Roy West - creepy? [Archive] - Two Plus Two Newer Archives

b33nz

10-06-2005, 04:25 PM

LOL, yea I read a few of his articles and I agree. He sounds like either a pedophile or serial killer trying to lure you into his house so he can rape/torture/kill you... just my opinion. But I do like him as a poker columnist.

DayTripping

10-06-2005, 04:43 PM

Yeah, and his picture is a bit unsettling as well.

Some of the more disturbing openers I've read:

Hi. Come on in. Scarf down a pound or so of the frozen grapes. They’re good for regularity.

Hi. Come on in. I picked up two racks of ribs, some baked beans, and cole slaw. Put on your bib and start gnawing.

Hi. Come on in. I've fired up my new crockpot and cooked up a vat of vegetable soup — low fat, low salt, light spices, high flavor. Start slurping.

And I'm not sure why but this one is the most disturbing to me:

Hi. Come on in. I brought in a couple of old beanbag chairs from the garage. Flop down and sip your drink while we explore a dark corner of your poker mind.

Joker2244

10-06-2005, 04:52 PM

Mr. West leaves out the key ingredient in his cooking; Ruhipnol. And the article never explains why I'm sore in strange places after reading or where these stitches came from.

megabit

10-06-2005, 10:52 PM

ROTFLMAO! I love Roy's column, but I'm a little strange. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

SoftcoreRevolt

10-07-2005, 03:05 AM

How old is Roy anyway.

benkahuna

10-07-2005, 08:07 AM

[ QUOTE ]
How old is Roy anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

He's not too old for you, but you might be too old for him. If you know what I mean...

KingMarc

10-07-2005, 09:46 AM

That guy honestly scares the living crap out of me. If I met him in a dark alley, he'd start throwing random food down at me and tell me to kill the lights.... kinky ;-x

Jordan Olsommer

10-07-2005, 10:58 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, and his picture is a bit unsettling as well.

Some of the more disturbing openers I've read:

Hi. Come on in. Scarf down a pound or so of the frozen grapes. They’re good for regularity.

Hi. Come on in. I picked up two racks of ribs, some baked beans, and cole slaw. Put on your bib and start gnawing.

Hi. Come on in. I've fired up my new crockpot and cooked up a vat of vegetable soup — low fat, low salt, light spices, high flavor. Start slurping.

And I'm not sure why but this one is the most disturbing to me:

Hi. Come on in. I brought in a couple of old beanbag chairs from the garage. Flop down and sip your drink while we explore a dark corner of your poker mind.

[/ QUOTE ]

Does this remind anyone else of someone.....

http://www.ojaiwan.net/cwimages/champ.jpg

hoopsie44

10-07-2005, 11:12 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Anybody else find the opening paragraphs of Roy West's Card Player articles a little creepy?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think Roy is cool.

A_PLUS

10-07-2005, 03:51 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, and his picture is a bit unsettling as well.

Some of the more disturbing openers I've read:

Hi. Come on in. Scarf down a pound or so of the frozen grapes. They’re good for regularity.

Hi. Come on in. I picked up two racks of ribs, some baked beans, and cole slaw. Put on your bib and start gnawing.

Hi. Come on in. I've fired up my new crockpot and cooked up a vat of vegetable soup — low fat, low salt, light spices, high flavor. Start slurping.

And I'm not sure why but this one is the most disturbing to me:

Hi. Come on in. I brought in a couple of old beanbag chairs from the garage. Flop down and sip your drink while we explore a dark corner of your poker mind.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the first 2+2 post I have laughed out loud at in quite some time. Very well done. I still can't get through the beanbag example without laughing.

behemoth2006

10-07-2005, 06:04 PM

I vould neveyr sleep you meekey.

Vould you like some champag-na?

DayTripping

10-07-2005, 06:05 PM

Just came across some more today...

Hi. Come on in. Flop your body down on a couple of those huge pillows and get comfy while we talk some poker.

Hi. Come on in. I'm making tuna dogs, hot dogs covered with tuna salad instead of chili. Never mind the sour face, give one a try while we discuss our beloved game.

Hi. Come on in. I have hot chocolate to take off the chill, and cookies to dunk. You can dip your fingers into it if you want to warm them up, or drink it.

Then I came across this one which I find to be perhaps the most disturbing of all:

Hi. Come on in. I sent a couple of neighborhood kids over to the deli for cold cuts. They brought back a basketful — five different kinds of meats, three cheeses, and three breads. They've both eaten and gone over to the park to work it off. The rest is for us. Dig in while we discuss our beloved game.

I mean Jesus he's talking about kids now.

behemoth2006

10-07-2005, 06:16 PM

okay that is the creepiest thing I have ever heard... I think the scariest thing about it is the fact that he keeps rambling on and on...

Yes, they went to the park. Let me check my telescope, oh yes, now they're playing baseball, just look at the way he holds that ball....

yuck

vabogee

10-07-2005, 07:08 PM

as a columnist myself, i have to say that west's "i've got some food for you" gimmick is the lamest i've ever seen. i get physically ill every time i read it. stick to the poker advice roy.

glad someone finally addressed this atrocity

Joker2244

10-07-2005, 08:45 PM

I love Roy's articles. I heard his 7 stud book is very good. I also was raised watching Mr. Rogers and Mr. McFeely. Nuff said.

DayTripping

10-21-2005, 12:37 PM

From West's latest column:

Hi. Come on in. Don’t sit down. We’re going to hike up to the top of the hill and roast hot dogs. I have everything packed, including the firewood. Let’s go, my friend, and speak of our beloved game while overlooking the city lights.

And then later he writes:

You scarfed down those hot dogs like you were going for the world championship. It’s my special mustard that adds that special zip. All of that hiking up and down has tired me, and I require repose. Kill the light on your way out.

I am speechless.

udbrky

10-21-2005, 01:46 PM

Totally. I was thinking either the Continentals or the Will Ferrell "Lovas" skits.

jafager

10-21-2005, 02:13 PM

The wierdest thing of his that I ever read was in his 7 Stud book; I think he was talking about leaking chips with loose third-street calls, and he said something like "two dollars plus two dollars equals four dollars, and four dollars times twenty is enough to have your zeppelin polished three times".

It was creepy in the sense that it was a total non-sequitur.

jafager

tek

10-21-2005, 02:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I love Roy's articles. I heard his 7 stud book is very good. I also was raised watching Mr. Rogers and Mr. McFeely. Nuff said.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, you scare me more than Roy. Fortunately for you, there is counseling available...

(Everyone knows Captain Kangaroo was +EV and Mister Rogers was just creepy...)

tek

10-21-2005, 03:06 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Hi. Come on in. I just bricked up the wife in a secret compartment in the basement. While we wait for the mortar to dry, let's have some S'mores and talk about table position.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

bobman0330

10-23-2005, 02:08 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Hi. Come on in. I just bricked up the wife in a secret compartment in the basement. While we wait for the mortar to dry, let's have some S'mores and talk about table position.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Bravo, bravo!

GreywolfNYC

10-23-2005, 02:49 AM

"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/Hannibal_Lecter.gif

Lanzalot

10-23-2005, 09:52 PM

I think Roy used to work in radio and TV. That might explain his wierdness, or, what can charitably be referred to as his flair for the dramatic. I met him for a poker lesson in 94' at the Four Queens. He seemed pretty normal. Except for missing a kidney afterwards, the meeting went off without a hitch..... ;-)

shakingspear

10-24-2005, 01:56 PM

Hahaha.

I missed this thread when it first started. I was just about to post about Roy West's style. It's beyond creepy. I totally hear the guy from the Motel 6 ads in my head when reading the beginings of his articles.

MCS

10-26-2005, 01:05 AM

[ QUOTE ]
The wierdest thing of his that I ever read was in his 7 Stud book; I think he was talking about leaking chips with loose third-street calls, and he said something like "two dollars plus two dollars equals four dollars, and four dollars times twenty is enough to have your zeppelin polished three times".

[/ QUOTE ]

I remember that. I had no idea why the hell he decided to include it. It was totally out of place.

Very bizarre. Probably my all-time favorite line in a poker book.

shakingspear

10-26-2005, 12:06 PM

I read this thread everyday now. I laugh out loud every time.

somapopper

10-29-2005, 02:57 AM

This is his charm people!

His 7 stud advice may be poor, I'll leave wiser heads to debate that point, but roy west= the only reason to read cardplayer.

SoftcoreRevolt

10-29-2005, 03:51 AM

West's Stud book is the best thing out there for low limit Stud. But he's a much better well.. whatever this is that has been posted in this thread than he is a Stud writer.

Just because whatever this is, is well, incredible.

Brain

10-30-2005, 02:31 PM

Softcore indeed.

mackthefork

10-31-2005, 10:23 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Hi. Come on in. I got a new jackknife. Let’s play some mumbletypeg while we speak of the noble game of poker.

A couple of Band-Aids should take care of those stab wounds. While you go and heal, I’ll catch a nap. Kill the light on your way out.

[/ QUOTE ]

This guy is killing me, I dunno what his idea is but it's damn funny if nothing else.

Mack

turnipmonster

11-01-2005, 11:15 AM

this thread is awesome, but we are missing the wrap up at the end for a lot of these quotes, which is usually even better than the opener. the mustard thing is a great example of a dyn-o-mite wrap up.

--turnipmonster

DayTripping

11-01-2005, 12:32 PM

Yes, the fact that he usually wraps up by asking his unseen student/victim to "kill the lights" is highly disturbing.

DayTripping

11-30-2005, 05:30 PM

Here is Roy's latest.

Hi. Come on in. My hold’em students and I have been eating a lot of fried chicken together, so I’ve microwaved a batch of Oriental marinated beef. Don’t ask about the recipe, because I just make it up as I go along. Dig in.

...

I guess I should have given you a fork and spoon instead of chopsticks. Now I need a nap. Wash your hands and face and kill the light on your way out.

Disturbing.

twang

11-30-2005, 07:00 PM

What really makes me feel uneasy is that these opening lines probably are written in some obscure poetic meter. Read the lines out loud - do you hear the beat and the rhymes?

shakingspear

12-01-2005, 10:46 AM

Hahaha. I love this guy.

Though I don't understand why he had to warm up Oriental marinated beef after eating all that fried chicken.

DayTripping

01-25-2006, 05:03 PM

Nice to see that Roy has become no less creepy in the new year. From his latest column:

Hi. Come on in. It’s a cool winter evening here in the Las Vegas valley. Let us go out on the patio and soak in the hot tub while sipping hot apple juice and musing over various aspects of our beloved game.

...

That’s enough soaking, sipping, and musing. It’s time for me to dry off and get some sleep. Take the rest of the cider and kill the light on your way out.

Wow.

ECDub

01-25-2006, 10:07 PM

I had never read his articles before. They do seem to be a little creepy at first. Sounds a little strange, but it gives his articles character. Dude likes eating meat and sleeping with the lights off, that's for sure.

Hi. Come on in. We haven’t had meatloaf for quite a while, so I’ve baked a large one containing the secret blend of spices and herbs that my sister taught me. (I think Grandma taught her about 30 years ago.) Carve off a hunk and dig in.

I’m sorry, but my sister has sworn me to secrecy about the “secret blend of spices and herbs” in the meatloaf. But you can take a couple of slices with you to have for breakfast. Now I tire and require repose. Kill the light on your way out.

Hi. Come on in. It’s too bad you couldn’t get to the meeting last night. We had seven kinds of finger food. I saved you about a pound in the back of the fridge. Dig in.

You sure went through those finger foods fast. Take the rest to snack on while you’re driving home. And be careful that you don’t eat your fingers. Kill the light on your way out so that I can take a nap.