Relationship Problem I am having

[fish2plus2]

I met the most perfect girl in the world. She is perfect for me. I can see myself spending my life with her, having little babies, a couple of dogs, and a house by the sea. I can see all of that stuff. I can see us growing old together and attending our children's graduations and weddings. Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women, or to even think about forming a relationship with another women. She is the most perfect girl on the planet.

There is one problem: Every single time I leave the house, there are hundreds of girls who make eye contact with me long enough so that I know they are interested in me. Everything in my being desires these women too. I do not want to know their names. I do not want to even talk with them. I want their bodies. Absolutely nothing else.

As long as I am only having sex with one women, I will never be completely happy. However, having sex with tons of women, also will not make me happy, because I do desire to be in love with one girl and be in a loving relationship with her. Also, I cannot stomach the idea of being in an open relationship where she does stuff with other dudes.

So, what would make me completely happy is the following: If my girl would stay faithful to me, while allowing me to have sex with other women.

However, if my having sex with other women would also make her unhappy, then that would make me unhappy. So, she would have to not be unhappy with the fact that I have other women.

Thoughts, comments, opinions?

[XXXNoahXXX]

You have basically described the thought process of every guy that is in love.

"I am so in love with my girlfriend. Our sex life is amazing. I want to be with her forever. But I would also like to stick it in a few randoms every once in a while. I don't want to date anyone, and I view these women as masturbatory tools and objects for quick sexual gratification. of course if my girlfriend wants a different dick i would leave her for even thinking it. i want her to be completely monogamous, and i will be with my heart, spirit, and mind..but not my penis. "

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
So, what would make me completely happy is the following: If my girl would stay faithful to me, while allowing me to have sex with other women.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is an unrealistic expectation. I doubt you would be totally attracted to any women that would agree to these conditions.

I picture this scene at the KKF household:

KKF: "Honey, I am heading to work. See you tonight."
KKF wife: "Okay. Will you be home for dinner or will you be banging your receptionist? Just give me a call after lunch and let me know. Have a great day. I love you."

I'm nearly 40 and have been married for 15 years. Do I think about having sex with other women? Of course. I'm not dead. Do I act upon these thoughts? No, I love my wife and realize that random sex would be just a temporary fix in life. Plus the sex with my wife is still pretty good /images/graemlins/grin.gif

I really think that your issue is maturity. You still feel the need to "sow your wild oats". It sounds like settling down isn't something you desire or could handle right now.

Relationships are all about compromise. Sex is just one piece of the puzzle. At least you recognize what issues you have within your current relationship.

[BarryLyndon]

Why don't you try talking to some other women and seeing where it leads you. Seriously. If you find that you can't be friends with them (i.e., you can't control your sexual urges), then, well, maybe that says something about how much you want to be in a relationship.

It could help you out in that you may start to appreciate women (aside from your girlfriend) on a level different from when one walks into a strip club.

[SackUp]

Completely give yourself to your g/f and you will not feel the need to be so selfish. You need to move beyond physical love.

You may think you have, but I would disagree if your sexual desires are so strong. It is one thing to look at other girls and think they are attractive, but quite another to have the urge to have sex and willingness to act on this urge if your partner was okay with it. Don't get married until this urge is over as cheating is a horrid thing.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
You have basically described the thought process of every guy that is in love.

"I am so in love with my girlfriend. Our sex life is amazing. I want to be with her forever. But I would also like to stick it in a few randoms every once in a while. I don't want to date anyone, and I view these women as masturbatory tools and objects for quick sexual gratification. of course if my girlfriend wants a different dick i would leave her for even thinking it. i want her to be completely monogamous, and i will be with my heart, spirit, and mind..but not my penis. "

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah that about sums it up perfectly for me.

Which is prolly why im not married. That stupid romantic part of me (which is prolly a product of crappy movies and greeting card commercials) is waiting for some girl who ill be so in love with that all those urges are magically taken away. I mean I must still have them cuz Im not with "the one".

But now I think that no matter who I was with, id still have them, so if I wait for some chick to take that all away ill be 90 and dead and still not married.

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]

But now I think that no matter who I was with, id still have them, so if I wait for some chick to take that all away ill be 90 and dead and still not married.

[/ QUOTE ]

Having the urge and acting on it are two entirely different things. I've yet to stop having urges, but I've never come close to acting on one.

Do you think that your GF/wife stops looking/lusting after men after she meets you? You better hope not or your sex life will suck.

You guys are young. Don't look too hard for love, when you find it, you will recognize it. I know it sounds like a greeting card, but it's the easiest way to describe what I mean.

[imitation]

KKF my friend married a Thai girl and told me about this similar problem when he was living over there. He basically said strap it down and learn to live with it.

My friends in China in long term relationships have all just decided to cheat and have mistresses.

There is definitely no easier answer to this especially in Asia the way it plays out for foreigners here.

[cbloom]

Just walk around and flirt with other girls, go home and think of them while you rail your GF. True love.

[Georgia Avenue]

fish2: Move to america where all the women are disgusting/not-attracted to you...Problem solved!

[Golden_Rhino]

Fish 2,

How old are you? I get the sense from your previous posts that you are fairly young. It's a dilemma that most guys face, but in the end you gotta suck it up and not act upon it. In my case, the constant wanting to be with other women subsided after 30. You really don't want to mess up a perfectly good relationship, and hurt someone you love, over a little tail.

[Banks2334]

KKF,
I'll assume this is for real, not another classic KKF troll post. You're young(20-21) right? Your scenario is usually what happens when you get into serious relationships at a young age. You should be out having fun, banging chicks and experiencing different people. But because you think you're in love and "she's the one", you get bogged down in a relationship. Fast forward 10 years and you wish you would have banged other chicks and you no longer think she's the one, so you end up banging your secretary or whomever.

[KJS]

What is your girl's take on fidelity? When I lived in Thailand I knew several guys with Thai gfs and many of the gf said they did not care if they had sex with other chicks, as long as they were safe and did not support them financially. I got the impression when I was there that in general fidelity was not as important as it is here. Sharing materially and emotionally was more frowned upon than getting busy with someone else.

KJS

[pokulator]

So, what would make me completely happy is the following: If my girl would stay faithful to me, while allowing me to have sex with other women.


[/ QUOTE ]

how do you know that this scenario will make you completely happy? i have doubts that in the long run such a one-sided deal would keep you happy. does she have any interest in other women?

[Scofield]

OP: I think your problem is a standard one for men. And most/many are able to put aside those urges for the one they love and perhaps you haven't met her yet. You're 21ish and the 'right one' might not be around for a couple more years.

[BarryLyndon]

[ QUOTE ]
fish2: Move to america where all the women are disgusting/not-attracted to you...Problem solved!

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point!

[octopi]

[ QUOTE ]
What is your girl's take on fidelity? When I lived in Thailand I knew several guys with Thai gfs and many of the gf said they did not care if they had sex with other chicks, as long as they were safe and did not support them financially. I got the impression when I was there that in general fidelity was not as important as it is here. Sharing materially and emotionally was more frowned upon than getting busy with someone else.

KJS

[/ QUOTE ]

Interesting, because I think most western women will not let their men sleep with other women because the fear of abandonment, emotional attachment or the possiblity of the other woman requesting financial help or some sort of support in that manner. (using the idea that sex leads to attachment leads to someone leaving you)

I know Thai women are more open to their men 'butterflying', but on the whole they share the same outlook at western women; it goes no further than the bed. They seem to be atleast more willing to accept someone trying it out, though.

Overall I think f2p2 might want to see if he's allowed to test the waters, the girl might be open to it. That being said, Thailand is kind of like being in a candy store for a man (from what I understand). And too much candy could make anyone tire and get sick of it.

[natedogg]

Unless you play for the NBA or something like that you can forget it. Most of us mortals have to decide for one or the other.

Chase a lot of girls you don't love , or be with one you love.

A woman who loves you won't put up with you chasing tail unless you are basically biggest alpha male on the planet.

Those guys have what is basically a harem and i've no doubt that's the way to go if you can pull it off. But again, I somehow doubt you are a professional athelete with millions of dollars and a body that makes women's brains melt in your presence. If you had those tools I'd say go for it.

natedogg

[limon]

my wife and i used to have 3somes all the time. she grew out of it...i didnt (but i still have my memories, my beautiful beautiful memories). it was fuqqing awesome. this is what you should try to do.

[RJT]

fish,

You are too late. Warren Beatty already co-wrote and starred in your story. The movie is called “Shampoo”. It might be a bit dated now, but it was good back when it came out. And Julie Christie is probably the best looking actress in the history of cinema (but that is topic for another discussion). Check it out if you haven’t already seen it.

RJT

[DeezNuts]

[ QUOTE ]
my wife and i used to have 3somes all the time. she grew out of it...i didnt (but i still have my memories, my beautiful beautiful memories). it was fuqqing awesome. this is what you should try to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Time to derail this trite thread. Trip report?

DN

[elwoodblues]

[ QUOTE ]
Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really, really strange.

[Golden_Rhino]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really, really strange.

[/ QUOTE ]

Meh, the longer I can go without conversing with women the better.

[Wetdog]

I think that you have a [censored] up idea about the relationship you would have with your mate. If your mate is not a complete partner in your life (and you in hers) and not your best friend that you can confide anything to (and she to you), you just want to possess something great. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you just want to rent or lease before you buy. Nothing wrong with that either.

[pete fabrizio]

[ QUOTE ]
I met the most perfect girl in the world. She is perfect for me. I can see myself spending my life with her, having little babies, a couple of dogs, and a house by the sea. I can see all of that stuff. I can see us growing old together and attending our children's graduations and weddings. Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women, or to even think about forming a relationship with another women. She is the most perfect girl on the planet.

There is one problem: Every single time I leave the house, there are hundreds of girls who make eye contact with me long enough so that I know they are interested in me. Everything in my being desires these women too. I do not want to know their names. I do not want to even talk with them. I want their bodies. Absolutely nothing else.

As long as I am only having sex with one women, I will never be completely happy. However, having sex with tons of women, also will not make me happy, because I do desire to be in love with one girl and be in a loving relationship with her. Also, I cannot stomach the idea of being in an open relationship where she does stuff with other dudes.

So, what would make me completely happy is the following: If my girl would stay faithful to me, while allowing me to have sex with other women.

However, if my having sex with other women would also make her unhappy, then that would make me unhappy. So, she would have to not be unhappy with the fact that I have other women.

Thoughts, comments, opinions?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a totally standard problem, and the solution is to have children. You won't have enough time or energy to lust after other women until the kids are in college, and by then you'll be old and your sex drive will be shot.

[cbloom]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really, really strange.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would you talk to women other than to bed them? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[Wetdog]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really, really strange.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would you talk to women other than to bed them? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

How do you get them to bed without an exchange of words?

===================================

Scene: Pickup Bar

cbloom: ungh guuuuuu
hottie: ooohhhhh uhh uhh [censored]

===============================

Is that how you kids do it now? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[TheWorstPlayer]

Grow up, you retard. This is called being a dog. Stop being a dog, pay attention to the woman you love and her alone, and eventually you will grow out of your immature longing for other women. If you need more advice, listen to Chris Rock's routine about 'recycling the puzzy': you have to choose between commitment and 'new puzzy'. It's hysterical. And so true.

[bonni]

I've been w/my bf for two years now, (yes I'm a girl) and I know what you're saying. Of course I think of other guys from time to time, and I bet my bf things of other girls, I don't care! It's normal. However, any time I've had the chance to do anything w/someone else I never did and it's because I love my bf was more than the desire to do this other person.... That said, if you can imagine yourself really cheating on her and not feel bad about it, then I say leave her and go have some fun.
-Bonni

[inside??]

Your going to end up like this:

http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/sounds/wedding_singer/wsinger28.mp3

[george w]

kkf,

blah, blah, blah. grow up.

[NajdorfDefense]

[ QUOTE ]
kkf,

blah, blah, blah. grow up.

[/ QUOTE ]

Fantasizing about other women is normal in a relationship.
Wanting to cheat on your gf/spouse with all of them is not.
If you truly desire the ability to have sex with any random woman who crosses your path, better find a partner who is 100% up for that...good luck!

[gumpzilla]

I think all the people telling you to grow up are kinda out of place. Sexual tastes and inclinations are going to vary hugely from person to person. The advice "ignore what you like sexually, suck it up" doesn't seem real productive. I have a friend who's been dating a girl for about three years, and while he obviously likes her quite a bit it really seems to be killing him that he's not out there banging random chicks anymore. He doesn't seem particularly happy, and while I think this is only a symptom, he's the kind of person I can't really see in a long term monogamous relationship very well. I don't think it's just a matter of growing out of it.

It is true that as you get older, you'll likely place less importance on boning random women. But, then again, you may not. Decide how important the sex is to you, and be honest with yourself and your partner. Trying to deny things like this just seems likely to cause more trouble in the long run.

[Shenlong]

[ QUOTE ]
Grow up, you retard. This is called being a dog. Stop being a dog, pay attention to the woman you love and her alone, and eventually you will grow out of your immature longing for other women.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL at the idea of a guy ever growing out of wanting to bone other women. Everybody does, the people who really care about their SO just don't act on it.

[Howard Treesong]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Since being with her, I have no desire to have a conversation with another women

[/ QUOTE ]

That's really, really strange.

[/ QUOTE ]

Meh, the longer I can go without conversing with women the better.

[/ QUOTE ]

And you think Howard Treesong has problems?

[ratholeusoul]

Showing platonic interest in other women is natural and you should be worried if you didn't have that in you. However whether you choose to act upon them is a choice. If you want to do the hokey pokey - maybe you're not ready to get in a very serious relationship with this one girl and have kids and pets. But ask anybody - after fooling around and sleeping with the different girl every single night you will eventually reach a point where you will simply want a meaningful relationship with just one aplha female /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[fish2plus2]

Guys always talk about maturing and growing wiser as they age in relation to sex, but its probably just because your testosterone levels decreased. Also, your prospects are lowered. If a song you wrote just hit #1 on the Bill Boards chances are you might not be so mature or wise.

I really dont see where you are coming from when you make statements like "Im attracted to other girls but I dont want to sleep with them".

Do you know what the word "attracted" means? If means that you want to have sex with them. So you just said "I want to have sex with them but I dont want to have sex with them".

What you mean to say is that you accept the fact that you wont have sex with them. Deciding not to do something is not the same as not wanting to do something.

[fish2plus2]

BTW, I am not in anyway trying to rationalize cheating not being unethical or anything like that. I made this post mostly as a joke, and Noah hit the nail on the head.

[fish2plus2]

"Why don't you try talking to some other women and seeing where it leads you."

It leads me into their pants. Where else is it going to lead me?

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
Guys always talk about maturing and growing wiser as they age in relation to sex, but its probably just because your testosterone levels decreased. Also, your prospects are lowered. If a song you wrote just hit #1 on the Bill Boards chances are you might not be so mature or wise.

I really dont see where you are coming from when you make statements like "Im attracted to other girls but I dont want to sleep with them".

Do you know what the word "attracted" means? If means that you want to have sex with them. So you just said "I want to have sex with them but I dont want to have sex with them".

What you mean to say is that you accept the fact that you wont have sex with them. Deciding not to do something is not the same as not wanting to do something.

[/ QUOTE ]

I see plenty of attraction women who would meet my standard of beauty to bang. I don't follow through on it because I'd rather bang my wife and I possess a large measure of respect for her and the commitment we made together.


You want to find some justification to swing while your 'soulmate' stays at home. If you find a women willing to accept this, then good for you. Just recognize what you seek is not usually acceptable to most women who have any measure of self-respect.

I feel bad for you since your major life decisions seem to revolve around sex. Sex is a small part of what makes life worth living. There is a reason the phrase "thinking with your dick" is not a compliment.

[CrayZee]

I haven't read the other responses, but maybe you're just not really ready to settle down (i.e. too young).

Just because you bought the perfect car, in your eyes, it doesn't mean that looking in the showroom still isn't fun.

I guess when you are truly ready to settle down, you'll have to keep this in check...otherwise your relationships will be in constant turmoil from the womanizing.

Also, it takes two to make meaningful eye contact. You might be giving cues of your availability to the opposite sex.

[imthaifool]

What's wrong with wanting the situation kkf said also known as big pimping? Everyone is saying it's wrong but why? Nothing is inherently wrong with it. Monogamy isn't the only way to go. Just because that's what the majority is doing doesn't mean it has to be like that for everyone. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[jackflashdrive]

The solution to your dilemma -- the solution to the dilemma of so many men -- cries out from your post. Your girl cannot be upset about you doing things that bring you pleasure when she does not know about them.

The bottleneck will possibly be your conscience. Utilitarianism is IMHO the only reasonable ethical system, and it is quite posssible that having your cake and eating could have *higher* overall utility.

What I'm saying is step up, be a man, and do the right thing: F-k around on your lovely flower. Hell do you realize the extent to which turning a blind eye to male marital infidelity is incorporated into the very fabric off Japanese culture? I'd be somewhat surprised if things in Thailand were not similar (I'm talking here about the Japanese and possibily Thai business class).

[somapopper]

Wow. Tough.