How do I get out of this hole and get free from the parents?

[brokeandstuck]

Well, this is hard for me to write about and pretty embarassing, Im a longtime lurker and finally decided to make an account because the advice this forum gives is usually good.

Im a 21 year old senior in college. I dont enjoy my major and currently only have about a 2.7 so I won't get a good job (or probably any job for that matter) once I graduate. My parents currently pay my tuition (~5000/year), and its gonna take me another year after this spring to graduate. I also currently live in a condominium that they purchased, and do not own or have use of a car. I currently work about 15 hours a week in addition to being a full-time student.

I dabbed in online poker for a couple years now, low limits mostly, lost some, won some. I never had the discipline to play it for income, I was a winning player when playing my A game, but the swings put me on tilt and I would play over my roll repeatedly and play blackjack to try and get back to even when I went on a bad run.

Currently I am in debt about 1500 dollars. I make JUST enough from my 15 hr/week job to pay phone bill, electric bill, cable bill, and food for the month, but would not make enough if I had to also pay my parents rent or pay anything associated with a car or pay anything in leisurely things. My parents are threatening to cut me off totally because they recently discovered that I have been gambling.

I am in debt, have no car, no job prospects that pay well, being around the family and dealing with the stresses that they add to my life make me really depressed. I want to get out of this situation, but I dont know if I have the means to do it. Id estimate I need about 15,000 dollars in loans to get from today to graduation factoring in tuition and living expenses (obviously I would not still be living in this condo).

I think this decision would be easier if I knew what I wanted to do in life.

So my options are as follows:
1) Let it all out with the parents, get screamed at and treated like a 5 year old for another year and a half, hopefully graduate before I cave in to life (which will be terrible) ... and get the hell out of dodge. (Even if I do this, I will need a way to get some loans eventually, so go down to #2)

2) Find a way to get 15,000 dollars in student loans, move into a new place and graduate, hopefully finding a job afterwards, and basically ruining any future myself and my parents have together.

3) Drop out right now and join the military.

4) Kill myself (which at times doesnt seem too terribly bad)



No matter what I pick (besides #4) Im gonna need a way to get a longterm loan to get my life started, and I have no collateral. Any ideas on how to go about getting this money or life stories/YSSCKY posts would be appreciated.

[surfinillini]

I was in a similar boat as you...I graduated with a degree that doesn't do much in the real world and my only job prospect was becoming a pilot in the military, I read the contract and decided it was not in my best interest.

I moved back home after graduating (but not before dropping about 3K in vegas), and luckily fell into a sweet job with the government that paid 2x as much as my 4.0 accounting major buddies were making. Long story short, the job wasn't for me, too much sucking up to the higher ups, no benefits, no 401K, no vacation time, just an insanely high hourly rate...I resigned from the position but got another good job with an insurance company and have been doing as well as anyone else.

So...my point

1) Just put up with your parents, as much as you don't like them or want to deal with them, it is in your best interests financially and as far as life goes to maintain that relationship.

2) Things happen to just fall into place, don't worry...I've kept in touch with a handful of my 4.0 GPA college buddies who got their "dream" job offers straight out of college and are currently hating life due to job burnout/high workloads, etc...

3) Stay away from poker for a while, it's obviously not getting you anywhere, just concentrate on getting into the black and patch up things with your folks...you have the rest of your life for poker, no need to waste your relationship with them especially since you're not making enough to pay your expenses

[WhoIam]

I was in a similar situation and your only real solution is to kiss your parents' ass for the next year and a half. If your parents are middle class or better, you'll get little, if any, financial aid and won't be able to get a loan without one of them co-signing, which seems unlikely if they think you're a degenerate gambler. PM me if want more info or want to talk .

[surfinillini]

[ QUOTE ]
I was in a similar situation and your only real solution is to kiss your parents' ass for the next year and a half. If your parents are middle class or better, you'll get little, if any, financial aid and won't be able to get a loan without one of them co-signing, which seems unlikely if they think you're a degenerate gambler. PM me if want more info or want to talk .

[/ QUOTE ]

I wouldn't kiss ass, that would be a little transparent, just suck it up for the time being.

[Fryguy]

Don't let the GPA get you down so much. You'll get a job.

As for the living situation, why not try to work about 5-10 hours extra a week? Pick up an extra weekend shift or such? I personally didn't like working more than 20 hours a week when I was in school, which is why I quit my job when other opportunities came up a year ago (and now I lean on poker for the small amount of income I need), but if it's something you need to do, it's something you need to do.

An extra $50 a week can make a big difference, even if it's just for a couple of weeks to fund a .50/1 bankroll, which can snowball quite quickly if you are any good at poker.

[brokeandstuck]

[ QUOTE ]
Don't let the GPA get you down so much. You'll get a job.

As for the living situation, why not try to work about 5-10 hours extra a week? Pick up an extra weekend shift or such? I personally didn't like working more than 20 hours a week when I was in school, which is why I quit my job when other opportunities came up a year ago (and now I lean on poker for the small amount of income I need), but if it's something you need to do, it's something you need to do.

An extra $50 a week can make a big difference, even if it's just for a couple of weeks to fund a .50/1 bankroll, which can snowball quite quickly if you are any good at poker.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really dont want to play poker right now, I cant control my bankroll, poker eats into study time too much, it just isnt worth the payoff for my time at such low limits even if I could grind it out.

Thanks all for the kind words. I can see in hindsight that the obvious choice here is 1... I was just very upset when I wrote this and wasnt thinking clearly. Tomorrow I have to face them, show them all my bank statements and basically tell them that I flushed all my money ive gotten from working down the gambling toilet, and hope that they dont cut me off for good.

What is my play if they do decide theyre done with me?? Stopping from going to college this close to being done would be retarded, but I would need large amounts of loans for me to keep my head above water financially.

[WhoIam]

Your parents clearly love you because they're paying for college. As long as you're sincere, your "I [censored] up but I'm done with that" appeal is almost guaranteed to work. Like you said, you're almost done, it's not like you're a freshman who got addicted to heroin or anything.

[ QUOTE ]
Your parents clearly love you because they're paying for college. As long as you're sincere, your "I [censored] up but I'm done with that" appeal is almost guaranteed to work. Like you said, you're almost done, it's not like you're a freshman who got addicted to heroin or anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. The overwhelming majority of parents will let their kids slip up at least once and help get them back on their feet. Good luck.

[jskills]

Don't worry about GPA. It means nothing in terms of getting a job. You don't need to put your GPA on your resume. You WILL get a job if you bust your ass in trying. It's not always easy coming right out of college and getting a job, but once you get your first one, the rest of them (higher paying) are usually much easier to find once you have experience.

Like someone else said, put up with your parents. They don't sound so bad to me BTW - paying your tuition and your condo. You need them to help you get past graduation. You have the rest of your life to be free of them.

As far as poker, stay away for a little bit. If you want to play, maybe try playing some low buy-in SNG's. They're usually pretty easy, fun, and one can fill an hour's time without you risking very much at all.

And DO NOT join the military. That's a giant mistake. Unless you'd like to devote the next 8 years of your risking your life in Iran or Syria or wherever else our mighty Empire decides to invade.

Killing yourself? Come on now. Life could be SO much worse. Do you really feel you have nothing to live for? When you really examine what you have compared to the majority of the people in the world, you'll notice that you are wealthier than over 90% of the world's population and are fortunate enough to have both parents alive and caring about you. You're getting a college education, something a lot of people would kill for. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and don't set all kind of unrealistic goals to be disappointed with if they don't come true. Above all, just try to look for things to be happy about.

[Gildwulf]

I would sit down with your parents and let them know you appreciate all the help you have given them. Tell them they are right, that you should stop playing poker. Also tell them that distractions like poker AND a part-time job are making it difficult to attain a higher GPA.

It doesn't sound like you can juggle a job and school and do well so my suggestion is to make peace with your parents (read: do anything they say) for the next year and a half and try and get out of your part-time job and get your grades up. If they are willing to pay for it than you will have time to look for a job and go to school (so you won't have to spend that time living with your parents, etc). If they are skeptical, ask for a no-interest loan.

Once you show them they can trust you (i.e. you do well in school and don't gamble while you're in debt with a 2.7 GPA...wtf, even I am a bit sketched out by that) then hopefully they will get off your back.

As for your debt, see if you can get a no-interest loan from your parents once your grades are up and you are more focused on work/school and show them that you are really improving. It might mean being tied to them a little longer, but probably better in the long-run if you focus on finding a job/school now instead of working a crappy part-time job/breaking even at poker/getting your parents mad.

So I think you gotta give a little (focus more on school, look for jobs etc) to get a little (eventual long-term freedom).

[Bluffoon]

If you are a year away from graduation you could get a full time entry level job in your field and finish at night. Becoming self sufficient will boost your self esteem and your parents will respect you for it.

When you do graduate you will have the advantage of experience in your field to compensate for your poor grades. You can also improve your grades to show prospective employers that you have matured and are capable of top quality work.

If you don't like your field you can continue your education in a field you like better but in the meantime you will be supporting yourself.

Act like a man and your parants may treat you like one. (but dont count on it)

[onegymrat]

I don't know how or why you got into this situation, but I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than you have presented.

Do me a favor, put aside the fact that you are the author of this post for a minute. Think back to when you did not have money or GPA problems and your relationship with your folks was good, and pretend you're still that person. Are you there yet? Okay good. Now reread your post as that person and tell me what you think. Would you lend this person money? Would you hire this person as an employee? Would you trust him to pay rent knowing that his parents cut him off?

This reply is not to bring you down, but to help you realize your circumstance. #4 is absurd. #3 is good but only if you are a real patriot and always wanted to be in the armed forces, not to "get away" from your problems. Your only option is to stick it out, finish your degree with a passing GPA, and when you're finished, you can do whatever you want. Many things you have is a luxury, and you are sounding very ungrateful. As for poker, it'll always be there, but since the folks are picking up the tab, and you are almost finished, just bare it out. Having parents that actually give a hoot is a great asset, you will always have them to fall back on, even if they're a pain in the rear.

IMO, your folks would never cut you off. It's usually just a threat. Regardless, you have a good thing going, finish this small stage in your life, and then view your options. Once you have your diploma and hopefully a modest paying job, you can play poker all night if you want. You're only through about 1/4 of your life so far, pace yourself. Good luck.

[Nut4Dawgs]

I happened to notice this thread started 6 days ago. I wondered why there was no update. Genuine concern was expressed, honest suggestions were offered, but no concern, evidently, about "getting back" with any information.

I searched the OP's postings for the past 6 days. Now I don't know if I should be even more concerned about his mental condition/well-being or just write him off as really young and stupid.

/images/graemlins/confused.gif

[RydenStoompala]

[ QUOTE ]
just write him off as really young and stupid.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Brainwalter]

You could whore yourself out to a thousand fat chicks for 15 bucks apiece.

[surfinillini]

[ QUOTE ]
You could whore yourself out to a thousand fat chicks for 15 bucks apiece.

[/ QUOTE ]

as always brain, an excellent contribution

[Brainwalter]

Hey, fat chicks need love too.

[Nomad84]

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, fat chicks need love too.

[/ QUOTE ]


....but they've gotta pay!

[raptor517]

i dropped out of school to play poker and said screw u mom and dad i make more than you anyway. life is still [censored] sometimes. thats never gonna change. finish school, deal with yer parents since you have no money, then get a job to build a roll. will be much more content with life that way. when you get good enough and have enough roll, say screw you boss ima be a pro poker player then quit. easy game. holla

[scrapperdog]

I pick #3. Sound like you need to learn some dicipline. 2.7 GPA? If you are gonna half ass something why bother?