Confidence issues

[miami32]

Okay this is an odd post. I am a 26 year old male. I would say I'm pretty good looking. Through out life I have dated some very attractive women, and one or two gorgeous girls.

Over the past two years I have played poker pretty much full time. Since then my social skills have gone pretty much into shell. I very much still think I'm a very funny charming guy. Yet I lack confidence and I couldn't even explain to you why. This past week I was at the Borgata for the WPT event and I ended up meeting up with this chick I know. We wemt out a couple times and things went great yet she was constantly on my mind. We did hook up, but I think it could have gone much better. If I would have felt more comfortable with myself.

It's strange, like I used to never concern myself with these things. I always assumed girls came a dime a dozen. I haven't been a serious relationship in say 6 months or so and since I've been playing I haven't exactly been the social butterfly.

The strange part is I try and relate this to poker. Like I feel like my confidence is down because I haven't met a hot chick recently and just slept with her. Hence a "big win."

I look back at my past and I realize that my main successes with women were mainly due to my confidence and the fact that I was very comfortable with myself.

Now I feel like I don't have that at all. I'm very unsure of myself. Do other people have these problems? I'm still the same guy on the outside, yet I'm having issues. Any suggestions on how I should deal with this?

I think I'm going to start working out full time again and eating better. I think that well help some. I have always felt the working out is a big step ladder to confidence.

Any other suggestions?

[Dan BRIGHT]

maybe scedual poker time and non-poker time

[pr0crast]

Start going to the gym and exercising daily. It doesn't matter if you get buff or anything actually changes in your strength or appearance, but something will chemically change in your brain and you will all of a sudden feel much more confident and driven. Exercise also cures depression.

[miami32]

maybe I am depressed. Geez.

[gamblore99]

sounds like you want/need more social interaction. I am sure that will help your confidence.

[Tommy Angelo]

"I think I'm going to start working out full time again and eating better. I think that well help some. I have always felt the working out is a big step ladder to confidence."


Some things to try out:

Try doing multiple moving things with your body throughout the day everyday rather than (or in addition to) exhausting workouts. Go on a directionless purposeless walk once per day. During the walk, put your thoughts aside long enough to listen to your body. When the thoughts return, nudge them aside again and pay attention to your legs or lungs again. Repeat and rinse eternally.

[_TKO_]

[ QUOTE ]
Go on a directionless purposeless walk once per day.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can say that I've done this and it feels great. I don't do it daily. I don't do it enough. I also do it more in the summertime.

[pr0crast]

yeah, there's some truth to the walking thing. every week or so i head down to the local humane society and spend a couple hours walking the up-for-adoption dogs. always feel great afterwards, because of the exercise and the "social" interaction with dogs. dogs are good listeners.

[ottsville]

Sometimes you just need to force yourself to do something different. Go out and do something social. Meet some new people. Learn something new. Procrast's idea of volunteering somewhere is a great idea - be social and help out at the same time. Tha should make you feel good about yourself!


I think self confidence tends to wane a little as you get older, more set in your ways, and expose yourself to new things/situations less often. I know the periods in my life where I've kind of "holed up" somewhere lowered my self confidence, but getting out, moving around, meeting new people, and challenging myself helps to bring it back.