimps would your height and mental advantages allow you to dispose of? Neither you nor the chimps have any special training.


Low Limit Loser
(old hand)
05/03/06 04:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Chimps are tough, they WILL bite your fingers off. Many documented cases of chimps attacking humans (most end in bit off fingers). A full grown chimp could kill most humans easily.

Damn dirty apes.

LLL


Str8Fish
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/11/06 07:46 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I think this entire thread would have been more interesting if we had replaced '5 year old' with 'midgets.'

Nicholasp27
(27th level thinker)
05/11/06 08:25 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

how so? midgets can be just as strong as you; they are just shorter...u couldn't take on many midgets at all...they could be trained to hit your pressure points, etc, whereas 5 year olds can't really

i don't think u can take on more than 3 midgets


Spartan117
(stranger)
07/24/06 10:11 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ya..In grade 7, I took on like 5 grade 4's (8-10). I injuried many of them and got away with only a bloody lip. We were on a small soccer feild on the school yard and they al piled ontop of me, but i did have the soccer ball instead of kids..

naMruM
(*)
07/25/06 05:06 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Grunch, and a brillian question LOL

As the father of a 5 year old and the participant in many qualifying-like sessions, my personal record is 8.

My genitals do not want to find out whether I can go any farther than that, either. If those little [censored] were trained to go for your nuts, you'd be lucky to hold off more than a handful. When they swarm, it's impossible to get em all.


john voight
(cleaning up after daddy)
07/25/06 05:20 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

id say 22-27. if the all attack simultaneously, with great teamworck, id say 7-12. while they are samll, the punches in the nuts would def. hurt. also some would be biting. if 10 kids could surround you, that would be about 400-600 lbs of human.

I guess, i changed my mind. i handle 17.


Corpsebean
(old hand)
07/25/06 07:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Three Hundred.

Evan
(Defeated Soldier)
07/25/06 09:33 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Did you register just to bump this thread?

epdog
(journeyman)
07/25/06 09:43 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I have done some brazilian jiu jitsu ground fighting and i think the number would look like this. Ground fighting wears your ass out so if they could A (how many 5 year olds to get you down) + B (number of five year olds to straight dog pile you to wear you out and immobilize you)+ C (number of five year olds to place kick your face) you have your answer. A i don't think i can answer. B would be in the 10-15 range assuming they all hop on quick. that's a lot of weight and will tire you out. C would be in the 10 range i think. I'm not sure how many it would take to get me down though.

RichS
(member)
07/25/06 08:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Anyone else think of ? Certainly one technique for the kids is on display there, grabbing clothes.

I'd say the training for the kids would have to focus on swarming, tripping and jumping on the adult with special attention paid to stomping on your head once you are down. Probably motivate the kids with something like "A bad man who killed your mommy and daddy is going to be in this room. No matter how many of you he hurts it's very important for you to take him down so he doesn't kill anyone else's mommy or daddy." If you've been knocked down and the kids pile on you it's over.

Personally I have a VERY high tolerance for pain and more than 5 years of martial arts training so I'd go with 50+.


renodoc
(Pooh-Bah)
08/05/06 03:03 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

My kid isn't even 5 yet, but he weighs over 50 lbs and has been watching power rangers way too much. He goes for my eyes and ears with pinches and scratches when we wrestle. His stamina is never-ending. My stamina isn't.

His training has been to recreate Foreman-Frazier, Leonard-Duran and, most unfortunately for me, Tyson-Hollyfield. When he lands a roundhouse there is enough power behind it to cause some damage if he hits a sensitive spot.

Its a finite number, and I think its under 20 for sure. As discussed above, once you are on the ground your day is done.


Arcaneus
(stranger)
08/13/06 02:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok so this forum is old, but I just stumbled across it. I am laughing so damn hard its ridiculous. Now that my girl is totally pissed off at me, b/c she has a 5 year old I have to put my 2 sense in...

Ok, so we start out by doing a strong enough kick, to break their little knee caps. By doing this, we can easily take out 3-6 kids with each kick. NP at all. I could do this for days. Now that they are all incapacitated, and are screaming bloody hell, a good number of them are going to be pass out from the pain, (rendering then unconcious). The rest you just have to walk up to pop them in the head, and they are done. I say we do away with the training, and just go for the event.

Now, On the topic with the little bastards getting mom and/or dad. Bring the [censored]. here si the perfect thing. Since you have an endless # of little bastard kids that are all now unconcious, you can beat the parents with. They wont pick up a kid, b/c they will be afraid of doing more damage, so you have the upper hand.

I say, with this is mind I could easily take on 80+.

BTW - Props to the guy who posted the pic of the ethiopian 5 year old. That was great, really added to the humor here.

Somewhere someone mentioned a bunch of little kids grabbing ahold of your legs??? Ok, if anyone has ever played football with the neighborhood kids, you know that wont do much. I can easily walk around with 12 kids all hanging on to my feet, pants, and legs.

Now, to the video game. If you want to play something similar play Savage, its mostly real time melee combat.

The ideas where great, and props to you should you actually do anything with it, and make any money from it.

Well, I hope this thread never dies, and I hope that there Big Brother is out there, watching this thread, and every single one of them are sitting there, reading these post with their jaws wide open, in total aww, b/c someone (actually alot of people) can think like this. I saw we substitute the 5 year olds, with the people that directly involved with the US Gov't, and see how many, we can take and for how long.


Cornell Fiji
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
11/20/06 02:05 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

funny if it weren't true:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets




Dane S
(Danenania of yore)
11/20/06 02:59 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ok so this forum is old, but I just stumbled across it. I am laughing so damn hard its ridiculous. Now that my girl is totally pissed off at me, b/c she has a 5 year old I have to put my 2 sense in...

Ok, so we start out by doing a strong enough kick, to break their little knee caps. By doing this, we can easily take out 3-6 kids with each kick. NP at all. I could do this for days. Now that they are all incapacitated, and are screaming bloody hell, a good number of them are going to be pass out from the pain, (rendering then unconcious). The rest you just have to walk up to pop them in the head, and they are done. I say we do away with the training, and just go for the event.

Now, On the topic with the little bastards getting mom and/or dad. Bring the [censored]. here si the perfect thing. Since you have an endless # of little bastard kids that are all now unconcious, you can beat the parents with. They wont pick up a kid, b/c they will be afraid of doing more damage, so you have the upper hand.

I say, with this is mind I could easily take on 80+.

BTW - Props to the guy who posted the pic of the ethiopian 5 year old. That was great, really added to the humor here.

Somewhere someone mentioned a bunch of little kids grabbing ahold of your legs??? Ok, if anyone has ever played football with the neighborhood kids, you know that wont do much. I can easily walk around with 12 kids all hanging on to my feet, pants, and legs.

Now, to the video game. If you want to play something similar play Savage, its mostly real time melee combat.

The ideas where great, and props to you should you actually do anything with it, and make any money from it.

Well, I hope this thread never dies, and I hope that there Big Brother is out there, watching this thread, and every single one of them are sitting there, reading these post with their jaws wide open, in total aww, b/c someone (actually alot of people) can think like this. I saw we substitute the 5 year olds, with the people that directly involved with the US Gov't, and see how many, we can take and for how long.




Lol good post.


34TheTruth34
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
11/20/06 03:00 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

funny if it weren't true:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets







link not working


smoinaladoo
(stranger)
12/01/06 12:07 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

This is one of the best threads of all time. I registered just to post to it.

Anyway, I think some people are forgetting that the older you get the meaner you become and if you are ultra-pissed and there is any fear of death you are taking out a TON of 'em. Bottom line.


By-Tor
(* Infinity)
12/01/06 12:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

This is one of the best threads of all time. I registered just to post to it.




sighhhhhh...BAN.


Praxis101
(addict)
12/01/06 01:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Not sure if this is covered in this thread, but:

I have a friend who posts on two different online forums (neither of which is 2+2) who has said that this same thread has been posted on both of them at one point or another.

I wonder if this is the original, or just a copy


5_year_old_bully
(member)
12/29/06 07:14 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



MattSuspect
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/29/06 07:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok, its time to lock this. Jesus H.

SoloAJ
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/29/06 07:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I'd just like to make note that every time this gets bumped it is by a new poster....

cking
(Pooh-Bah)
12/29/06 07:57 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

funny thing is, i remember seeing this post a long long time ago when it was newish, way before i was a 2+2er, funny to get to read thru it again

gonores
(2005 OOT POTY Winner)
12/29/06 08:06 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Just to reiterate one last time...

If you suspect that this thread is not the original "How Many 5 Year Olds" thread, I encourage you to go to Google and try to find an earlier posting of this question.


SackUp
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
12/29/06 09:42 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

gonores - stop living in the past. please create a new poty.

pete fabrizio
(Pooh-Bah)
01/31/07 06:26 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The limiting factor is clearly stamina. A big strong guy could probably take on any number of 5-yr olds surrounding him, but would tire quickly. Plus kids are resilient and will keep coming back for more.

Dominic
(Johnny 3-Legs)
02/21/07 06:00 PM
our fearless leader?

[image][/image]

effang
(veteran)
02/22/07 12:40 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

So 30 midgets can take down a lion, and you're saying 30+ kids can't take you down?

what happens when they tacke you and start jumping on you?

30*50 = 1500 LBS. you guys are ridiculous. if they have ANY knowledge of working together you couldn't overcome this. If they just swarm you what are you going to do? And since this is hypothetical, we're going to assume they aren't scared.

If they are scared, it it totally different.


bkholdem
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
03/03/07 02:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.

-Michael




yeah, plus it would be way more fun


Five-Star
([x] Wins the internet)
03/03/07 02:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Ok, its time to lock this. Jesus H.




that would be like saying we need to lock the Shana Hiatt Playboy photo thread.


Ebonwoulfe
(member)
03/06/07 04:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

that would be like saying we need to lock the Shana Hiatt Playboy photo thread.




Link?


stormstarter28
(addict)
03/06/07 09:51 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

They wouldn't have a chance to swarm you if you kept moving. 5 year olds are slow, not to mention stupid. You could easily dance around them, fake them out with jukes, push them back with your superior reach, etc. Keep in mind,you don't even need to knock them out at first...just injure them one at a time. If you kick them in the shins or punch them in the face hard, they will go down and will not get back up for a long time. Once you cripple them all, it's a cake walk bashing their skulls into the ground. I say 45 is realistic.

Five-Star
([x] Wins the internet)
03/06/07 09:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

that would be like saying we need to lock the Shana Hiatt Playboy photo thread.




Link?




Wander up to the Televised Poker forum


Oski
("greatest legal mind of his [censored] generation ldo" - NT!)
03/26/07 05:53 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



mr_whomp
(member)
04/13/07 07:48 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Anyone who says single digits has not been a camp counselor. I could take on between 12-15 Grade 7/8s in a WWF match so I figure that works out to around 70-100 5 year olds in a death match. If they can sack you then maybe 30 is closer to the truth.

A 5 year old vs. an adult is like regular people vs. incredible hulk.


mr_whomp
(member)
04/13/07 08:00 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Also going for kicks to the head is a bad idea.

wiper
(veteran)
04/13/07 08:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Also going for kicks to the head is a bad idea.




....says mr. whomp.


BillNye
(veteran)
04/13/07 08:22 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Anybody who's number isn't over 100 is an idiot.

Wilpro
(addict)
04/13/07 08:50 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i can seriously take on infinite till i passed out. I got a mean fly kick which i can perform multiple multiple times, and i aint a scared to kick the absolute shiit out of some little kid.

RaMz123
(*)
04/14/07 01:12 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ran in to some kids in a bowling alley in Dortmund. I managed 37....



BillNye
(veteran)
04/14/07 01:19 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



Who can't take 100 of these punks?


onlinebeginner
(Pooh-Bah)
04/19/07 02:33 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

how would a 5 year old knock me out... they could pin me down , but knock me out.... no way

punkass
(gluteus punxicus)
04/19/07 05:12 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

geez, people are still responding to this question...

This question will be up there next to "What's the meaning of life?" that you can ask God.


Mark Collins
(*)
04/19/07 06:21 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

how would a 5 year old knock me out... they could pin me down , but knock me out.... no way




After they pin you down, they start tearing at your scrotum and penis, while ripping off your earlobes and gouging out your eyes. I bet you're going out at some point.


RaMz123
(*)
04/19/07 06:51 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

geez, people are still responding to this question...

This question will be up there next to "What's the meaning of life?" that you can ask God.




Thats much easier, the meaning of life is to reproduce.


zago
(stranger)
07/09/07 05:24 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

i am a camp counselor for 6-7 year olds. believe me, 5 year olds still have very underdeveloped motor skills and would be able to do relatively no damage to you. i could tell them to hit me as hard as they can and it never even hurts. on the other hand, if u hit them with even a fourth of your strength, they will break down and cry. the point is, it doesnt matter how many 5 year olds are sent at you, you will be able to take them down until you pass out from exhaustion, which could take hours. combat training would do virtually nothing for them, as they have limited cognitive and motor ability. the one thing to look out for is your lower legs. they will latch on to them, and make it difficult to move.

Cubswin
(Master Baiter)
08/08/07 06:02 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

How many 5 year-old ninjas?

Cancuk
(veteran)
08/08/07 06:16 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

How many 5 year-old ninjas?




15 - 20. How long have they been honing their Ninja skills?


ApeAttack
(old hand)
08/09/07 03:34 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

I think this question is way more interesting if the kids aren't trained. Then you could take on a ton.

-Michael




naw, without training it would be to easy, it would basically last until you ran out of stregnth from dropping them like flies.




You guys aren't really thinking about how little training a 5-year old can retain and utilize.


ThePost
(enthusiast)
08/10/07 01:13 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....



Does the number go up with additional motivation?


yeehaa
(stranger)
08/13/07 02:49 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Can I opt to have the same training as the kids instead?

For a start if you trained in defense only you're already at a disadvantage. Taking the exact same training they took would do the following.

1) You'd know exactly what to expect.
2) You'd be the aggressor rather then the other way around.

These two are significant advantages over the 5 year olds. A few reasons, the most of which is sheer strength. There is no doubt about it, you will be stronger then a 5 year old.

Not to mention even in an organized circular assault from toddlers, there is only so many that can get to you at one point. And that is probably less then 10. The rest of the time they are pushing and shoving to get to you.

These mindless, fearless kids attacking you are still weak in structure, let me explain.

My first few seconds on battle.

Grab the closest kid and snap his arms like twigs. Grab the next kid do the same. By this time the kids are probably all around you. This is when you start picking them up and hurling them at the other kids. I mean really tossing them.
You would easily start just punting them away from you.

If it starts to get too much I'd make my way over to a wall by just up and charging, stomping the kids along the way. Now they can't get to me from all angles.

My number - 40 if it's defensive trained, 80 if it's the same training as the kids took. Knowing what to expect is by far the biggest advantage in any fight.

According to the "Percentiles" what doctors use to chart the averages for all kids.

5 year old male will be 3'7"(50%) tall, and be 41lbs (52%)


ChuckyB
(Pooh-Bah)
08/13/07 06:35 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

My one star came from posting a similar thread a while back.

DOUBLE STANDARD!!!


Uncle_Billy
(*)
09/23/07 04:05 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Awesome thread.

My wife, a kindergarten teacher surrounded by 5 year olds on a daily basis, thinks 15, for a healthy young man to take on. She gives herself 8-10 before she goes down.

Her argument is that when they surround her to hug her, she's already knocked off balance. Change these kids into little fighters out for blood, and she thinks one would go down pretty quickly. Then if they start kicking your head / suffocating you, you'll be done pretty quick.

I'm thinking slightly higher: 20-25 - mainly because I can keep my distance and take out several before they close and take me down.


BigPoppa
([censored], I don't know)
09/23/07 04:34 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

The guys saying triple digits/infinite are idiots:


You start out essentially surrounded.
They come at you from all sides while you can only strike one at a time.
You can't run around, as some have suggested you do, because you run into a solid wall of the little [censored] everywhere you turn.
Eventually, they grab onto your legs and start biting.
Then it's only a matter of time.
You punch one kid loose and he's immediately replaced by another.
Then a couple grab an arm and start biting it.
Then you go down to the ground.
Then you die.


DBSpecial
(member)
09/23/07 05:04 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Stamina would be the limiting factor. Fighting is incredibly tiring and you'd be running around a small area at top speed. Throw in the constant punching/kicking/biting/gouging. Finally you've got many kids grappling/impeding you - they don't hurt much but they'd tire you.

There's no way an average person could beat a hundred or more kids, and even less for the 'average' OOT nerd.


Klompy
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/23/07 05:44 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I bet I can take about 20, and I'm larger and stronger then the average 2+2er. It would be hard to move any limbs with a ton of kids hanging all over you.

Soncy
(newbie)
09/26/07 01:05 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....why are they unflappable?

I'm only part way through the posts, but most are disregarding the stipulation about the kids being motivated enough to stay after you. So let's speculate about that. How do we motivate the 5 year olds to come at you relentlessly?

Soncy
(newbie)
09/26/07 01:24 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Does anyone actually know what the training for the 5 year olds would most likely consist of? I really think we should consider that before anyone can deduce a magic number. For instance, all you people who think you are going to go around punting the little sprouts...are you considering the possibility that several of them will be waiting for just that. For you to be in mid kick, weight on one leg, and bam they move in as a unit. Maybe some of them, that is their job. They are leg grabbers. Others are to throw themselves bodily into you to get you down. Still others are to start kicking you in the face or jumping on your head with both knees as soon as you are down. Maybe they are even given a strategy to get you tired before trying to execute the main plan. Don't forget, batman gets to pick the kids.

g-bebe
(fgsafsddsg)
09/26/07 04:10 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

In the first page or two of this thread, somebody got it right. I won't bother looking up who, but you just have to pick up one of them, preferably one of the taller, skinnier ones, and pull off the whirling dervish... kid weighs max probably 60 pounds for a 5 year old? you could handle a lot of kids this way.

happyhappyhappy
(enthusiast)
09/27/07 04:39 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Sponger won this thread a long time ago.

BigPoppa
([censored], I don't know)
09/27/07 05:02 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

In the first page or two of this thread, somebody got it right. I won't bother looking up who, but you just have to pick up one of them, preferably one of the taller, skinnier ones, and pull off the whirling dervish... kid weighs max probably 60 pounds for a 5 year old? you could handle a lot of kids this way.



Ever done a Kettleball workout?
Now try it with the Kettleball fighting back.

You'd tire out very fast, and it's unlikely that you'd knock a single kid completely out. Sure, you'd knock a couple down, but you'd need direct skull on skull contact for a KO.


corsakh
(Carpal /'Tunnel)
09/27/07 07:04 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

You people need counseling.

selurah
(old hand)
09/27/07 08:37 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

LOL is this classic still around.

LondonBroil
(Pooh-Bah)
11/09/07 10:54 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

all of them.




The Man Mulcahey
(Sir Awesomesauce)
11/13/07 01:17 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

Quote:

all of them.







Landlord79
(veteran)
11/29/07 12:43 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

My only request would be knee pads, and if they get a matching weapon/ defensive item, knee pads would be of no use to them.

My tactic would consist of running away, resting for the 5 seconds that it takes for them to catch up, running around and throwing heads into the ground and getting in big knees to the kids that allowed themselves to be separated out from the group. Punches would damage your fists too much to be useful en mass. They are too short for elbows. Straight on kicks to their heads and chests would be good in spots, but staying mobile and away from the mob is the most important consideration.

New kids would have to come out in groups of 10 or 15, if not, then they would just swarm you. But if they were released into the arena in groups of 10 or 15 and there was a crew to pull the bodies out, you could take down hundreds.

If there were 100 in a gym, you wouldn't have the stamina nor the room to manuver and you would be overwhelmed or wore out when they started attaching themselves to your legs and over running you. As long as they held onto your arms and legs while you were down, then eventually you would be rendered unconscious. This would be a very slow and painful process.


prana
(enthusiast)
11/29/07 02:13 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:


If there were 100 in a gym, you wouldn't have the stamina nor the room to manuver and you would be overwhelmed or wore out when they started attaching themselves to your legs and over running you. As long as they held onto your arms and legs while you were down, then eventually you would be rendered unconscious. This would be a very slow and painful process.




They won't hold on to you when you crack em one in the head. I think you could pretty easily stand there and build up a pile. I honestly couldn't imagine giving a 5 year old my best punch. It'd kill him pretty easily I'd think. I remember my brothers crying for getting charlie horses in the arm or leg and this was when I was 14 and they were like 11-12 years old. Now I'm 31 and they are 5 year olds? Cmon.

Lol. I'm reminded of a buddy who used to work as at a youth commission for our city and I remember dropping something off with him. He's 6'5" or so and actually had about 5 kids hanging on him as he was making his way across the park, pretty easily I might add. One punch and these kids would drop fairly quickly.


Xylem
(addict)
11/29/07 02:17 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I could take 100s and thats not a brag.

All i have to do is throw my weight and fists around.

Keep kicking.

The small room and wall rules make it harder but come on!

5 year olds cannot take any kind of pressure to the head.

Im gettin pretty pumped thinkin about this.


ZOMG_RIGGED!
(veteran)
11/29/07 06:51 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Damn, I was hoping this bump meant there was a new advance in the world for fighting off 5 year olds.

pirateboy
(veteran)
11/29/07 06:56 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

I didn't read all the pages, but most of them, and I didn't see something mentioned. In the OP, it's said that you cannot touch the walls. I think that brings your number down. When you're running, or tired, you'd consider using the wall for balance or rest.

philfan05
(member)
11/30/07 04:32 PM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Quote:

My only request would be knee pads, and if they get a matching weapon/ defensive item, knee pads would be of no use to them.




I think this aspect was overlooked by almost everyone. Not only would stamina be a factor, but also the punishment your fists, knees, and elbows would take. The human skull is extremely hard and after kneeing 4 or 5 kids your knee would really hurt and make it hard to run away. If you went with punching, you would eventually break/sprain your wrist.

The most important aspect is how well the kids respond to the training. The instructor would really have to stress working in large groups and going for the legs. If there were an instructor present that would shout instructions the number would drop quite a bit. However, I think that despite the training, as soon as you started running around, their initial gameplan would go out the window and they would not be smart enough to come up with new ideas.


Myzair36
(stranger)
12/02/07 03:11 AM
Re: How many 5 year-olds.....

Ok so I believe that most of these estimations are incorrect for a few reasons:
The 5 yr olds will not be able to restrain you very well, they may be able to get you on the floor but if you curl up they could pretty much do nothing to you...as for getting out of that position you all are seeming to forget the strength that would be granted when you get adrenaline pumping through your veins at the yell of however many 5 year olds screeching at the top of their lungs whatever battle cries they may have made up.

Whatever training was given to them for only 1 day would not make any impact except for maybe 5 or six of the 5 yr olds that would actually pay attention. But, the hindrance of their size and weight and inadequately developed muscles and minds would not allow them to implement most or all of whatever techniques they may may have learned from their 1 day of training. The single hour of training would be much more effective at helping you because you would be no doubt learning pressure points that would be too easy to hit on a much slower than you 5 yr old.

If the children could surround you (which would happen) they might stop you from using your legs or knees but no way would they be able to stop you from using your arms or hands. I am 6'5" and most (if not all) 5 year olds I have seen don't even come up to my hips so my arms would not be hindered in any way.

Also you all seem to be forgetting that while you may have a sensitive spot in your groin or elsewhere, SO DO THE KIDS!! If you think that a 5 year olds' bite could break through a hard rubber/plastic cup then I definitely think that you could break through that cup thereby rendering them very prone to groin shots with your foot.

Speaking of sensitive spots...the "temple" and under the jaw are very soft and easily knock out a person when pressure is applied (say when a fist comes flying into it at high speeds) the neck of a child is also a potential target for a soft hit for your hand or arm. These spots are also out of reach for a 5 year old unless they had some freaky steroids.

Assuming that you had no remorse for the children you are hitting you could go all out and would be able to take out a lot more 5 year olds than you may think that you normally could even with stamina problems. If people can run 3.2 miles in 17 minutes and then run a 11.5 second 100 meter finish, you can contribute the finish to the adrenaline of the runner and the same would be true for you when you would be fighting the 5 year olds. You simply would not tire quickly.

Wow I'm sure that gonores didn't think that his "drunken debate" would get this much analytical conversation from sober people...



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