My home casino

[tworooks]

OK, to start off I know all of the legal implications of this and whatnot. Don't post if your gonna say how this is illegal.

I want to start my own cardroom type casino at my house. This would be full-on, real casino atmosphere for the players at the comfort of my home. I would provide NL Holdem ring games, as well as a variety of other poker games if demand proves necessary, and Blackjack tables. Also 2-3 nights a week I would be hosting tournaments. I want this to be profitable, so there will be rake and all that good stuff. I will give comps, typically drinks, free fast food, pizza, whatever, for my good customers. Also will sell this kind of stuff on site. I am not sure about getting professional dealers or not, still weighing the pros and cons of that. My questions for you readers: What should my rake structure be like, for say $50, $100, $200 NL ring games? Also, would any of you(San Diego area) be interested. The main problem going for me is Indian Casinos, because why would people come here when the casinos are around. Also, I am a minor. So this could easily just be an outlet for kids my age, but it would be good to get people who play higher limits. Also, there will be some dead money in there because of the fishiness level of some of the people who may be there(rich chaldean kids). So, would anyone in the San Diego area be interested? And if so, what limits would you play? Recomendations(sp?) that would make it feasible for you to want to come and play regularly. Thanks guys.

[JimHammer]

Sounds like a great idea....

You could save money by having your dad be a dealer and having mom serve drinks.

[Patrick Duffy]

id love it if one of my friends did it, im sure id be there all the time...i think the idea of "comping" fast food is really funny though...the only problem is that if its any good, it will probably get popular quick, word will spread, and that will be the end of it...good luck with that though...at least youre ambitious!

[tworooks]

i knew the whole mom and dad thing would be coming. oh well. serves me right. but really, any suggestions, or just aint gonna happen?

[tworooks]

heh, yea i liked the fast food idea was pretty funny too. but whatever gets them coming back.
thanks though, will need a bit of luck.

[Guthrie]

And maybe his little sister and her friends could do lap dances.

[Hedge Henderson]

If you really want to do this, you should probably visit (and play in) a few underground card rooms in your area first to see how they operate. I'm sure there are plenty, even in California. Some of them will have a problem with a minor showing up, but you just have to find the ones that don't.

It's not really going to be profitable at the $50 buy-in level, though. $1/$2 NL is probably about as low as you can get and still make money at everything you want to do, assuming a rake of 10% up to $4.

Custom chips are a must. One local underground room I know of got hit for well over $500 in "counterfeit" chips earlier this month.

Dealers are a must. At $1/$2 NL, they'll probably work for little more than the tax-free tips. They won't be "Vegas" quality, but they'll save you a lot of hassle.

Security is a must, and you want it to be both intimidating and legal. Should you ever get busted, a firearms charge won't help matters.

Also, it's probably not a good idea to hold the game at home. Your neighbors will quickly figure out that something's up when you've got a dozen or two cars parked outside your house every night. Rent some commercial/industrial space.

I'd probably steer clear of blackjack. I don't know about California but, in some places, there is a legal distinction between a house rake and playing the house.

Once you've got all that sorted out, free drinks and fast food to keep your players happy is a very minor thing.

Good luck.

[Eihli]

Any tips on finding good commercial/industrial space to rent? How much do you think it would cost, what should I be looking for?

[Ryner]

I predict this will become the greatest topic of all time.

[ericslagle]

Any suggestions on how to find the underground card rooms? For about 3 years I've asked around during travels and the only ones I hear about are in NY. The ones in NY are even friend of a friend situations, I've been trying to find someone who can take me to one and that never even works out.

[ledavatar]

Be careful, you might get grounded if your moms n pops find out.

[GoblinMason (Craig)]

[ QUOTE ]
Be careful, you might get grounded if your moms n pops find out.

[/ QUOTE ]

Or no dessert for a week. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[ky70]

I think the critical thing here is to be sure to schedule casino nights when your parents won't be home AND make all participants sign an agreement saying that they will remain completely still and quiet should your parents return home early.

IMO, these two things are a must.

[EStreet20]

I won't tell you it's allegal, I'll tell you this.
A) You'd definitely get caught. I think it sounds like a cool idea but kids can't keep their mouths shut, word would spread and other kids' parents would find out.
B) If your parents allow this they're idiots because I'm assuming it's their name on the mortgage/deed/lease for the house and if the game ever got busted they would lose the house (I think, not sure about Cali) and quite possibly go to prison.
C) In reltion to A, the game would be all underagers, no adult would risk going to a cardroom owned/run by a minor.
Nonetheless good luck,
Matt

P.S. Wouldn't it be great to be a naive child with such ambitions and imagination again???

[Bulldog]

You will need $40,000 to get this off the ground. $40,012 if you want to buy a Harry Potter DVD to play on your flat-screens in the "casino".

[Yarney]

This is actually a good point that others have failed to bring up. Although I will argue that you don't need plasma TVs, you are still looking at a laundry list of things you will need to get this off of the ground, least expensively being chips, tables and some variety of vault. Cameras and recording equipment is a must as well. Everyone needs to feel like they are in a legit and well run room.

-Yarney

Edit: also, don't forget several decks of custom cards, of multiple colors.

[varoadstter]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!111

OMG I burst out laughing when I read this. Priceless.

[kibble420]

[ QUOTE ]
i knew the whole mom and dad thing would be coming. oh well. serves me right. but really, any suggestions, or just aint gonna happen?

[/ QUOTE ]

I vote for "Just ain't gonna happen."

Once you have one person lose their lunch money, your mom and dad will take all your casino equipment and put it on ebay, that'll teach ya.

[varoadstter]

[ QUOTE ]
OK, to start off I know all of the legal implications of this and whatnot. Don't post if your gonna say how this is illegal.

[/ QUOTE ]

Really? You know that you'll get busted within a couple days? That your parents' house is going to be seized? This doesn't concern you?

Cool! I read on....

[ QUOTE ]
I want to start my own cardroom type casino at my house. This would be full-on, real casino atmosphere for the players at the comfort of my home.


[/ QUOTE ]

Full on, eh? Going for the full neon lights, pumped in oxygen, hookers, bars, lounge singers, etc? You are a god!

I read on...

[ QUOTE ]

I would provide NL Holdem ring games, as well as a variety of other poker games if demand proves necessary, and Blackjack tables. Also 2-3 nights a week I would be hosting tournaments.


[/ QUOTE ]

No craps? Slots? Pai Gow? What kind of crappy casino is this, anyway?

I read on...

[ QUOTE ]

I want this to be profitable, so there will be rake and all that good stuff. I will give comps, typically drinks, free fast food, pizza, whatever, for my good customers. Also will sell this kind of stuff on site. I am not sure about getting professional dealers or not, still weighing the pros and cons of that.


[/ QUOTE ]

Definitely don't hire any dealers. This would hurt your "profitability". Any monkey can deal Pot-limit Omaha, right? Oh, don't bother with floor personnel either. Let the guys at the table settle their arguments with each other and the dealer. Oh, you may need to hire a guy to get your alcohol for you - you being a minor and all...

I read on...

[ QUOTE ]

My questions for you readers: What should my rake structure be like, for say $50, $100, $200 NL ring games?


[/ QUOTE ]

This is the question you have for the readers? Amazing!

Probably can't be too high since the typical eighth grader is going to have a hard enough time scraping together the scratch for the $200 NL table...

I read on...

[ QUOTE ]

Also, would any of you(San Diego area) be interested. The main problem going for me is Indian Casinos, because why would people come here when the casinos are around.


[/ QUOTE ]

You nailed it. Those indian casinos are your biggest problem. Good catch!

I read on...

[ QUOTE ]

Also, I am a minor. So this could easily just be an outlet for kids my age, but it would be good to get people who play higher limits. Also, there will be some dead money in there because of the fishiness level of some of the people who may be there(rich chaldean kids). So, would anyone in the San Diego area be interested? And if so, what limits would you play? Recomendations(sp?) that would make it feasible for you to want to come and play regularly. Thanks guys.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey, watch those slams against Chaldean kids! One of those guys took me for five bucks last week playing Chutes and Ladders. I'm telling ya, they are trickier than you think.

If you set it up, I will fly out from Virginia to play. I promise.

Keep us posted!

[ky70]

LMAO!! This thread will only get better...future classic for sure

[jzpiano]

I'm sure the kids will play after you comp them a happy meal /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Bulldog]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure the kids will play after you comp them a happy meal /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Next on ESPN2, The 12-and-Under Hold'em World Championship, live from TwoRooks' 'rents basement! Catch Annie Duke's kids Luke and Bo take on Phil Hellmuth at the final table!

[noggindoc]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure the kids will play after you comp them a happy meal /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Next on ESPN2, The 12-and-Under Hold'em World Championship, live from TwoRooks' 'rents basement! Catch Annie Duke's kids Luke and Bo take on Phil Hellmuth at the final table!

[/ QUOTE ]
priceless

[Nick-Zack]

You might as well go ahead and sell drugs. That way when you get raided during the second week of operation they can go ahead and put you in prison for a long time.

Seriously, there is no way that this will last. Its one thing when a bunch of adults spend their paychecks, but when a bunch of your friends blow their lunch money their parents will end this quickly.

[warewulf]

I still think your largest problem with be them damn indians! Watch out for flying tomahawks or spears and having regulars disappear and turn up scalped! They might even place a curse on your house! White man stealing from the indians again! /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[KilgoreTrout]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v713/wormtowne/screwball.jpg

Sorry, I couldn't find a picture of an underage idiot.

[chipshuffle]

I know this topic has been covered pretty thoroughly, but I just couldn't resist this comedic gem.

First I wouldn't worry about REAL CASINOS taking business away from your parents living room, I mean your "casino"...

Also everyone knows how cheap it is to start one up. (maybe $125 right guys?.....)

If I were a dealer and had to choose between working for a legitimate casino and working for some kid in high school I would definitely go for the latter.

And even if it does cost more than your allowance to start a casino I'm sure you could just find all the fish in the area and take their rolls because you sound like a shark. So it sounds like you have a plan. When is the grand opening? Next week? I assume it won't take very long to get your idea off the ground.

By the way, shouldn't you be doing your homework instead of reading this post right now? <font color="black"> </font>

[Bulldog]

[ QUOTE ]
You will need $40,000 to get this off the ground. $40,012 if you want to buy a Harry Potter DVD to play on your flat-screens in the "casino".

[/ QUOTE ]

Just for fun, four poker tables and two BJ tables:

Code Description Qty Each Total
10-2010 Blackjack Dealing Shoe 6 Deck
Heavy clear Acrylic $24.99 $49.98
10-2030 6 Deck Discard Holder with Top
Clear Acrylic 6 deck Capacity $8.95 $17.90
10-BIGBJ2 Professional Size BlackJack Table w/Removable Armrest
Padded Felt Table Top $299.99 $599.98
10-4010 Clear Chip Spacers
Solid Acrylic $0.25 $50.00
10-5030 Clear Acrylic Chip Rack/Tray
Holds 100 CHIPS for all styles. MADE IN USA $1.89 $378.00
10-DEALER Texas Hold'em Pro Dealer Kit
Includes Dealer &amp; Blind Buttons Plus More!

[1:10-ltblnd--Little Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[2:10-5000--Real Casino Cards - One Deck:]
[1:10-5500--Professional Dealer Button:]
[10:10-4010--Clear Chip Spacers:]
[1:10-mblind--Missed Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[1:10-bgblnd--Big Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[1:10-kill--KILL BUTTON for Poker Game:]
[1:10-2040BLU--BLUE Blackjack Cut Card:]
[1:10-RESR--Reserved Button - Great for Gaming Tables:] $17.99 $143.92
10-REG1546BRI Copag™ Bridge Size REGULAR Index - Green*Pink Setup
100% Plastic High Quality $19.95 $239.40
10-5000-144 LOT OF 144 QTY Casino Poker Size Cards
ONE GROSS OF PLAYING CARDS

[144:10-5000--Real Casino Cards - One Deck:] $119.99 $119.99

20,000 chips...

10-DS25CENT Desert Sands Casino 10g 25 cent Poker Chip
$0.85 $680.00
10-DS1 Desert Sands Casino 10g $1 Poker Chip
$0.85 $8,500.00
10-DS5 Desert Sands Casino 10g $5 Poker Chip
$0.85 $4,250.00
10-DS25 Desert Sands Casino 10g $25 Poker Chip
$0.85 $2,550.00
10-DS100 Desert Sands Casino 10g $100 Poker Chip
$0.85 $850.00
10-DS500 Desert Sands Casino 10g $500 Poker Chip
$0.85 $170.00
PromoCode Promotion Code: LHNWXK
Code: LHNWXK Valid Dates: 3/25/2005 - 4/30/2005 Description: This code entitles you to 25% OFF your purchase. - Valid Product Categories: Casino Supplies, Slot Machines, Swords, Knives, Airsoft Guns, Billiards, Paintball, Medieval Novelties, Collectibles, Miscellaneous ($4,649.79) ($4,649.79)
Subtotal: $13,949.38

Plus:
Poker-Wholesale.com



Your Shopping Cart
Item Unit
Price Qty. Subtotal
Finest Wood Texas Holdem Table w/Cup Holders &amp; Chip Area

[Remove]
999.00 3996.00

Subtotal for Poker-Wholesale.com: 3996.00

So just $18,000 so far. Tack on another $2,000 for chairs. I'll assume you've got space for all these food comps (mom won't mind giving up half the fridge and pantry), adequate parking, and a computer to track your "player points". If you are going to rake, you'll have to have dealers, at least a couple of who will have to have some experience and can act as the floor as well, especially on nights when you have to study or something. You are going to lose money before you make money, so you'll need $5,000 minimum to pay your employees until you start bringing in enough to cover salaries. Same with comps, another $2,000 in reserve for that. Tack on $1,000 more for a couple TVs.

Maybe you could open the doors for $28,000. When is the grand opening?

[warewulf]

[ QUOTE ]

Sorry, I couldn't find a picture of an underage idiot.

[/ QUOTE ]

Classic! I'm saving this pic!

[Socrates]

I get the impression everyone thinks this won't work (included sarcasm here)?

While you idea is not going to work its cool that you have ambition. Study up, get an internship witha casino or something, see how the business really works and what costs are involved. And then maybe if you save up a few million or find the investors you can open a legit casino in the future.

[Skipbidder]

Are you a better poker player than your friends? You can make a fair chunk of money just playing poker with them. You probably will have a higher edge just playing poker against them than you would banking roulette or dealing blackjack. Read some of the 2+2 books if you haven't already.

I think you ought to be very concerned about getting caught.

Time for a lame story. I got caught making book in high school. I wasn't taking that much money in bets. I had a notebook that I kept records in. The principal called me in one day and somehow had possession of my notebook. He starting giving me a great deal of grief about it. I pointed out that I knew that he had placed wagers in the "squares" pool at a local bar. (My dad was a drunk. I spent a lot of time in bars when I was growing up.) I suggested that he was being hypocritical and that it would probably be very bad for him if this got around. In retrospect, this was very foolish--I certainly would have played it differently if I had a chance to do it again (despite it working out pretty well). We came to an agreement. I was to keep the books at a much lower profile. I was to keep my fat mouth shut regarding his gambling. (I never saw his name on a pool again...I don't know if he started using initials or a pseudonym or stopped playing.) I wish that I had actually stopped at that time. I took a real bath on the '85 Superbowl.

Skip the casino idea.

[jzpiano]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You will need $40,000 to get this off the ground. $40,012 if you want to buy a Harry Potter DVD to play on your flat-screens in the "casino".

[/ QUOTE ]

Just for fun, four poker tables and two BJ tables:

Code Description Qty Each Total
10-2010 Blackjack Dealing Shoe 6 Deck
Heavy clear Acrylic $24.99 $49.98
10-2030 6 Deck Discard Holder with Top
Clear Acrylic 6 deck Capacity $8.95 $17.90
10-BIGBJ2 Professional Size BlackJack Table w/Removable Armrest
Padded Felt Table Top $299.99 $599.98
10-4010 Clear Chip Spacers
Solid Acrylic $0.25 $50.00
10-5030 Clear Acrylic Chip Rack/Tray
Holds 100 CHIPS for all styles. MADE IN USA $1.89 $378.00
10-DEALER Texas Hold'em Pro Dealer Kit
Includes Dealer &amp; Blind Buttons Plus More!

[1:10-ltblnd--Little Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[2:10-5000--Real Casino Cards - One Deck:]
[1:10-5500--Professional Dealer Button:]
[10:10-4010--Clear Chip Spacers:]
[1:10-mblind--Missed Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[1:10-bgblnd--Big Blind Button for Poker Game:]
[1:10-kill--KILL BUTTON for Poker Game:]
[1:10-2040BLU--BLUE Blackjack Cut Card:]
[1:10-RESR--Reserved Button - Great for Gaming Tables:] $17.99 $143.92
10-REG1546BRI Copag™ Bridge Size REGULAR Index - Green*Pink Setup
100% Plastic High Quality $19.95 $239.40
10-5000-144 LOT OF 144 QTY Casino Poker Size Cards
ONE GROSS OF PLAYING CARDS

[144:10-5000--Real Casino Cards - One Deck:] $119.99 $119.99

20,000 chips...

10-DS25CENT Desert Sands Casino 10g 25 cent Poker Chip
$0.85 $680.00
10-DS1 Desert Sands Casino 10g $1 Poker Chip
$0.85 $8,500.00
10-DS5 Desert Sands Casino 10g $5 Poker Chip
$0.85 $4,250.00
10-DS25 Desert Sands Casino 10g $25 Poker Chip
$0.85 $2,550.00
10-DS100 Desert Sands Casino 10g $100 Poker Chip
$0.85 $850.00
10-DS500 Desert Sands Casino 10g $500 Poker Chip
$0.85 $170.00
PromoCode Promotion Code: LHNWXK
Code: LHNWXK Valid Dates: 3/25/2005 - 4/30/2005 Description: This code entitles you to 25% OFF your purchase. - Valid Product Categories: Casino Supplies, Slot Machines, Swords, Knives, Airsoft Guns, Billiards, Paintball, Medieval Novelties, Collectibles, Miscellaneous ($4,649.79) ($4,649.79)
Subtotal: $13,949.38

Plus:
Poker-Wholesale.com



Your Shopping Cart
Item Unit
Price Qty. Subtotal
Finest Wood Texas Holdem Table w/Cup Holders &amp; Chip Area

[Remove]
999.00 3996.00

Subtotal for Poker-Wholesale.com: 3996.00

So just $18,000 so far. Tack on another $2,000 for chairs. I'll assume you've got space for all these food comps (mom won't mind giving up half the fridge and pantry), adequate parking, and a computer to track your "player points". If you are going to rake, you'll have to have dealers, at least a couple of who will have to have some experience and can act as the floor as well, especially on nights when you have to study or something. You are going to lose money before you make money, so you'll need $5,000 minimum to pay your employees until you start bringing in enough to cover salaries. Same with comps, another $2,000 in reserve for that. Tack on $1,000 more for a couple TVs.

Maybe you could open the doors for $28,000. When is the grand opening?

[/ QUOTE ]

You thought about this WAY to much /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[tworooks]

thanks hedge, alot of good points

[tworooks]

[ QUOTE ]
I think the critical thing here is to be sure to schedule casino nights when your parents won't be home AND make all participants sign an agreement saying that they will remain completely still and quiet should your parents return home early.

IMO, these two things are a must.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont know if this is sarcasm or not. but anyways, parents arent a problem. my moms cool with it.

[tworooks]

very true, a lot of good points. i think some of the things you listed arent necessary, and some of it i already got. but it does give some realization to the expenses i would incur.
i havent said yet, but i wont be doing this completely alone. this will be done with a couple other guys, who are rich, which helps. but thanks

[tworooks]

[ QUOTE ]
Catch Annie Duke's kids Luke and Bo take on Phil Hellmuth at the final table!

[/ QUOTE ]

lmao. nh

[Slacker13]

The best advice I have is run an ad in the local paper. You also might try hanging signs on all the trees and telephone polls by your home. Yep, that's what I would do.

[tworooks]

[ QUOTE ]
The best advice I have is run an ad in the local paper. You also might try hanging signs on all the trees and telephone polls by your home. Yep, that's what I would do.

[/ QUOTE ]

that was cute.

[Guthrie]

Shouldn't this be on Nickelodeon instead of ESPN2?

[Annorax]

Make sure you hit the shopping malls, libraries, churches, and police station too. Those old ladies and cops love places like yours. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[thebrokenone]

All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Here is a young man looking to start a business w/ his mom's permission and you are giving him a hard time about it? I mean... if his mom says it's all right and his rich friends are going to help fund it, who are you all to ridicule him?

tworooks -- don't listen to them, just go ahead w/ it. I read an article this morning that said Michael Jackson likes to play cards w/ kids, but be careful, it said he's a real hustler. So maybe he would drive down to SD and play?

[thebrokenone]

Oh crap... I misread the article. It says he likes to play w/ kids while reading Hustler. Looks like your casino has no chance now dude... sorry...

[gilbert]

if you are actually going to do this, just don't let it get too big. only let your close(r) friends know about it. and definately don't let blackjack and table games in there, just start a cardroom. I knew a guy who ran a cardroom (four casino style tables, professional dealers, custom paulsons, free drinks etc.) three or four nights a week. he was lucky enough to live in a pretty secluded place so he didn't have to worry about all the cars parked in front of his place and he never had any problems with police. he was making about $500 a night in rake after all the expenses. one night he ran a roulette table and lost over 8k and had to sell all of his tables and random stuff in his cardroom to pay off his debts to the people he owed after that. so, anyway, just have card tables and don't worry about comping hookers. but, this can definately be fun and profitable if you don't let it get too big and don't get greedy.

[tworooks]

great. pulling in 500 a night in profit wouldnt be too bad. out of curiousity, what blinds were the tables that he had people there for? because, unfortunately i would probably have to sell drinks, because the tables wouldnt be huge rake makers(unless i can get all the chaldeans and their many cousins). i think that is true about the variance with blackjack, and it might be too tough to take it right off the bat. also, i live a in secluded place too. i am not really worried about a bunch of cars, because alot of the kids would be carpooling, and.....dropped off by their parents. lol-that is sure to recieve some funny replies. but yea, some information about your friends little operation would be great. thanks

[jon_1van]

[ QUOTE ]
i am not really worried about a bunch of cars, because alot of the kids would be carpooling, and.....dropped off by their parents.

[/ QUOTE ]

wow

[Slacker13]

[ QUOTE ]
pulling in 500 a night in profit wouldnt be too bad

[/ QUOTE ]
Ya think? Compared to the money you make from your paper route it should sound pretty damn good.

[Guthrie]

[ QUOTE ]
pulling in 500 a night in profit wouldnt be too bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

And 500 an hour is about what your dad's lawyer will charge to keep you out of jail. Oh wait, you don't want to hear about that stuff. Sorry.

[bholdr]

this will get robbed/busted/shut down so fast it'll make your head spin.

[Sunshine]

You may want to start prepping for the possibility of getting caught and going to prison as a 'plan B'...maybe your rich 'friends' can help you get ready for prison life...

[tworooks]

woohoo, 3rd highest viewed thread in recent "home poker" history. keep the replies coming

[Skipbidder]

[ QUOTE ]
woohoo, 3rd highest viewed thread in recent "home poker" history. keep the replies coming

[/ QUOTE ]

Does this mean that you are finally admitting that this was a joke?

[lionhorse]

This is hilarious. All it's going to take is for one kid to lose his money or one disgruntled parent to find out. Although I doubt you're going get any bigger than a weekend game between your friends with cordial and fairy bread.

[tworooks]

[ QUOTE ]
Does this mean that you are finally admitting that this was a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]

um no. it wasnt a joke.

[Annorax]

[ QUOTE ]
You may want to start prepping for the possibility of getting caught and going to prison as a 'plan B'...maybe your rich 'friends' can help you get ready for prison life...

[/ QUOTE ]

dont drop the soap

[smoore]

Prison is easy. All you have to do is get a cell on the top tier and throw the biggest, ugliest motherf'er off of that tier on your first day.

After that, it's all applesauce and cigarettes.

[JimHammer]

Don't scare the kid with all this talk of prison.

Juvenile hall maybe.....

[StevieG]

Well, Juvenile (http://www.insidebayarea.com/argus/localnews/ci_2629887) hall (http://www.thestranger.com/2002-12-12/feature.html) is no (http://www.cjcj.org/press/study_examines.html) picnic.

[abohlig]

Ok,

I have been just about falling off my chair laughing for the last 10 min reading this!

Unfortunately tworooks has no idea of why we older (wiser) guys are laughing at this idea.

Tworooks, I am going to give you a bit of advice. I am sure you won't listen, but I feel compelled to give it anyway. DO NOT PROCEED WITH THIS IDEA! Seriously this can only end badly.

nuff said from someone who ain't 17 anymore.

AB

[Justin A]

I live in San Diego and I'm going to say that THIS IS THE DUMBEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD OF. There is no demand for card rooms in San Diego, especially one run by a 17 year old. Good luck getting your buddies to pony up $200 for a NL game night after night, because no one over 20 will be coming to your "casino". Btw, do you have any idea the kind of player base it takes to keep a card game running? The answer is, no, you have no clue, because you're 17.

[cbfair]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh crap... I misread the article. It says he likes to play w/ kids while reading Hustler. Looks like your casino has no chance now dude... sorry...

[/ QUOTE ]

priceless!

[Catch of the Day]

Dude, I am pretty sure that this thread is a joke...Mr. Serious.

Catch0

[shadow.]

[ QUOTE ]

Unfortunately tworooks has no idea of why we older (wiser) guys are laughing at this idea.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is perhaps one of the dumber things on this thread.

[jedi]

[ QUOTE ]
I predict this will become the greatest topic of all time.

[/ QUOTE ]

This thread has a loooong way to go before it beats the Pattern Map thread. However, I think this has the makings of an instant classic.

[TStoneMBD]

[ QUOTE ]
unfortunately i would probably have to sell drinks, because the tables wouldnt be huge rake makers

[/ QUOTE ]

why not just avoid the whole poker thing and get into the liquor business then? most people have to get proper licensing to sell liquor, but since youre only 17 you wont have to worry about all of that.

[Arsene Lupin III]

Please excuse my tone, but you are an idiot. This usually goes away with age, but just in case you're predisposed to not becoming less of an idiot like everyone else, let me tell you one thing:

If you go through with this, you will be an even bigger idiot.

If you have this much enthusiasm for making money, why not DO IT LEGALLY? Word spreads quick about this kind of stuff and you're opening yourself to legal and financial liabilities.

You are assuming the following:
1. You won't get robbed
2. The police will never come
3. You will recoup your initial costs
4. You won't get beaten up
5. Everyone will behave themselves (alcohol, fighting)

I could continue, but I don't really feel I need any more examples for someone who is trying to start an underground club by getting potential clients on an INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD! GO GO GO GO!

Don't be an idiot.

[warewulf]

What kind of chips are you getting? I want to go the night you open and get 300 $1 chips. I figure if the place gets raided and I have the only 300 that didn't get taken, I could possibly have a gold mine!! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Arsene Lupin III]

[ QUOTE ]
What kind of chips are you getting? I want to go the night you open and get 300 $1 chips. I figure if the place gets raided and I have the only 300 that didn't get taken, I could possibly have a gold mine!! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, but there will be no collector value for chips from some 16 year old's home game, especially if it stays open for a grand total of 2 days. I'd just keep a few for humor value, in that case.

[KilgoreTrout]

[ QUOTE ]
What kind of chips are you getting?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd like to know this so I can buy some off the same internet site and bring my own freeroll to your casino.

[Kellermann]

[ QUOTE ]
woohoo, 3rd highest viewed thread in recent "home poker" history. keep the replies coming

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to add a note about this. This thread reached the topic of our Danish irc poker channel. (#poker.dk on Quakenet).

Btw your whole project is just a teenage illusion and it's ok to have those when you're 17. But start playing poker or get into legit business instead.

[abohlig]

TwoRooks,

Update us all. We are on the edge of our seats to see what the outcome of your little enterprise is.

I think that from the responses it is pretty easy to tell what most would suggest you do......nothing.

What have you decided to do?

AB

[smoore]

he's already in jail, dude.

[spoohunter]

I will give you some real good advice, if you are going through with this.

Start once a week. One table. $100 or $200 buy in NLHE. Charge a session fee, every half hour, of $2 or $3. Thats $40-$60 an hour.

10 players max, to limit exposure. Get a dealer. A friend or two who will do it for tips. Females can usually be persuaded.

Keep it quiet.

[Gator_Nutz]

Please let us know how this turns out. You have given me the strength and courage that I needed to finally go ahead with my own dream. I am going to open a bank in my basement. I have really been struggling, trying to decide if I should make it a state bank or a full-on "NATIONAL" one. I think I'm going National. There's more money in that. Thank you tworooks for finally getting me off the fence and in action mode. If you ever need an unsecured loan, contact me.

[somapopper]

nobody brought up boiler room yet? He got this idea from boiler room.

This thread make anyone feel like dancing in their underwear ala risky business?

I'm dancing in my underwear...

right now.

[WackityWhiz]

[ QUOTE ]
Please let us know how this turns out. You have given me the strength and courage that I needed to finally go ahead with my own dream. I am going to open a bank in my basement. I have really been struggling, trying to decide if I should make it a state bank or a full-on "NATIONAL" one. I think I'm going National. There's more money in that. Thank you tworooks for finally getting me off the fence and in action mode. If you ever need an unsecured loan, contact me.

[/ QUOTE ]

thank you... I read this entire thread and didn't laugh out loud til I read this. excellent post

you should the swiss bank style route. Get in touch with party poker and everyone on 2+2 can come to your basement to get our cashouts.

[benwharder]

I'm from Kansas, I'm thinking about getting in my 92 toyota tercel with some sunscreen and a lawnchair, and driving to san diego. I'll go to the home casino, get some free comped fast food, and sit out on the law with a stop watch, to time exactly when the van of armed robbers shows up at your door (im excited i need a tan anways)

[10-20Jerome]

This is just bored teenager who has been watching to much WPT and ESPN combined with rounders and boiler room. A real shame if you ask me. NOTE to POSTER: GAMBELING IS NOT A LUXURIOUS LIFE STYLE ITS REALLY DEPRESSING IF YOU ACTUALLY SEE THE FACES IN ALL THESE CARD ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY A COUPLE OF US SURVIVE AND MOST OF US WHO DO SURVIVE WENT TO COLLEGE FRIST WE HAVE OTHER THINGS TO FALL BACK ON

[King_Striker]

[Lampsteen]

[ QUOTE ]
We normally play Heads-up tourneys at McDonald's or at his place. I sometimes buy him free lunches after a major winning session.

[/ QUOTE ]

WoooHooo. This is too good. Do you honor the comp card from Caesar's Indiana?? You got to have the all you can eat seafood buffet on Friday's or you'll never make it.
Again, too funny. Why can't I stop thinking of that scene from Risky Business when Cruise is giving his business plan discourse to his class about his brothel. Oh, maybe you could have one of those too! /images/graemlins/spade.gif

[KilgoreTrout]

I love this thread.

[young Nut]

[ QUOTE ]
I love this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

I had to bump this, I just crack up every time I read it. /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[sully4321]

if this ever actually happens (which it won't) it will be robbed within days. some hooded guy with a BB gun will come in, make this 17 year old piss his pants, take the $5.75 profit he made through raking his friends' $25 NL game, shoot him, tie up his dad, f his mom, and leave.

all said and done, don't do it.

[Lampsteen]

You mean that Phil Laak will raid their establishment. Highly unlikely! /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[jackdaniels]

I can't believe this thread is still alive! Bumping it=good idea. I hope one day the OP comes back and describes how he built a multibillion dollar casino empire from the meager beginings in his parents basement /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[A_C_Slater]

Tworooks,


Yesterday at a local trade center I saw a folding poker table for $100. It seated at least six people. You should try to find some of these. It also had drink holders!

[dibbs]

I like that entepeneur kinda moxy.

Dear god just dont serve booze to minors. Specially without a permit. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

DO NOT use flyers to advertise youll get nabbed real quick. The "manager" of our local apartment run casino blanketed campus with flyers, and next thing you know he had cops chilling across the street from his house everynight.

You've inspired me to open a bootleg strip club. I need to go make some calls.

Good luck.

[orenthal]

fast forward 7 months......"your honor, i offer exhibit A....transcript of post on 2+2 forums regarding defendant's intentions to start home casino...."

[XXXNoahXXX]

[ QUOTE ]
Females can usually be persuaded.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[Your Mom]

Just thought I would add in high schools two of my good friends (both Jews) ran the Jewcino. Mostly two tables of blackjack, also a little roulette. They did quite well for themselves over the course of our senior year. They had their own chips, nice cards, nice tables, shoes, and acted very professionally. There were never any problems, the cops never came, and no one got upset over losing.

[KilgoreTrout]

I still love this thread.

[bdohaney]

Seriously, you need to look at your risks here kid. There are a few questions you should ask yourself. Here goes... Do you love your parents? Do you value your uh... "other" virginity? Do you like owning things? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should seriously rethink your idea. Here's the why... If you got busted for: running an illegal casino (multiple counts - felony offense), serving alcohol without a permit (multiple counts - felony offense), serving alcohol to a minor (multiple accounts - misdemeanor or felony depending on if any of them got into an accident or anything from the alcohol you provided), several conspiracy charges could be brought (some felony, some misdemeanor), and then if you are drinking you can throw another misdemeanor on the pile. Now... All of those felonies, if your parents are there, they too are implicated and can (and likely will) go to jail as well as you (where I am sure you would probably lose your... uh... "other" virginity). Now, on to the owning things... Why would ANY robber anywhere near you even hesitate on robbing you, of EVERY LAST THING IN YOUR HOUSE...? Because, here is the catch... You really can't exactly call the cops and tell them, "officer, I was running an illegal casino, and some robbers came in and took all of my chips, all the money, our tv, computer, all my moms jewelry and my dignity..." Because it will bring you right back to my first point if you did... When it comes down to it, out of the stupid ways a teenager could make money illegally? This has to be WAY up there on the list...

[Claunchy]

People are still making serious replies to this thread? That's awesome.

[Random Bump]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Nivek]

Not familiar with California gaming law, but even if you are in a state that allows gambling if you are going to set up a card room and take a rake you need to be registered with the gaming counsel. Of course, you say you are a minor so playing for real money is breaking the law already, so good luck with this, don't get caught.

[dibbs]

ITS ILLEGAL YOU KNOW&gt;

[theben]

this is very illegal. you will go to jail and you will get busted. if you insist on trying, i reccomend the following:

1. get stamped, unique chips
2. get competent dealers. either pros, or non-trained but very good dealers /experienced poker players. you want FAST shuffling, competent dealing, knowledge of rules, etc
3. get at least large, intimidating person as a security guard
4. offer a promo system to keep people coming back.
5. consider uniforms, or some dress code (uniform) for employees

[Richard Tanner]

I hate to reopen any discussion in this thread, but perhaps this will be a constructive resurrection/hijack.
I don't think it's a lock he gets busted. Maybe California is different in terms of law enforcement, but here (in in central IN) I know of three or four "cardrooms" that are successful and have never been busted.
I think the key is to keep it as low key as possible. Most people aren't prone to violence, especially over a 100NL game, and thus the need for a bouncer isn't that great. Also the real important part is to keep it fairly small. All of the places I know of have three or fewer tables and can avoid alot of traffic by limiting their games to 27 or fewer players.
Just my attempt at constructive input, feel free (and encouraged) to correct whatever I may have been wrong on.

Cody

[Macedon]

[ QUOTE ]
my moms cool with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

[2+2 wannabe]

[ QUOTE ]
Seriously, you need to look at your risks here kid. There are a few questions you should ask yourself. Here goes... Do you love your parents? Do you value your uh... "other" virginity? Do you like owning things? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should seriously rethink your idea. Here's the why... If you got busted for: running an illegal casino (multiple counts - felony offense), serving alcohol without a permit (multiple counts - felony offense), serving alcohol to a minor (multiple accounts - misdemeanor or felony depending on if any of them got into an accident or anything from the alcohol you provided), several conspiracy charges could be brought (some felony, some misdemeanor), and then if you are drinking you can throw another misdemeanor on the pile. Now... All of those felonies, if your parents are there, they too are implicated and can (and likely will) go to jail as well as you (where I am sure you would probably lose your... uh... "other" virginity). Now, on to the owning things... Why would ANY robber anywhere near you even hesitate on robbing you, of EVERY LAST THING IN YOUR HOUSE...? Because, here is the catch... You really can't exactly call the cops and tell them, "officer, I was running an illegal casino, and some robbers came in and took all of my chips, all the money, our tv, computer, all my moms jewelry and my dignity..." Because it will bring you right back to my first point if you did... When it comes down to it, out of the stupid ways a teenager could make money illegally? This has to be WAY up there on the list...

[/ QUOTE ]

wtf like come on - I can't believe people are serious

[joop]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Please let us know how this turns out. You have given me the strength and courage that I needed to finally go ahead with my own dream. I am going to open a bank in my basement. I have really been struggling, trying to decide if I should make it a state bank or a full-on "NATIONAL" one. I think I'm going National. There's more money in that. Thank you tworooks for finally getting me off the fence and in action mode. If you ever need an unsecured loan, contact me.

[/ QUOTE ]

thank you... I read this entire thread and didn't laugh out loud til I read this. excellent post



[/ QUOTE ]

Me too... classic.

[Action Scott]

[ QUOTE ]
Prison is easy. All you have to do is get a cell on the top tier and throw the biggest, ugliest motherf'er off of that tier on your first day.

After that, it's all applesauce and cigarettes.

[/ QUOTE ]

This actually made me laugh out loud

[DeepRed300]

I'd like to thank all of you for making my evening. I had tears running down my cheeks from crying so loud. The best part was the "other" virginity line. Classic.

[smoore]

haha, I forgot I wrote that.... best thread in home poker... ever.

[somapopper]

Bump. And you're welcome.

[bigscore]

lol this is riiiiiiiiighteous
where is tworooks when you need him? i think he is scared to come back

[jzpiano]

wow this thing just keeps going huh....i remember reading this in april, but i still laugh everytime it pops back up

[JJNJustin]

This is not something you want to get into. Having strange people frequent your home, breaking state laws, liability if anyone gets injured in your home. Poker players just love lawsuits. If you want to play with your friends for fun or for small micro limit tournaments that's one thing, but trying to manage a house of gambling is not an adventure the state will allow you to get away with nor do you want to.



-J

[blinden84]

[ QUOTE ]
wow this thing just keeps going huh....i remember reading this in april, but i still laugh everytime it pops back up

[/ QUOTE ]

Personally, my favorite part is, everytime it gets bumped, some boner insists on offering 'real' advice. (see above)

[midwestkc]

lol....nh

[jzpiano]

[ QUOTE ]
This is not something you want to get into. Having strange people frequent your home, breaking state laws, liability if anyone gets injured in your home. Poker players just love lawsuits. If you want to play with your friends for fun or for small micro limit tournaments that's one thing, but trying to manage a house of gambling is not an adventure the state will allow you to get away with nor do you want to.



-J

[/ QUOTE ]

Obviously u haven't read the above post, lol this must be one of the boners

[cannae216]

Wow, and the most ambitious thing I went for as a minor (I'm 28 now) was to beat level 25 on Tetris.

That being said, tworooks, you're a jackass and should not even think of doing this. Aside from the legal aspects (which you say you don't want to hear about), it's really not wise to advertise a "questionable" home game on a website, admit you're a minor, and ask for tips. It's not really rocket science to figure out that your game will not last long.

[ohiou]

How did TwoRocks survive posting 623 times on this forum??

[KilgoreTrout]

This thread ranks up there among the all time greats. Supbro, pattern mapper, home casino, and the "she dissed me in her blog" thread are all priceless.

[cmillard]

Dude, over 10,000 people have viewed your post...just think about how popular this casino is going to be!

[bigscore]

[ QUOTE ]
Dude, over 10,000 people have viewed your post...just think about how popular this casino is going to be!

[/ QUOTE ]

lol one of the funnier comments

[1567149852478396]

tworooks got banned

[Richard Tanner]

I don't believe that's correct. Unless you are him, I did a search and his last post isn't ban worthy or anything so I don't think he was banned.

Cody

[1567149852478396]

His last post got deleted by "[censored]", which is why it doesn't pop up on the recent post list, I guess.
Got banned for permanently for "posting nudity in OOT".

[MookieBlaylock]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
wow this thing just keeps going huh....i remember reading this in april, but i still laugh everytime it pops back up

[/ QUOTE ]

Personally, my favorite part is, everytime it gets bumped, some boner insists on offering 'real' advice. (see above)

[/ QUOTE ]

Good call. I love all the practical advice...

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
Wow, and the most ambitious thing I went for as a minor (I'm 28 now) was to beat level 25 on Tetris.


[/ QUOTE ]

damn you got up to level 25? that's actually pretty sweet IMO...

[stickman]

Sounds like the home casino in the movie "Boiler Room".

[Tony_P]

bump time

[Lottery Larry]

why are we still bumping this?

Let it die.

[jzpiano]

damn this thread never dies, i love it, so who's going to be the guy that thinks this is real and posts "helpful" advice this time /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Tony_P]

[ QUOTE ]
why are we still bumping this?

Let it die.

[/ QUOTE ]

Because it's the funniest thread ever in home poker?

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
why are we still bumping this?

Let it die.

[/ QUOTE ]

Because it's the funniest thread ever in home poker?

[/ QUOTE ]

Depends on how you define "funny" I guess... unless I missed some good replies. I stopped reading it part-way in, when it first came out.

[midwestkc]

I giggle everytime I see this thread.

[ZenMusician]

First, there are serious legal implications that...oh sorry.

-ZEN

[timmer]

Dear two rooks ,

Id love to come to your home casino .
I have loads of cash to burn off. Most of it I got from bad guys such as mexican drug dealers, gang members as well as a few bank robbers. so Im not afraid to lose lots of it.

please drop me a note with all the deatails at my home Mailing Address:

9621 Ridgehaven Court
San Diego, CA 92122

or call me any time Telephone: (858) 974-2295


Bill Gore


Oh yeah you can call me uncle billy

[Quicksilvre]

[ QUOTE ]
damn this thread never dies, i love it, so who's going to be the guy that thinks this is real and posts "helpful" advice this time /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

ME!

[Iamafish]

[ QUOTE ]
I predict this will become the greatest topic of all time.

[/ QUOTE ]

...very nice, I saw this months ago when it first started, lol.

[cardsharkk04]

you would make more money with a whorehouse in your basement

[RydenStoompala]

[ QUOTE ]
my moms cool with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know some weedhead Gameboy addict is going for the reply record on this, but I just have to be part of the "fun."

You shouldn't just say stuff like "my mom's cool with it" because it ruins any chance of the fantasy being maintained. There is an outside chance this is true, but that would involve your mom spawning with alien lifeforms to create you and your siblings, then eating the others and feeling badly for you.

If you really want to have "fun," do not stop with free drinks and pizza. Get the guys who come over for their "cut" to offer stolen cars in a nighty bad beat jackpot. Have the cops who come over loan out their sidearms for a little basement target practice at $5 a bullet. Get a couple of girls from your high school to come over, get naked and put on a lesbo show next to the high stakes table. Once a week, spice it up by adding a donkey.

You are on the right track. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. If the cash runs dry, pimp your mom.

[Huggie]

Wow, this thread is awesome...and inspiring /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Pocket77s]

This post is still active???? Hey tworooks, it's been about 8 months since you started this, any progress? Are you open?

[smoore]

Grounded.

[Snarf]

[ QUOTE ]
Grounded.

[/ QUOTE ]

He tried and failed? or what?

I mean really - as long as this thing is opened again - I want some closure damnit!

[Equitech]

I can attest. I am one of the mexican drug dealers and happen to also be a gang member who robs banks. Timmer has a large sum of my unethically gained greenbacks, mostly from my drug dealings, but a little from some of my numerous bank heists. This doesn't bother me so much as how Timmer got the money from me by tricking my half-blind and bald sister into giving him one of the white canvas bags, with a big $ sign on the front, to him while pretending to be a jahova witness. But that is neither here, nor there... I still have a couple extra bags of this money and would greatly enjoy joining your game to blow off some of this easily earned cash.

P.s. I am a terrible gambler, but love losing my money. You know what they say, easy come easy go....

[smoore]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Grounded.

[/ QUOTE ]

He tried and failed? or what?

I mean really - as long as this thing is opened again - I want some closure damnit!

[/ QUOTE ]

Just a wild guess. I think mommy took away the computer.

[Khabbi]

[quoteJust a wild guess. I think mommy took away the computer.

[/ QUOTE ]

... or it got impounded in the raid.

[Snarf]

[ QUOTE ]
[quoteJust a wild guess. I think mommy took away the computer.

[/ QUOTE ]

... or it got impounded in the raid.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe the robbers stole it before the raid took place.... you ever consider that possibility?

[SoloAJ]

That 18424728982 guy pops up every time there is a reference to tworooks. Either it is tworooks or tworooks' only friendin the world....

I want someone to reply with 'helpful' advice...that is always the highlight of the bump.

[crow1713]

bump

[poker_n00b]

So his mom and dad are serving the drinks, his lil sister is doing lapdances. Then what is the task of the dog???

[WhoIam]

This thread will never die.

[JimHammer]

[ QUOTE ]
So his mom and dad are serving the drinks, his lil sister is doing lapdances. Then what is the task of the dog???

[/ QUOTE ]

Chip runner.

[Snarf]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread will never die.

[/ QUOTE ]


Maybe someone should PM the mods and ask it to be locked. Seriously now. HOW OLD IS THIS THING!?!?

[Regis]

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe someone should PM the mods and ask it to be locked. Seriously now. HOW OLD IS THIS THING!?!?

[/ QUOTE ]
Although I don't support bannings in general, I would rather you be banned than this thread be locked.

[Regis]

[ QUOTE ]
Please excuse my tone, but you are an ....

[/ QUOTE ]
For every person with a dream and a goal, there are a dozen ready to tear it down. Guess who usually does better though?

[ QUOTE ]
If you have this much enthusiasm for making money, why not DO IT LEGALLY? Don't be an idiot.

[/ QUOTE ]
Kind of ironic you calling the OP an idiot. Did you read the part of the OP that asked legal issues not be brought up?

[ QUOTE ]
You are assuming the following:
1. You won't get robbed
2. The police will never come
3. You will recoup your initial costs
4. You won't get beaten up
5. Everyone will behave themselves (alcohol, fighting)

[/ QUOTE ]
Items 1, 3, 4, and 5 can all be handled by simply getting some security.

Item 2 is not in the scope of this discussion.

[JMTJ]

I have been lurking about the 2+2 forums for some time and just stumbled on this thread today. For my first post, I just want to commend Two Rooks for one of the finest troll posts I have seen in a long time.

I am a bit dissapointed after reading to the end that he didn't post again. *Hats off!*

[Texibus]

The entire two+two home poker forum should find out where two rooks live and pay him a field trip, i can't wait to meet some iraqi catholics with lots of money.

[SenecaJim]

I'm home from Detroit and Steelers are WORLD CHAMPIONS!
( I see you are from Blitzburgh).

I figured this was a good thread to put an off topic comment on since the whole thread is off topic. I only looked in again on this "thread of eternal life" because it's like a sun eclipse or a really fat girl's ass: I don't want to look , it might even be painful or annoying to look, but am overtaken by a morbid curiosity.

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]

Although I don't support bannings in general, I would rather you be banned than this thread be locked.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nobody ASKED you, troll wannabe

[DavidNB]

[Snarf]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Although I don't support bannings in general, I would rather you be banned than this thread be locked.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nobody ASKED you, troll wannabe

[/ QUOTE ]

OH SNAP! I GOT HOME BOYS WATCHING MY BACK NOW BITCHES!

Thanks Lotto!!!! HELLS YEAH

[Khabbi]

This thred should not only be kept open, it should be stickied for all eternity.

[Tom1975]

kepted?

[Tony_P]

Hi Shnarf!

[Khabbi]

Whoa! Saved this thread from falling off the 3rd page. That was close.

[jzpiano]

It will never die

[Tom1975]

time for a bump

[vikefan24]

LOL I just signed up for 2+2 today, and really wished I would have been around for this. I read the first few pages and couldn't quit laughing..

[jzpiano]

tworooks would be so proud

[d-baggery]

lol

[jzpiano]

[ QUOTE ]
lol

[/ QUOTE ]


good catch almost let this die again, whew

[Pocket77s]

This one is always good for a chuckle. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[primate]

Today I have mostly been eating turnips

[Bulldog]

Funny that one of the posters in this thread may have a home casino soon. Once Pai Gow Tiles are played in your home, it is no longer just a home!

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]
Funny that one of the posters in this thread may have a home casino soon. Once Pai Gow Tiles are played in your home, it is no longer just a home!

[/ QUOTE ]

If they were going to nail me, the Rockem Sockem robots for cash would have already triggered the raid.

[chisoxpat]

I have seen several references to the "pattern map" thread here. Is it still posted here somewhere, and if so on what forum?

Thanks.

P.S. I have been thinking about starting my own multi-state lottery. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make this run smoothly?

[mug77]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think the critical thing here is to be sure to schedule casino nights when your parents won't be home AND make all participants sign an agreement saying that they will remain completely still and quiet should your parents return home early.

IMO, these two things are a must.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont know if this is sarcasm or not. but anyways, parents arent a problem. my moms cool with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your mom doesn't mind taking chance of catching charges?

[DING-DONG YO]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think the critical thing here is to be sure to schedule casino nights when your parents won't be home AND make all participants sign an agreement saying that they will remain completely still and quiet should your parents return home early.

IMO, these two things are a must.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont know if this is sarcasm or not. but anyways, parents arent a problem. my moms cool with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your mom doesn't mind taking chance of catching charges?

[/ QUOTE ]

yes, that was sarcasm.

Are you sure your parents are cool with this? Have you told them exactly what you plan to do?

[Trouthunter]

[ QUOTE ]
P.S. I have been thinking about starting my own multi-state lottery. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to make this run smoothly?

[/ QUOTE ]

Choose small contiguous states (think New England, not the Southwest) so you don't have to travel much, and hire people to sell tickets door to door. Telemarketing is passe. Deliver the payouts to the winner in the form of gigantic checks - at least 5 feet by 3 feet, but bigger if possible. Make them try to actually cash the enormous checks.

These things should help your lottery run smoothly. A celebrity spokesperson never hurt either. Start small, like with a local weatherman or morning DJ from your favorite oldies station, then move up to big stars like that guy who fell off his motorcycle and hit his head and went all crazy or the guy who played Charlie Chaplin and then went into rehab about 40 times. I can't remember their names, but they are really famous and they should lend an air of legitimacy to your multistate lottery. Women in bikinis will do if you can't get big stars...just make sure they are passable looking. No fatties. Unless you're in the Midwest, then you might not have a choice.


Just kidding about the Midwest.


Seriously though, no fatties.


Anyway, good luck!

[mug77]

I love this thread

[Trouthunter]

GARY BUSEY and ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.!!!

Busey is the head injury guy and Downey is the addict who played Chaplin. Dang. That's been bugging me ever since my post. Get them to be celebrity spokespeople. Busey is crazy and if you tell him you already paid him and he must have forgot, he'll probably believe you (either that or he will stab you). Downey will work for baggies full of crushed up cold pills cut down with baking soda. You can save a fortune with those two, and think of the credibility! Hell, if you get even one of them, I'll buy the first ticket.

[General K]

Oh yeah....time for a bump

[MookieBlaylock]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh yeah....time for a bump

[/ QUOTE ]

You've been here less than a month... How the hell did you find this thread?! I guess its status as the "worlds greatest thread" is now universally accepted.

[General K]

Yes, this post is legendary. Time to go see what's new on 'sup bro'

[AdamDenick]

Just saw this on a myspace poker group. Couldn't resist.

[ QUOTE ]
Subject: POKER HOME GAME INVITE !!!!
I live in Fresno (559) area code and was lookin to get a game goin every saturday or sunday at my place. I was thinking about having three tables,5-10 to a table,$20 tourny fee ,$40 buy in,last at each table plays on final table,and must finish game or forfeit. Beer and snacks takin care of. If your gf/bf wants to come thats cool. I just thought i'd see if there were anyone interested if so go to my profile and leave a message- i'll accept the friend request, just put POKER PAL as a comment. Untill we talk again, ACE'S UP !!

[/ QUOTE ]

heh. I guess tworooks moved to Fresno? link to myspace page (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&amp;friendID=404 02702)

[CheckRaise]

Bump

[chisoxpat]

[ QUOTE ]
GARY BUSEY and ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.!!!

Busey is the head injury guy and Downey is the addict who played Chaplin. Dang. That's been bugging me ever since my post. Get them to be celebrity spokespeople. Busey is crazy and if you tell him you already paid him and he must have forgot, he'll probably believe you (either that or he will stab you). Downey will work for baggies full of crushed up cold pills cut down with baking soda. You can save a fortune with those two, and think of the credibility! Hell, if you get even one of them, I'll buy the first ticket.

[/ QUOTE ]

OK, no Downey Jr. (my lawerys advised against paying in drugs) or Busey, but I've signed some celebrety spokesmen. I got the guy who played the father on ALF (Max Wright), and Charro.

I've also decided to make my multi-state lottery different by mixing up the available numbers. Since most people like to play birthdays I will be offering the numbers 1-31 as well as 1940-2006.

I considered your idea of selling the tickets door to door, but decided on putting them up on ebay instead. That way people will have to bid for the really good number combos.

[Khabbi]

This board's been a little slow, time to bump a sure fire attaction!

[kodonnell]

Ya just had to go and do it....you couldn't just let it die?

[Khabbi]

In OOT the "sup bro" thread is consistently bumped on the first page. They seem to be more proud of their gimmick thread. Let's represent home poker with this one!

[smoore]

Whoever gets "mod for a day" powers someday... lock this! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Barfunkel]

First of all, dear tworooks, you have to understand that this is VERY illegal and you'll be busted in a few days AND...


Just kidding.

[jzpiano]

Its been too long since its been bumped, Live on two rooks!

[AKQJ10]

I never actually read this thread until tonight. Damn, what a classic. "... or a full-on NATIONAL bank...." Priceless.

[stevie555]

I live in the San Diego area and i am interested in playing at your casino. I would play in 50-100 ring games or 5-10 blackjack. Is your casino still operating, and if so, what is the address/best time to play?

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]
I live in the San Diego area and i am interested in playing at your casino. I would play in 50-100 ring games or 5-10 blackjack. Is your casino still operating, and if so, what is the address/best time to play?

[/ QUOTE ]

Make sure you get the high-roller limo service.

[Richter]

HAHAHA I remember this thread. good stuff.

[Raul]

Best post ever. Whoever brought this back up is my hero

[Raul]

haha, Can I book a room to stay at your hotel as well?

[AKQJ10]

How high do you have to play to get the comp'ed fast food? I'm trying to save up enough gold card points for a Jack in the Box.

[Quadstriker]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm trying to save up enough gold card points for a Jack in the Box.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pure comedy gold.

[Meezer]

Best thread ever!! I asked my Mom if I could do the same thing, but she said no. She never lets me do anything! What I really wanted to know is if that guy with the bank in his basement decided to go state or national.

[jzpiano]

[ QUOTE ]
Best post ever. Whoever brought this back up is my hero

[/ QUOTE ]

guess I'm your new hero /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[LrdNikon]

[ QUOTE ]
Make sure you get the high-roller minivan service .

[/ QUOTE ]

[Radoric]

Uh-Oh.... almost dropped to page three!


*BUMP*

[TexRef]

Hilarious!

[alpha9]

I would suggest you rethink this idea. You chance having your house raided by police, or even worse by bad men with masks and guns. People use casinos becasue its sercure and they know they arent going to get ripped off. Something you cant offer.

[bigt2k4]

[ QUOTE ]
I would suggest you rethink this idea. You chance having your house raided by police, or even worse by bad men with masks and guns. People use casinos becasue its sercure and they know they arent going to get ripped off. Something you cant offer.

[/ QUOTE ]

This has to be that 3rd level sarcasm, but my detector is broken, help?

[LrdNikon]

nice bump...wouldn't want to forget this post

[jzpiano]

bump to make it 1st on list again, don't want it to hit 3....

[jzpiano]

woah 3rd page, unacceptable

[lmcjaho]

Thanks for the bump - I read kiwi's Trip Report in the B&amp;M cardroom forum and didn't understand all the tworooks references until now...

[[Phill]]

Lol, this is one thread that never deserves to die.

[Khabbi]

Well, this and the "sup bro" thread in OOT.

[Rosencrantz1]

Since no one has yet posted a trip report, I thought I'd just go ahead and do it.

TRIP REPORT: TWO ROOKS' PLACE, San Diego

I was in San Diego for a business trip and since I had some downtime, I figured I try to find some action. I usually play 3/6 limit in AC, so I was looking for something along those lines. Luckily, I remembered that Two Rooks had a cardroom/casino going in SD, so I went over to check it out.

First off, what you heard about parking is WRONG: there is NO valet. I must have sat outside the house in my car for a good ten minutes before I realized the guy in the maroon sport coat was just Two Rooks' dad and that he WASN'T parking cars. My bad. Do NOT try and get Two Rooks' dad to park your car; it isn't going to happen.

The good news is I got a spot right around the corner in front of a split-level ranch. Seemed safe.

The casino itself is pretty small. One blackjack table (empty) and one hold-em table squeezed into a rec-room that's about 20 x 15. I was told that there is usually blackjack action, but that the regular dealer had a US Government final the next day and was at home cramming.

Luckily for me, though, I came to play poker and there were a couple empty seats at the table when I arrived.

First, of course, I went over to the cage for a rack. They were out of acrylic racks when I was there, so I got my chips in a 1 gallon zip-lock bag (which I was asked to return when I cashed out). The chips are a little grimy, but definitely in better shape than the ones at the Taj in AC.

I sat down in the 4 seat. It was the typical collection of casino players: a couple retirees playing their social security checks, one or two drunk tourists, two kids from the JV Baseball team, a squirrly chick with braces. The action was pretty loose/passive. The dealer wasn't great, but not terrible either. She had a couple misdeals and she mis-pushed the pot once when she didn't see the rivered flush. We also had about a 20 minute break while she took a cellphone call from her ex-boyfriend.

THERE IS NO TABLE SERVICE AT THIS CASINO. You need to get your own Coke/Diet Coke/Mr. Pibb from a large green cooler in the bathroom. The drinks ARE comped, though, which is nice. If you want an alcoholic drink, you have to go back upstairs and ask Two Rooks' mom for a 'real' glass and then you can have pretty much whatever they are offering that night. The night I was there, they had two options: Beefeater Gin or Amaretto. I had an Amaretto on the rocks. Tasty! (I'm 35, but I didn't get the sense that they were carding, just FYI). I also had a really good chat with Two Rooks' mom; she is definitely cool with the casino.

The one thing that was never mentioned in the thread: there is a poker rate! After 6 hours of play, I was eligible to sleep on the trundle bed in Two Rooks' sister's room (she's away at college in Nebraska). I didn't stay, but it's good to know in the future, especially if you don't feel like driving after a few Amarettos.

Only one stressful situation and it was around a hand. I had KK in MP and raised. It was folded around to the CO (one of the JV Baseball guys) who 3-bet. Folded back around to me and I call. Two players and the flop comes KQJ. I bet, he raises, I re-raise, he caps. Turn is a blank, I bet, he calls. The river is a T, so I'm now feeling a little nervous. I check. This guy looks at his cards and gives a little chuckle. I think he's going to flip them over, but he mucks them (no verbal declaration). Then he says "[censored], I meant to flip those" and reaches into the muck pile and pulls out an A. The dealer has no clue how to handle it, so they call the floor over. The floor is none other than Two Rooks himself! We go over the hand with him but he's not really sure how to call it. He decides that we should look it up online, so all of us -- the table, the dealer, TR -- go upstairs to his room to look it up online. His room is ok, pretty standard: some rock posters on the walls, about a week's worth of dirty clothes on the floor and a Pamela Anderson calendar from 2004. He does have a CRAZY collection of bobble-heads. We spend about 10 minutes Googling "Floor Calls" "Mucked Hands" etc. and finally he makes a call and tells the JV kid that he's sorry, but without the verbal declaration, his hand is mucked. We go back downstairs and TR then pushes the pot to me. The JV kid kinda freaks out, but TR calms him down and tells him he can take a 6-pack of Mr. Pibb. The two JV kids leave and the table basically breaks up. I was up about $80 (roughly 2bb/hr).

I spent about an hour just kind of chilling with Two Rooks and his folks after that (there was some left over pizza in the fridge from the 200+40 tourney they ran the previous weekend).

All in all, a good experience.

[warewulf]

Classic!

[Khabbi]

Great report. On the 1-10 scale, how does his mom rate?

[Tom1975]

lmfao /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Quadstriker]

Rosencrantz... you win.

[Georgia Avenue]

[ QUOTE ]
It was the typical collection of casino players: a couple retirees playing their social security checks, one or two drunk tourists, two kids from the JV Baseball team, a squirrly chick with braces.

[/ QUOTE ]

Solid f--ing gold with diamonds in it.

This thread is now the greatest thread on 2+2.

NH

[DING-DONG YO]

I'm going to pizz myself. That was great.

[Vinny80]

OMG I pissed my pants...

[Phntm]

Awesome...i read this earlier, i was just thinking, about a short film or something of the like........

[kiwi]

[ QUOTE ]
OMG I pissed my pants...

[/ QUOTE ]

[Claunchy]

Rosenkrantz,

I /images/graemlins/heart.gif U. That is all.

Claunchy

[Dastone]

This thread has brought me much joy. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Freddy_Von]

[ QUOTE ]
great. pulling in 500 a night in profit wouldnt be too bad. out of curiousity, what blinds were the tables that he had people there for? because, unfortunately i would probably have to sell drinks, because the tables wouldnt be huge rake makers(unless i can get all the chaldeans and their many cousins). i think that is true about the variance with blackjack, and it might be too tough to take it right off the bat. also, i live a in secluded place too. i am not really worried about a bunch of cars, because alot of the kids would be carpooling, and.....dropped off by their parents. lol-that is sure to recieve some funny replies. but yea, some information about your friends little operation would be great. thanks

[/ QUOTE ]

Now I know that you aren't being serious. There is no way that kids parents are going to drop them off at some casino. Plus after a little while when Johnny comes home missing his TAG watch that his dad let him borrow Pops is going to become suspicious. My advice to you is keep these rich friends close to you and when your 21 have your own place or can rent a secluded spot then start this little endevor and have customers and players that aren't going to get grounded and nark you out because his dad thinks he's on crack. I think I want to punch you in the face.

[ballin4life]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
great. pulling in 500 a night in profit wouldnt be too bad. out of curiousity, what blinds were the tables that he had people there for? because, unfortunately i would probably have to sell drinks, because the tables wouldnt be huge rake makers(unless i can get all the chaldeans and their many cousins). i think that is true about the variance with blackjack, and it might be too tough to take it right off the bat. also, i live a in secluded place too. i am not really worried about a bunch of cars, because alot of the kids would be carpooling, and.....dropped off by their parents. lol-that is sure to recieve some funny replies. but yea, some information about your friends little operation would be great. thanks

[/ QUOTE ]

Now I know that you aren't being serious. There is no way that kids parents are going to drop them off at some casino. Plus after a little while when Johnny comes home missing his TAG watch that his dad let him borrow Pops is going to become suspicious. My advice to you is keep these rich friends close to you and when your 21 have your own place or can rent a secluded spot then start this little endevor and have customers and players that aren't going to get grounded and nark you out because his dad thinks he's on crack. I think I want to punch you in the face.

[/ QUOTE ]
Is this the 13th level?

[Quadstriker]

[ QUOTE ]

Is this the 13th level?

[/ QUOTE ]

At least.

[AKQJ10]

Good report.

I'm surprised to hear they're only spreading limit; I thought NL had pretty much killed off the limit game. Maybe San Diego has an ordinance or something.

[sc24evr]

to the original question... after thinking about all the costs of having to run the entire "business". I recommend you start up taking drugs instead, itll be cheaper in the long run lol

[Rick305]

Did the OP's casino ever get up &amp; running?

[[Phill]]

lmao, of course not.

[Richard Tanner]

[ QUOTE ]
Did the OP's casino ever get up &amp; running?

[/ QUOTE ]

Ummmm hello, trip report like 2 posts up, my lord. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Cody

[jzpiano]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Did the OP's casino ever get up &amp; running?

[/ QUOTE ]

Ummmm hello, trip report like 2 posts up, my lord. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Cody

[/ QUOTE ]

my lord, wtf is this is 1400's?

[Dan87]

No it is the 2000's...

[Dromar]

yawn.

funny stuff.

[AKQJ10]

/me just got the 1400's crack on like the 15th reading.

[lmcjaho]

[ QUOTE ]
/me just got the 1400's crack on like the 15th reading.

[/ QUOTE ]

Now that you mention it me too - thought it was a reference to sarcasm level first time through... /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Grease]

You are my new favorite person on the forum.

[Arbitrage]

Find some coke dealers and hookers, have them hang around the "bar" area every night. Now you got yourself a casino.

[Arbitrage]

[ QUOTE ]
Did the OP's casino ever get up &amp; running?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah it did but Harrah's bought it.

[Esection]

5 poker tables: $3000
surveillance equipment: $2000
custom chips and cards: $3000
hundreds of dollar menu items from mcdonalds: $300
5 poker dealers: $10 per hour * 20 hrs per week * 5 = $1000

watching the latest report on the 11 o'clock news about a 15 year old kid getting busted, jailed, and grounded for life for running a casino out of his house: priceless

[Richard Tanner]

[ QUOTE ]
5 poker tables: $3000
surveillance equipment: $2000
custom chips and cards: $3000
hundreds of dollar menu items from mcdonalds: $300
5 poker dealers: $10 per hour * 20 hrs per week * 5 = $1000

watching the latest report on the 11 o'clock news about a 15 year old kid getting busted, jailed, and grounded for life for running a casino out of his house: priceless

[/ QUOTE ]

Ummmm you obviously missed the part where he said his parents are COOL with it. Learn to read.

Cody

[JJNJustin]

If you have a big enough house, you can build a buffet upstairs and even give out comps to your regular players. Have your mom do all the cooking. I'm sure she'll love that.

-J

[bulldawgblue]

So what happens when the first day you're open someone goes on a sick blackjack heater and you can't pay him?

[the crabs]

Well I just returned from SD for my brothers wedding, and let me tell you, Tworooks has hit the gold mine! I pulled up to this large house (about 3 stories) and parked my 2001 chevy impala between a benze and a jaguar. I walked inside to be greeted by the bouncer, who just arrived after getting off his greeter shift at wal-mart. I walked through the kitchen to get to the basement..I mean casino/cardroom stairs and as i entered the "casino" I saw 2 tables up, one being 200 NLHE, and 3/6 limit. There was a blackjack table open oferring 5-10 and 50-100 if everyone voted for it. I sat down at the BJ table and slammed a grand down and bet the max, 100. I got blackjack. Then this rude patron started screaming about how this game was rigged. He was about 12 and had way too many mike's hard lemonades, so the bouncer was called down and after 20 minutes of hime trying to get down the stairs, he escorted the patron out of the building, and as he pulled out of his parking spot he scratched my car with his jaguar.
After that ordeal I went over to the 200NLHE table and sat down for the max. I got dealt AKs on the BB (first hand) and this kid opens for a raise of about $12. I call, The flop comes AKK. I check and he goes all-in for $324 and i call. He flips over KK. I grab the deck and realize it was a pinochle deck. I flip a rage and flip the table over spewing chips everywhere. The bouncer hobbles up to me and starts whacking me with his cane. I take him and smash his face into the blackjack table and then run. Tworook's dad cuts me off at the door in his underwear, a wifebeater, and an army helmet holding a fireplace poker. I turn around and dart out the back door. when I make it to my car I notice that tworooks was running after me, so I slash the benze tires and off I went. Oh and on the way out, I noticed the there were a bunch of old/middle aged people playing keno in the dining room. I would strongly recomend steering clear of this establishment.

Thank you

[agent_fish]

[ QUOTE ]
Well I just returned from SD for my brothers wedding, and let me tell you, Tworooks has hit the gold mine! I pulled up to this large house (about 3 stories) and parked my 2001 chevy impala between a benze and a jaguar. I walked inside to be greeted by the bouncer, who just arrived after getting off his greeter shift at wal-mart. I walked through the kitchen to get to the basement..I mean casino/cardroom stairs and as i entered the "casino" I saw 2 tables up, one being 200 NLHE, and 3/6 limit. There was a blackjack table open oferring 5-10 and 50-100 if everyone voted for it. I sat down at the BJ table and slammed a grand down and bet the max, 100. I got blackjack. Then this rude patron started screaming about how this game was rigged. He was about 12 and had way too many mike's hard lemonades, so the bouncer was called down and after 20 minutes of hime trying to get down the stairs, he escorted the patron out of the building, and as he pulled out of his parking spot he scratched my car with his jaguar.
After that ordeal I went over to the 200NLHE table and sat down for the max. I got dealt AKs on the BB (first hand) and this kid opens for a raise of about $12. I call, The flop comes AKK. I check and he goes all-in for $324 and i call. He flips over KK. I grab the deck and realize it was a pinochle deck. I flip a rage and flip the table over spewing chips everywhere. The bouncer hobbles up to me and starts whacking me with his cane. I take him and smash his face into the blackjack table and then run. Tworook's dad cuts me off at the door in his underwear, a wifebeater, and an army helmet holding a fireplace poker. I turn around and dart out the back door. when I make it to my car I notice that tworooks was running after me, so I slash the benze tires and off I went. Oh and on the way out, I noticed the there were a bunch of old/middle aged people playing keno in the dining room. I would strongly recomend steering clear of this establishment.

Thank you

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the update.

[Lottery Larry]

Nicely done

[Biggle10]

Is there sports betting here?

[warewulf]

[ QUOTE ]
Is there sports betting here?

[/ QUOTE ]

I wanted to place a bet on the World Cup when I was there a couple weeks ago. Tworooks said the only sports betting they can handle is 'Gerbil fighting'. They were short on gerbils at the time because apparently Tworooks had a "wild night" the night before. Not sure what that means?? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[AntonHeat]

tworooks for mod ! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[smittymatt]

This thread is 1 year 3 months old...

JUST LET IT DIE ALREADY!!!

[Richard Tanner]

[ QUOTE ]
Is there sports betting here?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah but if you're running late don't think you can just phone your bet in, that's against the law and Tworooks knows it.

Cody

[Richard Tanner]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread is 1 year 3 months old...

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
JUST LET IT DIE ALREADY!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Does not compute?!?

Cody

[Freakin]

i always wander into home poker every month or so to bump this thread for those who haven't read it. Since it was first posted, I have never had to bump it cause it's always first page