Having problems... please help...

[Jaguar101]

Hello,

I am having a hard time right now grasping life and was wondering if maybe SMP could help me think logically and not be depressed.

Growing up I was always a good kid, not many problems ofcourse I drank some but nothing big and I didn't do drugs. Didn't really worry about religion(though i didnt believe in christianity-- what everyone else believed in) or how people acted that much, was just being happy most of the time.

Came to a big university and drank all the time my freshman year. Things were great again. Then as time went on i started thinking about religion. How people could do one thing (commit adultery as an ex) and then go to church like nothing was wrong. You could be ask for forgiveness and you were ok for committing those sins, whereas I wasnt committing sins but I was still going to hell.
I really started to hate people and how clueless they are. EX: I am sure most men (me included) want to have sex with every hot girl on the planet. But then I am sure most men (me included) don't want their daughter to be used by a man like that. So why do one, if you dont want the same thing to happen to your daughter?

I won a $23,500 in a tourney a couple years ago and last year won the Region College Champ tourney for 1k (not good in the world finals). Since then I have lost all my money. I am about to graduate from the big university this semester (10 days) and have no money nor want to do anything in life. I hate working with people, have no motivation and hate having to act nice to ones i dont like. I get a rush out of playing poker but I can never stay within my limits and therefore broke as anything (not to mention sucking at sports betting). Basically, I am wondering what I can do to change my life and make it happy again. Everything is just a bore and find myself depressed day after day.

[Borodog]

Seek professional help.

[Phil153]

Life pretty simple when you're at this point...

Find something you enjoy doing, and start doing it. If you can't find anything then do something different every day. There's always something you haven't done, some girl you haven't asked, some movie you haven't seen, some friends you never made. Clubs you never went to. Places you never saw. Waves you never surfed. The very point of doing this stuff is that it doesn't matter.

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I am about to graduate from the big university this semester (10 days) and have no money nor want to do anything in life.

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Big changes in life [censored] with people's heads. You're about to go through one of the biggest changes ever in your life.

The best way to deal with change is preparation. You need to mentally run through what you plan to do, both in the big picture and the small details (such as where you're going to live). Then you're actively creating the vision in your head, rather than reacting to the world as it happens to you. It's the most exciting thing in the world to do this with your own life.

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I hate working with people, have no motivation and hate having to act nice to ones i dont like.

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Then don't act nice. Be an ass hole. People are more accommodating of your needs than you think.

[MaxWeiss]

It really is.

I've found the best way to deal with all that is to try and take a grander (bigger) view of everything. As an atheist for example, my three goals in life are to be happy, show the people I love that I love them, and to make a positive lasting contribution to the human race (and possibly the universe at large). Everything else is small stuff. (And I actually just ordered what looks like a cool book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... And it's All Small Stuff.")

Seriously though, find a purpose for yourself and then keep busy trying to pursue it. Also, I've found "gaming" to be very helpful in every area of my life. This is just because it has helped me socially and also confidence with women just makes a man feel good!

I went through exactly what you're going through and I'm sure many of us young-ins get that way at some point, just part of turning the clock one more notch. But anyway, to sum it up

1. Find a purpose.
2. More human interaction.
3. Follow your bliss, and even though fear is natural, don't let it stop you.
4. Write out your goals and dreams and write out the step-by-step things you need to do to achieve them. This makes them real and attainable.
5. I personally get a lot of motivation out of self help books and profiles/biographies of people I admire.

Good luck. Growing up's a bitch.

[Jaguar101]

Thank you for your posts phil and college kid it is much appreciated

[hmkpoker]

Poker has convinced legions of young people that there's something they can do that no one else can that's insanely lucrative, fun, doesn't require a boss or cooperation, offers infinite chances to move up, and it's easy street for the rest of your life. Once they find out that there's a catch after having committed to it emotionally, it's devastating because you have to face the sobering reality of the real world (which is actually not so bad).

[John21]

I agree with the comments HMK made about the allure of poker. I'd just add the excitement factor, which you kind of hinted at ("a rush") in your post. I can't remember who wrote it but someone mentioned in a poker book that no-limit is hours of boredom with a few moments of sheer terror mixed in. The 'real world' just doesn't work that way.

I was in the military for awhile, and it was basically long periods of boredom and training, mixed with moments of sheer terror. It's a difficult adjustment to make, the 'real world' just doesn't provide the same intensity. A higher purpose than self is one solution, having kids takes care of that one. Goals also help - the intensity isn't the same, but the satisfaction is.

I don't know if it's within the framework of your political/moral beliefs, but all those questions you have about purpose and meaning come to a screeching halt the moment you get off the bus for basic training. The purpose may be no more than following orders and the meaning no more than the life of the man next to you, but there's a big difference between having some purpose and meaning versus none at all.

Like I said, I don't know if the military is the right solution for you or not. But you don't necessarily need the military to live a soldier's life of purpose and meaning - just a cause.