Baldness

[FeliciaLee]

Humans seem to be attached to their hair, in more than a literal sense. In our society, baldness is perceived as less attractive and embarrassing for both sexes, instead of a sometimes normal process of aging or illness. We tend to attach so much of our self worth to our head of hair, that to be without it, or for it to look bad, is a sign of weakness, ugliness, embarrassment, impotency or even feelings of being less than feminine.

I am not certain whether having a full, lush head of hair gave self-confidence to a less confident person first, or if society forced a self-confident person to lose their self-esteem due to pressures to conform. I would assume the first, but I am certainly no expert, and do not come from a background of low self-confidence.

When I first learned I would lose a lot of hair, I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and had to have major surgery due to the damage that had been done to some of my vital organs. I did not have thick, full, lush hair, but it was long. I used the best products and took care of my hair as well as I could. I could not afford to lose 50% of my existing hair without my scalp showing. It was not a big decision for me. While I didn't get it chopped all at once, I slowly got it cut, experimenting with different styles at different lengths. This was more for the sake of fun, and to see what I looked like with various lengths and colors. I also wanted to break it slowly to my husband Glenn (Domit on 2+2), knowing that men tend to value long locks in women.

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/Fel_n_Trav.jpg

I had surgery, and lost quite a bit of hair. I didn't realize just how much I'd lost until I got a slight sunburn on my scalp while driving with my sunroof open all the time. We lived in the DC area, so this wouldn't normally happen. I don't believe I have any pics of this time period, or at least not scanned pics. If I find some later, I will scan them and upload them to this thread.

All of this happened back in 1998 and 1999. I have never had long hair again.

My hair is constantly changing. I have some friends in the high stakes poker world who don't even recognize me when I first approach them at a festival. I might change the color or length so dramatically that they certainly don't expect the Felicia they know when they see my crazy hair.

Here are some pics from 2000 until I got cancer in 2005.

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/AFRO.JPG

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/BeautifulFelicia.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/Daxjesus.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/FEL_BETS.JPG

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/Fel0501.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/Imallin.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/felJDJune01.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/fel_at_conf.JPG

If there was ever a person who did not place any stock on what others thought of her hair, or how well her hair complimented her facial structure, she was me. My only criteria is that the gray didn't blend in much with the rest of my natural hair color, and I hated seeing it stick out, so I mainly covered it.

And then the other shoe dropped in 2005 and I got cancer. I was one of the lucky chicks (haha) who doesn't qualify for any of the newer, less harsh drugs. In every profile, I was not a match. I didn't get to take the good stuff that most cancer patients get to take these days, I had to do the harsh, 30 year old chemo. Lucky me!

So I knew I'd be losing all of my hair. Pubic hair went first, wooohoo. Glenn certainly loved that look /images/graemlins/wink.gif

I also knew I'd be severely crippled by chemo, given the cocktail I was prescribed, and the fact that my brother had a very bad time with it, too, and we are so alike. I knew it would be a long, long time before I had real hair again, and before I had any semblence of "health" again. I remember one of the nurses looking at my labs before I even started chemo and saying that my labs looked like I'd already been through it. So I knew in advance this was going to be a rough time. I even took a month to get prepared, and wanted to take more, but the Oncolgist kicked and screamed and virtually dropped me as a patient if I didn't start sooner. She turned out to be a real witch, but I've grown to expect that in Arizona, where the medical care can be compared to the dark ages of medicine.

I had Glenn shave my head to the shortest guard that I had for the clippers.

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/bald_felAv.jpg

What I didn't expect when it came to losing my hair is that my scalp would become so tender that it "hurt" when the hair fell out. This was a huge crush. I mean, my head literally hurt. Like it had bruises all over it.

And since the hair fell out rather slowly, it hurt for a long time. It hurt way too much to wear regular hats. I had to wear super soft scarves and turbans. I mostly stayed indoors and stayed bald, because anything touching my head hurt it. Once all of the hair was gone, however, it did not hurt, but that took a long, long time. Much longer than I ever would have expected.

The cancer center was constantly trying to get me to wear wigs and fake boobs. I'm not sure why that mentality is still out there, but they were insistent, and acted appalled that I would not even consider it. Like I was less of a woman, less of a self-confident human being just because I had no hair and no boobs? That is ridiculous, and I didn't care for the pressure. I basically told them to eff-off and did my own thing.

I never, ever, have felt less confident, less of a woman, a sexual being, or a person due to hair loss or any other loss. I cannot figure out why society in general has placed that onus on us.

More recently, I have been on several cruises and watched the way certain women behave when they don't have hair. I don't get it. They have virtually no hair to speak of, yet they grow it out, long and stringy, trying to cover a bald scalp. Strings of ugly, unhealthy, dull looking hair, with no bounce or shine, trying to cover what is obvious to everyone else. I'm not sure what these women are thinking of. Short, stylish hair looks so much more flattering to women who are balding.

I looked up a few websites on female baldness, and was amazed at the lengths women will go to in order to hide baldness. It can be causes by a variety of conditions and illnesses. It can be short-term or permanent, but women seem to take drastic measures when it comes to hiding a bald pate. Even more sad, I found the pics of women who simply cut their thin locks very short to be much more flattering than those who went the route of elaborage wigs, weaves, extensions or accessories covering the crown (hats, scarves, etc). Most of the time their facial structures and coloring did not support a huge, volumous head of hair. Yet that is what they necessitated in order to feel more feminine. More like a "real" woman. Rubbish, I say. The weakness comes from inside, not from their lack of hair. Just my opinion, but I feel that something was probably "broken" with their esteem long before they lost their hair.

Hair Loss (http://www.hairextensions.co.uk/hair_loss.htm)
Hair Loss II (http://www.genesishair.com/female-hair-loss/reallusions/)
Hair Loss III (http://www.nationalhair.com/hair_loss_replacement_women.htm)

As for men, some of them simply shave their heads or keep a close cut long before they go completely bald. This is the way to go, imo. It doesn't make the loss quite so traumatic, and also looks extremely sexy on most men. There are exceptions, of course, with lumpy scalps or moles, but lots of things can be helped these days with laser treatment and/or a good dermatologist.

This looks infinitely better than the looooooong, side parted comb-over. I know that some women say that they like a man with some hair, rather than a balding man, but I have never, EVER heard a woman profess that she likes the long, scraggily comb-over better than a close cut on a balding man. Never. The comb-over looks ridiculous. It is not fooling anyone. I don't believe it is even fooling the balding man himself, nor does it give him more self-confidence, imo.

Why does our society tell us that we cannot be who we are? That we are less sexual, less attractive beings if we allow our hair to be cut extremely close, rather than resorting to wigs, toupes, hats and hideous comb-overs as we bald? Why do we feel that our hair is our crown? That we are defined by the length, texture, and beauty of our hair?

I don't buy this. I never have. I am a woman. I am a sexual being, I have huge self-esteem. I am confident in my looks and marriage. I don't define myself or hold my head high based on my hair (or lack of, lol).

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see who I have always seen. I see who I want to be, not flaws in myself due to illness and heredity.

We are beautiful beings (yeah, some of you are butt ugly, but you know what I mean /images/graemlins/wink.gif ). We should hold our heads up high, proudly, confidently, regardless of our outer beauty. No one likes a meek, whiny doormat.

Women and men who lack self-esteem will never be beautiful regardless of their outer appearance. Women and men who have lots of self-confidence and inner beauty will always be more desirable, in the long run, no matter the lack of hair or movie star looks.

Please feel free to add lots of discussion and/or pictures to this thread. While my opinion will not change, I hope it is a huge help to others.

Bald and Beautiful,

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/GlennFelicia%20Oosterdam%20avatar.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/RENEWALC.JPG

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/Ryndam2005GaryRoseFeliciaSm.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~bagsmode/fel-horse.jpg

[ohgeetee]

I have often wondered the same thing regarding people who do the comb over or other extreme measures. It's a combination of things, both self esteem, as well as those close to those people not making them aware of how silly it looks. We have this ingrained switch as to what is 'polite' that carries over from general strangers to those closest to us that is 'ON' way too much.

I get a lot of flack for being honest to a fault, particularly with those closest to me, but I really don't see the point of lying or holding back from those closest. I wouldn't have a problem telling someone close to me that their hair loss is magnified by doing irrational things to their hair, and that they should look into a shorter look, shaving it off, etc. I also wouldn't have a problem telling them they stink, have mustard on their forehead, etc.

I think its a lot harder for folks that don't have a face/head that goes so well with short hair though. I've always thought you looked stunning w/ short hair, and I also think it is a lot easier to voice pride in inner beauty/confidence/self esteem when the outer beauty is so far above avg.

[JaredL]

Felicia,

Excellent post. I had high expectations for it and it exceeded them.

I think you agree, I think baldness is viewed much more negatively on women. It's interesting that you basically never see women that are bald/balding and NOT trying to cover it up somehow. Old (white) ladies often go with what I call the grandmafro, which is the ultra frizzy perm clearly designed to spread the hair out as much as possible. Seems extremely common. I think appearance in society in general is (at least perceived as) being more important for females than males. Perhaps this is based in evolutionary reasons, who knows. Also, that baldness is so much more prevalent among men must be a factor.

Just the other day I was in a grocery store talking to a friend of mine. We were at the checkout and there were the usual 500 tabloids all with Britney Spears on the cover with a shaved head. My friend made the comment that he had basically always thought of her as not unattractive but not particularly attractive. However, in the shaved head shots he thought she looked very attractive. We then discussed how each of us, like many other guys, thought Natalie Portman looked very attractive (more than usual) when she shaved her head for a movie. People felt the same about Demi Moore as well. While the sample is small and famous here, I think it is evidence that you are correct that these women would be better off just cutting it very close to their head.

Personally, as I said in the diablo discussion forum discussion thread, I started getting a reasonably serious receding hair line at about 19. I have always had thin hair, I am jealous of the guys with a fro because I've wanted one since being a teenager, probably because it was impossible even with a full head of hair. A bit after the recession (heh) I started getting thin at the top as well. Not like a bald spot in the back, but the entire top of my head - especially the front in general. Since about 16 I had had the pretty short, slicked forward type hairstyle. I switched to just the very short (too short to do anything with) at that time after getting my hair cut from the usual lady, for my sister's wedding, who cut the side a bit longer to cover up where the hair line had receded. Basically, she gave me something sort of like a comb-over. When I was about 18 or 20, I went to a dermatologist for acne issues I still had. She reccomended that I take Propecia and gave me a prescription. Basically, it's a baldness drug that apparently doesn't add hair, it just keeps you from losing it. I decided that that wasn't worth at all worth the side effects so I never even filled it. The last couple of years I've gotten a lot thinner. I often just shave my head completely bald. It starts to look bad when I, due to laziness, let it grow too long.

I am 100% with you. I think that efforts to cover up baldness are 99.9999999% of the time bad. They often focus the eye on the area in question and actually call more attention to it than just the lack of hair would.

Jared

[milesdyson]

I have been taking Propecia for about a month now. Skunkworks talked about his results in an OOT thread and I decided to hop on the bandwagon. I haven't noticed any results yet but it can take up to 4-6 months depending on some periodic hair growth cycles or something. My head of hair is pretty much full, just my hair line is slightly receding. I'm 24.

Some time in college I cut my 6" long hair off to about 1/4". Then I realized my hairline was receding so I kept it short. Then I decided I love my hair (it looks like my avatar again), so I grew the bitch out starting a few months ago. Eventually I plan on losing all of it or pursuing other measures to keep it.

I don't know what it is about losing hair that makes it suck so much. When you look around, nearly every older dude has lost hair, and I don't really even pay attention (yeah except for the ridiculous combovers and stuff). It just hits so much harder when it's your own hair for some reason.

[StukOnStupid]

Would you mind telling me (or linking) to your story of diabetes? It sounds like you had it for a long time, and didn't know it. How did you find out? How long did you have it before you were diagnosed? I have been losing my hair dramatically over the last 5 years, and there is NO baldness in my family. Just curious. Sorry if this is a hijack....

Thanks for posting too!

[skunkworks]

I've gotten great results from Propecia + Rogaine + Nizoral. I've been using for about close to 9 months now I think, and my hairline has been creeping forward since I started taking it. I'm kind of adamant about fighting this off because my dad is bald and I always thought he looked ridiculous with his combover, plus there's a bit of a negative association thing going on with my dad.

There's a large amount of vanity that went into my decision, but it's not something that bothers me at night. I rationalize the Propecia thing in my head as being more natural than boob jobs, tummy tucks, or hell, even hair transplant surgery. I don't have anything against guys that decide to shave everything off or go close-cropped -- they are smart and in general look good. It's just that my hair loss regimen is so convenient and inexpensive that there's no reason not to do it.

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
I think its a lot harder for folks that don't have a face/head that goes so well with short hair though. I've always thought you looked stunning w/ short hair, and I also think it is a lot easier to voice pride in inner beauty/confidence/self esteem when the outer beauty is so far above avg.


[/ QUOTE ]
Aw, thanks. I agree with the point about not having the right structure for super short hair. That is why I had long hair for 13 years to begin with. I was big, with a round face, and short cuts just seemed to make it stand out more. The first pic, with my brother, was very flattering of me. I can't seem to find less flattering pics of those 13 years (maybe I didn't have many taken, lol). But I was big, maybe 160-175 lbs. and had a round face, so I didn't feel short hair would have looked good on me at all. I understand that mindset. There comes a time, however, when one has to choose the better of two evils, I suppose.

I don't think there is anything whatsoever wrong with hats, wigs, etc, it's just not my style. Similarly, I don't see anything wrong with women who wear false boobs after mastectomy. It's just not me.

As far as being attractive in the first place, I don't know. Maybe it is easier to project self-confidence. I've found some of the least self-confident women are traditionally the prettiest, though, which is a real shame.

My own looks have run the gamut. I have been plain, ugly, too fat, too thin, etc. The things that bugged me I've gotten fixed, but most things I simply don't care about. I'm a big fan of plastic surgery (or asthetic procedures) if the patient has the right mindset. Using surgery as a means of boosting self-confidence doesn't seem to work, however, unless the surgery is to correct something that is obviously not simply asthetic.

I can't really say that my confidence has changed much based on my appearance. I got sick of looking at the baggage under my eyes, so I fixed it. I didn't suddenly have a boost in esteem. Now the baggage is back, and worse than ever (I'm sure cancer treatment played a part in that), but I didn't suffer any esteem issues. Maybe I'll get it fixed again someday, maybe not.

Hope this clears up my own mindset for you.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[FeliciaLee]

Thanks, Jared.

You know, you are probably correct about baldness in women being perceived as worse. I don't know many women, though, so I don't know much about it. I never even thought about it. My brother married a woman who has very little hair. I remember when someone asked him about it, he said that she had loved him when he was bald, so why wouldn't he love her just because she doesn't have much hair? She keeps it very short, and it looks good on her.

I thought that Natalie, Demi and Sigourney all looked good with shaved heads. Women with strong bone structure almost look a lot more beautiful if they don't have much hair, and their looks are forefront. Brittney, well, she doesn't have those sharp looks, but she doesn't look bad, either, imo. I think the mental issues are much more relevant in her case.

It sounds like you have taken your situation the best way possible. You knew the drug wasn't right for you, personally, and you decided to go forward, positively in your life (I might be reading between the lines, but it doesn't sound like you are suffering mentally).

Kudos,

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
Would you mind telling me (or linking) to your story of diabetes? It sounds like you had it for a long time, and didn't know it. How did you find out? How long did you have it before you were diagnosed? I have been losing my hair dramatically over the last 5 years, and there is NO baldness in my family. Just curious. Sorry if this is a hijack....

Thanks for posting too!

[/ QUOTE ]
I could find some links for you, if you want more info. Diabetes didn't really run in my family, so it didn't occur to me that I had it.

I noticed that I was drinking lots more water. I had an insatiable thirst. It didn't matter how much I drank, I was parched and dry. This also meant I was chained to the bathroom.

I had no energy, I started gaining a lot of weight for seemingly no reason. My doc would put me on a diet, and I would gain instead of lose!

I don't know how long I had it before it was diagnosed, but eventually the doctor sent me in for a test and voila. By this time I was in and out of liver failure, right kidney failure, lost my gall bladder, etc. I felt immediately better after surgery.

I still suffer somewhat with crazy blood sugar, but I control it by diet and eat a high protein diet with protein shakes, in order to keep it from the huge peaks and valleys I had ten years ago.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[jkkkk]

[ QUOTE ]
I have been taking Propecia for about a month now. Skunkworks talked about his results in an OOT thread and I decided to hop on the bandwagon.

[/ QUOTE ]

I also decided to jump on this bandwagon at the start of December and I must say I am happy with the results so far (props to skunkworks, provided good information in that thread). I started using minoxidil + finestaride every day and have since seen an increase in volume and some early signs regrowth at the frontal sides.

I'd recommend anyone else with hair thats starting to thin to do the same, the earlier you start, the better.

[FeliciaLee]

This is probably the route I would have taken had I not been able to pull off a super short look. Or had a huge, bumpy head, etc.

I'd have done all of the scripts and OTC products that have been proven to work. Minus the Propecia, of course, women can't take that one.

[NoahSD]

jkkk and other balding guys who are getting it to reverse,
More info please.

I'm 20 and started to notice that my hair was thinning when I was 17. I've been on Propecia for about a year now, and it's very clearly stopped the loss and maybe even grown a little back.

But, I'm still bald and it sucks. I think it's actually hurt my self esteem pretty badly.

Here are some pics:

When balding was just starting (can't find a proper before pic):
http://photos-642.ak.facebook.com/ip001/v10/21/123/304152/n304152_8556642_7722.jpg

Long hair with weird stringy thinning hair in the front:
http://photos-162.ak.facebook.com/ip006/v20/203/94/1007315/n1007315_30322162_7151.jpg

Short hair (current):
http://photos-730.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v67/242/35/1104129/n1104129_30807730_68.jpg


I know it's not that bad, but I'm 20 FFS. I'm thinking about shaving it, but I really love my hair. Also considering getting transplant surgery.

Edit: I also agree that some women look really good with a shaved head. I think you might have to be really skinny with good bone structure to pull it off.

[MicroBob]

I'm 36 and am getting balder all the time.
I like having hair but getting to keep it permanently obviously isn't in the works for me.

Am kind of lazy on the rogaine thing.

GF has some pretty thin hair up front and might lose more of it.
We've decided that we can run around wearing all sorts of insane wigs when we're 60 or something and just have a good time with it.


Unfortunately, the whole bit about girls losing hair is definitely a bigger societal tabboo.

Probably how I've been programmed, but I just don't think Britney, Demi, Natalie, Sinead are very attractive as baldies. Maybe I'm just not used to it I guess.

[jkkkk]

NoahSD,

If you are going to go for the short hair look, you need to cut it shorter, kinda looks silly like that imo.

I'd recommend doing your own research, there are a whole lot of products and alternative methods out there, but the two most clinically proven methods are minoxidil (marketed under Rogaine and various other brand names) and finestaride which is marketed under the brand name Propecia (1mg finestaride) but you can get it a lot cheaper by buying Proscar (5mg) and cutting it up into 4 or 5 pieces.

The other most talked about products are Nizoral, a shampoo that helps with irritation etc, MSM, a dietary supplement which has ambiguous uses, apparently helps with hair regrowth and the slightly experimental Dutasteride, an inhibitor sort of like finestaride.

[jtr]

NoahSD, courageous post man. I can see why your self esteem might have been affected. You basically went from Steve McQueen to Art Garfunkel. Fortunately things appear to be looking up in pic 3.

[HajiShirazu]

I still have relatively thick and long hair but I started taking propecia a few months ago after I realized I was losing a lot of hair and was noticeably thinner on top. I seem to be losing a lot less hair than before but don't know if it's just in my mind or if it's the drugs. Propecia doesn't stop receding hairline at the temples, it is only supposed to work for hair in the back and top of the head, and supposedly it only helps you keep the hair you already have. Honestly I don't think hair loss at the temples looks bad unless it starts to go really deep, the bad-looking pattern is when you lose the hair at the back of your head.
I also stopped drinking diet drinks at that time and honestly I think that might be the real reason my hair loss stopped. I was drinking of ton of them, like 1 to 2 64 oz. cups of diet coke a day, and eventually this weird greasy crap started coming out of the top of my head which would not go away no matter what I used to wash, and my hair always looked awful because of it. After I stopped the diet drinks it went away. This might be why I was losing my hair as if anything my family members have unusually thick hair even when elderly.
Combovers and the like are absolutely ridiculous, while the shaved look is not that bad. There are some guys, especially black guys, who probably look much better like this than with most haircuts, while big-headed white people tend to look bad. If you are white, and have some hair on top but not much it usually looks better to shave it really short but not all the way. This takes away some of the shinyness that turns some people off. In any case, the horseshoe is the worst of them all, I think it looks far worse on anybody than a completely shaved look, except maybe on old people.
Anyway regardless of how it looks on you, to me it is more of a self-respect type thing. Nobody wants to be bald, and there are some hairstyles that look better than shaving if you have a decent amount of hair left, but if you are bald, why not just go with that look? People realize that it isn't your fault you lost your hair, so why hide it? There is no shame in it, and the only people who will look down on you for being bald are not worth caring about anyway.
Being a woman and bald is obviously worse, because it is so much more unusual and unacceptable to many. If you are the type like OP that has the self esteem to not really care what people will think about it, then go with the shaved look because while I and I think most people prefer hair, it isn't really that bad, but some people aren't this strong or in many cases aren't in a position with their career etc. to not care. I recommend wigs in this case - there are definately female wigs around that look far better than any kind of thinning hairstyle and will pass for real hair under a quick inspection. I know - I met a friend of my girlfriend whose parents owned a buddist temple and had to shave her head. I thought she was pretty hot with hair that was kind of an odd style but looked good on her, and never suspected it until months later when I was told. I then realized that I would have no problems dating a girl with a wig if it looked good and that there is nothing wrong with wearing one, in the same way there is nothing wrong with wearing a push-up bra. Unfortunately most toupees look bad and obvious on men so there are problems for us there. Two especially heinous examples are Marv Albert and that other guy on TNT that does the interviews - anyone who has seen him even once knows who I am talking about.

[russellmj]

Good post. You'd think that there would be less self consciousness today what with short hair styles and shaved heads being in vogue. I'm sure this is much harder for women though.

For the guys: GQ ran an article last month about how to wear you hair based on your pattern of hair loss. For instance if your receding at the temples ala Kevin Spacey, keep you hair about 1.5 inches. Shorter for different areas and situations. Might be worth a look.

[Claunchy]

[ QUOTE ]
You basically went from Steve McQueen to Art Garfunkel.

[/ QUOTE ]
ROFL This is perfect.

In all honesty, I don't really think the receding hairline is all that bad a look (now your haircut is a different story).

I don't think I'd mind going bald all that much, since I am always too lazy to get haircuts and my hair gets super-shaggy. Alas, I will never lose any hair barring some unforeseen circumstances.

Felicia: I think you look better w/ short hair than with long FWIW.

[Golden_Rhino]

I am 33 now and almost completely bald. I started noticing a receding hairline in my early 20's. Aside from the fact that I liked having long hair (which would look stupid now), I don't really mind.

I am fortunate that my hair started to go around the time that the shaved head look became 'cool'. I have also noticed that there are a lot of bald people around (actually, I think people are starting to go bald at an earlier age now), and that nobody even care/notices that they are bald unless they do the bald guy with a ponytail look, or attempt a comb-over.

[im_the_dirt]

Felicia,
Do you think your experience with baldness would have been different if you were single? Would you have stayed as self-confident when doing things like dating?

-dirt

[kickpushcoast]

great post, and i think you look great in the pics with really short hair.

im 30, started losing hair a few years ago, especially in that upper back of the head spot. i always vowed when i started losing it, just to start buzzing or shaving it. i cant believe how crazy chicks go for the shaved/buzzed head look. im sure plenty of women dont like it at all, but the ones that like it, LIKE it. i kinda look like a cross between that guy from prison break and bruce willis though, so i guess that doesnt hurt. the funny thing is i actually look younger with a shaved head than with hair.

one thing i think guys need to realize is that women dont look at us the way we look at them, especially in regards to aging

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
For the guys: GQ ran an article last month about how to wear you hair based on your pattern of hair loss. For instance if your receding at the temples ala Kevin Spacey, keep you hair about 1.5 inches. Shorter for different areas and situations. Might be worth a look.


[/ QUOTE ]
This is a great point. It is something I meant to get into, but I obviously had a long enough post, plus I'm horrible at fashion and stuff (should have been a guy).

When I say "shaved" head, a lot of times I mean anywhere from no guard to the guard that is about 3/4" long or maybe even 1". I know this is different for men, and I'm sure there is a different terminology for shaved, closest guard, etc. I just don't know it. I have about 10 different guards and just hook them up to the clippers and start shaving.

Thanks so much for bringing this up, because it is a very valid point (some people look better with 1" of hair left than shaved clean), and I simply didn't include it in my original post.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
Felicia,
Do you think your experience with baldness would have been different if you were single? Would you have stayed as self-confident when doing things like dating?

-dirt

[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah. I'm one of those women who fluked into getting married. I didn't think I would (too mean). I figured I'd end up single for the rest of my life like my Dad. I don't put up with a lot, and am way too dominant and masculine for most men. I definitely wasn't the type of women who "needed" a man, ever.

The diabetes probably was more of a hit to my self-esteem than anything else. I looked huge, bloated, pasty and couldn't live my life the way I'd previously done; globetrotting and rarely staying still. I had to adjust to being home a lot more, chained to the bathroom with no energy or stamina to speak of.

[Dominic]

I missed this post, thanks for linking it in the other thread in OOT. Felicia, short hair, no hair, or long hair I think you're one hot mama. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[BPA234]

[ QUOTE ]
I missed this post, thanks for linking it in the other thread in OOT. Felicia, short hair, no hair, or long hair I think you're one hot mama. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

[octopi]

Felicia, I totally stumbled upon this post just now (via something in OOT) and if I had read it earlier today I probably would have asked my hair stylist to shave my head (my boyfriend would have loved this) instead of going with my trendy, shorter (for me) haircut that I got today. Very inspiring!!

I have always been extremely self conscious of my hair. I've had lions mane curls for most of my life, living with what my dad calls "mao mao" hair. I had one bad cut in my teens, and did not get a hair cut for years after that. I was attached to my hair, it being expected from a supposed 'feminine' skater and dancer, I perceived that it made me more girly, when I most certainly was not.

My family (mostly women) are extremely judgemental about hair. If you've got b00bs, you have to have long, flowing, blonde hair. I finally found a good stylist though, and experiment far more with my hair now than I used to. Hair is still serious business to my family, though! Today, I have 'boy' hair in the back and I know that later, when I see my mother, she will probably make some comment about it. She'll tell my aunts, cousins and grandmother about it, and there will be no appreciation that it looks better on me as a 5 foot tall petite girl than face covering, shapeless hair.

I've long thought about going extremely short (ie, shaving) with my hair, but have to admit I'm scared a bit. Not really about losing my hair, because I think I'm over that, but it not looking good either short or until it starts to grow out a bit. Other girlfriends I have ask if I would feel worried about being perceived as being gay or less feminine or less stylish...but those don't really figure in, to be honest. It astounds me as well to see how many people are so attached to their hair and what perception they feel it gives the world about them.

Thank you for posting this. For what it's worth, I loved the Susan Powter blonde spike look you had going for a bit there. It's beautiful and looks very empowering and therefore sexy.

And for all the men, I have to say that there is nothing sexier than a bald or shaved head, IMO. I kind of feel sad for a guy when he starts to lose his hair and isn't sure of what to do. I still admire trendy or fashion-forward cuts though.

Some good examples of dudes who have either accepted it or not:

Kelly Slater
http://www.radiofaction.com/hosts/kslater_k-osradio/kellyslater_r2_c2.gif
I couldn't find any balding photos (there are a lot of hat pictures on Google) but I think he rocks the shaved bald look really well.

Scott Anderson (from a CDN band called Finger Eleven)
He was shaved for a long time, and it was fabulous. On their latest release I was disgusted to see that he grew his hair out to be some sort of weird fluffy balding hair.

http://www.chartattack.com/pics/2000/finger11playdium/3.jpg
(when it was shaved)

http://www.vh1.com/shared/media/images/artist/f/finger_11/canon/500977_426x104.jpg
(in the middle, post-grow back)


And how could we forget...
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/uploads/britney_spears_shaves_head.jpg
(Just joshin)

[CharlieDontSurf]

i had a friend who was in the same boat Noah but was to scared freaked out about shaving it off ala Marine/boot camp style.

He always seemed insecure about it so I finally bet him $200 bucks on a football game and if I won he had to shave his head..but he could tell everyone why he had to do it.

I won...he shaved/buzzcut his head..and has never gone back since.

I'm eventually going to go this route of the Brad Pitt type buzz cut. I have a full head of hair except its thinning big time on the two sides.

Gonna do the Rippletoe workout program thru the fall then shave it before I go home for Xmas holiday.

[FeliciaLee]

[ QUOTE ]
I missed this post, thanks for linking it in the other thread in OOT. Felicia, short hair, no hair, or long hair I think you're one hot mama. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
LOL, you guys are too funny (and nice). I was really posting it to try to help people, truly. I think I helped a few, or at least got them talking and not so self conscious.

I hope.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[thatpfunk]

[ QUOTE ]
Good post. You'd think that there would be less self consciousness today what with short hair styles and shaved heads being in vogue. I'm sure this is much harder for women though.

For the guys: GQ ran an article last month about how to wear you hair based on your pattern of hair loss. For instance if your receding at the temples ala Kevin Spacey, keep you hair about 1.5 inches. Shorter for different areas and situations. Might be worth a look.

[/ QUOTE ]

anyone have a link to this or know the issue? my feeble search attempts have come up short.

[CharlieDontSurf]

http://www.baldrus.com/images/natalie.jpg

[FeliciaLee]

Thank you!

Jeez, I have posted more in the past two days than I have in the past year, it seems like!

[ QUOTE ]
My family (mostly women) are extremely judgemental about hair. If you've got b00bs, you have to have long, flowing, blonde hair. I finally found a good stylist though, and experiment far more with my hair now than I used to. Hair is still serious business to my family, though! Today, I have 'boy' hair in the back and I know that later, when I see my mother, she will probably make some comment about it. She'll tell my aunts, cousins and grandmother about it, and there will be no appreciation that it looks better on me as a 5 foot tall petite girl than face covering, shapeless hair.


[/ QUOTE ]
This kind of family peer pressure really bothers me. My family tried to force me into that lifestyle, and I balked. I left the town and the state. I absolutely refuse to engage when they attempt that BS and state that they will be without my presence if they don't let me live my own life, and be who I want to be. It has sort of made me somewhat of a black sheep, but I am also very respected and my family does not cross inappropriate lines anymore with me.

[ QUOTE ]
Thank you for posting this. For what it's worth, I loved the Susan Powter blonde spike look you had going for a bit there. It's beautiful and looks very empowering and therefore sexy.


[/ QUOTE ]
You're welcome, and I hope you got something out of it.

As far as the Susan Powter look, people seemed to love that on me. Go figure. I just bleached it white to hide the gray, lol. But that look has passed. I have some kind of spot on my lung (not cancer) which makes it impossible to bleach my hair anymore (can't breathe!!!). Maybe I will get better, but I don't want the spot to turn to cancer just for vanities sake, yanno!

I have some temporary color, but it won't go white, that is for sure.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Ray Zee]

i think you look the same as with more hair. just less hair. very pretty.

but we all have to remember that what our skin delivers to us is what we have to live with and so who cares. its never looks, its really the person inside. i say to hell with anyone that judges anything by looks.

[samjjones]

I'm definitely in the minority, but I really dig short hair on women.

[Arnfinn Madsen]

I think that if you in any way look different from the ideal/norm, if you carry it with pride you can actually gain some charisma from this. There is nobody that isn't charmed by the old proud smiling farm woman with wrinkles, missing teeth and a bad leg. It is very relieving and satisfying for everybody to meet and talk with people who do not pretend that they are perfect. I have been in many tough discussions and negotiations both privately and professionally and one thing is definately certain, if you appear perfect you get nowhere. It is your "defects" that give you character, and the more you have the less threatened people around you feel by you, and thus more ready to interact with you in an open, meaningful way. So in human interaction the positives from your baldness probably outweigh the negatives, so your life quality may very well improve.

[punkass]

Felicia,

I repeat the sentiments in this thread. You are a truly beautiful person in and out. Your strength is an inspiration, your kindness is soothing, your beauty is obvious, and your poker playing skills are to be admired.

I still remember years ago when we'd kill the $20 sngs. That was fun.

I hope you are enjoying your time in the dry west coast.

[FeliciaLee]

Aw, you guys are so sweet. I really have no problem whatsoever with my own head (at least it's not bumpy, lol). I was writing more to try to help others who have problems with balding and self-confidence.

But I really appreciate all of the sentiment.

Yes, I remember when Dave, Jason, you and I would sit in empty rooms and chat, the play those SNG's. I remember you were the first one to attempt the $50, and we were all in awe, lol /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Those were great times.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[somapopper]

Great post. I'm 25 and as a balding young man just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

I started balding around 18. I started balding on top rather than having a receeding hairline. I alternate between being jealous of receeding hairline folks (doesn't it always look better when it's not happening to you?) and thinking that's silly.

Anyway, I didn't really care at 18 much. One notable exception was when I saw a girl that I had had feelings for and she said "wow you're really losing your hair," or something to that effect. But for the most part I was OK with it until about the senior year of college, when the bald spot had become quite large and my hair started thinning in the front as well.

At this point it seemed noticable to me. Most of the time I didn't care, but if I was feeling especially blue or sorry for myself there was that needling voice of insecurity that would shout at me "and you're bald!" I started wearing ballcaps a lot.

Unfortunately that's more or less where I'm at now, mostly minus the ballcap. About 80% of the time I can say that it's just a natural aspect of my life and if a girl finds me otherwise attractive, if having a little less hair is a deal-breaker she's not somebody I want to be involved with anyway.

The other 20% though, that's when I think it's all so terribly unfair to go bald so young (I'm sure this feeling is much worse for women) and that no one can truly be attracted to me. It's utter nonsense of course. I know that it's utter nonsense. But I suppose an idea that we know to be untrue can have a powerful hold on us if it's an idea capable of exploiting our worst feelings about ourselves.

I've considered drugs. Surgery is definately too much for me, financially, physically and emotionally. I don't like that the drugs are a lifelong commitment and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to not "be balding/ bald" in other peoples eyes, even with best case scenario results.

I'm also somewhat wary (and weary) of the self-improvment culture that we live in. Being presentable is one thing, but I'm simply not devilishly handsome and I think that's more a matter of genetics than anything else.

Some amount of concern about our appearance is probably a good thing, but as you're transitioning into the realm of things that can't be changed through a healthy lifestyle, I'm pretty sure that the reason we have these insecurities is because somewhere, down the line, it sells widgets. To the extent that I'm in any way capable of not being part of that, I don't want to be part of that.

[Scotch78]

Somapopper,

Bic it.

Scott

[somapopper]

[ QUOTE ]
Somapopper,

Bic it.

Scott

[/ QUOTE ]

Scotch, I've thought about it. Got a haircut today and got the usual which is about an inch on top, quarter inch on the sides.

I sort of squinted at myself while I was getting the cut and tried to imagine what I'd look like with a bald head. I don't think it'd look very flattering. My main problem is that I have a naturally very light complexion (with black hair) and I don't tan easily. I feel that the darker you are, the better the bald look is for you. Agree, disagree?

Part of the argument that people offer for just shaving is that its an acceptance of the hair loss. I'm all for that, but it's not like I'm really hiding anything with my current hair cut.

[dogsballs]

[ QUOTE ]

I sort of squinted at myself while I was getting the cut and tried to imagine what I'd look like with a bald head. I don't think it'd look very flattering. My main problem is that I have a naturally very light complexion (with black hair) and I don't tan easily. I feel that the darker you are, the better the bald look is for you. Agree, disagree?

[/ QUOTE ]


nah. I'm a pasty white scot living among young tanned surfer dudes & I look way better buzzed (not better than the surfers /images/graemlins/tongue.gif ... just better than me w longer hair) . I gotta big head too.

I'm now 41 and been slowly receding since about 20. It would concern me, but then I buzzed it several yrs ago and never thought about it since.

If in doubt, buzz it!! Like others have said - you won't go back.

[darom03]

Those who use Propecia, have you had any side effects?