pitr invades bbv

[ughaulkghalugh]

whats up guys

[Ribsauce]

in before Andre the bear (30 times)

[poisonxfree]

you donk.

[ QUOTE ]
in before Andre the bear (30 times)

[/ QUOTE ]

BUT STRAIGHTS LOSING TO SETS ARE BEATZ RITE GUYS?

rite?

[d-baggery]

Mike Jones is a stunt double for Shrek.

[ughaulkghalugh]

jcarver is an internet donkey he is scurred to post here

[Decks]

pitr 1 - 2p2 0

[T-God]

what is pitr what is going on who are you people get out of my house

[ughaulkghalugh]

1
1 1
1 2 1
1 3 3 1
1 4 6 4 1
1 5 10 10 5 1

this thread is now the property of my homie pascal


[15:31] <BigFatBonus> I also probably have the best bad beat story of the day... i'm holding 67s on the CO... raise it 4x get 2 callers... flop comes 345 rainbow... i bet big.. BB calls, other player folds... turn comes 3 i push he calls. turn comes 3 he flips over 9's... im still kinda ticked about that one 4 days later

shut up shut up shut up

[Andre The Bear]

WHAT THE [censored] IS WITH THESE [censored] PLAYERS

In MP with AKo, I make it 270 to go with 50-100 blinds and 2000ish stacks around the table. FOUR CALLERS. Flop is Axx. UTG minbets, I make it 400 to go, he calls (all else fold). Turn is inconsequential, I push him all in, he calls. He has A7.

River comes 7.

After that I'm pretty much out.

These [censored] moron players are double edged swords. They give me wonderful chips, and then they make stupid [censored] calls and get lucky.

______________________________________________
Good lord what in the [censored] hell just happened.

In a $2.50 SNG. Only a couple hands so far, still at 10-20 (800 starting stacks). I'm in C/O with 99. Raise to 110 after 2 limpers, those 2 limpers are the 2 callers.

Flop is 67J. One bets 20 (what), next calls, I call, very confused. Turn is an 8, check bet 20, I push (510) knowing neither of them has [censored] and that they're horrible players. I guessed right.

Then heres what happens: First guy folds, the next guy calls.

Q rivers.

What did idiot #2 have? Q4.

He called a 5.5xbb raise pf with it, for a 6th of this stack, called and ebt with it on a flop that did nto come close to hitting him, and went all in with it. And then won
_______________________________________


Too many fish, I just can't win at hold em /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ughaulkghalugh]

get a real job
poker players take the jobs mexicans dont want

[GrahamW]

Now we can see where Adar's true loyalty lies

[MD2020]

Scotsman's a fish. Pass it on.

[neverforgetlol]

what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what

[tomdemaine]

One hand washes the other.

The night owl hoots as the mouse scurrys silently.

Beware the sheep that bleats no longer.

[Georgia Avenue]

23.3. On-line backup and point-in-time recovery (PITR)

At all times, PostgreSQL maintains a write ahead log (WAL) in the pg_xlog/ subdirectory of the cluster's data directory. The log describes every change made to the database's data files. This log exists primarily for crash-safety purposes: if the system crashes, the database can be restored to consistency by "replaying" the log entries made since the last checkpoint. However, the existence of the log makes it possible to use a third strategy for backing up databases: we can combine a file-system-level backup with backup of the WAL files. If recovery is needed, we restore the backup and then replay from the backed-up WAL files to bring the backup up to current time. This approach is more complex to administer than either of the previous approaches, but it has some significant benefits:

*

We do not need a perfectly consistent backup as the starting point. Any internal inconsistency in the backup will be corrected by log replay (this is not significantly different from what happens during crash recovery). So we don't need file system snapshot capability, just tar or a similar archiving tool.
*

Since we can string together an indefinitely long sequence of WAL files for replay, continuous backup can be achieved simply by continuing to archive the WAL files. This is particularly valuable for large databases, where it may not be convenient to take a full backup frequently.
*

There is nothing that says we have to replay the WAL entries all the way to the end. We could stop the replay at any point and have a consistent snapshot of the database as it was at that time. Thus, this technique supports point-in-time recovery: it is possible to restore the database to its state at any time since your base backup was taken.
*

If we continuously feed the series of WAL files to another machine that has been loaded with the same base backup file, we have a "hot standby" system: at any point we can bring up the second machine and it will have a nearly-current copy of the database.

[tom10167]

Sdreamed luck, old-faced, maybe your cocaine years....

Trick Bird.

[Adjutor]

GUYS I DON'T THINK YOU "GET" BBV

GET OUT.

[yvesaint]

ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

[tongni]

[Man Narrating] Listen, here's the thing.
If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table,
then you are the sucker.
Guys around here'll tell ya... you play for a living.
It's like any other job. You don't gamble. You grind it out.
Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it.
Get your money in when you have the best of it, and protect it when you don't.
Don't give anything away.
That's how I've paid my way through half of law school.
A true grinder.
See, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I've learned this...
If you're too careful, your whole life can become a [censored]' grind.
This is Teddy KGB's place.
- [Man] Five hundred. - You won't find it in the Yellow Pages.
Nope. Not tonight.
No? What?
Give me three stacks of high society.
Thirty thousand. Count it.
- That's good. - So, you're sitting the apple.
- Good. Want a cookie? - No.
[Narrating] He doesn't look like much,
but KGB is connected all the way to the top of the Russian mob.
He's the one guy in the game you don't want to [censored] with.
But if you're looking for high stakes,
this is the only place in town.
They all know me as a small-timer, but that's about to change.
Joey Knish is a New York legend.
He's been a rounder, earning his living at cards...
since he was years old.
What are you, holdin' those for somebody?
Uh, yeah, I'm holding 'em for you.
- You should be. - [Chuckles]
'Cause I hope you're not thinking of putting all that glimmer in play.
[Narrating] He's as close to a friend as there is in this place.
- Come here. - [Narrator] But tonight, I don't want to see him.
Now, you don't wanna butt onions with these guys.
'Cause they'll chew you up, take your whole bankroll.
- So you say. - There's plenty of easy games.
We get outta here, get some coffee, ride over to that soft seat in Queens.
I know what I'm doing.
You're making a run at it, aren't you?
Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas.
I'm right, right?
- I can beat the game. - Maybe.
Maybe this is a game can be beat.
But you know you can beat the - at the Chesterfield and the Hi-Low...
at that goulash joint on th Street.
Okay. I understand.
I understand. Back to battle.
[Narrating] The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em.
Minimum buy-in $ .
A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos.
The stakes attract rich flounders,
and they in turn attract the sharks.
No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.
Each player is dealt two cards face down.
Five cards are then dealt face up across the middle.
These are community cards everyone can use to make the best five card hand.
The key to the game is playing the man, not the cards.
Bet an eight ball.
There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand.
A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt...
and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.
This is why the World Series of Poker is decided over a No-Limit Hold 'Em table.
Some people, pros even, won't play No-Limit.
They can't handle the swings.
But there are others, like Doyle Brunson,
who consider No-Limit the only pure game left.
Like Papa Wallenda said..."Life is on the wire. The rest is just waiting."
Pass it to you.
All right, I raise.
- I'm gonna raise five hundred. - [Man] Fold.
It's a position raise. I call it.
[Narrating] Here's the beauty of this game.
- Go ahead. - [Narrating] I just got top two pair on the flop,
and I want to keep him in the hand.
Against your average guy, I'd set a bear trap, hardly bet at all.
Let him walk into it. But KGB's too smart for that.
So, what I've got to do is over-bet the pot,
make it look like I'm trying to buy it.
- I bet $ . - Then he plays back at me, and I get paid off.
Call.
[Narrating] My guess is Teddy's on a flush draw.
Burn and turn.
[Narrating] There's my money card, nine of hearts.
I got a full house.
- To the bettor. - Check's good.
[Narrating] Now I hope a spade falls and Teddy makes his flush.
That way he'll bet strong, and I'll beat him with my nines full over aces.
I'm going to bet...
Bet...
$ .
Time.
[Narrating] I want him to think that I'm pondering a call,
but all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the [censored] Mirage.
All right, your plus I have another to raise you.
Um...
Yeah, I'm gonna go all in, 'cause I don't think you got the spades.
You are right. I don't have spades.
[Narrating] I know before the cards are even turned over.
Aces full, Mike.
Get up.
Come on. Come on.
- Want some? - No.
I'm down to the felt, Knish. I lost everything.
Man, I lost my case money. I lost my tuition.
It happens to everyone. Time to time, everyone goes bust.
You'll be back in the game before you know it.
I'm done. I'm out of it.
They all say that at first.
Hey, man, let me stake you. Standard deal, you know.
Fifty percent of your winnings. If you lose, it's on me.
I'd just throw it away.
- You still got the truck? - Sure.
Come on.
[Mike Narrating] You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short.
See, I had this picture in my head.
Me sitting at the big table, Doyle to my left,
Amarillo Slim to my right, playing in the World Series of Poker.
And I let that vision blind me at the table against KGB.
Now, the closest I get to Vegas is west New York,
driving this lousy route handed down from Knish...
to rounders who forget the cardinal [censored]' rule...
Always leave yourself outs.
- Hey, Moogie. - Let me ask you a question.
In a legal sense, can [censored]' Steinbrenner just move the Yankees?
Does he have the [censored]' right to just move them?
I don't know. How should I know that?
- You didn't learn that yet? - No, we get to Steinbrenner in the third year of law school.
Oh.
- Take care, man. - Yeah.
- [Chattering] - [Poker Chips Clattering]
[Mike Narrating] The judges' game.
I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school.
A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors and professors.
They all have money, and in my playing days...
it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors.
Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore.
One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense,
but they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle.
Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down.
Place had been open since .
Oh, Michael.
- You got some things for me? - Yes, I do.
Put 'em on the desk, it's all right.
Kid, he paying you for this late night [censored]?
Oh, well, knowledge is my reward, sir.
- [Chuckles] - Let me tell you, it ain't worth it.
Why don't you become a jockey, do something useful.
- [Group Laughs] - Kid's a little tall, isn't he, Gene?
Enough with the Belmont recruiting spiel. Your bet.
- All right. I call. - Michael is lead counsel...
in the Moot Court you're presiding over next week, Gene.
Besides, he could use the background if he's gonna...
clerk for one of you fellas this summer, right?
Abe, I thought you liked the kid. Why do you want to make him a civil servant?
Yeah, look... a word to the wise. Stay in the private sector.
That Nassau defense attorney's game? They use our chips for coasters.
[Mike Narrating] The amazing thing is, in this collection of great legal minds,
there isn't a single real card player.
- I call. - Raise.
Um, the professor raises.
Mike? [Whispers] Michael, I would have just called.
No, you're good.
All right, I call.
[Mike Narrating] I don't know if I'm going to bring my legal career to a crashing halt...
before it even starts, but I just can't help myself.
- Good. - I'm in.
- [Clears Throat] - Read 'em and weep.
Threes check.
Check to Martin and Lewis over there.
- Check to the raiser. - Czechoslovakia.
- What's the limit? - $ . Big bet's $ .
Okay. Good. There's $ .
You've seen half a hand. How the [censored] are you betting into us?
You sure this is wise, Abe? It's your money the kid's bettin' with.
It's plenty wise. We know what we're holding, and we know what you're holding.
[Chuckles] The [censored] you know what we all got.
Summer clerkship in your office says I know what you're holding.
I don't bet with jobs like that.
Let's just say I'll put you at the top of the list if you're right.
Okay. [Clears Throat] Well, you were looking for that third three,
but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street,
and now you're representing that you have it.
The D.A. made his two pair, but he knows they're no good.
Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush, but he came up short,
and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are gonna stand up.
So, like I said, the Dean's bet is $ .
- Well, kiss my ass. - Kiss my ass.
[Group Laughs]
- What'd you have, Abe? - Nothin' but a busted straight.
- Oh, come on. - It's good enough to win. Take it down.
All right, kid, your first assignment. Pull up a seat next to me.
Oh, I'd like to. I can't, I can't. I don't play cards.
- Get outta here! - See you tomorrow.
- Whose deal? - My deal.
- I like the kid, Abe. - Good kid.
Smart kid.
[Mike Narrating] I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game.
An open invitation to lay with those lambs.
But I'm retired.
The truth is, I can always find games, though.
Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games.
I can turn this truck onto the Jersey Turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours.
But I've made promises.
I'm just a law student now.
Hello?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd it go? - Oh, great.
[Sighs] I am sick of that [censored] route.
Don't worry. A few more semesters...
Mmm.
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'm really late. - Oh, just stay here. I'll be really quick.
- You won't feel a thing. [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
We both know that's not true.
Besides, you should get some sleep.
These [censored]' long nights are killing me.
They never used to.
Yeah, well, that's different. I mean, that was like...
buy in at : next thing you know it's morning.
But hey, you know, I think I'm hooked up for this summer.
Hooked up how?
Well, after I left you last night at the library, I impressed Judge Marinacci.
I think I might be in line for a clerkship.
Tell me more.
Well, those guys were all playing cards, and...
Just hear me out now, hear me out.
They were playing cards and I read his hand blind.
So, instead of coming home, you went and played cards with some judge?
No, I wasn't even playing. They were playing.
I just caught his eye by reading his hand, that's all.
I mean, as long as I don't [censored] up Moot Court, I think the job's mine.
What kind of job is that gonna be, Mike?
Writing an opinion on high-stakes poker?
Honey, you're the one who told me...
that I should use my poker skills in the courtroom.
Yeah, I know I said that, but...
You know what I meant. I meant that you should use your head.
You know, the way you calculate odds on the spot, the way you read people.
That's what I meant. I didn't mean that you should try to con your way into a summer job.
- Honey, con? I was networking. - [Laughs] Oh, God.
Networking. Are you trying to con me now?
No.
I just... I don't think you get it.
You'll be just like one of those ex-college athletes.
You know, great job at the D.A. 's office as long as...
they never miss a lawyer's league game.
It's true. I just think if you get in this way,
you'll always be a hustler to them.
Baby, I didn't even play.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh.
- Hey, hon, can I take the Jeep tomorrow? - Yeah, where?
Uh, Worm's gettin' out. I was gonna pick him up.
Tomorrow. Beautiful.
I promised I'd be there, hon.
Worm. I just can't believe you still know someone called "Worm."
He's like my brother.
[censored]. I didn't even play.
[Mike Narrating] I met Worm at Dwight Inglewood Preparatory Academy over in Jersey.
We were the only two kids attending who didn't have a trust fund.
My father's office was there. It said "Custodian" on the door.
That's why they took me.
- [Makes Buzzer Sound] - Pow!
W-Was that, like, your strong finish or something?
- [censored]! - You leave me no choice, the way you play.
That's the fourth time you done played that bitch of spades on my ass.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dowling had it three hands ago, and two hands ago I got the black Maria,
so I don't want to hear you bitchin', okay?
- Yeah, but he shot the moon on that hand, didn't he? - Yeah, I saw that.
- So it helped you. - Now... Okay, you're right.
You ain't walking outta here with our grits, Worm.
You know the drill, okay? I'm not gonna smoke 'em. I'll hold on to 'em.
if you want 'em back, you can trade me for 'em, or try to play double or nothing tomorrow.
Murphy! What the hell you sittin' there for? You're processed. Come on.
Processed? This [censored]'s gettin' the jump.
Come on, man, have some decency here, Worm.
You can buy all the smokes you want in half an hour.
- What are you talking about? I won these fair and square. - You don't even smoke, Worm.
Jesus, you guys are such [censored]' babies. You know that?
If you're determined to die of cancer, you really oughta learn how to play cards.
Ain't a good idea to add insult to injury, yo.
- That [censored] will come back and hurt you. - You know what?
Not in this lifetime. Enjoy your time.
Murphy.
[Mike Narrating] Worm's dad did the grounds, when he wasn't too [censored]' drunk.
That's when we did 'em.
Of course, the grounds weren't all we did.
Worm put us into a scam a day on all the young aristocrats we went to school with...
selling 'em dime bags of oregano, nunchakus and firecrackers from Chinatown.
- Where's the rest? - Kept us in lunch money.
- Thank you. - Until the time we went for...
more than just pocket change and got caught.
We had the starting five take a dive against Friends Academy.
The point guard snapped and gave Worm up.
They hauled him up before the school board, offered him a deal.
Tell us who else was involved, and we'll go easy on you.
Worm didn't say a [censored]' word. Got himself expelled.
- I stayed in school and graduated. - [Guard] Crank the outside.
[Bell Rings]
Not many guys would stand up for a friend like that.
- Ta-da! - [Both Laugh]
- Mike McD. God. I knew you'd be here. - Aw, man.
- You never let me down. - I would have been there every week if you let me, man.
I know, I know. I couldn't let you see me in this [censored] hole.
- Look at you. You look great, man. - You too, you too.
- Did they toughen you up in there? - No, no.
It was a piece of cake. Piece of cake.
Man, look at your ride. You've been prospering while I've been away.
- What have you been up to? - I borrowed it.
Whatever. Just get in it and drive me far away from here.
There's like two whole economies in there... there's cash and there's trade.
So I gotta keep three games going at once, all right?
A game with the white guys, a game with the brothers, and a game with the guards.
And the trick is, I gotta take enough cash off the white guys...
to lose it to the guards so that they keep doing me favors and [censored],
but I gotta trim enough smokes off the black guys that I can trade and keep myself...
in the style that I've grown accustomed to, and all of this without getting my ass kicked.
So you're working with a partner?
No. Who the hell am I gonna trust in there?
- It's just me all alone. - What's this? Come here.
- You like that? Isn't that beautiful? - What is that?
It's like an ace up my sleeve. What else?
Wait till I show you some of my chops, man. I've gotten pretty blinding.
- It's like, it's like, you know... - All right.
It's gonna blow your mind, blow your mind.
You been working? Is your game sharp?
No, man, I'm off it.
What, are you... you gettin' cold cards?
No, man, I mean I quit.
- [Laughs] What, are you [censored] me? - No, man, l...
- I got cleaned out. - Mike McD? You lost?
Yeah, man, l... It was a real blood game over at KGB's place.
You sat down with the Mad Russian and he emptied your pockets?
Yeah. I didn't want to tell you while you were in there.
I didn't want to dispirit you like that.
Jesus, what were you thinking? So, you're just a student now?
- What are you doing for money? - I'm driving Knish's truck.
Oh, God, you're killin' me. Mike, Mike, we gotta get you back on the game.
- The old partners here, we're gonna run like... - No, no, no, I'm off it.
I mean, I really am. Done.
You are, huh? All right. I know a game perfect for the two of us.
It's a berry patch right outside New York City... prime pickings.
- I'll drop you... I'll drop you off. - Okay.
- I mean it. No, I'm really off it. - I know, I know.
This is it, this is it.
So get this, here's the plan. I know this girl Barbara.
She's [censored]' hot. I was this close to bangin' her when they sent me away.
She works as a hostess for all these [censored]' trust fund babies in here.
She got me into their little game.
She introduced me as her cousin from out of town who loves to gamble but wants to learn poker.
That sounds solid. That's a nice hookup.
It's all the way nice. There's only one problem. I got this feeling.
- What feeling is that, exactly? - You know this feeling very well.
- You know, when you got your table all set. - Uh-huh.
- Knife, fork, sauce, A- Luger's, but... - Yeah.
- You just don't have the stake. - Exactly. Glad you understand.
A nickel would start me very nicely.
Whoa, Jesus, what have you been livin' on?
I'm livin' a little light, I told you.
- Anyway, that's $ so that'll get you started. - $ I mean...
Hey, thanks, but I mean, that's, like, bets.
I mean, I can't even get a table on this...
Good, so forget this game. I'll straighten you out in the city tomorrow.
No way. I gotta get started. [Chuckles]
I mean, I'm already behind here.
You just got out. What's the big [censored]' hurry?
The hurry is, other than you, my friend, there's about five guys,
like, eagerly awaiting my release.
- How much do you owe? - Like, ten.
- Ten? - I can't even figure it with the juice.
Hey, look, I can get started on this easy if it's you and me working together.
I heard you asking before, and I hear you asking now, but I can't do that.
I just can't do that. I've made promises.
Hey, you know what? What am I saying? I totally understand, I do.
It's fine. I'll make a couple of moves earlier than I would have normally...
- But thanks, I appreciate it. - Premium hands.
- I'll catch you in the city tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hey, Mike, man. [censored]' great to see ya.
You too.
[Mike Narrating] In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said,
"Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems,
"but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy...
the outstanding tough beats of his career."
Seems true to me. 'Cause walking in here,
I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll,
but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Mike.
- Hi. - Barbara. Worm said you'd be running a little late.
Just follow me.
I probably won't even sit. You know, just kinda keep him company.
No, no, that's not gonna work.
Here's the play... you're my new boyfriend, you're looking for a regular game.
Really? Well, I'm not much of a card player.
[censored]. Worm tells me that's precisely what you are.
My cut is per cent.
- I see. - Good. Come on.
Gentlemen.
- This is my boyfriend Michael. - [Group] Hello, Michael.
[Barbara] Be nice to him.
- Leave him enough money to buy me breakfast. - [Laughter]
- Good luck. - Thanks, sweetie.
Here, why don't you pull up a chair.
- Okay, this one's Chicago. - You know Chicago?
- Uh, remind me. - Stud game.
High spade in the hole wins half the pot.
Okay, well, deal me in, I guess.
- That's you. - Oh, thanks.
Okay.
- That's two on you, Murph. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- I'm in. - I'm gonna make it five.
Hey, big spender.
[Mike Narrating] Worm and I fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe.
We bring out all the old school tricks, stuff that would never play in the city...
signalling, chip placing, trapping.
- We even run the old best hand play. - Raise.
I can probably crack the game just as quickly straight up,
but there's no risk in this room.
Now, some people might look down on Worm's mechanics, call it immoral.
But as Canada Bill Jones said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."
Like they teach you in One-L...
caveat emptor, pal.
- I got the boat, queens over. - [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] He asked you if that stung, Birch.
[Mike Narrating] Worm really has become an artist, too.
Discard culls, pickup culls, overhand run ups, the Double Duke...
His technique is flawless. But his judgment is a little off.
A few times, I have to fold the case on him, just so it won't be obvious.
Still, he plays the part of the loser to perfection.
Flush.
I got the full house. I got the queens over the aces.
Ahh, [censored]! You know what?
- [censored] you and your never-ending string of boats, okay? - Hey.
Well, my Uncle Les says when the money's gone, it's time to move on,
so enjoy it, you secret handshaking [censored].
Murph! Hey, come back any time. Your money's always good here.
- [Door Closes] - Good night, Mike. See you next time.
You guys, uh, wanna keep playing?
How'd we do? Oh, beautiful.
[censored]' [censored], they deserved it.
All right, $ that's your cut.
- Thank you very much, boys. - Hey, you were great. Great.
- When can we do this again? - No, no, it was a one-time thing for me.
- Just because. - Forget it.
- Uh, two weeks. - Two weeks? Okay. Okay.
- Hey, thanks a lot. Yeah. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I had to try, right?
Bye.
Hey, how'd you know I was coming back?
That's easy. Who's your favorite actor?
Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name.
He always doubles back for a friend.
[Worm] Hey, we made good time. Wanna get breakfast?
[Mike] No, I gotta get home. If she hasn't already changed the locks on me.
Just do me a favor. Give me five minutes.
Get me straightened out.
This may not look like Teddy's place, but it ain't the Ivy Leagues either.
So don't [censored] around. You gotta play on your belly.
All right. No problem.
Hey, you know I have no problem with the way you help yourself,
but these guys are fast company.
- They'll spot every move. - Tough customers, huh?
- Yeah. I'm serious. - All right.
- You won't just get a finger up your spine. - Okay, I hear ya.
- I'm playing straight. - [Buzzes]
Michael McDermott.
- How you doin', Mikey? - Good, how you doin'?
Good. You know, um,
the computer tried to delete you last week.
- Oh, yeah? - But I knew you'd be back.
Oh, no, I'm not back, I just...
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Um, this is Les Murphy. He's like my brother.
Call me Worm.
- [Phone Rings] - Hey. Don't wiggle away.
Hey, what's she wearing the button for?
They're wired right into the precinct. They got 'em on the payroll.
- What are they playing? - Uh, - forced rotation.
It's the only game going right now.
Is that Fat Greggie sitting - ? The game's that soft?
Yeah. It's a real live game. So, you guys gonna play?
- No. - Hell, yeah, I'm gonna play.
- Oh, come on, you're not gonna walk away from this. - Not gonna happen.
Mike, we could cut this room up in an hour.
All right, run along, then. Say hi to her for me.
- Me, too. - I will. Take care of him.
Jesus. What a [censored]' waste.
Do you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.
- That's not so bad, is it? - Depends on the grip.
- Come on, give me $ . - On the finger?
You heard Mike. He's good for it. Come on.
Look, I'm gonna triple that in half an hour, princess. Let's go.
Okay.
[Keys Jingling, Door Opening]
Hey.
Reunion run a little late?
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake you up.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
Well, why don't you change and we'll get a cab.
Um, why don't you just go ahead, and I'm gonna jump in the shower.
And if I miss a little bit of the Mulligan meeting, just cover for me, all right?
Hey.
At least give me a story. You know, I mean...
I mean, tell me you were out drinking till you threw up.
Tell me you were getting lap dances over at Scores.
- I don't care, just give me something. - I was entertaining Worm.
- Uh-huh. - The least I can do for the guy.
- So, you were nowhere near a card game. - Sweetie.
What? I'm asking you a question.
- I'm just... - No. I was nowhere near a card game.
All right?
All right. I'll wait for you.
I mean, the key is a seamless passing of the baton among the team.
I think the most important thing is to be respectful to the judges but not obsequious.
Now, wait a minute. Make sure to be deferential.
Gene Marinacci won't buy deferential.
Oh, it's Gene, is it?
Well, I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel,
and it's got nothing to do with your punctuality.
Sorry. I couldn't find a cab.
Anyway, when you make the opening remarks, make sure you stick to the fact pattern.
And use the right cites. Use book cites, not Lexis.
Hi, Jo.
- Long time. - Knish. How are you?
The same.
I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen,
but l, uh, I need a word.
- Um... - It's important.
Okay. Excuse me.
Sorry.
- I'll act as lead counsel. - It's all right, Kelly.
We were gonna take a break anyway.
Coffee time.
The guy's a cheat. He always has been.
Right now, he's over at Chesterfield's, ruining your reputation...
with every lousy second he deals.
[censored]. I told him. Did anybody else see him?
Nobody saw... I heard it. Snapping sound gave it away.
I didn't know him, I might not have noticed.
I turn around, and I see him with the mechanic's grip, I know.
- You want one? - Did you give him the office?
I tried to warn him, but he looked right through me.
- All right, I'll go get him. - No, no, no. He's okay now.
Most of those Georges are at the tail end of a -hour session.
They can't see straight. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
But if he's still there when Roman and Maurice start their game,
he's gonna wish he was still inside.
I'm gonna go get him.
[Mike Narrating] Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time,
held to his father's maxim...
"You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once."
Gotta bet my jacks.
This is a lesson Worm's never bothered to learn.
- [Speaking Russian] - Hey, guys.
English only at the table, no Russian.
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
If you want to see this seventh card, you're gonna stop speaking [censored]' Sputnik.
- Oh, da, [censored]. - You're worried we might work together.
I'm sure you're just talking about perogies...
and snow and [censored], but let's cut it out, all right?
There's the river, down and dirty.
I think you got that ace, Roman, but I'm gonna pay for it.
Okay, well, I got the jacks. Come on.
- Ace. - Oh, you got it. - And six.
Wow, two pair. But I got sevens, too, though.
- With my jacks. - [censored], slow rolling me like that.
You said just jacks.
But you made me for the sevens, Maurice. You're a player.
- [censored]! - Hey, come on! Don't be a [censored]' baby.
- Hey, Maurice. - [Together] Hey.
Hey, Mike, you here to play? Come on, we need some new blood.
They're putting a [censored] bracelet on me tomorrow for four months.
- I already stuck two racks. - Well, have a good rest, man.
Can I talk to you for a second, Cosmonaut?
No, man, I'm on a roll. This is a very emotional game.
Gotta do it.
- [Speaking In Russian] - I counted these.
Leave it. It's fine.
[Speaking In Russian]
- What's going on? - Where are you at?
I was pumped up eight G's. I was ready to go on a run when you came along.
- All right, listen. - Hey, wait, I want a hot dog.
You're in town for five [censored]' minutes, you already got a sign on your back.
Oh, what, that [censored]' Knish rat me out?
You gotta stop listening to that guy, man.
He sees all the angles, but he doesn't have the balls to play one.
Hey, that guy hasn't had to work in years, Worm.
You don't think that's work, what he does?
Grinding it out on his [censored]' leather ass? No, thank you.
I thought so, too, all right? Now I know what real work is.
Speaking of which, are you even gonna get a job?
Or are you just gonna go back to printing those credit cards?
- Huh? You gonna go away again? - I wasn't printing.
I was distributing. Distributing. It's different, okay?
Second of all, I'm never going back there.
Stop worrying so much, okay?
Come here.
I just want you to think long term, all right? Be smart.
Every place in Manhattan, they all keep books, all right?
If you get listed as a mechanic, then not only are you gonna get the [censored] kicked out of you,
you're not gonna get a [censored]' game anywhere in New York.
It's stupid. It's just bad business.
Look, this is what I love about you... you think about the big picture.
That's great, okay? But it's not me.
I don't play the game straight up, and then if I lose,
go get some real work or something, okay?
I see a mark, I take him down.
That's what I do. That's the way I live.
I know. Listen, you're the guy who taught me all the angles.
- But I'm not the guy with my nose open right now. - Aw, come on.
I'm not gonna preach to you, but those two guys in there, they're not rabbits.
Roman and Maurice? They're Russian outfit guys.
Not as bad as KGB, but you don't want to be [censored]' with those guys.
With those fake Versace shirts and [censored]? Jesus.
Look, you still got time. Just go back in there, right?
Lose their [censored]' money back to 'em, all right?
Just make it look good. Just catch a run of real [censored] cards.
- Give it back to 'em. - I can't. I can't.
I gotta put some scratch together, man. I gotta get somethin' going.
Then go out to suburbia, man. Play in a [censored]' dentist's game, okay?
- Go to Swan Meadow, play in the golf pro game. - That's an idea.
I'll definitely do that, but I can't dump to these guys.
You got to.
All right, whatever, whatever.
Meet me at Stromboli's in half an hour, all right?
I can't, I gotta go. I have a meeting.
And then I gotta go to [censored]' Queens. I gotta load the truck.
Jesus, man, you're such a [censored]' workin' man now. I'm never gonna see you.
- Make it look good. I mean it, make it look good. - You know me.
- So, how'd you do? - Ah, so-so.
Six thousand, two thousand.
Oh, hold on. Two more.
All right, so it's ten grand total,
take back the two we lent you, give you the white meat.
You know what?
Why don't you give me all of it?
Usually, credit players only leave with their profit.
Otherwise, the juice starts five points a week on Mike.
Oh, okay. We'll owe you.
[Sighs]
Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
Didn't want to be found.
You know, Petrovsky waited and waited. So did the rest of the group.
- Jo, look, I missed one meeting. - It's not about the meeting.
I don't care about the meeting. Do you even know why I left this morning?
- I found that gangster's roll in your pocket. - It's not what you think.
- It's not what you think. - Who do you think I am? You lie right to my face?
Look, old days at least you never lied.
You lost everything, but at least you never lied.
Jo, this wasn't even a real game. This was like Wiffle Ball.
- Can you lose your rent playing Wiffle Ball? - No, I couldn't lose.
- That's the point. - No, Mike, you can lose.
I watched you, I stood by you while you lost everything before.
- I don't think I can go through that with you again. - Jo, I wasn't gonna lose!
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table...
at the World Series of Poker every single year?
What are they, the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
- It's a skill game, Jo. - Great. So why'd you have to lie to me?
- Because I knew you wouldn't understand. - Understand what?
Last night, I sat down at this card table.
I felt alive for the first time since I got busted at KGB's joint, okay?
You just told me you felt alive for the first time at a [censored] card table.
- No, what... - What's that supposed to make me understand?
[Sighs]
[Rock]
Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you
- You said you need me but it's quarter to : - I heard you was out.
Hey, [censored]' Grama. How you doin'?
- I was just thinkin' about you. You know, I could use you. - Oh, yeah?
See me in, like, two weeks. I'll put you back on the payroll.
Well, I got some bad news for ya, Worm. I'm out on my own now.
- Really? - Yeah.
Go figure.
There were a lot of angry people when you went away. A lot of people were mad.
I know, Grama, that's why I'm trying to put together a roll here.
A lot of people coming up to me, asking if I could help,
asking if I knew where to find you.
- So, it got me to thinkin'. - Really, you thinkin' now? That's big.
Hey, Jesus! Come on! Take it easy.
It's just a friend of mine.
Hey! Easy, easy, easy, easy. God!
Get the [censored] outta here. What did I say?
- Hey, man, take it easy! - Get the [censored] outta here!
Okay. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Instead of you owing grand spread out to five guys, you owe to me.
What? Where the [censored] do you get off? grand?
Where the [censored] do I get off?
[Grunts] Ohh.
Here's how it is. grand, and the juice is still runnin'.
Jesus Christ.
What the [censored] are you doin', man? You were my partner.
No, no, I was your lackey.
But I learned a few things, Worm.
I consolidated your outstanding debt.
[Scoffs] Where'd you get the scratch for that?
You've been rolling [censored] in the Village again. [Grunts]
- Still a wise ass. Unbelievable. - [Spits]
What I did was go partners with an old friend of yours.
Teddy KGB backed me.
[censored]. [censored].
[Spits] Teddy's got plenty of goons.
Why would he put you under his flag?
Because as soon as he heard your name, he became real excited for the prospect.
What, so you bought me up, Grama? [Scoffs]
Yeah, got a real sweet deal, too. cents on the dollar.
There's not a lot of faith in you out there in the business community.
Great, so you're a banker now, Grama. That's really classy.
Not exactly. I don't have to tell you my collection methods.
[Sighs] Oh, God. All right, look.
Just take it easy, all right?
I'll scrape something together, and I'll find you this week.
- That's just what I figured. - No, no, no.
- So I'm gonna take what you got on you right now. - Here. Fine.
Have yourself a ball, okay?
[Sighs, Chuckles]
[Groans] God!
Damn! [Groans]
Excuse me.
Mind if I sit?
Michael.
Please, please. Sit, sit.
That was a nifty trick the other night.
- It was wonderful. - [Chuckles] Thank you.
Marinacci and the D.A. were ready to cut cards for your services at that point.
[Chuckles]
Of course, it was an altogether different trick, that disappearing act...
you pulled today at your group's meeting.
- Yeah. Well, I figure I owe you an explanation. - Ah, not to me.
I'm sure there's a good reason you left.
You'll just have to work harder. Prepare.
- [Chuckles] - And smooth things out with the others.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay, well, thanks. - Stay. Take a drink.
- Jamie? - Yeah?
- Another glass, darling. - Sure.
- What are you drinking? - Gin. Always gin.
- Here you go. - Thanks, dear.
Thank you.
I know a magician doesn't divulge his secrets, but...
[Chuckles] I'm no magician.
Well, if it wasn't magic,
how did you know what everyone held?
It's a combination of things.
Um, I was watching when the cards came out.
That's... That's just an old habit with me, like breathing.
You watch the cards.
I watch the cards also, but I watch the players reacting to the cards.
That's how I knew the D.A. made his two pair,
and Judge Kaplan missed the flush.
I was watching their eyes when they checked their river cards.
- Their faces tell you everything. - You watch the man.
l... I never knew you had to calculate so much at cards.
All right, here's the thing. You only play premium hands.
You only start with jacks or better split,
nines or better wired, three high cards to a flush.
If it's good enough to call, you gotta be in there raising, all right?
I mean, tight, but aggressive. And I do mean aggressive. That's your style, Professor.
I mean, you gotta... you gotta think of it as a war.
You are officially never invited to our game again. [Chuckles]
I don't blame you. Put a guy like me in a game like that, the cards don't even matter.
I'll play it blind.
Michael,
- May I tell you a story? - Please.
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis.
In Israel, before that in Europe.
It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy.
The pride of my yeshiva.
The elders said I had a -year-old's understanding...
of the midrash by the time I was .
But by the time I was
I knew I could never be a rabbi.
Why not?
Because for all I understood of the Talmud,
I never saw God there.
- You couldn't lie to yourself. - I tried.
Tried like crazy.
I mean, people were counting on me.
But yours is a respectable profession.
Not to my family.
My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision.
My father sent me away to New York...
to live with distant cousins.
Eventually, l... I found my place,
my life's work.
What then?
I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae,
I learned everything I could about the law.
I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.
- And did your parents get over it? - No.
I always hoped that I would find...
some way to change their minds, but...
They were inconsolable.
My father never spoke to me again.
If you had to do it all over again,
would you make the same choices?
What choice?
The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this...
We can't run from who we are.
Our destiny chooses us.
Hey. L'chayim.
Hey.
Hey, where you been? I've been freezing my ass off.
- What happened? - Ah, ran into a door. Don't worry about it.
- What happened? - Hey! She crossed her legs too fast, all right?
- Just mind your own business. - You comin' up?
No, I've been standing out here all this time just to say hi.
Listen, things haven't been that smooth on the home front,
so tone it down a little, all right?
- Tone down what, [censored]? - Great.
- Never mind. - [Laughs]
When you become a big shot lawyer, could you find us an elevator building?
Shut up.
What, did you get robbed?
Um, not exactly.
Wait, wait, wait. Did she split on you?
[Scoffs] Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
I always told her she'd be a good card player.
- Know exactly when to release a [censored] hand. - Come on, Mike, forget that.
This girl is obviously wrapped way too tight for living.
No, she was a good... I knew it. I [censored]' knew it.
[Sighs] It's depressing.
You can't trust 'em. You can't trust 'em at all.
I mean, look at you. You domesticated yourself for this girl.
You took yourself out of the life. You walked the [censored]' line for her.
And the minute you want a little of it back, she walks out on you.
It's just like the saying says, you know?
In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
- They are the [censored]' rake. - What the [censored] are you talking about?
What saying?
I don't know. But there oughta be one.
- You know what cheers me up when I'm feelin' [censored]? - What?
Rolled up aces over kings.
- That right? - Yeah.
Check raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off 'em.
- Yeah? - Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Playin' all night, high-limit Hold' Em at the Taj.
- Where the sand turns to gold. - [censored] it, let's go.
- Don't tease me. - Let's play some [censored]' cards.
[Mike Narrating] The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas...
is the center of the poker universe.
Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth...
The legends consider it their office.
Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up...
wanting to beat a world champion.
Usually they go home with nothing but a story.
Down here, the millionaires are scarce or they're playing craps,
but there's still plenty of money for the taking.
In fact, on the weekends you can't get a game in the city,
because all the New York rounders are taking care of the tourists here.
Hey, hey, why don't you warm up a seat for me. I'll catch up with you.
- What? - Look.
- I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay? - Hey, good.
- I mean, I'm overdue. - Good, man, hey, I was startin' to wonder about you.
I thought, maybe, you know, the boys upstate brought about a few changes in you.
Hey, in your dreams, lover.
- Hey, Mikey! - Hey. - Hey, Mike.
This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield south.
- Ho! - Changing $ .
Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?
Twice in one week.
For someone who don't play, you spend a lot of time in card rooms.
This is what I like to see, huh?
Mike McDermott where he belongs... sittin' with the scumbags.
Tellin' jokes, draggin' the occasional pot.
Occasional? Yeah, like my ex-wife occasionally went out with other men.
Forget her, Face. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight.
But in honor of Mike's alley-like return to the ring,
I'll sit with you all for a while.
Hey, don't do us any favors, Knish.
- They're about to go to the board to fill these seats. - Bet it.
I raise. You know, if we wanted to take each other's rolls,
we could have just stayed home.
[Mike Narrating] These two have no idea...
what they're about to walk into.
Down here to have a good time, they figure...
why not give poker a try?
After all, how different can it be from the home games...
they've played their whole lives?
All the luck in the world isn't gonna change things for these guys.
They're simply overmatched.
We're not playing together, but then again, we're not playing against each other either.
It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?
They wear their tells like signs around their necks.
Facial tics, nervous fingers.
A hand over a mouth.
The way a cigarette is smoked.
Little unconscious gestures that reveal the cards in their hands.
We catch everything.
If a fish acts strong, he's bluffing.
If he acts meek, he's got a hand. It's that simple.
- How are you, you workaholics? - Worm.
Good to see ya. Glad you're out.
Number's changed, of course.
Lotta games this weekend, so you're gonna need the number.
- I'll give you a ring. - Hey, Worm?
Do they allow people like you in places like this?
Zagosh, when you get yourself a job, then you can be my [censored]' P.O.
How about that?
Now, let's get started, shall we?
I'm sorry, sir.
You can't take chips from another player at the table.
We all know each other here.
We're like friends, so if nobody complains, do you have a problem?
- It's all right. - No problem.
- Sir, you have to buy 'em from me. - [Sighs]
[censored] this low-limit [censored]. Can we go get something to eat? I got comped at the noodle bar.
I want to talk to you.
Look who's treatin' to a free meal.
Don't let that M.S.G. [censored] up your head more than it is, Mikey.
You keep grinding out that rent money, Joe. It's noble work you're doing.
So, hey, uh, Nick the Greek.
What's with kitin' my checks?
- I'm on empty, that's why. - You are? You're tapped again?
I mean... How much was the hooker?
- Mike, please. Relaxation therapist. - [Chuckles]
Okay?
- It's not where it went. - Wait a minute.
It went to Roman and Maurice?
I told you, man, you didn't have to give it all back to 'em.
Take a little money for your time, you know?
Hey, that's not where it went either.
- I ran into Grama tonight. - Yeah?
Yeah. He took everything I had.
You're kiddin' me. Wait, who's he working for?
Well, he's sorta out on his own.
This [censored] went around and bought up all my debt. Grama.
That turncoat [censored]. Are you kiddin' me?
So what do you owe him?
I don't know. By his crazy [censored]' gorilla math?
Like, .
- Fifteen? Fifteen? - Yeah, I mean...
He says the juice has been running the entire time on my ten.
- So, it's just like... - Why didn't you tell me that, man?
Why did you not tell me that? I could have paid that off.
- I had the... I had the money. - Hey!
I'm not gonna sit in the can and have my friend paying down my debt.
I'm not a leech, all right?
We can help each other, like always. That's why we're here.
That's... That's why we gotta get in the bigger game.
- Do you hear what I'm saying? - All right. All right.
- Listen, man, I'll help you. You know I'll help you, man. - Yeah?
- I mean, [censored] that guy. We'll figure something out. - Yeah.
How long should we wait?
I suggest we wait another five minutes, and then choose another lead counsel.
Here he comes.
Mr. McDermott, perhaps we can begin now.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Come to order in the matter of Slater v. New York State Higher Education Services.
The facts have been stipulated, the briefs have been read.
Lead counsel for plaintiff, Mr. McDermott,
please proceed with oral arguments now.
If that is convenient for you.
Yes, it is, and again, I'm sorry, ah, that I'm late.
Um...
Well, I think clearly the, uh...
the case which controls the issue at bar would be, uh, Texas v. Johnson,
- Which holds... - [McKinnon] Texas v. Johnson?
Mr. McDermott, that is a Supreme Court free speech case...
that has no bearing in the premises.
Each group was apprised to ignore that aspect of this matter...
and focus instead on the idea of de facto segregation.
Right. Um, well...
Mr. McDermott has been unreachable,
so I'll take over, if it pleases the court.
Someone saying something meaningful would please us a great deal.
What we have here is a clear case of gerrymandering,
impacting schoolchildren and schools in the district...
that was created solely to separate students by race.
Although not dispositive, the student body is more than percent white.
Well, that was impressive.
Usually you have to know something about a case to give an opening statement.
Guys, what... what can I say?
Hey, it worked out great for me, McDermott. I think I actually impressed Marinacci.
Jo.
- Jo. Jo. - What?
We're not gonna talk? You left me pretty quick there.
- You make it sound as if it was my decision. - Well, it wasn't mine.
I came home and you were gone. You were just gonna drop me like that?
I learned it from you, Mike.
You always told me that this was the rule.
Rule number one: Throw in your cards the moment you know they can't win.
- Fold the hand. - Look, this is our thing that we're talking about.
It's not some losing hand of poker.
I know exactly what we're talking about, Mike.
So, that's the last of it, then?
Yeah.
[Scoffs]
I mean, I'd say good luck, but I know it's not about luck in your game.
[Announcer] Eric Seidel cannot win this hand,
and yet he doesn't know it.
Chan is trying to sucker him in by taking his time.
Oh, look at that look of the defending champ.
And now Fifth Street, a six of diamonds. No help.
Johnny Chan has a queen high straight.
Will Eric Seidel fall for the bait?
Yes, he's going all in, and Chan has him.

[Directrix]

[ QUOTE ]
ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

[/ QUOTE ]learn 2 make proper sentences LOL /images/graemlins/smile.gif:)

[Xyven]

[ QUOTE ]
ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

[/ QUOTE ]

this coming from a guy who has two accounts on the site

[Eratik]

I am here to steal your women and your blinds.

[2+2 wannabe]

WTF is going on?

[mike28]

hahah i just stole everyone's rakeback from this thread

[poisonxfree]

[ QUOTE ]
hahah i just stole everyone's rakeback from this thread

[/ QUOTE ]

the sad part is he's not joking

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ughaulkghalugh]

bad beat the fray song is stuck in my head

ching ching ching ching ching chong ching

[ughaulkghalugh]

[ QUOTE ]
ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

[/ QUOTE ]

also; HURRRRRRRR

[RicardoG]

[ QUOTE ]
[Man Narrating] Listen, here's the thing.
If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table,
then you are the sucker.
Guys around here'll tell ya... you play for a living.
It's like any other job. You don't gamble. You grind it out.
Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it.
Get your money in when you have the best of it, and protect it when you don't.
Don't give anything away.
That's how I've paid my way through half of law school.
A true grinder.
See, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I've learned this...
If you're too careful, your whole life can become a [censored]' grind.
This is Teddy KGB's place.
- [Man] Five hundred. - You won't find it in the Yellow Pages.
Nope. Not tonight.
No? What?
Give me three stacks of high society.
Thirty thousand. Count it.
- That's good. - So, you're sitting the apple.
- Good. Want a cookie? - No.
[Narrating] He doesn't look like much,
but KGB is connected all the way to the top of the Russian mob.
He's the one guy in the game you don't want to [censored] with.
But if you're looking for high stakes,
this is the only place in town.
They all know me as a small-timer, but that's about to change.
Joey Knish is a New York legend.
He's been a rounder, earning his living at cards...
since he was years old.
What are you, holdin' those for somebody?
Uh, yeah, I'm holding 'em for you.
- You should be. - [Chuckles]
'Cause I hope you're not thinking of putting all that glimmer in play.
[Narrating] He's as close to a friend as there is in this place.
- Come here. - [Narrator] But tonight, I don't want to see him.
Now, you don't wanna butt onions with these guys.
'Cause they'll chew you up, take your whole bankroll.
- So you say. - There's plenty of easy games.
We get outta here, get some coffee, ride over to that soft seat in Queens.
I know what I'm doing.
You're making a run at it, aren't you?
Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas.
I'm right, right?
- I can beat the game. - Maybe.
Maybe this is a game can be beat.
But you know you can beat the - at the Chesterfield and the Hi-Low...
at that goulash joint on th Street.
Okay. I understand.
I understand. Back to battle.
[Narrating] The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em.
Minimum buy-in $ .
A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos.
The stakes attract rich flounders,
and they in turn attract the sharks.
No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.
Each player is dealt two cards face down.
Five cards are then dealt face up across the middle.
These are community cards everyone can use to make the best five card hand.
The key to the game is playing the man, not the cards.
Bet an eight ball.
There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand.
A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt...
and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.
This is why the World Series of Poker is decided over a No-Limit Hold 'Em table.
Some people, pros even, won't play No-Limit.
They can't handle the swings.
But there are others, like Doyle Brunson,
who consider No-Limit the only pure game left.
Like Papa Wallenda said..."Life is on the wire. The rest is just waiting."
Pass it to you.
All right, I raise.
- I'm gonna raise five hundred. - [Man] Fold.
It's a position raise. I call it.
[Narrating] Here's the beauty of this game.
- Go ahead. - [Narrating] I just got top two pair on the flop,
and I want to keep him in the hand.
Against your average guy, I'd set a bear trap, hardly bet at all.
Let him walk into it. But KGB's too smart for that.
So, what I've got to do is over-bet the pot,
make it look like I'm trying to buy it.
- I bet $ . - Then he plays back at me, and I get paid off.
Call.
[Narrating] My guess is Teddy's on a flush draw.
Burn and turn.
[Narrating] There's my money card, nine of hearts.
I got a full house.
- To the bettor. - Check's good.
[Narrating] Now I hope a spade falls and Teddy makes his flush.
That way he'll bet strong, and I'll beat him with my nines full over aces.
I'm going to bet...
Bet...
$ .
Time.
[Narrating] I want him to think that I'm pondering a call,
but all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the [censored] Mirage.
All right, your plus I have another to raise you.
Um...
Yeah, I'm gonna go all in, 'cause I don't think you got the spades.
You are right. I don't have spades.
[Narrating] I know before the cards are even turned over.
Aces full, Mike.
Get up.
Come on. Come on.
- Want some? - No.
I'm down to the felt, Knish. I lost everything.
Man, I lost my case money. I lost my tuition.
It happens to everyone. Time to time, everyone goes bust.
You'll be back in the game before you know it.
I'm done. I'm out of it.
They all say that at first.
Hey, man, let me stake you. Standard deal, you know.
Fifty percent of your winnings. If you lose, it's on me.
I'd just throw it away.
- You still got the truck? - Sure.
Come on.
[Mike Narrating] You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short.
See, I had this picture in my head.
Me sitting at the big table, Doyle to my left,
Amarillo Slim to my right, playing in the World Series of Poker.
And I let that vision blind me at the table against KGB.
Now, the closest I get to Vegas is west New York,
driving this lousy route handed down from Knish...
to rounders who forget the cardinal [censored]' rule...
Always leave yourself outs.
- Hey, Moogie. - Let me ask you a question.
In a legal sense, can [censored]' Steinbrenner just move the Yankees?
Does he have the [censored]' right to just move them?
I don't know. How should I know that?
- You didn't learn that yet? - No, we get to Steinbrenner in the third year of law school.
Oh.
- Take care, man. - Yeah.
- [Chattering] - [Poker Chips Clattering]
[Mike Narrating] The judges' game.
I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school.
A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors and professors.
They all have money, and in my playing days...
it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors.
Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore.
One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense,
but they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle.
Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down.
Place had been open since .
Oh, Michael.
- You got some things for me? - Yes, I do.
Put 'em on the desk, it's all right.
Kid, he paying you for this late night [censored]?
Oh, well, knowledge is my reward, sir.
- [Chuckles] - Let me tell you, it ain't worth it.
Why don't you become a jockey, do something useful.
- [Group Laughs] - Kid's a little tall, isn't he, Gene?
Enough with the Belmont recruiting spiel. Your bet.
- All right. I call. - Michael is lead counsel...
in the Moot Court you're presiding over next week, Gene.
Besides, he could use the background if he's gonna...
clerk for one of you fellas this summer, right?
Abe, I thought you liked the kid. Why do you want to make him a civil servant?
Yeah, look... a word to the wise. Stay in the private sector.
That Nassau defense attorney's game? They use our chips for coasters.
[Mike Narrating] The amazing thing is, in this collection of great legal minds,
there isn't a single real card player.
- I call. - Raise.
Um, the professor raises.
Mike? [Whispers] Michael, I would have just called.
No, you're good.
All right, I call.
[Mike Narrating] I don't know if I'm going to bring my legal career to a crashing halt...
before it even starts, but I just can't help myself.
- Good. - I'm in.
- [Clears Throat] - Read 'em and weep.
Threes check.
Check to Martin and Lewis over there.
- Check to the raiser. - Czechoslovakia.
- What's the limit? - $ . Big bet's $ .
Okay. Good. There's $ .
You've seen half a hand. How the [censored] are you betting into us?
You sure this is wise, Abe? It's your money the kid's bettin' with.
It's plenty wise. We know what we're holding, and we know what you're holding.
[Chuckles] The [censored] you know what we all got.
Summer clerkship in your office says I know what you're holding.
I don't bet with jobs like that.
Let's just say I'll put you at the top of the list if you're right.
Okay. [Clears Throat] Well, you were looking for that third three,
but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street,
and now you're representing that you have it.
The D.A. made his two pair, but he knows they're no good.
Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush, but he came up short,
and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are gonna stand up.
So, like I said, the Dean's bet is $ .
- Well, kiss my ass. - Kiss my ass.
[Group Laughs]
- What'd you have, Abe? - Nothin' but a busted straight.
- Oh, come on. - It's good enough to win. Take it down.
All right, kid, your first assignment. Pull up a seat next to me.
Oh, I'd like to. I can't, I can't. I don't play cards.
- Get outta here! - See you tomorrow.
- Whose deal? - My deal.
- I like the kid, Abe. - Good kid.
Smart kid.
[Mike Narrating] I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game.
An open invitation to lay with those lambs.
But I'm retired.
The truth is, I can always find games, though.
Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games.
I can turn this truck onto the Jersey Turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours.
But I've made promises.
I'm just a law student now.
Hello?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd it go? - Oh, great.
[Sighs] I am sick of that [censored] route.
Don't worry. A few more semesters...
Mmm.
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'm really late. - Oh, just stay here. I'll be really quick.
- You won't feel a thing. [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
We both know that's not true.
Besides, you should get some sleep.
These [censored]' long nights are killing me.
They never used to.
Yeah, well, that's different. I mean, that was like...
buy in at : next thing you know it's morning.
But hey, you know, I think I'm hooked up for this summer.
Hooked up how?
Well, after I left you last night at the library, I impressed Judge Marinacci.
I think I might be in line for a clerkship.
Tell me more.
Well, those guys were all playing cards, and...
Just hear me out now, hear me out.
They were playing cards and I read his hand blind.
So, instead of coming home, you went and played cards with some judge?
No, I wasn't even playing. They were playing.
I just caught his eye by reading his hand, that's all.
I mean, as long as I don't [censored] up Moot Court, I think the job's mine.
What kind of job is that gonna be, Mike?
Writing an opinion on high-stakes poker?
Honey, you're the one who told me...
that I should use my poker skills in the courtroom.
Yeah, I know I said that, but...
You know what I meant. I meant that you should use your head.
You know, the way you calculate odds on the spot, the way you read people.
That's what I meant. I didn't mean that you should try to con your way into a summer job.
- Honey, con? I was networking. - [Laughs] Oh, God.
Networking. Are you trying to con me now?
No.
I just... I don't think you get it.
You'll be just like one of those ex-college athletes.
You know, great job at the D.A. 's office as long as...
they never miss a lawyer's league game.
It's true. I just think if you get in this way,
you'll always be a hustler to them.
Baby, I didn't even play.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh.
- Hey, hon, can I take the Jeep tomorrow? - Yeah, where?
Uh, Worm's gettin' out. I was gonna pick him up.
Tomorrow. Beautiful.
I promised I'd be there, hon.
Worm. I just can't believe you still know someone called "Worm."
He's like my brother.
[censored]. I didn't even play.
[Mike Narrating] I met Worm at Dwight Inglewood Preparatory Academy over in Jersey.
We were the only two kids attending who didn't have a trust fund.
My father's office was there. It said "Custodian" on the door.
That's why they took me.
- [Makes Buzzer Sound] - Pow!
W-Was that, like, your strong finish or something?
- [censored]! - You leave me no choice, the way you play.
That's the fourth time you done played that bitch of spades on my ass.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dowling had it three hands ago, and two hands ago I got the black Maria,
so I don't want to hear you bitchin', okay?
- Yeah, but he shot the moon on that hand, didn't he? - Yeah, I saw that.
- So it helped you. - Now... Okay, you're right.
You ain't walking outta here with our grits, Worm.
You know the drill, okay? I'm not gonna smoke 'em. I'll hold on to 'em.
if you want 'em back, you can trade me for 'em, or try to play double or nothing tomorrow.
Murphy! What the hell you sittin' there for? You're processed. Come on.
Processed? This [censored]'s gettin' the jump.
Come on, man, have some decency here, Worm.
You can buy all the smokes you want in half an hour.
- What are you talking about? I won these fair and square. - You don't even smoke, Worm.
Jesus, you guys are such [censored]' babies. You know that?
If you're determined to die of cancer, you really oughta learn how to play cards.
Ain't a good idea to add insult to injury, yo.
- That [censored] will come back and hurt you. - You know what?
Not in this lifetime. Enjoy your time.
Murphy.
[Mike Narrating] Worm's dad did the grounds, when he wasn't too [censored]' drunk.
That's when we did 'em.
Of course, the grounds weren't all we did.
Worm put us into a scam a day on all the young aristocrats we went to school with...
selling 'em dime bags of oregano, nunchakus and firecrackers from Chinatown.
- Where's the rest? - Kept us in lunch money.
- Thank you. - Until the time we went for...
more than just pocket change and got caught.
We had the starting five take a dive against Friends Academy.
The point guard snapped and gave Worm up.
They hauled him up before the school board, offered him a deal.
Tell us who else was involved, and we'll go easy on you.
Worm didn't say a [censored]' word. Got himself expelled.
- I stayed in school and graduated. - [Guard] Crank the outside.
[Bell Rings]
Not many guys would stand up for a friend like that.
- Ta-da! - [Both Laugh]
- Mike McD. God. I knew you'd be here. - Aw, man.
- You never let me down. - I would have been there every week if you let me, man.
I know, I know. I couldn't let you see me in this [censored] hole.
- Look at you. You look great, man. - You too, you too.
- Did they toughen you up in there? - No, no.
It was a piece of cake. Piece of cake.
Man, look at your ride. You've been prospering while I've been away.
- What have you been up to? - I borrowed it.
Whatever. Just get in it and drive me far away from here.
There's like two whole economies in there... there's cash and there's trade.
So I gotta keep three games going at once, all right?
A game with the white guys, a game with the brothers, and a game with the guards.
And the trick is, I gotta take enough cash off the white guys...
to lose it to the guards so that they keep doing me favors and [censored],
but I gotta trim enough smokes off the black guys that I can trade and keep myself...
in the style that I've grown accustomed to, and all of this without getting my ass kicked.
So you're working with a partner?
No. Who the hell am I gonna trust in there?
- It's just me all alone. - What's this? Come here.
- You like that? Isn't that beautiful? - What is that?
It's like an ace up my sleeve. What else?
Wait till I show you some of my chops, man. I've gotten pretty blinding.
- It's like, it's like, you know... - All right.
It's gonna blow your mind, blow your mind.
You been working? Is your game sharp?
No, man, I'm off it.
What, are you... you gettin' cold cards?
No, man, I mean I quit.
- [Laughs] What, are you [censored] me? - No, man, l...
- I got cleaned out. - Mike McD? You lost?
Yeah, man, l... It was a real blood game over at KGB's place.
You sat down with the Mad Russian and he emptied your pockets?
Yeah. I didn't want to tell you while you were in there.
I didn't want to dispirit you like that.
Jesus, what were you thinking? So, you're just a student now?
- What are you doing for money? - I'm driving Knish's truck.
Oh, God, you're killin' me. Mike, Mike, we gotta get you back on the game.
- The old partners here, we're gonna run like... - No, no, no, I'm off it.
I mean, I really am. Done.
You are, huh? All right. I know a game perfect for the two of us.
It's a berry patch right outside New York City... prime pickings.
- I'll drop you... I'll drop you off. - Okay.
- I mean it. No, I'm really off it. - I know, I know.
This is it, this is it.
So get this, here's the plan. I know this girl Barbara.
She's [censored]' hot. I was this close to bangin' her when they sent me away.
She works as a hostess for all these [censored]' trust fund babies in here.
She got me into their little game.
She introduced me as her cousin from out of town who loves to gamble but wants to learn poker.
That sounds solid. That's a nice hookup.
It's all the way nice. There's only one problem. I got this feeling.
- What feeling is that, exactly? - You know this feeling very well.
- You know, when you got your table all set. - Uh-huh.
- Knife, fork, sauce, A- Luger's, but... - Yeah.
- You just don't have the stake. - Exactly. Glad you understand.
A nickel would start me very nicely.
Whoa, Jesus, what have you been livin' on?
I'm livin' a little light, I told you.
- Anyway, that's $ so that'll get you started. - $ I mean...
Hey, thanks, but I mean, that's, like, bets.
I mean, I can't even get a table on this...
Good, so forget this game. I'll straighten you out in the city tomorrow.
No way. I gotta get started. [Chuckles]
I mean, I'm already behind here.
You just got out. What's the big [censored]' hurry?
The hurry is, other than you, my friend, there's about five guys,
like, eagerly awaiting my release.
- How much do you owe? - Like, ten.
- Ten? - I can't even figure it with the juice.
Hey, look, I can get started on this easy if it's you and me working together.
I heard you asking before, and I hear you asking now, but I can't do that.
I just can't do that. I've made promises.
Hey, you know what? What am I saying? I totally understand, I do.
It's fine. I'll make a couple of moves earlier than I would have normally...
- But thanks, I appreciate it. - Premium hands.
- I'll catch you in the city tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hey, Mike, man. [censored]' great to see ya.
You too.
[Mike Narrating] In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said,
"Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems,
"but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy...
the outstanding tough beats of his career."
Seems true to me. 'Cause walking in here,
I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll,
but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Mike.
- Hi. - Barbara. Worm said you'd be running a little late.
Just follow me.
I probably won't even sit. You know, just kinda keep him company.
No, no, that's not gonna work.
Here's the play... you're my new boyfriend, you're looking for a regular game.
Really? Well, I'm not much of a card player.
[censored]. Worm tells me that's precisely what you are.
My cut is per cent.
- I see. - Good. Come on.
Gentlemen.
- This is my boyfriend Michael. - [Group] Hello, Michael.
[Barbara] Be nice to him.
- Leave him enough money to buy me breakfast. - [Laughter]
- Good luck. - Thanks, sweetie.
Here, why don't you pull up a chair.
- Okay, this one's Chicago. - You know Chicago?
- Uh, remind me. - Stud game.
High spade in the hole wins half the pot.
Okay, well, deal me in, I guess.
- That's you. - Oh, thanks.
Okay.
- That's two on you, Murph. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- I'm in. - I'm gonna make it five.
Hey, big spender.
[Mike Narrating] Worm and I fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe.
We bring out all the old school tricks, stuff that would never play in the city...
signalling, chip placing, trapping.
- We even run the old best hand play. - Raise.
I can probably crack the game just as quickly straight up,
but there's no risk in this room.
Now, some people might look down on Worm's mechanics, call it immoral.
But as Canada Bill Jones said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."
Like they teach you in One-L...
caveat emptor, pal.
- I got the boat, queens over. - [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] He asked you if that stung, Birch.
[Mike Narrating] Worm really has become an artist, too.
Discard culls, pickup culls, overhand run ups, the Double Duke...
His technique is flawless. But his judgment is a little off.
A few times, I have to fold the case on him, just so it won't be obvious.
Still, he plays the part of the loser to perfection.
Flush.
I got the full house. I got the queens over the aces.
Ahh, [censored]! You know what?
- [censored] you and your never-ending string of boats, okay? - Hey.
Well, my Uncle Les says when the money's gone, it's time to move on,
so enjoy it, you secret handshaking [censored].
Murph! Hey, come back any time. Your money's always good here.
- [Door Closes] - Good night, Mike. See you next time.
You guys, uh, wanna keep playing?
How'd we do? Oh, beautiful.
[censored]' [censored], they deserved it.
All right, $ that's your cut.
- Thank you very much, boys. - Hey, you were great. Great.
- When can we do this again? - No, no, it was a one-time thing for me.
- Just because. - Forget it.
- Uh, two weeks. - Two weeks? Okay. Okay.
- Hey, thanks a lot. Yeah. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I had to try, right?
Bye.
Hey, how'd you know I was coming back?
That's easy. Who's your favorite actor?
Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name.
He always doubles back for a friend.
[Worm] Hey, we made good time. Wanna get breakfast?
[Mike] No, I gotta get home. If she hasn't already changed the locks on me.
Just do me a favor. Give me five minutes.
Get me straightened out.
This may not look like Teddy's place, but it ain't the Ivy Leagues either.
So don't [censored] around. You gotta play on your belly.
All right. No problem.
Hey, you know I have no problem with the way you help yourself,
but these guys are fast company.
- They'll spot every move. - Tough customers, huh?
- Yeah. I'm serious. - All right.
- You won't just get a finger up your spine. - Okay, I hear ya.
- I'm playing straight. - [Buzzes]
Michael McDermott.
- How you doin', Mikey? - Good, how you doin'?
Good. You know, um,
the computer tried to delete you last week.
- Oh, yeah? - But I knew you'd be back.
Oh, no, I'm not back, I just...
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Um, this is Les Murphy. He's like my brother.
Call me Worm.
- [Phone Rings] - Hey. Don't wiggle away.
Hey, what's she wearing the button for?
They're wired right into the precinct. They got 'em on the payroll.
- What are they playing? - Uh, - forced rotation.
It's the only game going right now.
Is that Fat Greggie sitting - ? The game's that soft?
Yeah. It's a real live game. So, you guys gonna play?
- No. - Hell, yeah, I'm gonna play.
- Oh, come on, you're not gonna walk away from this. - Not gonna happen.
Mike, we could cut this room up in an hour.
All right, run along, then. Say hi to her for me.
- Me, too. - I will. Take care of him.
Jesus. What a [censored]' waste.
Do you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.
- That's not so bad, is it? - Depends on the grip.
- Come on, give me $ . - On the finger?
You heard Mike. He's good for it. Come on.
Look, I'm gonna triple that in half an hour, princess. Let's go.
Okay.
[Keys Jingling, Door Opening]
Hey.
Reunion run a little late?
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake you up.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
Well, why don't you change and we'll get a cab.
Um, why don't you just go ahead, and I'm gonna jump in the shower.
And if I miss a little bit of the Mulligan meeting, just cover for me, all right?
Hey.
At least give me a story. You know, I mean...
I mean, tell me you were out drinking till you threw up.
Tell me you were getting lap dances over at Scores.
- I don't care, just give me something. - I was entertaining Worm.
- Uh-huh. - The least I can do for the guy.
- So, you were nowhere near a card game. - Sweetie.
What? I'm asking you a question.
- I'm just... - No. I was nowhere near a card game.
All right?
All right. I'll wait for you.
I mean, the key is a seamless passing of the baton among the team.
I think the most important thing is to be respectful to the judges but not obsequious.
Now, wait a minute. Make sure to be deferential.
Gene Marinacci won't buy deferential.
Oh, it's Gene, is it?
Well, I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel,
and it's got nothing to do with your punctuality.
Sorry. I couldn't find a cab.
Anyway, when you make the opening remarks, make sure you stick to the fact pattern.
And use the right cites. Use book cites, not Lexis.
Hi, Jo.
- Long time. - Knish. How are you?
The same.
I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen,
but l, uh, I need a word.
- Um... - It's important.
Okay. Excuse me.
Sorry.
- I'll act as lead counsel. - It's all right, Kelly.
We were gonna take a break anyway.
Coffee time.
The guy's a cheat. He always has been.
Right now, he's over at Chesterfield's, ruining your reputation...
with every lousy second he deals.
[censored]. I told him. Did anybody else see him?
Nobody saw... I heard it. Snapping sound gave it away.
I didn't know him, I might not have noticed.
I turn around, and I see him with the mechanic's grip, I know.
- You want one? - Did you give him the office?
I tried to warn him, but he looked right through me.
- All right, I'll go get him. - No, no, no. He's okay now.
Most of those Georges are at the tail end of a -hour session.
They can't see straight. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
But if he's still there when Roman and Maurice start their game,
he's gonna wish he was still inside.
I'm gonna go get him.
[Mike Narrating] Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time,
held to his father's maxim...
"You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once."
Gotta bet my jacks.
This is a lesson Worm's never bothered to learn.
- [Speaking Russian] - Hey, guys.
English only at the table, no Russian.
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
If you want to see this seventh card, you're gonna stop speaking [censored]' Sputnik.
- Oh, da, [censored]. - You're worried we might work together.
I'm sure you're just talking about perogies...
and snow and [censored], but let's cut it out, all right?
There's the river, down and dirty.
I think you got that ace, Roman, but I'm gonna pay for it.
Okay, well, I got the jacks. Come on.
- Ace. - Oh, you got it. - And six.
Wow, two pair. But I got sevens, too, though.
- With my jacks. - [censored], slow rolling me like that.
You said just jacks.
But you made me for the sevens, Maurice. You're a player.
- [censored]! - Hey, come on! Don't be a [censored]' baby.
- Hey, Maurice. - [Together] Hey.
Hey, Mike, you here to play? Come on, we need some new blood.
They're putting a [censored] bracelet on me tomorrow for four months.
- I already stuck two racks. - Well, have a good rest, man.
Can I talk to you for a second, Cosmonaut?
No, man, I'm on a roll. This is a very emotional game.
Gotta do it.
- [Speaking In Russian] - I counted these.
Leave it. It's fine.
[Speaking In Russian]
- What's going on? - Where are you at?
I was pumped up eight G's. I was ready to go on a run when you came along.
- All right, listen. - Hey, wait, I want a hot dog.
You're in town for five [censored]' minutes, you already got a sign on your back.
Oh, what, that [censored]' Knish rat me out?
You gotta stop listening to that guy, man.
He sees all the angles, but he doesn't have the balls to play one.
Hey, that guy hasn't had to work in years, Worm.
You don't think that's work, what he does?
Grinding it out on his [censored]' leather ass? No, thank you.
I thought so, too, all right? Now I know what real work is.
Speaking of which, are you even gonna get a job?
Or are you just gonna go back to printing those credit cards?
- Huh? You gonna go away again? - I wasn't printing.
I was distributing. Distributing. It's different, okay?
Second of all, I'm never going back there.
Stop worrying so much, okay?
Come here.
I just want you to think long term, all right? Be smart.
Every place in Manhattan, they all keep books, all right?
If you get listed as a mechanic, then not only are you gonna get the [censored] kicked out of you,
you're not gonna get a [censored]' game anywhere in New York.
It's stupid. It's just bad business.
Look, this is what I love about you... you think about the big picture.
That's great, okay? But it's not me.
I don't play the game straight up, and then if I lose,
go get some real work or something, okay?
I see a mark, I take him down.
That's what I do. That's the way I live.
I know. Listen, you're the guy who taught me all the angles.
- But I'm not the guy with my nose open right now. - Aw, come on.
I'm not gonna preach to you, but those two guys in there, they're not rabbits.
Roman and Maurice? They're Russian outfit guys.
Not as bad as KGB, but you don't want to be [censored]' with those guys.
With those fake Versace shirts and [censored]? Jesus.
Look, you still got time. Just go back in there, right?
Lose their [censored]' money back to 'em, all right?
Just make it look good. Just catch a run of real [censored] cards.
- Give it back to 'em. - I can't. I can't.
I gotta put some scratch together, man. I gotta get somethin' going.
Then go out to suburbia, man. Play in a [censored]' dentist's game, okay?
- Go to Swan Meadow, play in the golf pro game. - That's an idea.
I'll definitely do that, but I can't dump to these guys.
You got to.
All right, whatever, whatever.
Meet me at Stromboli's in half an hour, all right?
I can't, I gotta go. I have a meeting.
And then I gotta go to [censored]' Queens. I gotta load the truck.
Jesus, man, you're such a [censored]' workin' man now. I'm never gonna see you.
- Make it look good. I mean it, make it look good. - You know me.
- So, how'd you do? - Ah, so-so.
Six thousand, two thousand.
Oh, hold on. Two more.
All right, so it's ten grand total,
take back the two we lent you, give you the white meat.
You know what?
Why don't you give me all of it?
Usually, credit players only leave with their profit.
Otherwise, the juice starts five points a week on Mike.
Oh, okay. We'll owe you.
[Sighs]
Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
Didn't want to be found.
You know, Petrovsky waited and waited. So did the rest of the group.
- Jo, look, I missed one meeting. - It's not about the meeting.
I don't care about the meeting. Do you even know why I left this morning?
- I found that gangster's roll in your pocket. - It's not what you think.
- It's not what you think. - Who do you think I am? You lie right to my face?
Look, old days at least you never lied.
You lost everything, but at least you never lied.
Jo, this wasn't even a real game. This was like Wiffle Ball.
- Can you lose your rent playing Wiffle Ball? - No, I couldn't lose.
- That's the point. - No, Mike, you can lose.
I watched you, I stood by you while you lost everything before.
- I don't think I can go through that with you again. - Jo, I wasn't gonna lose!
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table...
at the World Series of Poker every single year?
What are they, the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
- It's a skill game, Jo. - Great. So why'd you have to lie to me?
- Because I knew you wouldn't understand. - Understand what?
Last night, I sat down at this card table.
I felt alive for the first time since I got busted at KGB's joint, okay?
You just told me you felt alive for the first time at a [censored] card table.
- No, what... - What's that supposed to make me understand?
[Sighs]
[Rock]
Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you
- You said you need me but it's quarter to : - I heard you was out.
Hey, [censored]' Grama. How you doin'?
- I was just thinkin' about you. You know, I could use you. - Oh, yeah?
See me in, like, two weeks. I'll put you back on the payroll.
Well, I got some bad news for ya, Worm. I'm out on my own now.
- Really? - Yeah.
Go figure.
There were a lot of angry people when you went away. A lot of people were mad.
I know, Grama, that's why I'm trying to put together a roll here.
A lot of people coming up to me, asking if I could help,
asking if I knew where to find you.
- So, it got me to thinkin'. - Really, you thinkin' now? That's big.
Hey, Jesus! Come on! Take it easy.
It's just a friend of mine.
Hey! Easy, easy, easy, easy. God!
Get the [censored] outta here. What did I say?
- Hey, man, take it easy! - Get the [censored] outta here!
Okay. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Instead of you owing grand spread out to five guys, you owe to me.
What? Where the [censored] do you get off? grand?
Where the [censored] do I get off?
[Grunts] Ohh.
Here's how it is. grand, and the juice is still runnin'.
Jesus Christ.
What the [censored] are you doin', man? You were my partner.
No, no, I was your lackey.
But I learned a few things, Worm.
I consolidated your outstanding debt.
[Scoffs] Where'd you get the scratch for that?
You've been rolling [censored] in the Village again. [Grunts]
- Still a wise ass. Unbelievable. - [Spits]
What I did was go partners with an old friend of yours.
Teddy KGB backed me.
[censored]. [censored].
[Spits] Teddy's got plenty of goons.
Why would he put you under his flag?
Because as soon as he heard your name, he became real excited for the prospect.
What, so you bought me up, Grama? [Scoffs]
Yeah, got a real sweet deal, too. cents on the dollar.
There's not a lot of faith in you out there in the business community.
Great, so you're a banker now, Grama. That's really classy.
Not exactly. I don't have to tell you my collection methods.
[Sighs] Oh, God. All right, look.
Just take it easy, all right?
I'll scrape something together, and I'll find you this week.
- That's just what I figured. - No, no, no.
- So I'm gonna take what you got on you right now. - Here. Fine.
Have yourself a ball, okay?
[Sighs, Chuckles]
[Groans] God!
Damn! [Groans]
Excuse me.
Mind if I sit?
Michael.
Please, please. Sit, sit.
That was a nifty trick the other night.
- It was wonderful. - [Chuckles] Thank you.
Marinacci and the D.A. were ready to cut cards for your services at that point.
[Chuckles]
Of course, it was an altogether different trick, that disappearing act...
you pulled today at your group's meeting.
- Yeah. Well, I figure I owe you an explanation. - Ah, not to me.
I'm sure there's a good reason you left.
You'll just have to work harder. Prepare.
- [Chuckles] - And smooth things out with the others.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay, well, thanks. - Stay. Take a drink.
- Jamie? - Yeah?
- Another glass, darling. - Sure.
- What are you drinking? - Gin. Always gin.
- Here you go. - Thanks, dear.
Thank you.
I know a magician doesn't divulge his secrets, but...
[Chuckles] I'm no magician.
Well, if it wasn't magic,
how did you know what everyone held?
It's a combination of things.
Um, I was watching when the cards came out.
That's... That's just an old habit with me, like breathing.
You watch the cards.
I watch the cards also, but I watch the players reacting to the cards.
That's how I knew the D.A. made his two pair,
and Judge Kaplan missed the flush.
I was watching their eyes when they checked their river cards.
- Their faces tell you everything. - You watch the man.
l... I never knew you had to calculate so much at cards.
All right, here's the thing. You only play premium hands.
You only start with jacks or better split,
nines or better wired, three high cards to a flush.
If it's good enough to call, you gotta be in there raising, all right?
I mean, tight, but aggressive. And I do mean aggressive. That's your style, Professor.
I mean, you gotta... you gotta think of it as a war.
You are officially never invited to our game again. [Chuckles]
I don't blame you. Put a guy like me in a game like that, the cards don't even matter.
I'll play it blind.
Michael,
- May I tell you a story? - Please.
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis.
In Israel, before that in Europe.
It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy.
The pride of my yeshiva.
The elders said I had a -year-old's understanding...
of the midrash by the time I was .
But by the time I was
I knew I could never be a rabbi.
Why not?
Because for all I understood of the Talmud,
I never saw God there.
- You couldn't lie to yourself. - I tried.
Tried like crazy.
I mean, people were counting on me.
But yours is a respectable profession.
Not to my family.
My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision.
My father sent me away to New York...
to live with distant cousins.
Eventually, l... I found my place,
my life's work.
What then?
I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae,
I learned everything I could about the law.
I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.
- And did your parents get over it? - No.
I always hoped that I would find...
some way to change their minds, but...
They were inconsolable.
My father never spoke to me again.
If you had to do it all over again,
would you make the same choices?
What choice?
The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this...
We can't run from who we are.
Our destiny chooses us.
Hey. L'chayim.
Hey.
Hey, where you been? I've been freezing my ass off.
- What happened? - Ah, ran into a door. Don't worry about it.
- What happened? - Hey! She crossed her legs too fast, all right?
- Just mind your own business. - You comin' up?
No, I've been standing out here all this time just to say hi.
Listen, things haven't been that smooth on the home front,
so tone it down a little, all right?
- Tone down what, [censored]? - Great.
- Never mind. - [Laughs]
When you become a big shot lawyer, could you find us an elevator building?
Shut up.
What, did you get robbed?
Um, not exactly.
Wait, wait, wait. Did she split on you?
[Scoffs] Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
I always told her she'd be a good card player.
- Know exactly when to release a [censored] hand. - Come on, Mike, forget that.
This girl is obviously wrapped way too tight for living.
No, she was a good... I knew it. I [censored]' knew it.
[Sighs] It's depressing.
You can't trust 'em. You can't trust 'em at all.
I mean, look at you. You domesticated yourself for this girl.
You took yourself out of the life. You walked the [censored]' line for her.
And the minute you want a little of it back, she walks out on you.
It's just like the saying says, you know?
In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
- They are the [censored]' rake. - What the [censored] are you talking about?
What saying?
I don't know. But there oughta be one.
- You know what cheers me up when I'm feelin' [censored]? - What?
Rolled up aces over kings.
- That right? - Yeah.
Check raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off 'em.
- Yeah? - Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Playin' all night, high-limit Hold' Em at the Taj.
- Where the sand turns to gold. - [censored] it, let's go.
- Don't tease me. - Let's play some [censored]' cards.
[Mike Narrating] The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas...
is the center of the poker universe.
Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth...
The legends consider it their office.
Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up...
wanting to beat a world champion.
Usually they go home with nothing but a story.
Down here, the millionaires are scarce or they're playing craps,
but there's still plenty of money for the taking.
In fact, on the weekends you can't get a game in the city,
because all the New York rounders are taking care of the tourists here.
Hey, hey, why don't you warm up a seat for me. I'll catch up with you.
- What? - Look.
- I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay? - Hey, good.
- I mean, I'm overdue. - Good, man, hey, I was startin' to wonder about you.
I thought, maybe, you know, the boys upstate brought about a few changes in you.
Hey, in your dreams, lover.
- Hey, Mikey! - Hey. - Hey, Mike.
This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield south.
- Ho! - Changing $ .
Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?
Twice in one week.
For someone who don't play, you spend a lot of time in card rooms.
This is what I like to see, huh?
Mike McDermott where he belongs... sittin' with the scumbags.
Tellin' jokes, draggin' the occasional pot.
Occasional? Yeah, like my ex-wife occasionally went out with other men.
Forget her, Face. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight.
But in honor of Mike's alley-like return to the ring,
I'll sit with you all for a while.
Hey, don't do us any favors, Knish.
- They're about to go to the board to fill these seats. - Bet it.
I raise. You know, if we wanted to take each other's rolls,
we could have just stayed home.
[Mike Narrating] These two have no idea...
what they're about to walk into.
Down here to have a good time, they figure...
why not give poker a try?
After all, how different can it be from the home games...
they've played their whole lives?
All the luck in the world isn't gonna change things for these guys.
They're simply overmatched.
We're not playing together, but then again, we're not playing against each other either.
It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?
They wear their tells like signs around their necks.
Facial tics, nervous fingers.
A hand over a mouth.
The way a cigarette is smoked.
Little unconscious gestures that reveal the cards in their hands.
We catch everything.
If a fish acts strong, he's bluffing.
If he acts meek, he's got a hand. It's that simple.
- How are you, you workaholics? - Worm.
Good to see ya. Glad you're out.
Number's changed, of course.
Lotta games this weekend, so you're gonna need the number.
- I'll give you a ring. - Hey, Worm?
Do they allow people like you in places like this?
Zagosh, when you get yourself a job, then you can be my [censored]' P.O.
How about that?
Now, let's get started, shall we?
I'm sorry, sir.
You can't take chips from another player at the table.
We all know each other here.
We're like friends, so if nobody complains, do you have a problem?
- It's all right. - No problem.
- Sir, you have to buy 'em from me. - [Sighs]
[censored] this low-limit [censored]. Can we go get something to eat? I got comped at the noodle bar.
I want to talk to you.
Look who's treatin' to a free meal.
Don't let that M.S.G. [censored] up your head more than it is, Mikey.
You keep grinding out that rent money, Joe. It's noble work you're doing.
So, hey, uh, Nick the Greek.
What's with kitin' my checks?
- I'm on empty, that's why. - You are? You're tapped again?
I mean... How much was the hooker?
- Mike, please. Relaxation therapist. - [Chuckles]
Okay?
- It's not where it went. - Wait a minute.
It went to Roman and Maurice?
I told you, man, you didn't have to give it all back to 'em.
Take a little money for your time, you know?
Hey, that's not where it went either.
- I ran into Grama tonight. - Yeah?
Yeah. He took everything I had.
You're kiddin' me. Wait, who's he working for?
Well, he's sorta out on his own.
This [censored] went around and bought up all my debt. Grama.
That turncoat [censored]. Are you kiddin' me?
So what do you owe him?
I don't know. By his crazy [censored]' gorilla math?
Like, .
- Fifteen? Fifteen? - Yeah, I mean...
He says the juice has been running the entire time on my ten.
- So, it's just like... - Why didn't you tell me that, man?
Why did you not tell me that? I could have paid that off.
- I had the... I had the money. - Hey!
I'm not gonna sit in the can and have my friend paying down my debt.
I'm not a leech, all right?
We can help each other, like always. That's why we're here.
That's... That's why we gotta get in the bigger game.
- Do you hear what I'm saying? - All right. All right.
- Listen, man, I'll help you. You know I'll help you, man. - Yeah?
- I mean, [censored] that guy. We'll figure something out. - Yeah.
How long should we wait?
I suggest we wait another five minutes, and then choose another lead counsel.
Here he comes.
Mr. McDermott, perhaps we can begin now.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Come to order in the matter of Slater v. New York State Higher Education Services.
The facts have been stipulated, the briefs have been read.
Lead counsel for plaintiff, Mr. McDermott,
please proceed with oral arguments now.
If that is convenient for you.
Yes, it is, and again, I'm sorry, ah, that I'm late.
Um...
Well, I think clearly the, uh...
the case which controls the issue at bar would be, uh, Texas v. Johnson,
- Which holds... - [McKinnon] Texas v. Johnson?
Mr. McDermott, that is a Supreme Court free speech case...
that has no bearing in the premises.
Each group was apprised to ignore that aspect of this matter...
and focus instead on the idea of de facto segregation.
Right. Um, well...
Mr. McDermott has been unreachable,
so I'll take over, if it pleases the court.
Someone saying something meaningful would please us a great deal.
What we have here is a clear case of gerrymandering,
impacting schoolchildren and schools in the district...
that was created solely to separate students by race.
Although not dispositive, the student body is more than percent white.
Well, that was impressive.
Usually you have to know something about a case to give an opening statement.
Guys, what... what can I say?
Hey, it worked out great for me, McDermott. I think I actually impressed Marinacci.
Jo.
- Jo. Jo. - What?
We're not gonna talk? You left me pretty quick there.
- You make it sound as if it was my decision. - Well, it wasn't mine.
I came home and you were gone. You were just gonna drop me like that?
I learned it from you, Mike.
You always told me that this was the rule.
Rule number one: Throw in your cards the moment you know they can't win.
- Fold the hand. - Look, this is our thing that we're talking about.
It's not some losing hand of poker.
I know exactly what we're talking about, Mike.
So, that's the last of it, then?
Yeah.
[Scoffs]
I mean, I'd say good luck, but I know it's not about luck in your game.
[Announcer] Eric Seidel cannot win this hand,
and yet he doesn't know it.
Chan is trying to sucker him in by taking his time.
Oh, look at that look of the defending champ.
And now Fifth Street, a six of diamonds. No help.
Johnny Chan has a queen high straight.
Will Eric Seidel fall for the bait?

[GetThere1Time]

[ QUOTE ]
WTF is going on?

[/ QUOTE ]

[snagglepuss]

http://users.adelphia.net/~33h3q/shark.jpg

[Adjutor]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[Man Narrating] Listen, here's the thing.
If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table,
then you are the sucker.
Guys around here'll tell ya... you play for a living.
It's like any other job. You don't gamble. You grind it out.
Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it.
Get your money in when you have the best of it, and protect it when you don't.
Don't give anything away.
That's how I've paid my way through half of law school.
A true grinder.
See, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I've learned this...
If you're too careful, your whole life can become a [censored]' grind.
This is Teddy KGB's place.
- [Man] Five hundred. - You won't find it in the Yellow Pages.
Nope. Not tonight.
No? What?
Give me three stacks of high society.
Thirty thousand. Count it.
- That's good. - So, you're sitting the apple.
- Good. Want a cookie? - No.
[Narrating] He doesn't look like much,
but KGB is connected all the way to the top of the Russian mob.
He's the one guy in the game you don't want to [censored] with.
But if you're looking for high stakes,
this is the only place in town.
They all know me as a small-timer, but that's about to change.
Joey Knish is a New York legend.
He's been a rounder, earning his living at cards...
since he was years old.
What are you, holdin' those for somebody?
Uh, yeah, I'm holding 'em for you.
- You should be. - [Chuckles]
'Cause I hope you're not thinking of putting all that glimmer in play.
[Narrating] He's as close to a friend as there is in this place.
- Come here. - [Narrator] But tonight, I don't want to see him.
Now, you don't wanna butt onions with these guys.
'Cause they'll chew you up, take your whole bankroll.
- So you say. - There's plenty of easy games.
We get outta here, get some coffee, ride over to that soft seat in Queens.
I know what I'm doing.
You're making a run at it, aren't you?
Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas.
I'm right, right?
- I can beat the game. - Maybe.
Maybe this is a game can be beat.
But you know you can beat the - at the Chesterfield and the Hi-Low...
at that goulash joint on th Street.
Okay. I understand.
I understand. Back to battle.
[Narrating] The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em.
Minimum buy-in $ .
A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos.
The stakes attract rich flounders,
and they in turn attract the sharks.
No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.
Each player is dealt two cards face down.
Five cards are then dealt face up across the middle.
These are community cards everyone can use to make the best five card hand.
The key to the game is playing the man, not the cards.
Bet an eight ball.
There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand.
A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt...
and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.
This is why the World Series of Poker is decided over a No-Limit Hold 'Em table.
Some people, pros even, won't play No-Limit.
They can't handle the swings.
But there are others, like Doyle Brunson,
who consider No-Limit the only pure game left.
Like Papa Wallenda said..."Life is on the wire. The rest is just waiting."
Pass it to you.
All right, I raise.
- I'm gonna raise five hundred. - [Man] Fold.
It's a position raise. I call it.
[Narrating] Here's the beauty of this game.
- Go ahead. - [Narrating] I just got top two pair on the flop,
and I want to keep him in the hand.
Against your average guy, I'd set a bear trap, hardly bet at all.
Let him walk into it. But KGB's too smart for that.
So, what I've got to do is over-bet the pot,
make it look like I'm trying to buy it.
- I bet $ . - Then he plays back at me, and I get paid off.
Call.
[Narrating] My guess is Teddy's on a flush draw.
Burn and turn.
[Narrating] There's my money card, nine of hearts.
I got a full house.
- To the bettor. - Check's good.
[Narrating] Now I hope a spade falls and Teddy makes his flush.
That way he'll bet strong, and I'll beat him with my nines full over aces.
I'm going to bet...
Bet...
$ .
Time.
[Narrating] I want him to think that I'm pondering a call,
but all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the [censored] Mirage.
All right, your plus I have another to raise you.
Um...
Yeah, I'm gonna go all in, 'cause I don't think you got the spades.
You are right. I don't have spades.
[Narrating] I know before the cards are even turned over.
Aces full, Mike.
Get up.
Come on. Come on.
- Want some? - No.
I'm down to the felt, Knish. I lost everything.
Man, I lost my case money. I lost my tuition.
It happens to everyone. Time to time, everyone goes bust.
You'll be back in the game before you know it.
I'm done. I'm out of it.
They all say that at first.
Hey, man, let me stake you. Standard deal, you know.
Fifty percent of your winnings. If you lose, it's on me.
I'd just throw it away.
- You still got the truck? - Sure.
Come on.
[Mike Narrating] You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short.
See, I had this picture in my head.
Me sitting at the big table, Doyle to my left,
Amarillo Slim to my right, playing in the World Series of Poker.
And I let that vision blind me at the table against KGB.
Now, the closest I get to Vegas is west New York,
driving this lousy route handed down from Knish...
to rounders who forget the cardinal [censored]' rule...
Always leave yourself outs.
- Hey, Moogie. - Let me ask you a question.
In a legal sense, can [censored]' Steinbrenner just move the Yankees?
Does he have the [censored]' right to just move them?
I don't know. How should I know that?
- You didn't learn that yet? - No, we get to Steinbrenner in the third year of law school.
Oh.
- Take care, man. - Yeah.
- [Chattering] - [Poker Chips Clattering]
[Mike Narrating] The judges' game.
I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school.
A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors and professors.
They all have money, and in my playing days...
it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors.
Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore.
One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense,
but they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle.
Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down.
Place had been open since .
Oh, Michael.
- You got some things for me? - Yes, I do.
Put 'em on the desk, it's all right.
Kid, he paying you for this late night [censored]?
Oh, well, knowledge is my reward, sir.
- [Chuckles] - Let me tell you, it ain't worth it.
Why don't you become a jockey, do something useful.
- [Group Laughs] - Kid's a little tall, isn't he, Gene?
Enough with the Belmont recruiting spiel. Your bet.
- All right. I call. - Michael is lead counsel...
in the Moot Court you're presiding over next week, Gene.
Besides, he could use the background if he's gonna...
clerk for one of you fellas this summer, right?
Abe, I thought you liked the kid. Why do you want to make him a civil servant?
Yeah, look... a word to the wise. Stay in the private sector.
That Nassau defense attorney's game? They use our chips for coasters.
[Mike Narrating] The amazing thing is, in this collection of great legal minds,
there isn't a single real card player.
- I call. - Raise.
Um, the professor raises.
Mike? [Whispers] Michael, I would have just called.
No, you're good.
All right, I call.
[Mike Narrating] I don't know if I'm going to bring my legal career to a crashing halt...
before it even starts, but I just can't help myself.
- Good. - I'm in.
- [Clears Throat] - Read 'em and weep.
Threes check.
Check to Martin and Lewis over there.
- Check to the raiser. - Czechoslovakia.
- What's the limit? - $ . Big bet's $ .
Okay. Good. There's $ .
You've seen half a hand. How the [censored] are you betting into us?
You sure this is wise, Abe? It's your money the kid's bettin' with.
It's plenty wise. We know what we're holding, and we know what you're holding.
[Chuckles] The [censored] you know what we all got.
Summer clerkship in your office says I know what you're holding.
I don't bet with jobs like that.
Let's just say I'll put you at the top of the list if you're right.
Okay. [Clears Throat] Well, you were looking for that third three,
but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street,
and now you're representing that you have it.
The D.A. made his two pair, but he knows they're no good.
Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush, but he came up short,
and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are gonna stand up.
So, like I said, the Dean's bet is $ .
- Well, kiss my ass. - Kiss my ass.
[Group Laughs]
- What'd you have, Abe? - Nothin' but a busted straight.
- Oh, come on. - It's good enough to win. Take it down.
All right, kid, your first assignment. Pull up a seat next to me.
Oh, I'd like to. I can't, I can't. I don't play cards.
- Get outta here! - See you tomorrow.
- Whose deal? - My deal.
- I like the kid, Abe. - Good kid.
Smart kid.
[Mike Narrating] I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game.
An open invitation to lay with those lambs.
But I'm retired.
The truth is, I can always find games, though.
Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games.
I can turn this truck onto the Jersey Turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours.
But I've made promises.
I'm just a law student now.
Hello?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd it go? - Oh, great.
[Sighs] I am sick of that [censored] route.
Don't worry. A few more semesters...
Mmm.
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'm really late. - Oh, just stay here. I'll be really quick.
- You won't feel a thing. [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
We both know that's not true.
Besides, you should get some sleep.
These [censored]' long nights are killing me.
They never used to.
Yeah, well, that's different. I mean, that was like...
buy in at : next thing you know it's morning.
But hey, you know, I think I'm hooked up for this summer.
Hooked up how?
Well, after I left you last night at the library, I impressed Judge Marinacci.
I think I might be in line for a clerkship.
Tell me more.
Well, those guys were all playing cards, and...
Just hear me out now, hear me out.
They were playing cards and I read his hand blind.
So, instead of coming home, you went and played cards with some judge?
No, I wasn't even playing. They were playing.
I just caught his eye by reading his hand, that's all.
I mean, as long as I don't [censored] up Moot Court, I think the job's mine.
What kind of job is that gonna be, Mike?
Writing an opinion on high-stakes poker?
Honey, you're the one who told me...
that I should use my poker skills in the courtroom.
Yeah, I know I said that, but...
You know what I meant. I meant that you should use your head.
You know, the way you calculate odds on the spot, the way you read people.
That's what I meant. I didn't mean that you should try to con your way into a summer job.
- Honey, con? I was networking. - [Laughs] Oh, God.
Networking. Are you trying to con me now?
No.
I just... I don't think you get it.
You'll be just like one of those ex-college athletes.
You know, great job at the D.A. 's office as long as...
they never miss a lawyer's league game.
It's true. I just think if you get in this way,
you'll always be a hustler to them.
Baby, I didn't even play.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh.
- Hey, hon, can I take the Jeep tomorrow? - Yeah, where?
Uh, Worm's gettin' out. I was gonna pick him up.
Tomorrow. Beautiful.
I promised I'd be there, hon.
Worm. I just can't believe you still know someone called "Worm."
He's like my brother.
[censored]. I didn't even play.
[Mike Narrating] I met Worm at Dwight Inglewood Preparatory Academy over in Jersey.
We were the only two kids attending who didn't have a trust fund.
My father's office was there. It said "Custodian" on the door.
That's why they took me.
- [Makes Buzzer Sound] - Pow!
W-Was that, like, your strong finish or something?
- [censored]! - You leave me no choice, the way you play.
That's the fourth time you done played that bitch of spades on my ass.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dowling had it three hands ago, and two hands ago I got the black Maria,
so I don't want to hear you bitchin', okay?
- Yeah, but he shot the moon on that hand, didn't he? - Yeah, I saw that.
- So it helped you. - Now... Okay, you're right.
You ain't walking outta here with our grits, Worm.
You know the drill, okay? I'm not gonna smoke 'em. I'll hold on to 'em.
if you want 'em back, you can trade me for 'em, or try to play double or nothing tomorrow.
Murphy! What the hell you sittin' there for? You're processed. Come on.
Processed? This [censored]'s gettin' the jump.
Come on, man, have some decency here, Worm.
You can buy all the smokes you want in half an hour.
- What are you talking about? I won these fair and square. - You don't even smoke, Worm.
Jesus, you guys are such [censored]' babies. You know that?
If you're determined to die of cancer, you really oughta learn how to play cards.
Ain't a good idea to add insult to injury, yo.
- That [censored] will come back and hurt you. - You know what?
Not in this lifetime. Enjoy your time.
Murphy.
[Mike Narrating] Worm's dad did the grounds, when he wasn't too [censored]' drunk.
That's when we did 'em.
Of course, the grounds weren't all we did.
Worm put us into a scam a day on all the young aristocrats we went to school with...
selling 'em dime bags of oregano, nunchakus and firecrackers from Chinatown.
- Where's the rest? - Kept us in lunch money.
- Thank you. - Until the time we went for...
more than just pocket change and got caught.
We had the starting five take a dive against Friends Academy.
The point guard snapped and gave Worm up.
They hauled him up before the school board, offered him a deal.
Tell us who else was involved, and we'll go easy on you.
Worm didn't say a [censored]' word. Got himself expelled.
- I stayed in school and graduated. - [Guard] Crank the outside.
[Bell Rings]
Not many guys would stand up for a friend like that.
- Ta-da! - [Both Laugh]
- Mike McD. God. I knew you'd be here. - Aw, man.
- You never let me down. - I would have been there every week if you let me, man.
I know, I know. I couldn't let you see me in this [censored] hole.
- Look at you. You look great, man. - You too, you too.
- Did they toughen you up in there? - No, no.
It was a piece of cake. Piece of cake.
Man, look at your ride. You've been prospering while I've been away.
- What have you been up to? - I borrowed it.
Whatever. Just get in it and drive me far away from here.
There's like two whole economies in there... there's cash and there's trade.
So I gotta keep three games going at once, all right?
A game with the white guys, a game with the brothers, and a game with the guards.
And the trick is, I gotta take enough cash off the white guys...
to lose it to the guards so that they keep doing me favors and [censored],
but I gotta trim enough smokes off the black guys that I can trade and keep myself...
in the style that I've grown accustomed to, and all of this without getting my ass kicked.
So you're working with a partner?
No. Who the hell am I gonna trust in there?
- It's just me all alone. - What's this? Come here.
- You like that? Isn't that beautiful? - What is that?
It's like an ace up my sleeve. What else?
Wait till I show you some of my chops, man. I've gotten pretty blinding.
- It's like, it's like, you know... - All right.
It's gonna blow your mind, blow your mind.
You been working? Is your game sharp?
No, man, I'm off it.
What, are you... you gettin' cold cards?
No, man, I mean I quit.
- [Laughs] What, are you [censored] me? - No, man, l...
- I got cleaned out. - Mike McD? You lost?
Yeah, man, l... It was a real blood game over at KGB's place.
You sat down with the Mad Russian and he emptied your pockets?
Yeah. I didn't want to tell you while you were in there.
I didn't want to dispirit you like that.
Jesus, what were you thinking? So, you're just a student now?
- What are you doing for money? - I'm driving Knish's truck.
Oh, God, you're killin' me. Mike, Mike, we gotta get you back on the game.
- The old partners here, we're gonna run like... - No, no, no, I'm off it.
I mean, I really am. Done.
You are, huh? All right. I know a game perfect for the two of us.
It's a berry patch right outside New York City... prime pickings.
- I'll drop you... I'll drop you off. - Okay.
- I mean it. No, I'm really off it. - I know, I know.
This is it, this is it.
So get this, here's the plan. I know this girl Barbara.
She's [censored]' hot. I was this close to bangin' her when they sent me away.
She works as a hostess for all these [censored]' trust fund babies in here.
She got me into their little game.
She introduced me as her cousin from out of town who loves to gamble but wants to learn poker.
That sounds solid. That's a nice hookup.
It's all the way nice. There's only one problem. I got this feeling.
- What feeling is that, exactly? - You know this feeling very well.
- You know, when you got your table all set. - Uh-huh.
- Knife, fork, sauce, A- Luger's, but... - Yeah.
- You just don't have the stake. - Exactly. Glad you understand.
A nickel would start me very nicely.
Whoa, Jesus, what have you been livin' on?
I'm livin' a little light, I told you.
- Anyway, that's $ so that'll get you started. - $ I mean...
Hey, thanks, but I mean, that's, like, bets.
I mean, I can't even get a table on this...
Good, so forget this game. I'll straighten you out in the city tomorrow.
No way. I gotta get started. [Chuckles]
I mean, I'm already behind here.
You just got out. What's the big [censored]' hurry?
The hurry is, other than you, my friend, there's about five guys,
like, eagerly awaiting my release.
- How much do you owe? - Like, ten.
- Ten? - I can't even figure it with the juice.
Hey, look, I can get started on this easy if it's you and me working together.
I heard you asking before, and I hear you asking now, but I can't do that.
I just can't do that. I've made promises.
Hey, you know what? What am I saying? I totally understand, I do.
It's fine. I'll make a couple of moves earlier than I would have normally...
- But thanks, I appreciate it. - Premium hands.
- I'll catch you in the city tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hey, Mike, man. [censored]' great to see ya.
You too.
[Mike Narrating] In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said,
"Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems,
"but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy...
the outstanding tough beats of his career."
Seems true to me. 'Cause walking in here,
I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll,
but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Mike.
- Hi. - Barbara. Worm said you'd be running a little late.
Just follow me.
I probably won't even sit. You know, just kinda keep him company.
No, no, that's not gonna work.
Here's the play... you're my new boyfriend, you're looking for a regular game.
Really? Well, I'm not much of a card player.
[censored]. Worm tells me that's precisely what you are.
My cut is per cent.
- I see. - Good. Come on.
Gentlemen.
- This is my boyfriend Michael. - [Group] Hello, Michael.
[Barbara] Be nice to him.
- Leave him enough money to buy me breakfast. - [Laughter]
- Good luck. - Thanks, sweetie.
Here, why don't you pull up a chair.
- Okay, this one's Chicago. - You know Chicago?
- Uh, remind me. - Stud game.
High spade in the hole wins half the pot.
Okay, well, deal me in, I guess.
- That's you. - Oh, thanks.
Okay.
- That's two on you, Murph. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- I'm in. - I'm gonna make it five.
Hey, big spender.
[Mike Narrating] Worm and I fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe.
We bring out all the old school tricks, stuff that would never play in the city...
signalling, chip placing, trapping.
- We even run the old best hand play. - Raise.
I can probably crack the game just as quickly straight up,
but there's no risk in this room.
Now, some people might look down on Worm's mechanics, call it immoral.
But as Canada Bill Jones said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."
Like they teach you in One-L...
caveat emptor, pal.
- I got the boat, queens over. - [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] He asked you if that stung, Birch.
[Mike Narrating] Worm really has become an artist, too.
Discard culls, pickup culls, overhand run ups, the Double Duke...
His technique is flawless. But his judgment is a little off.
A few times, I have to fold the case on him, just so it won't be obvious.
Still, he plays the part of the loser to perfection.
Flush.
I got the full house. I got the queens over the aces.
Ahh, [censored]! You know what?
- [censored] you and your never-ending string of boats, okay? - Hey.
Well, my Uncle Les says when the money's gone, it's time to move on,
so enjoy it, you secret handshaking [censored].
Murph! Hey, come back any time. Your money's always good here.
- [Door Closes] - Good night, Mike. See you next time.
You guys, uh, wanna keep playing?
How'd we do? Oh, beautiful.
[censored]' [censored], they deserved it.
All right, $ that's your cut.
- Thank you very much, boys. - Hey, you were great. Great.
- When can we do this again? - No, no, it was a one-time thing for me.
- Just because. - Forget it.
- Uh, two weeks. - Two weeks? Okay. Okay.
- Hey, thanks a lot. Yeah. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I had to try, right?
Bye.
Hey, how'd you know I was coming back?
That's easy. Who's your favorite actor?
Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name.
He always doubles back for a friend.
[Worm] Hey, we made good time. Wanna get breakfast?
[Mike] No, I gotta get home. If she hasn't already changed the locks on me.
Just do me a favor. Give me five minutes.
Get me straightened out.
This may not look like Teddy's place, but it ain't the Ivy Leagues either.
So don't [censored] around. You gotta play on your belly.
All right. No problem.
Hey, you know I have no problem with the way you help yourself,
but these guys are fast company.
- They'll spot every move. - Tough customers, huh?
- Yeah. I'm serious. - All right.
- You won't just get a finger up your spine. - Okay, I hear ya.
- I'm playing straight. - [Buzzes]
Michael McDermott.
- How you doin', Mikey? - Good, how you doin'?
Good. You know, um,
the computer tried to delete you last week.
- Oh, yeah? - But I knew you'd be back.
Oh, no, I'm not back, I just...
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Um, this is Les Murphy. He's like my brother.
Call me Worm.
- [Phone Rings] - Hey. Don't wiggle away.
Hey, what's she wearing the button for?
They're wired right into the precinct. They got 'em on the payroll.
- What are they playing? - Uh, - forced rotation.
It's the only game going right now.
Is that Fat Greggie sitting - ? The game's that soft?
Yeah. It's a real live game. So, you guys gonna play?
- No. - Hell, yeah, I'm gonna play.
- Oh, come on, you're not gonna walk away from this. - Not gonna happen.
Mike, we could cut this room up in an hour.
All right, run along, then. Say hi to her for me.
- Me, too. - I will. Take care of him.
Jesus. What a [censored]' waste.
Do you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.
- That's not so bad, is it? - Depends on the grip.
- Come on, give me $ . - On the finger?
You heard Mike. He's good for it. Come on.
Look, I'm gonna triple that in half an hour, princess. Let's go.
Okay.
[Keys Jingling, Door Opening]
Hey.
Reunion run a little late?
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake you up.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
Well, why don't you change and we'll get a cab.
Um, why don't you just go ahead, and I'm gonna jump in the shower.
And if I miss a little bit of the Mulligan meeting, just cover for me, all right?
Hey.
At least give me a story. You know, I mean...
I mean, tell me you were out drinking till you threw up.
Tell me you were getting lap dances over at Scores.
- I don't care, just give me something. - I was entertaining Worm.
- Uh-huh. - The least I can do for the guy.
- So, you were nowhere near a card game. - Sweetie.
What? I'm asking you a question.
- I'm just... - No. I was nowhere near a card game.
All right?
All right. I'll wait for you.
I mean, the key is a seamless passing of the baton among the team.
I think the most important thing is to be respectful to the judges but not obsequious.
Now, wait a minute. Make sure to be deferential.
Gene Marinacci won't buy deferential.
Oh, it's Gene, is it?
Well, I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel,
and it's got nothing to do with your punctuality.
Sorry. I couldn't find a cab.
Anyway, when you make the opening remarks, make sure you stick to the fact pattern.
And use the right cites. Use book cites, not Lexis.
Hi, Jo.
- Long time. - Knish. How are you?
The same.
I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen,
but l, uh, I need a word.
- Um... - It's important.
Okay. Excuse me.
Sorry.
- I'll act as lead counsel. - It's all right, Kelly.
We were gonna take a break anyway.
Coffee time.
The guy's a cheat. He always has been.
Right now, he's over at Chesterfield's, ruining your reputation...
with every lousy second he deals.
[censored]. I told him. Did anybody else see him?
Nobody saw... I heard it. Snapping sound gave it away.
I didn't know him, I might not have noticed.
I turn around, and I see him with the mechanic's grip, I know.
- You want one? - Did you give him the office?
I tried to warn him, but he looked right through me.
- All right, I'll go get him. - No, no, no. He's okay now.
Most of those Georges are at the tail end of a -hour session.
They can't see straight. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
But if he's still there when Roman and Maurice start their game,
he's gonna wish he was still inside.
I'm gonna go get him.
[Mike Narrating] Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time,
held to his father's maxim...
"You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once."
Gotta bet my jacks.
This is a lesson Worm's never bothered to learn.
- [Speaking Russian] - Hey, guys.
English only at the table, no Russian.
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
If you want to see this seventh card, you're gonna stop speaking [censored]' Sputnik.
- Oh, da, [censored]. - You're worried we might work together.
I'm sure you're just talking about perogies...
and snow and [censored], but let's cut it out, all right?
There's the river, down and dirty.
I think you got that ace, Roman, but I'm gonna pay for it.
Okay, well, I got the jacks. Come on.
- Ace. - Oh, you got it. - And six.
Wow, two pair. But I got sevens, too, though.
- With my jacks. - [censored], slow rolling me like that.
You said just jacks.
But you made me for the sevens, Maurice. You're a player.
- [censored]! - Hey, come on! Don't be a [censored]' baby.
- Hey, Maurice. - [Together] Hey.
Hey, Mike, you here to play? Come on, we need some new blood.
They're putting a [censored] bracelet on me tomorrow for four months.
- I already stuck two racks. - Well, have a good rest, man.
Can I talk to you for a second, Cosmonaut?
No, man, I'm on a roll. This is a very emotional game.
Gotta do it.
- [Speaking In Russian] - I counted these.
Leave it. It's fine.
[Speaking In Russian]
- What's going on? - Where are you at?
I was pumped up eight G's. I was ready to go on a run when you came along.
- All right, listen. - Hey, wait, I want a hot dog.
You're in town for five [censored]' minutes, you already got a sign on your back.
Oh, what, that [censored]' Knish rat me out?
You gotta stop listening to that guy, man.
He sees all the angles, but he doesn't have the balls to play one.
Hey, that guy hasn't had to work in years, Worm.
You don't think that's work, what he does?
Grinding it out on his [censored]' leather ass? No, thank you.
I thought so, too, all right? Now I know what real work is.
Speaking of which, are you even gonna get a job?
Or are you just gonna go back to printing those credit cards?
- Huh? You gonna go away again? - I wasn't printing.
I was distributing. Distributing. It's different, okay?
Second of all, I'm never going back there.
Stop worrying so much, okay?
Come here.
I just want you to think long term, all right? Be smart.
Every place in Manhattan, they all keep books, all right?
If you get listed as a mechanic, then not only are you gonna get the [censored] kicked out of you,
you're not gonna get a [censored]' game anywhere in New York.
It's stupid. It's just bad business.
Look, this is what I love about you... you think about the big picture.
That's great, okay? But it's not me.
I don't play the game straight up, and then if I lose,
go get some real work or something, okay?
I see a mark, I take him down.
That's what I do. That's the way I live.
I know. Listen, you're the guy who taught me all the angles.
- But I'm not the guy with my nose open right now. - Aw, come on.
I'm not gonna preach to you, but those two guys in there, they're not rabbits.
Roman and Maurice? They're Russian outfit guys.
Not as bad as KGB, but you don't want to be [censored]' with those guys.
With those fake Versace shirts and [censored]? Jesus.
Look, you still got time. Just go back in there, right?
Lose their [censored]' money back to 'em, all right?
Just make it look good. Just catch a run of real [censored] cards.
- Give it back to 'em. - I can't. I can't.
I gotta put some scratch together, man. I gotta get somethin' going.
Then go out to suburbia, man. Play in a [censored]' dentist's game, okay?
- Go to Swan Meadow, play in the golf pro game. - That's an idea.
I'll definitely do that, but I can't dump to these guys.
You got to.
All right, whatever, whatever.
Meet me at Stromboli's in half an hour, all right?
I can't, I gotta go. I have a meeting.
And then I gotta go to [censored]' Queens. I gotta load the truck.
Jesus, man, you're such a [censored]' workin' man now. I'm never gonna see you.
- Make it look good. I mean it, make it look good. - You know me.
- So, how'd you do? - Ah, so-so.
Six thousand, two thousand.
Oh, hold on. Two more.
All right, so it's ten grand total,
take back the two we lent you, give you the white meat.
You know what?
Why don't you give me all of it?
Usually, credit players only leave with their profit.
Otherwise, the juice starts five points a week on Mike.
Oh, okay. We'll owe you.
[Sighs]
Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
Didn't want to be found.
You know, Petrovsky waited and waited. So did the rest of the group.
- Jo, look, I missed one meeting. - It's not about the meeting.
I don't care about the meeting. Do you even know why I left this morning?
- I found that gangster's roll in your pocket. - It's not what you think.
- It's not what you think. - Who do you think I am? You lie right to my face?
Look, old days at least you never lied.
You lost everything, but at least you never lied.
Jo, this wasn't even a real game. This was like Wiffle Ball.
- Can you lose your rent playing Wiffle Ball? - No, I couldn't lose.
- That's the point. - No, Mike, you can lose.
I watched you, I stood by you while you lost everything before.
- I don't think I can go through that with you again. - Jo, I wasn't gonna lose!
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table...
at the World Series of Poker every single year?
What are they, the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
- It's a skill game, Jo. - Great. So why'd you have to lie to me?
- Because I knew you wouldn't understand. - Understand what?
Last night, I sat down at this card table.
I felt alive for the first time since I got busted at KGB's joint, okay?
You just told me you felt alive for the first time at a [censored] card table.
- No, what... - What's that supposed to make me understand?
[Sighs]
[Rock]
Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you
- You said you need me but it's quarter to : - I heard you was out.
Hey, [censored]' Grama. How you doin'?
- I was just thinkin' about you. You know, I could use you. - Oh, yeah?
See me in, like, two weeks. I'll put you back on the payroll.
Well, I got some bad news for ya, Worm. I'm out on my own now.
- Really? - Yeah.
Go figure.
There were a lot of angry people when you went away. A lot of people were mad.
I know, Grama, that's why I'm trying to put together a roll here.
A lot of people coming up to me, asking if I could help,
asking if I knew where to find you.
- So, it got me to thinkin'. - Really, you thinkin' now? That's big.
Hey, Jesus! Come on! Take it easy.
It's just a friend of mine.
Hey! Easy, easy, easy, easy. God!
Get the [censored] outta here. What did I say?
- Hey, man, take it easy! - Get the [censored] outta here!
Okay. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Instead of you owing grand spread out to five guys, you owe to me.
What? Where the [censored] do you get off? grand?
Where the [censored] do I get off?
[Grunts] Ohh.
Here's how it is. grand, and the juice is still runnin'.
Jesus Christ.
What the [censored] are you doin', man? You were my partner.
No, no, I was your lackey.
But I learned a few things, Worm.
I consolidated your outstanding debt.
[Scoffs] Where'd you get the scratch for that?
You've been rolling [censored] in the Village again. [Grunts]
- Still a wise ass. Unbelievable. - [Spits]
What I did was go partners with an old friend of yours.
Teddy KGB backed me.
[censored]. [censored].
[Spits] Teddy's got plenty of goons.
Why would he put you under his flag?
Because as soon as he heard your name, he became real excited for the prospect.
What, so you bought me up, Grama? [Scoffs]
Yeah, got a real sweet deal, too. cents on the dollar.
There's not a lot of faith in you out there in the business community.
Great, so you're a banker now, Grama. That's really classy.
Not exactly. I don't have to tell you my collection methods.
[Sighs] Oh, God. All right, look.
Just take it easy, all right?
I'll scrape something together, and I'll find you this week.
- That's just what I figured. - No, no, no.
- So I'm gonna take what you got on you right now. - Here. Fine.
Have yourself a ball, okay?
[Sighs, Chuckles]
[Groans] God!
Damn! [Groans]
Excuse me.
Mind if I sit?
Michael.
Please, please. Sit, sit.
That was a nifty trick the other night.
- It was wonderful. - [Chuckles] Thank you.
Marinacci and the D.A. were ready to cut cards for your services at that point.
[Chuckles]
Of course, it was an altogether different trick, that disappearing act...
you pulled today at your group's meeting.
- Yeah. Well, I figure I owe you an explanation. - Ah, not to me.
I'm sure there's a good reason you left.
You'll just have to work harder. Prepare.
- [Chuckles] - And smooth things out with the others.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay, well, thanks. - Stay. Take a drink.
- Jamie? - Yeah?
- Another glass, darling. - Sure.
- What are you drinking? - Gin. Always gin.
- Here you go. - Thanks, dear.
Thank you.
I know a magician doesn't divulge his secrets, but...
[Chuckles] I'm no magician.
Well, if it wasn't magic,
how did you know what everyone held?
It's a combination of things.
Um, I was watching when the cards came out.
That's... That's just an old habit with me, like breathing.
You watch the cards.
I watch the cards also, but I watch the players reacting to the cards.
That's how I knew the D.A. made his two pair,
and Judge Kaplan missed the flush.
I was watching their eyes when they checked their river cards.
- Their faces tell you everything. - You watch the man.
l... I never knew you had to calculate so much at cards.
All right, here's the thing. You only play premium hands.
You only start with jacks or better split,
nines or better wired, three high cards to a flush.
If it's good enough to call, you gotta be in there raising, all right?
I mean, tight, but aggressive. And I do mean aggressive. That's your style, Professor.
I mean, you gotta... you gotta think of it as a war.
You are officially never invited to our game again. [Chuckles]
I don't blame you. Put a guy like me in a game like that, the cards don't even matter.
I'll play it blind.
Michael,
- May I tell you a story? - Please.
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis.
In Israel, before that in Europe.
It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy.
The pride of my yeshiva.
The elders said I had a -year-old's understanding...
of the midrash by the time I was .
But by the time I was
I knew I could never be a rabbi.
Why not?
Because for all I understood of the Talmud,
I never saw God there.
- You couldn't lie to yourself. - I tried.
Tried like crazy.
I mean, people were counting on me.
But yours is a respectable profession.
Not to my family.
My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision.
My father sent me away to New York...
to live with distant cousins.
Eventually, l... I found my place,
my life's work.
What then?
I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae,
I learned everything I could about the law.
I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.
- And did your parents get over it? - No.
I always hoped that I would find...
some way to change their minds, but...
They were inconsolable.
My father never spoke to me again.
If you had to do it all over again,
would you make the same choices?
What choice?
The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this...
We can't run from who we are.
Our destiny chooses us.
Hey. L'chayim.
Hey.
Hey, where you been? I've been freezing my ass off.
- What happened? - Ah, ran into a door. Don't worry about it.
- What happened? - Hey! She crossed her legs too fast, all right?
- Just mind your own business. - You comin' up?
No, I've been standing out here all this time just to say hi.
Listen, things haven't been that smooth on the home front,
so tone it down a little, all right?
- Tone down what, [censored]? - Great.
- Never mind. - [Laughs]
When you become a big shot lawyer, could you find us an elevator building?
Shut up.
What, did you get robbed?
Um, not exactly.
Wait, wait, wait. Did she split on you?
[Scoffs] Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
I always told her she'd be a good card player.
- Know exactly when to release a [censored] hand. - Come on, Mike, forget that.
This girl is obviously wrapped way too tight for living.
No, she was a good... I knew it. I [censored]' knew it.
[Sighs] It's depressing.
You can't trust 'em. You can't trust 'em at all.
I mean, look at you. You domesticated yourself for this girl.
You took yourself out of the life. You walked the [censored]' line for her.
And the minute you want a little of it back, she walks out on you.
It's just like the saying says, you know?
In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
- They are the [censored]' rake. - What the [censored] are you talking about?
What saying?
I don't know. But there oughta be one.
- You know what cheers me up when I'm feelin' [censored]? - What?
Rolled up aces over kings.
- That right? - Yeah.
Check raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off 'em.
- Yeah? - Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Playin' all night, high-limit Hold' Em at the Taj.
- Where the sand turns to gold. - [censored] it, let's go.
- Don't tease me. - Let's play some [censored]' cards.
[Mike Narrating] The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas...
is the center of the poker universe.
Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth...
The legends consider it their office.
Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up...
wanting to beat a world champion.
Usually they go home with nothing but a story.
Down here, the millionaires are scarce or they're playing craps,
but there's still plenty of money for the taking.
In fact, on the weekends you can't get a game in the city,
because all the New York rounders are taking care of the tourists here.
Hey, hey, why don't you warm up a seat for me. I'll catch up with you.
- What? - Look.
- I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay? - Hey, good.
- I mean, I'm overdue. - Good, man, hey, I was startin' to wonder about you.
I thought, maybe, you know, the boys upstate brought about a few changes in you.
Hey, in your dreams, lover.
- Hey, Mikey! - Hey. - Hey, Mike.
This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield south.
- Ho! - Changing $ .
Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?
Twice in one week.
For someone who don't play, you spend a lot of time in card rooms.
This is what I like to see, huh?
Mike McDermott where he belongs... sittin' with the scumbags.
Tellin' jokes, draggin' the occasional pot.
Occasional? Yeah, like my ex-wife occasionally went out with other men.
Forget her, Face. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight.
But in honor of Mike's alley-like return to the ring,
I'll sit with you all for a while.
Hey, don't do us any favors, Knish.
- They're about to go to the board to fill these seats. - Bet it.
I raise. You know, if we wanted to take each other's rolls,
we could have just stayed home.
[Mike Narrating] These two have no idea...
what they're about to walk into.
Down here to have a good time, they figure...
why not give poker a try?
After all, how different can it be from the home games...
they've played their whole lives?
All the luck in the world isn't gonna change things for these guys.
They're simply overmatched.
We're not playing together, but then again, we're not playing against each other either.
It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?
They wear their tells like signs around their necks.
Facial tics, nervous fingers.
A hand over a mouth.
The way a cigarette is smoked.
Little unconscious gestures that reveal the cards in their hands.
We catch everything.
If a fish acts strong, he's bluffing.
If he acts meek, he's got a hand. It's that simple.
- How are you, you workaholics? - Worm.
Good to see ya. Glad you're out.
Number's changed, of course.
Lotta games this weekend, so you're gonna need the number.
- I'll give you a ring. - Hey, Worm?
Do they allow people like you in places like this?
Zagosh, when you get yourself a job, then you can be my [censored]' P.O.
How about that?
Now, let's get started, shall we?
I'm sorry, sir.
You can't take chips from another player at the table.
We all know each other here.
We're like friends, so if nobody complains, do you have a problem?
- It's all right. - No problem.
- Sir, you have to buy 'em from me. - [Sighs]
[censored] this low-limit [censored]. Can we go get something to eat? I got comped at the noodle bar.
I want to talk to you.
Look who's treatin' to a free meal.
Don't let that M.S.G. [censored] up your head more than it is, Mikey.
You keep grinding out that rent money, Joe. It's noble work you're doing.
So, hey, uh, Nick the Greek.
What's with kitin' my checks?
- I'm on empty, that's why. - You are? You're tapped again?
I mean... How much was the hooker?
- Mike, please. Relaxation therapist. - [Chuckles]
Okay?
- It's not where it went. - Wait a minute.
It went to Roman and Maurice?
I told you, man, you didn't have to give it all back to 'em.
Take a little money for your time, you know?
Hey, that's not where it went either.
- I ran into Grama tonight. - Yeah?
Yeah. He took everything I had.
You're kiddin' me. Wait, who's he working for?
Well, he's sorta out on his own.
This [censored] went around and bought up all my debt. Grama.
That turncoat [censored]. Are you kiddin' me?
So what do you owe him?
I don't know. By his crazy [censored]' gorilla math?
Like, .
- Fifteen? Fifteen? - Yeah, I mean...
He says the juice has been running the entire time on my ten.
- So, it's just like... - Why didn't you tell me that, man?
Why did you not tell me that? I could have paid that off.
- I had the... I had the money. - Hey!
I'm not gonna sit in the can and have my friend paying down my debt.
I'm not a leech, all right?
We can help each other, like always. That's why we're here.
That's... That's why we gotta get in the bigger game.
- Do you hear what I'm saying? - All right. All right.
- Listen, man, I'll help you. You know I'll help you, man. - Yeah?
- I mean, [censored] that guy. We'll figure something out. - Yeah.
How long should we wait?
I suggest we wait another five minutes, and then choose another lead counsel.
Here he comes.
Mr. McDermott, perhaps we can begin now.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Come to order in the matter of Slater v. New York State Higher Education Services.
The facts have been stipulated, the briefs have been read.
Lead counsel for plaintiff, Mr. McDermott,
please proceed with oral arguments now.
If that is convenient for you.
Yes, it is, and again, I'm sorry, ah, that I'm late.
Um...
Well, I think clearly the, uh...
the case which controls the issue at bar would be, uh, Texas v. Johnson,
- Which holds... - [McKinnon] Texas v. Johnson?
Mr. McDermott, that is a Supreme Court free speech case...
that has no bearing in the premises.
Each group was apprised to ignore that aspect of this matter...
and focus instead on the idea of de facto segregation.
Right. Um, well...
Mr. McDermott has been unreachable,
so I'll take over, if it pleases the court.
Someone saying something meaningful would please us a great deal.
What we have here is a clear case of gerrymandering,
impacting schoolchildren and schools in the district...
that was created solely to separate students by race.
Although not dispositive, the student body is more than percent white.
Well, that was impressive.
Usually you have to know something about a case to give an opening statement.
Guys, what... what can I say?
Hey, it worked out great for me, McDermott. I think I actually impressed Marinacci.
Jo.
- Jo. Jo. - What?
We're not gonna talk? You left me pretty quick there.
- You make it sound as if it was my decision. - Well, it wasn't mine.
I came home and you were gone. You were just gonna drop me like that?
I learned it from you, Mike.
You always told me that this was the rule.
Rule number one: Throw in your cards the moment you know they can't win.
- Fold the hand. - Look, this is our thing that we're talking about.
It's not some losing hand of poker.
I know exactly what we're talking about, Mike.
So, that's the last of it, then?
Yeah.
[Scoffs]
I mean, I'd say good luck, but I know it's not about luck in your game.
[Announcer] Eric Seidel cannot win this hand,
and yet he doesn't know it.
Chan is trying to sucker him in by taking his time.
Oh, look at that look of the defending champ.
And now Fifth Street, a six of diamonds. No help.
Johnny Chan has a queen high straight.<br /

[Fight Club]

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WTF?

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[neverforgetlol]

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ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

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so i take it you lack stairs

[Spechel EDD]

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ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

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[CheckRaise]

Are you people are retarded?

[psyduck]

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Are you people are retarded?

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no u

[Dan87]

Oh hay goons wats up?

Its my first post here so I was wondering if you could help me with my girlfriend if shes cheating i dunno lolz respond!

Dan

[neverforgetlol]

Post deleted by neverforgetlol

[neverforgetlol]

http://forumimages.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/emot-gb2fyad.gif

[nubs]

tl;dr

[Fight Club]

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http://users.adelphia.net/~33h3q/shark.jpg

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This freaks me out.

[deaders]

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ugh goons are fucking retarded and not funny at all

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word

but do u have stairs lolol.

[Baloosh]

This is one [censored]-ass invasion duders.

We need some FYAD forum invasions a la Pele.

[Superfluous Man]

In before fiestacat.

[absoludicrous]

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[Man Narrating] Listen, here's the thing.
If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table,
then you are the sucker.
Guys around here'll tell ya... you play for a living.
It's like any other job. You don't gamble. You grind it out.
Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it.
Get your money in when you have the best of it, and protect it when you don't.
Don't give anything away.
That's how I've paid my way through half of law school.
A true grinder.
See, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I've learned this...
If you're too careful, your whole life can become a [censored]' grind.
This is Teddy KGB's place.
- [Man] Five hundred. - You won't find it in the Yellow Pages.
Nope. Not tonight.
No? What?
Give me three stacks of high society.
Thirty thousand. Count it.
- That's good. - So, you're sitting the apple.
- Good. Want a cookie? - No.
[Narrating] He doesn't look like much,
but KGB is connected all the way to the top of the Russian mob.
He's the one guy in the game you don't want to [censored] with.
But if you're looking for high stakes,
this is the only place in town.
They all know me as a small-timer, but that's about to change.
Joey Knish is a New York legend.
He's been a rounder, earning his living at cards...
since he was years old.
What are you, holdin' those for somebody?
Uh, yeah, I'm holding 'em for you.
- You should be. - [Chuckles]
'Cause I hope you're not thinking of putting all that glimmer in play.
[Narrating] He's as close to a friend as there is in this place.
- Come here. - [Narrator] But tonight, I don't want to see him.
Now, you don't wanna butt onions with these guys.
'Cause they'll chew you up, take your whole bankroll.
- So you say. - There's plenty of easy games.
We get outta here, get some coffee, ride over to that soft seat in Queens.
I know what I'm doing.
You're making a run at it, aren't you?
Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas.
I'm right, right?
- I can beat the game. - Maybe.
Maybe this is a game can be beat.
But you know you can beat the - at the Chesterfield and the Hi-Low...
at that goulash joint on th Street.
Okay. I understand.
I understand. Back to battle.
[Narrating] The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em.
Minimum buy-in $ .
A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos.
The stakes attract rich flounders,
and they in turn attract the sharks.
No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.
Each player is dealt two cards face down.
Five cards are then dealt face up across the middle.
These are community cards everyone can use to make the best five card hand.
The key to the game is playing the man, not the cards.
Bet an eight ball.
There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand.
A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt...
and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.
This is why the World Series of Poker is decided over a No-Limit Hold 'Em table.
Some people, pros even, won't play No-Limit.
They can't handle the swings.
But there are others, like Doyle Brunson,
who consider No-Limit the only pure game left.
Like Papa Wallenda said..."Life is on the wire. The rest is just waiting."
Pass it to you.
All right, I raise.
- I'm gonna raise five hundred. - [Man] Fold.
It's a position raise. I call it.
[Narrating] Here's the beauty of this game.
- Go ahead. - [Narrating] I just got top two pair on the flop,
and I want to keep him in the hand.
Against your average guy, I'd set a bear trap, hardly bet at all.
Let him walk into it. But KGB's too smart for that.
So, what I've got to do is over-bet the pot,
make it look like I'm trying to buy it.
- I bet $ . - Then he plays back at me, and I get paid off.
Call.
[Narrating] My guess is Teddy's on a flush draw.
Burn and turn.
[Narrating] There's my money card, nine of hearts.
I got a full house.
- To the bettor. - Check's good.
[Narrating] Now I hope a spade falls and Teddy makes his flush.
That way he'll bet strong, and I'll beat him with my nines full over aces.
I'm going to bet...
Bet...
$ .
Time.
[Narrating] I want him to think that I'm pondering a call,
but all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the [censored] Mirage.
All right, your plus I have another to raise you.
Um...
Yeah, I'm gonna go all in, 'cause I don't think you got the spades.
You are right. I don't have spades.
[Narrating] I know before the cards are even turned over.
Aces full, Mike.
Get up.
Come on. Come on.
- Want some? - No.
I'm down to the felt, Knish. I lost everything.
Man, I lost my case money. I lost my tuition.
It happens to everyone. Time to time, everyone goes bust.
You'll be back in the game before you know it.
I'm done. I'm out of it.
They all say that at first.
Hey, man, let me stake you. Standard deal, you know.
Fifty percent of your winnings. If you lose, it's on me.
I'd just throw it away.
- You still got the truck? - Sure.
Come on.
[Mike Narrating] You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short.
See, I had this picture in my head.
Me sitting at the big table, Doyle to my left,
Amarillo Slim to my right, playing in the World Series of Poker.
And I let that vision blind me at the table against KGB.
Now, the closest I get to Vegas is west New York,
driving this lousy route handed down from Knish...
to rounders who forget the cardinal [censored]' rule...
Always leave yourself outs.
- Hey, Moogie. - Let me ask you a question.
In a legal sense, can [censored]' Steinbrenner just move the Yankees?
Does he have the [censored]' right to just move them?
I don't know. How should I know that?
- You didn't learn that yet? - No, we get to Steinbrenner in the third year of law school.
Oh.
- Take care, man. - Yeah.
- [Chattering] - [Poker Chips Clattering]
[Mike Narrating] The judges' game.
I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school.
A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors and professors.
They all have money, and in my playing days...
it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors.
Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore.
One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense,
but they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle.
Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down.
Place had been open since .
Oh, Michael.
- You got some things for me? - Yes, I do.
Put 'em on the desk, it's all right.
Kid, he paying you for this late night [censored]?
Oh, well, knowledge is my reward, sir.
- [Chuckles] - Let me tell you, it ain't worth it.
Why don't you become a jockey, do something useful.
- [Group Laughs] - Kid's a little tall, isn't he, Gene?
Enough with the Belmont recruiting spiel. Your bet.
- All right. I call. - Michael is lead counsel...
in the Moot Court you're presiding over next week, Gene.
Besides, he could use the background if he's gonna...
clerk for one of you fellas this summer, right?
Abe, I thought you liked the kid. Why do you want to make him a civil servant?
Yeah, look... a word to the wise. Stay in the private sector.
That Nassau defense attorney's game? They use our chips for coasters.
[Mike Narrating] The amazing thing is, in this collection of great legal minds,
there isn't a single real card player.
- I call. - Raise.
Um, the professor raises.
Mike? [Whispers] Michael, I would have just called.
No, you're good.
All right, I call.
[Mike Narrating] I don't know if I'm going to bring my legal career to a crashing halt...
before it even starts, but I just can't help myself.
- Good. - I'm in.
- [Clears Throat] - Read 'em and weep.
Threes check.
Check to Martin and Lewis over there.
- Check to the raiser. - Czechoslovakia.
- What's the limit? - $ . Big bet's $ .
Okay. Good. There's $ .
You've seen half a hand. How the [censored] are you betting into us?
You sure this is wise, Abe? It's your money the kid's bettin' with.
It's plenty wise. We know what we're holding, and we know what you're holding.
[Chuckles] The [censored] you know what we all got.
Summer clerkship in your office says I know what you're holding.
I don't bet with jobs like that.
Let's just say I'll put you at the top of the list if you're right.
Okay. [Clears Throat] Well, you were looking for that third three,
but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street,
and now you're representing that you have it.
The D.A. made his two pair, but he knows they're no good.
Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush, but he came up short,
and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are gonna stand up.
So, like I said, the Dean's bet is $ .
- Well, kiss my ass. - Kiss my ass.
[Group Laughs]
- What'd you have, Abe? - Nothin' but a busted straight.
- Oh, come on. - It's good enough to win. Take it down.
All right, kid, your first assignment. Pull up a seat next to me.
Oh, I'd like to. I can't, I can't. I don't play cards.
- Get outta here! - See you tomorrow.
- Whose deal? - My deal.
- I like the kid, Abe. - Good kid.
Smart kid.
[Mike Narrating] I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game.
An open invitation to lay with those lambs.
But I'm retired.
The truth is, I can always find games, though.
Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games.
I can turn this truck onto the Jersey Turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours.
But I've made promises.
I'm just a law student now.
Hello?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd it go? - Oh, great.
[Sighs] I am sick of that [censored] route.
Don't worry. A few more semesters...
Mmm.
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'm really late. - Oh, just stay here. I'll be really quick.
- You won't feel a thing. [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
We both know that's not true.
Besides, you should get some sleep.
These [censored]' long nights are killing me.
They never used to.
Yeah, well, that's different. I mean, that was like...
buy in at : next thing you know it's morning.
But hey, you know, I think I'm hooked up for this summer.
Hooked up how?
Well, after I left you last night at the library, I impressed Judge Marinacci.
I think I might be in line for a clerkship.
Tell me more.
Well, those guys were all playing cards, and...
Just hear me out now, hear me out.
They were playing cards and I read his hand blind.
So, instead of coming home, you went and played cards with some judge?
No, I wasn't even playing. They were playing.
I just caught his eye by reading his hand, that's all.
I mean, as long as I don't [censored] up Moot Court, I think the job's mine.
What kind of job is that gonna be, Mike?
Writing an opinion on high-stakes poker?
Honey, you're the one who told me...
that I should use my poker skills in the courtroom.
Yeah, I know I said that, but...
You know what I meant. I meant that you should use your head.
You know, the way you calculate odds on the spot, the way you read people.
That's what I meant. I didn't mean that you should try to con your way into a summer job.
- Honey, con? I was networking. - [Laughs] Oh, God.
Networking. Are you trying to con me now?
No.
I just... I don't think you get it.
You'll be just like one of those ex-college athletes.
You know, great job at the D.A. 's office as long as...
they never miss a lawyer's league game.
It's true. I just think if you get in this way,
you'll always be a hustler to them.
Baby, I didn't even play.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh.
- Hey, hon, can I take the Jeep tomorrow? - Yeah, where?
Uh, Worm's gettin' out. I was gonna pick him up.
Tomorrow. Beautiful.
I promised I'd be there, hon.
Worm. I just can't believe you still know someone called "Worm."
He's like my brother.
[censored]. I didn't even play.
[Mike Narrating] I met Worm at Dwight Inglewood Preparatory Academy over in Jersey.
We were the only two kids attending who didn't have a trust fund.
My father's office was there. It said "Custodian" on the door.
That's why they took me.
- [Makes Buzzer Sound] - Pow!
W-Was that, like, your strong finish or something?
- [censored]! - You leave me no choice, the way you play.
That's the fourth time you done played that bitch of spades on my ass.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dowling had it three hands ago, and two hands ago I got the black Maria,
so I don't want to hear you bitchin', okay?
- Yeah, but he shot the moon on that hand, didn't he? - Yeah, I saw that.
- So it helped you. - Now... Okay, you're right.
You ain't walking outta here with our grits, Worm.
You know the drill, okay? I'm not gonna smoke 'em. I'll hold on to 'em.
if you want 'em back, you can trade me for 'em, or try to play double or nothing tomorrow.
Murphy! What the hell you sittin' there for? You're processed. Come on.
Processed? This [censored]'s gettin' the jump.
Come on, man, have some decency here, Worm.
You can buy all the smokes you want in half an hour.
- What are you talking about? I won these fair and square. - You don't even smoke, Worm.
Jesus, you guys are such [censored]' babies. You know that?
If you're determined to die of cancer, you really oughta learn how to play cards.
Ain't a good idea to add insult to injury, yo.
- That [censored] will come back and hurt you. - You know what?
Not in this lifetime. Enjoy your time.
Murphy.
[Mike Narrating] Worm's dad did the grounds, when he wasn't too [censored]' drunk.
That's when we did 'em.
Of course, the grounds weren't all we did.
Worm put us into a scam a day on all the young aristocrats we went to school with...
selling 'em dime bags of oregano, nunchakus and firecrackers from Chinatown.
- Where's the rest? - Kept us in lunch money.
- Thank you. - Until the time we went for...
more than just pocket change and got caught.
We had the starting five take a dive against Friends Academy.
The point guard snapped and gave Worm up.
They hauled him up before the school board, offered him a deal.
Tell us who else was involved, and we'll go easy on you.
Worm didn't say a [censored]' word. Got himself expelled.
- I stayed in school and graduated. - [Guard] Crank the outside.
[Bell Rings]
Not many guys would stand up for a friend like that.
- Ta-da! - [Both Laugh]
- Mike McD. God. I knew you'd be here. - Aw, man.
- You never let me down. - I would have been there every week if you let me, man.
I know, I know. I couldn't let you see me in this [censored] hole.
- Look at you. You look great, man. - You too, you too.
- Did they toughen you up in there? - No, no.
It was a piece of cake. Piece of cake.
Man, look at your ride. You've been prospering while I've been away.
- What have you been up to? - I borrowed it.
Whatever. Just get in it and drive me far away from here.
There's like two whole economies in there... there's cash and there's trade.
So I gotta keep three games going at once, all right?
A game with the white guys, a game with the brothers, and a game with the guards.
And the trick is, I gotta take enough cash off the white guys...
to lose it to the guards so that they keep doing me favors and [censored],
but I gotta trim enough smokes off the black guys that I can trade and keep myself...
in the style that I've grown accustomed to, and all of this without getting my ass kicked.
So you're working with a partner?
No. Who the hell am I gonna trust in there?
- It's just me all alone. - What's this? Come here.
- You like that? Isn't that beautiful? - What is that?
It's like an ace up my sleeve. What else?
Wait till I show you some of my chops, man. I've gotten pretty blinding.
- It's like, it's like, you know... - All right.
It's gonna blow your mind, blow your mind.
You been working? Is your game sharp?
No, man, I'm off it.
What, are you... you gettin' cold cards?
No, man, I mean I quit.
- [Laughs] What, are you [censored] me? - No, man, l...
- I got cleaned out. - Mike McD? You lost?
Yeah, man, l... It was a real blood game over at KGB's place.
You sat down with the Mad Russian and he emptied your pockets?
Yeah. I didn't want to tell you while you were in there.
I didn't want to dispirit you like that.
Jesus, what were you thinking? So, you're just a student now?
- What are you doing for money? - I'm driving Knish's truck.
Oh, God, you're killin' me. Mike, Mike, we gotta get you back on the game.
- The old partners here, we're gonna run like... - No, no, no, I'm off it.
I mean, I really am. Done.
You are, huh? All right. I know a game perfect for the two of us.
It's a berry patch right outside New York City... prime pickings.
- I'll drop you... I'll drop you off. - Okay.
- I mean it. No, I'm really off it. - I know, I know.
This is it, this is it.
So get this, here's the plan. I know this girl Barbara.
She's [censored]' hot. I was this close to bangin' her when they sent me away.
She works as a hostess for all these [censored]' trust fund babies in here.
She got me into their little game.
She introduced me as her cousin from out of town who loves to gamble but wants to learn poker.
That sounds solid. That's a nice hookup.
It's all the way nice. There's only one problem. I got this feeling.
- What feeling is that, exactly? - You know this feeling very well.
- You know, when you got your table all set. - Uh-huh.
- Knife, fork, sauce, A- Luger's, but... - Yeah.
- You just don't have the stake. - Exactly. Glad you understand.
A nickel would start me very nicely.
Whoa, Jesus, what have you been livin' on?
I'm livin' a little light, I told you.
- Anyway, that's $ so that'll get you started. - $ I mean...
Hey, thanks, but I mean, that's, like, bets.
I mean, I can't even get a table on this...
Good, so forget this game. I'll straighten you out in the city tomorrow.
No way. I gotta get started. [Chuckles]
I mean, I'm already behind here.
You just got out. What's the big [censored]' hurry?
The hurry is, other than you, my friend, there's about five guys,
like, eagerly awaiting my release.
- How much do you owe? - Like, ten.
- Ten? - I can't even figure it with the juice.
Hey, look, I can get started on this easy if it's you and me working together.
I heard you asking before, and I hear you asking now, but I can't do that.
I just can't do that. I've made promises.
Hey, you know what? What am I saying? I totally understand, I do.
It's fine. I'll make a couple of moves earlier than I would have normally...
- But thanks, I appreciate it. - Premium hands.
- I'll catch you in the city tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hey, Mike, man. [censored]' great to see ya.
You too.
[Mike Narrating] In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said,
"Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems,
"but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy...
the outstanding tough beats of his career."
Seems true to me. 'Cause walking in here,
I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll,
but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Mike.
- Hi. - Barbara. Worm said you'd be running a little late.
Just follow me.
I probably won't even sit. You know, just kinda keep him company.
No, no, that's not gonna work.
Here's the play... you're my new boyfriend, you're looking for a regular game.
Really? Well, I'm not much of a card player.
[censored]. Worm tells me that's precisely what you are.
My cut is per cent.
- I see. - Good. Come on.
Gentlemen.
- This is my boyfriend Michael. - [Group] Hello, Michael.
[Barbara] Be nice to him.
- Leave him enough money to buy me breakfast. - [Laughter]
- Good luck. - Thanks, sweetie.
Here, why don't you pull up a chair.
- Okay, this one's Chicago. - You know Chicago?
- Uh, remind me. - Stud game.
High spade in the hole wins half the pot.
Okay, well, deal me in, I guess.
- That's you. - Oh, thanks.
Okay.
- That's two on you, Murph. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- I'm in. - I'm gonna make it five.
Hey, big spender.
[Mike Narrating] Worm and I fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe.
We bring out all the old school tricks, stuff that would never play in the city...
signalling, chip placing, trapping.
- We even run the old best hand play. - Raise.
I can probably crack the game just as quickly straight up,
but there's no risk in this room.
Now, some people might look down on Worm's mechanics, call it immoral.
But as Canada Bill Jones said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."
Like they teach you in One-L...
caveat emptor, pal.
- I got the boat, queens over. - [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] He asked you if that stung, Birch.
[Mike Narrating] Worm really has become an artist, too.
Discard culls, pickup culls, overhand run ups, the Double Duke...
His technique is flawless. But his judgment is a little off.
A few times, I have to fold the case on him, just so it won't be obvious.
Still, he plays the part of the loser to perfection.
Flush.
I got the full house. I got the queens over the aces.
Ahh, [censored]! You know what?
- [censored] you and your never-ending string of boats, okay? - Hey.
Well, my Uncle Les says when the money's gone, it's time to move on,
so enjoy it, you secret handshaking [censored].
Murph! Hey, come back any time. Your money's always good here.
- [Door Closes] - Good night, Mike. See you next time.
You guys, uh, wanna keep playing?
How'd we do? Oh, beautiful.
[censored]' [censored], they deserved it.
All right, $ that's your cut.
- Thank you very much, boys. - Hey, you were great. Great.
- When can we do this again? - No, no, it was a one-time thing for me.
- Just because. - Forget it.
- Uh, two weeks. - Two weeks? Okay. Okay.
- Hey, thanks a lot. Yeah. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I had to try, right?
Bye.
Hey, how'd you know I was coming back?
That's easy. Who's your favorite actor?
Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name.
He always doubles back for a friend.
[Worm] Hey, we made good time. Wanna get breakfast?
[Mike] No, I gotta get home. If she hasn't already changed the locks on me.
Just do me a favor. Give me five minutes.
Get me straightened out.
This may not look like Teddy's place, but it ain't the Ivy Leagues either.
So don't [censored] around. You gotta play on your belly.
All right. No problem.
Hey, you know I have no problem with the way you help yourself,
but these guys are fast company.
- They'll spot every move. - Tough customers, huh?
- Yeah. I'm serious. - All right.
- You won't just get a finger up your spine. - Okay, I hear ya.
- I'm playing straight. - [Buzzes]
Michael McDermott.
- How you doin', Mikey? - Good, how you doin'?
Good. You know, um,
the computer tried to delete you last week.
- Oh, yeah? - But I knew you'd be back.
Oh, no, I'm not back, I just...
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Um, this is Les Murphy. He's like my brother.
Call me Worm.
- [Phone Rings] - Hey. Don't wiggle away.
Hey, what's she wearing the button for?
They're wired right into the precinct. They got 'em on the payroll.
- What are they playing? - Uh, - forced rotation.
It's the only game going right now.
Is that Fat Greggie sitting - ? The game's that soft?
Yeah. It's a real live game. So, you guys gonna play?
- No. - Hell, yeah, I'm gonna play.
- Oh, come on, you're not gonna walk away from this. - Not gonna happen.
Mike, we could cut this room up in an hour.
All right, run along, then. Say hi to her for me.
- Me, too. - I will. Take care of him.
Jesus. What a [censored]' waste.
Do you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.
- That's not so bad, is it? - Depends on the grip.
- Come on, give me $ . - On the finger?
You heard Mike. He's good for it. Come on.
Look, I'm gonna triple that in half an hour, princess. Let's go.
Okay.
[Keys Jingling, Door Opening]
Hey.
Reunion run a little late?
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake you up.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
Well, why don't you change and we'll get a cab.
Um, why don't you just go ahead, and I'm gonna jump in the shower.
And if I miss a little bit of the Mulligan meeting, just cover for me, all right?
Hey.
At least give me a story. You know, I mean...
I mean, tell me you were out drinking till you threw up.
Tell me you were getting lap dances over at Scores.
- I don't care, just give me something. - I was entertaining Worm.
- Uh-huh. - The least I can do for the guy.
- So, you were nowhere near a card game. - Sweetie.
What? I'm asking you a question.
- I'm just... - No. I was nowhere near a card game.
All right?
All right. I'll wait for you.
I mean, the key is a seamless passing of the baton among the team.
I think the most important thing is to be respectful to the judges but not obsequious.
Now, wait a minute. Make sure to be deferential.
Gene Marinacci won't buy deferential.
Oh, it's Gene, is it?
Well, I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel,
and it's got nothing to do with your punctuality.
Sorry. I couldn't find a cab.
Anyway, when you make the opening remarks, make sure you stick to the fact pattern.
And use the right cites. Use book cites, not Lexis.
Hi, Jo.
- Long time. - Knish. How are you?
The same.
I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen,
but l, uh, I need a word.
- Um... - It's important.
Okay. Excuse me.
Sorry.
- I'll act as lead counsel. - It's all right, Kelly.
We were gonna take a break anyway.
Coffee time.
The guy's a cheat. He always has been.
Right now, he's over at Chesterfield's, ruining your reputation...
with every lousy second he deals.
[censored]. I told him. Did anybody else see him?
Nobody saw... I heard it. Snapping sound gave it away.
I didn't know him, I might not have noticed.
I turn around, and I see him with the mechanic's grip, I know.
- You want one? - Did you give him the office?
I tried to warn him, but he looked right through me.
- All right, I'll go get him. - No, no, no. He's okay now.
Most of those Georges are at the tail end of a -hour session.
They can't see straight. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
But if he's still there when Roman and Maurice start their game,
he's gonna wish he was still inside.
I'm gonna go get him.
[Mike Narrating] Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time,
held to his father's maxim...
"You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once."
Gotta bet my jacks.
This is a lesson Worm's never bothered to learn.
- [Speaking Russian] - Hey, guys.
English only at the table, no Russian.
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
If you want to see this seventh card, you're gonna stop speaking [censored]' Sputnik.
- Oh, da, [censored]. - You're worried we might work together.
I'm sure you're just talking about perogies...
and snow and [censored], but let's cut it out, all right?
There's the river, down and dirty.
I think you got that ace, Roman, but I'm gonna pay for it.
Okay, well, I got the jacks. Come on.
- Ace. - Oh, you got it. - And six.
Wow, two pair. But I got sevens, too, though.
- With my jacks. - [censored], slow rolling me like that.
You said just jacks.
But you made me for the sevens, Maurice. You're a player.
- [censored]! - Hey, come on! Don't be a [censored]' baby.
- Hey, Maurice. - [Together] Hey.
Hey, Mike, you here to play? Come on, we need some new blood.
They're putting a [censored] bracelet on me tomorrow for four months.
- I already stuck two racks. - Well, have a good rest, man.
Can I talk to you for a second, Cosmonaut?
No, man, I'm on a roll. This is a very emotional game.
Gotta do it.
- [Speaking In Russian] - I counted these.
Leave it. It's fine.
[Speaking In Russian]
- What's going on? - Where are you at?
I was pumped up eight G's. I was ready to go on a run when you came along.
- All right, listen. - Hey, wait, I want a hot dog.
You're in town for five [censored]' minutes, you already got a sign on your back.
Oh, what, that [censored]' Knish rat me out?
You gotta stop listening to that guy, man.
He sees all the angles, but he doesn't have the balls to play one.
Hey, that guy hasn't had to work in years, Worm.
You don't think that's work, what he does?
Grinding it out on his [censored]' leather ass? No, thank you.
I thought so, too, all right? Now I know what real work is.
Speaking of which, are you even gonna get a job?
Or are you just gonna go back to printing those credit cards?
- Huh? You gonna go away again? - I wasn't printing.
I was distributing. Distributing. It's different, okay?
Second of all, I'm never going back there.
Stop worrying so much, okay?
Come here.
I just want you to think long term, all right? Be smart.
Every place in Manhattan, they all keep books, all right?
If you get listed as a mechanic, then not only are you gonna get the [censored] kicked out of you,
you're not gonna get a [censored]' game anywhere in New York.
It's stupid. It's just bad business.
Look, this is what I love about you... you think about the big picture.
That's great, okay? But it's not me.
I don't play the game straight up, and then if I lose,
go get some real work or something, okay?
I see a mark, I take him down.
That's what I do. That's the way I live.
I know. Listen, you're the guy who taught me all the angles.
- But I'm not the guy with my nose open right now. - Aw, come on.
I'm not gonna preach to you, but those two guys in there, they're not rabbits.
Roman and Maurice? They're Russian outfit guys.
Not as bad as KGB, but you don't want to be [censored]' with those guys.
With those fake Versace shirts and [censored]? Jesus.
Look, you still got time. Just go back in there, right?
Lose their [censored]' money back to 'em, all right?
Just make it look good. Just catch a run of real [censored] cards.
- Give it back to 'em. - I can't. I can't.
I gotta put some scratch together, man. I gotta get somethin' going.
Then go out to suburbia, man. Play in a [censored]' dentist's game, okay?
- Go to Swan Meadow, play in the golf pro game. - That's an idea.
I'll definitely do that, but I can't dump to these guys.
You got to.
All right, whatever, whatever.
Meet me at Stromboli's in half an hour, all right?
I can't, I gotta go. I have a meeting.
And then I gotta go to [censored]' Queens. I gotta load the truck.
Jesus, man, you're such a [censored]' workin' man now. I'm never gonna see you.
- Make it look good. I mean it, make it look good. - You know me.
- So, how'd you do? - Ah, so-so.
Six thousand, two thousand.
Oh, hold on. Two more.
All right, so it's ten grand total,
take back the two we lent you, give you the white meat.
You know what?
Why don't you give me all of it?
Usually, credit players only leave with their profit.
Otherwise, the juice starts five points a week on Mike.
Oh, okay. We'll owe you.
[Sighs]
Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
Didn't want to be found.
You know, Petrovsky waited and waited. So did the rest of the group.
- Jo, look, I missed one meeting. - It's not about the meeting.
I don't care about the meeting. Do you even know why I left this morning?
- I found that gangster's roll in your pocket. - It's not what you think.
- It's not what you think. - Who do you think I am? You lie right to my face?
Look, old days at least you never lied.
You lost everything, but at least you never lied.
Jo, this wasn't even a real game. This was like Wiffle Ball.
- Can you lose your rent playing Wiffle Ball? - No, I couldn't lose.
- That's the point. - No, Mike, you can lose.
I watched you, I stood by you while you lost everything before.
- I don't think I can go through that with you again. - Jo, I wasn't gonna lose!
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table...
at the World Series of Poker every single year?
What are they, the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
- It's a skill game, Jo. - Great. So why'd you have to lie to me?
- Because I knew you wouldn't understand. - Understand what?
Last night, I sat down at this card table.
I felt alive for the first time since I got busted at KGB's joint, okay?
You just told me you felt alive for the first time at a [censored] card table.
- No, what... - What's that supposed to make me understand?
[Sighs]
[Rock]
Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you
- You said you need me but it's quarter to : - I heard you was out.
Hey, [censored]' Grama. How you doin'?
- I was just thinkin' about you. You know, I could use you. - Oh, yeah?
See me in, like, two weeks. I'll put you back on the payroll.
Well, I got some bad news for ya, Worm. I'm out on my own now.
- Really? - Yeah.
Go figure.
There were a lot of angry people when you went away. A lot of people were mad.
I know, Grama, that's why I'm trying to put together a roll here.
A lot of people coming up to me, asking if I could help,
asking if I knew where to find you.
- So, it got me to thinkin'. - Really, you thinkin' now? That's big.
Hey, Jesus! Come on! Take it easy.
It's just a friend of mine.
Hey! Easy, easy, easy, easy. God!
Get the [censored] outta here. What did I say?
- Hey, man, take it easy! - Get the [censored] outta here!
Okay. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Instead of you owing grand spread out to five guys, you owe to me.
What? Where the [censored] do you get off? grand?
Where the [censored] do I get off?
[Grunts] Ohh.
Here's how it is. grand, and the juice is still runnin'.
Jesus Christ.
What the [censored] are you doin', man? You were my partner.
No, no, I was your lackey.
But I learned a few things, Worm.
I consolidated your outstanding debt.
[Scoffs] Where'd you get the scratch for that?
You've been rolling [censored] in the Village again. [Grunts]
- Still a wise ass. Unbelievable. - [Spits]
What I did was go partners with an old friend of yours.
Teddy KGB backed me.
[censored]. [censored].
[Spits] Teddy's got plenty of goons.
Why would he put you under his flag?
Because as soon as he heard your name, he became real excited for the prospect.
What, so you bought me up, Grama? [Scoffs]
Yeah, got a real sweet deal, too. cents on the dollar.
There's not a lot of faith in you out there in the business community.
Great, so you're a banker now, Grama. That's really classy.
Not exactly. I don't have to tell you my collection methods.
[Sighs] Oh, God. All right, look.
Just take it easy, all right?
I'll scrape something together, and I'll find you this week.
- That's just what I figured. - No, no, no.
- So I'm gonna take what you got on you right now. - Here. Fine.
Have yourself a ball, okay?
[Sighs, Chuckles]
[Groans] God!
Damn! [Groans]
Excuse me.
Mind if I sit?
Michael.
Please, please. Sit, sit.
That was a nifty trick the other night.
- It was wonderful. - [Chuckles] Thank you.
Marinacci and the D.A. were ready to cut cards for your services at that point.
[Chuckles]
Of course, it was an altogether different trick, that disappearing act...
you pulled today at your group's meeting.
- Yeah. Well, I figure I owe you an explanation. - Ah, not to me.
I'm sure there's a good reason you left.
You'll just have to work harder. Prepare.
- [Chuckles] - And smooth things out with the others.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay, well, thanks. - Stay. Take a drink.
- Jamie? - Yeah?
- Another glass, darling. - Sure.
- What are you drinking? - Gin. Always gin.
- Here you go. - Thanks, dear.
Thank you.
I know a magician doesn't divulge his secrets, but...
[Chuckles] I'm no magician.
Well, if it wasn't magic,
how did you know what everyone held?
It's a combination of things.
Um, I was watching when the cards came out.
That's... That's just an old habit with me, like breathing.
You watch the cards.
I watch the cards also, but I watch the players reacting to the cards.
That's how I knew the D.A. made his two pair,
and Judge Kaplan missed the flush.
I was watching their eyes when they checked their river cards.
- Their faces tell you everything. - You watch the man.
l... I never knew you had to calculate so much at cards.
All right, here's the thing. You only play premium hands.
You only start with jacks or better split,
nines or better wired, three high cards to a flush.
If it's good enough to call, you gotta be in there raising, all right?
I mean, tight, but aggressive. And I do mean aggressive. That's your style, Professor.
I mean, you gotta... you gotta think of it as a war.
You are officially never invited to our game again. [Chuckles]
I don't blame you. Put a guy like me in a game like that, the cards don't even matter.
I'll play it blind.
Michael,
- May I tell you a story? - Please.
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis.
In Israel, before that in Europe.
It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy.
The pride of my yeshiva.
The elders said I had a -year-old's understanding...
of the midrash by the time I was .
But by the time I was
I knew I could never be a rabbi.
Why not?
Because for all I understood of the Talmud,
I never saw God there.
- You couldn't lie to yourself. - I tried.
Tried like crazy.
I mean, people were counting on me.
But yours is a respectable profession.
Not to my family.
My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision.
My father sent me away to New York...
to live with distant cousins.
Eventually, l... I found my place,
my life's work.
What then?
I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae,
I learned everything I could about the law.
I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.
- And did your parents get over it? - No.
I always hoped that I would find...
some way to change their minds, but...
They were inconsolable.
My father never spoke to me again.
If you had to do it all over again,
would you make the same choices?
What choice?
The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this...
We can't run from who we are.
Our destiny chooses us.
Hey. L'chayim.
Hey.
Hey, where you been? I've been freezing my ass off.
- What happened? - Ah, ran into a door. Don't worry about it.
- What happened? - Hey! She crossed her legs too fast, all right?
- Just mind your own business. - You comin' up?
No, I've been standing out here all this time just to say hi.
Listen, things haven't been that smooth on the home front,
so tone it down a little, all right?
- Tone down what, [censored]? - Great.
- Never mind. - [Laughs]
When you become a big shot lawyer, could you find us an elevator building?
Shut up.
What, did you get robbed?
Um, not exactly.
Wait, wait, wait. Did she split on you?
[Scoffs] Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
I always told her she'd be a good card player.
- Know exactly when to release a [censored] hand. - Come on, Mike, forget that.
This girl is obviously wrapped way too tight for living.
No, she was a good... I knew it. I [censored]' knew it.
[Sighs] It's depressing.
You can't trust 'em. You can't trust 'em at all.
I mean, look at you. You domesticated yourself for this girl.
You took yourself out of the life. You walked the [censored]' line for her.
And the minute you want a little of it back, she walks out on you.
It's just like the saying says, you know?
In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
- They are the [censored]' rake. - What the [censored] are you talking about?
What saying?
I don't know. But there oughta be one.
- You know what cheers me up when I'm feelin' [censored]? - What?
Rolled up aces over kings.
- That right? - Yeah.
Check raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off 'em.
- Yeah? - Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Playin' all night, high-limit Hold' Em at the Taj.
- Where the sand turns to gold. - [censored] it, let's go.
- Don't tease me. - Let's play some [censored]' cards.
[Mike Narrating] The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas...
is the center of the poker universe.
Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth...
The legends consider it their office.
Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up...
wanting to beat a world champion.
Usually they go home with nothing but a story.
Down here, the millionaires are scarce or they're playing craps,
but there's still plenty of money for the taking.
In fact, on the weekends you can't get a game in the city,
because all the New York rounders are taking care of the tourists here.
Hey, hey, why don't you warm up a seat for me. I'll catch up with you.
- What? - Look.
- I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay? - Hey, good.
- I mean, I'm overdue. - Good, man, hey, I was startin' to wonder about you.
I thought, maybe, you know, the boys upstate brought about a few changes in you.
Hey, in your dreams, lover.
- Hey, Mikey! - Hey. - Hey, Mike.
This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield south.
- Ho! - Changing $ .
Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?
Twice in one week.
For someone who don't play, you spend a lot of time in card rooms.
This is what I like to see, huh?
Mike McDermott where he belongs... sittin' with the scumbags.
Tellin' jokes, draggin' the occasional pot.
Occasional? Yeah, like my ex-wife occasionally went out with other men.
Forget her, Face. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight.
But in honor of Mike's alley-like return to the ring,
I'll sit with you all for a while.
Hey, don't do us any favors, Knish.
- They're about to go to the board to fill these seats. - Bet it.
I raise. You know, if we wanted to take each other's rolls,
we could have just stayed home.
[Mike Narrating] These two have no idea...
what they're about to walk into.
Down here to have a good time, they figure...
why not give poker a try?
After all, how different can it be from the home games...
they've played their whole lives?
All the luck in the world isn't gonna change things for these guys.
They're simply overmatched.
We're not playing together, but then again, we're not playing against each other either.
It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?
They wear their tells like signs around their necks.
Facial tics, nervous fingers.
A hand over a mouth.
The way a cigarette is smoked.
Little unconscious gestures that reveal the cards in their hands.
We catch everything.
If a fish acts strong, he's bluffing.
If he acts meek, he's got a hand. It's that simple.
- How are you, you workaholics? - Worm.
Good to see ya. Glad you're out.
Number's changed, of course.
Lotta games this weekend, so you're gonna need the number.
- I'll give you a ring. - Hey, Worm?
Do they allow people like you in places like this?
Zagosh, when you get yourself a job, then you can be my [censored]' P.O.
How about that?
Now, let's get started, shall we?
I'm sorry, sir.
You can't take chips from another player at the table.
We all know each other here.
We're like friends, so if nobody complains, do you have a problem?
- It's all right. - No problem.
- Sir, you have to buy 'em from me. - [Sighs]
[censored] this low-limit [censored]. Can we go get something to eat? I got comped at the noodle bar.
I want to talk to you.
Look who's treatin' to a free meal.
Don't let that M.S.G. [censored] up your head more than it is, Mikey.
You keep grinding out that rent money, Joe. It's noble work you're doing.
So, hey, uh, Nick the Greek.
What's with kitin' my checks?
- I'm on empty, that's why. - You are? You're tapped again?
I mean... How much was the hooker?
- Mike, please. Relaxation therapist. - [Chuckles]
Okay?
- It's not where it went. - Wait a minute.
It went to Roman and Maurice?
I told you, man, you didn't have to give it all back to 'em.
Take a little money for your time, you know?
Hey, that's not where it went either.
- I ran into Grama tonight. - Yeah?
Yeah. He took everything I had.
You're kiddin' me. Wait, who's he working for?
Well, he's sorta out on his own.
This [censored] went around and bought up all my debt. Grama.
That turncoat [censored]. Are you kiddin' me?
So what do you owe him?
I don't know. By his crazy [censored]' gorilla math?
Like, .
- Fifteen? Fifteen? - Yeah, I mean...
He says the juice has been running the entire time on my ten.
- So, it's just like... - Why didn't you tell me that, man?
Why did you not tell me that? I could have paid that off.
- I had the... I had the money. - Hey!
I'm not gonna sit in the can and have my friend paying down my debt.
I'm not a leech, all right?
We can help each other, like always. That's why we're here.
That's... That's why we gotta get in the bigger game.
- Do you hear what I'm saying? - All right. All right.
- Listen, man, I'll help you. You know I'll help you, man. - Yeah?
- I mean, [censored] that guy. We'll figure something out. - Yeah.
How long should we wait?
I suggest we wait another five minutes, and then choose another lead counsel.
Here he comes.
Mr. McDermott, perhaps we can begin now.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Come to order in the matter of Slater v. New York State Higher Education Services.
The facts have been stipulated, the briefs have been read.
Lead counsel for plaintiff, Mr. McDermott,
please proceed with oral arguments now.
If that is convenient for you.
Yes, it is, and again, I'm sorry, ah, that I'm late.
Um...
Well, I think clearly the, uh...
the case which co

[tom10167]

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[Man Narrating] Listen, here's the thing.
If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table,
then you are the sucker.
Guys around here'll tell ya... you play for a living.
It's like any other job. You don't gamble. You grind it out.
Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it.
Get your money in when you have the best of it, and protect it when you don't.
Don't give anything away.
That's how I've paid my way through half of law school.
A true grinder.
See, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally, I've learned this...
If you're too careful, your whole life can become a [censored]' grind.
This is Teddy KGB's place.
- [Man] Five hundred. - You won't find it in the Yellow Pages.
Nope. Not tonight.
No? What?
Give me three stacks of high society.
Thirty thousand. Count it.
- That's good. - So, you're sitting the apple.
- Good. Want a cookie? - No.
[Narrating] He doesn't look like much,
but KGB is connected all the way to the top of the Russian mob.
He's the one guy in the game you don't want to [censored] with.
But if you're looking for high stakes,
this is the only place in town.
They all know me as a small-timer, but that's about to change.
Joey Knish is a New York legend.
He's been a rounder, earning his living at cards...
since he was years old.
What are you, holdin' those for somebody?
Uh, yeah, I'm holding 'em for you.
- You should be. - [Chuckles]
'Cause I hope you're not thinking of putting all that glimmer in play.
[Narrating] He's as close to a friend as there is in this place.
- Come here. - [Narrator] But tonight, I don't want to see him.
Now, you don't wanna butt onions with these guys.
'Cause they'll chew you up, take your whole bankroll.
- So you say. - There's plenty of easy games.
We get outta here, get some coffee, ride over to that soft seat in Queens.
I know what I'm doing.
You're making a run at it, aren't you?
Rolling up a stake and going to Vegas.
I'm right, right?
- I can beat the game. - Maybe.
Maybe this is a game can be beat.
But you know you can beat the - at the Chesterfield and the Hi-Low...
at that goulash joint on th Street.
Okay. I understand.
I understand. Back to battle.
[Narrating] The game in question is No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em.
Minimum buy-in $ .
A game like this doesn't come together often outside the casinos.
The stakes attract rich flounders,
and they in turn attract the sharks.
No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker.
Each player is dealt two cards face down.
Five cards are then dealt face up across the middle.
These are community cards everyone can use to make the best five card hand.
The key to the game is playing the man, not the cards.
Bet an eight ball.
There's no other game in which fortunes can change so much from hand to hand.
A brilliant player can get a strong hand cracked, go on tilt...
and lose his mind along with every single chip in front of him.
This is why the World Series of Poker is decided over a No-Limit Hold 'Em table.
Some people, pros even, won't play No-Limit.
They can't handle the swings.
But there are others, like Doyle Brunson,
who consider No-Limit the only pure game left.
Like Papa Wallenda said..."Life is on the wire. The rest is just waiting."
Pass it to you.
All right, I raise.
- I'm gonna raise five hundred. - [Man] Fold.
It's a position raise. I call it.
[Narrating] Here's the beauty of this game.
- Go ahead. - [Narrating] I just got top two pair on the flop,
and I want to keep him in the hand.
Against your average guy, I'd set a bear trap, hardly bet at all.
Let him walk into it. But KGB's too smart for that.
So, what I've got to do is over-bet the pot,
make it look like I'm trying to buy it.
- I bet $ . - Then he plays back at me, and I get paid off.
Call.
[Narrating] My guess is Teddy's on a flush draw.
Burn and turn.
[Narrating] There's my money card, nine of hearts.
I got a full house.
- To the bettor. - Check's good.
[Narrating] Now I hope a spade falls and Teddy makes his flush.
That way he'll bet strong, and I'll beat him with my nines full over aces.
I'm going to bet...
Bet...
$ .
Time.
[Narrating] I want him to think that I'm pondering a call,
but all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the [censored] Mirage.
All right, your plus I have another to raise you.
Um...
Yeah, I'm gonna go all in, 'cause I don't think you got the spades.
You are right. I don't have spades.
[Narrating] I know before the cards are even turned over.
Aces full, Mike.
Get up.
Come on. Come on.
- Want some? - No.
I'm down to the felt, Knish. I lost everything.
Man, I lost my case money. I lost my tuition.
It happens to everyone. Time to time, everyone goes bust.
You'll be back in the game before you know it.
I'm done. I'm out of it.
They all say that at first.
Hey, man, let me stake you. Standard deal, you know.
Fifty percent of your winnings. If you lose, it's on me.
I'd just throw it away.
- You still got the truck? - Sure.
Come on.
[Mike Narrating] You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short.
See, I had this picture in my head.
Me sitting at the big table, Doyle to my left,
Amarillo Slim to my right, playing in the World Series of Poker.
And I let that vision blind me at the table against KGB.
Now, the closest I get to Vegas is west New York,
driving this lousy route handed down from Knish...
to rounders who forget the cardinal [censored]' rule...
Always leave yourself outs.
- Hey, Moogie. - Let me ask you a question.
In a legal sense, can [censored]' Steinbrenner just move the Yankees?
Does he have the [censored]' right to just move them?
I don't know. How should I know that?
- You didn't learn that yet? - No, we get to Steinbrenner in the third year of law school.
Oh.
- Take care, man. - Yeah.
- [Chattering] - [Poker Chips Clattering]
[Mike Narrating] The judges' game.
I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school.
A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors and professors.
They all have money, and in my playing days...
it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors.
Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore.
One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense,
but they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle.
Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down.
Place had been open since .
Oh, Michael.
- You got some things for me? - Yes, I do.
Put 'em on the desk, it's all right.
Kid, he paying you for this late night [censored]?
Oh, well, knowledge is my reward, sir.
- [Chuckles] - Let me tell you, it ain't worth it.
Why don't you become a jockey, do something useful.
- [Group Laughs] - Kid's a little tall, isn't he, Gene?
Enough with the Belmont recruiting spiel. Your bet.
- All right. I call. - Michael is lead counsel...
in the Moot Court you're presiding over next week, Gene.
Besides, he could use the background if he's gonna...
clerk for one of you fellas this summer, right?
Abe, I thought you liked the kid. Why do you want to make him a civil servant?
Yeah, look... a word to the wise. Stay in the private sector.
That Nassau defense attorney's game? They use our chips for coasters.
[Mike Narrating] The amazing thing is, in this collection of great legal minds,
there isn't a single real card player.
- I call. - Raise.
Um, the professor raises.
Mike? [Whispers] Michael, I would have just called.
No, you're good.
All right, I call.
[Mike Narrating] I don't know if I'm going to bring my legal career to a crashing halt...
before it even starts, but I just can't help myself.
- Good. - I'm in.
- [Clears Throat] - Read 'em and weep.
Threes check.
Check to Martin and Lewis over there.
- Check to the raiser. - Czechoslovakia.
- What's the limit? - $ . Big bet's $ .
Okay. Good. There's $ .
You've seen half a hand. How the [censored] are you betting into us?
You sure this is wise, Abe? It's your money the kid's bettin' with.
It's plenty wise. We know what we're holding, and we know what you're holding.
[Chuckles] The [censored] you know what we all got.
Summer clerkship in your office says I know what you're holding.
I don't bet with jobs like that.
Let's just say I'll put you at the top of the list if you're right.
Okay. [Clears Throat] Well, you were looking for that third three,
but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street,
and now you're representing that you have it.
The D.A. made his two pair, but he knows they're no good.
Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush, but he came up short,
and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are gonna stand up.
So, like I said, the Dean's bet is $ .
- Well, kiss my ass. - Kiss my ass.
[Group Laughs]
- What'd you have, Abe? - Nothin' but a busted straight.
- Oh, come on. - It's good enough to win. Take it down.
All right, kid, your first assignment. Pull up a seat next to me.
Oh, I'd like to. I can't, I can't. I don't play cards.
- Get outta here! - See you tomorrow.
- Whose deal? - My deal.
- I like the kid, Abe. - Good kid.
Smart kid.
[Mike Narrating] I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game.
An open invitation to lay with those lambs.
But I'm retired.
The truth is, I can always find games, though.
Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games.
I can turn this truck onto the Jersey Turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours.
But I've made promises.
I'm just a law student now.
Hello?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How'd it go? - Oh, great.
[Sighs] I am sick of that [censored] route.
Don't worry. A few more semesters...
Mmm.
Oh, I gotta go.
- I'm really late. - Oh, just stay here. I'll be really quick.
- You won't feel a thing. [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
We both know that's not true.
Besides, you should get some sleep.
These [censored]' long nights are killing me.
They never used to.
Yeah, well, that's different. I mean, that was like...
buy in at : next thing you know it's morning.
But hey, you know, I think I'm hooked up for this summer.
Hooked up how?
Well, after I left you last night at the library, I impressed Judge Marinacci.
I think I might be in line for a clerkship.
Tell me more.
Well, those guys were all playing cards, and...
Just hear me out now, hear me out.
They were playing cards and I read his hand blind.
So, instead of coming home, you went and played cards with some judge?
No, I wasn't even playing. They were playing.
I just caught his eye by reading his hand, that's all.
I mean, as long as I don't [censored] up Moot Court, I think the job's mine.
What kind of job is that gonna be, Mike?
Writing an opinion on high-stakes poker?
Honey, you're the one who told me...
that I should use my poker skills in the courtroom.
Yeah, I know I said that, but...
You know what I meant. I meant that you should use your head.
You know, the way you calculate odds on the spot, the way you read people.
That's what I meant. I didn't mean that you should try to con your way into a summer job.
- Honey, con? I was networking. - [Laughs] Oh, God.
Networking. Are you trying to con me now?
No.
I just... I don't think you get it.
You'll be just like one of those ex-college athletes.
You know, great job at the D.A. 's office as long as...
they never miss a lawyer's league game.
It's true. I just think if you get in this way,
you'll always be a hustler to them.
Baby, I didn't even play.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh.
- Hey, hon, can I take the Jeep tomorrow? - Yeah, where?
Uh, Worm's gettin' out. I was gonna pick him up.
Tomorrow. Beautiful.
I promised I'd be there, hon.
Worm. I just can't believe you still know someone called "Worm."
He's like my brother.
[censored]. I didn't even play.
[Mike Narrating] I met Worm at Dwight Inglewood Preparatory Academy over in Jersey.
We were the only two kids attending who didn't have a trust fund.
My father's office was there. It said "Custodian" on the door.
That's why they took me.
- [Makes Buzzer Sound] - Pow!
W-Was that, like, your strong finish or something?
- [censored]! - You leave me no choice, the way you play.
That's the fourth time you done played that bitch of spades on my ass.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dowling had it three hands ago, and two hands ago I got the black Maria,
so I don't want to hear you bitchin', okay?
- Yeah, but he shot the moon on that hand, didn't he? - Yeah, I saw that.
- So it helped you. - Now... Okay, you're right.
You ain't walking outta here with our grits, Worm.
You know the drill, okay? I'm not gonna smoke 'em. I'll hold on to 'em.
if you want 'em back, you can trade me for 'em, or try to play double or nothing tomorrow.
Murphy! What the hell you sittin' there for? You're processed. Come on.
Processed? This [censored]'s gettin' the jump.
Come on, man, have some decency here, Worm.
You can buy all the smokes you want in half an hour.
- What are you talking about? I won these fair and square. - You don't even smoke, Worm.
Jesus, you guys are such [censored]' babies. You know that?
If you're determined to die of cancer, you really oughta learn how to play cards.
Ain't a good idea to add insult to injury, yo.
- That [censored] will come back and hurt you. - You know what?
Not in this lifetime. Enjoy your time.
Murphy.
[Mike Narrating] Worm's dad did the grounds, when he wasn't too [censored]' drunk.
That's when we did 'em.
Of course, the grounds weren't all we did.
Worm put us into a scam a day on all the young aristocrats we went to school with...
selling 'em dime bags of oregano, nunchakus and firecrackers from Chinatown.
- Where's the rest? - Kept us in lunch money.
- Thank you. - Until the time we went for...
more than just pocket change and got caught.
We had the starting five take a dive against Friends Academy.
The point guard snapped and gave Worm up.
They hauled him up before the school board, offered him a deal.
Tell us who else was involved, and we'll go easy on you.
Worm didn't say a [censored]' word. Got himself expelled.
- I stayed in school and graduated. - [Guard] Crank the outside.
[Bell Rings]
Not many guys would stand up for a friend like that.
- Ta-da! - [Both Laugh]
- Mike McD. God. I knew you'd be here. - Aw, man.
- You never let me down. - I would have been there every week if you let me, man.
I know, I know. I couldn't let you see me in this [censored] hole.
- Look at you. You look great, man. - You too, you too.
- Did they toughen you up in there? - No, no.
It was a piece of cake. Piece of cake.
Man, look at your ride. You've been prospering while I've been away.
- What have you been up to? - I borrowed it.
Whatever. Just get in it and drive me far away from here.
There's like two whole economies in there... there's cash and there's trade.
So I gotta keep three games going at once, all right?
A game with the white guys, a game with the brothers, and a game with the guards.
And the trick is, I gotta take enough cash off the white guys...
to lose it to the guards so that they keep doing me favors and [censored],
but I gotta trim enough smokes off the black guys that I can trade and keep myself...
in the style that I've grown accustomed to, and all of this without getting my ass kicked.
So you're working with a partner?
No. Who the hell am I gonna trust in there?
- It's just me all alone. - What's this? Come here.
- You like that? Isn't that beautiful? - What is that?
It's like an ace up my sleeve. What else?
Wait till I show you some of my chops, man. I've gotten pretty blinding.
- It's like, it's like, you know... - All right.
It's gonna blow your mind, blow your mind.
You been working? Is your game sharp?
No, man, I'm off it.
What, are you... you gettin' cold cards?
No, man, I mean I quit.
- [Laughs] What, are you [censored] me? - No, man, l...
- I got cleaned out. - Mike McD? You lost?
Yeah, man, l... It was a real blood game over at KGB's place.
You sat down with the Mad Russian and he emptied your pockets?
Yeah. I didn't want to tell you while you were in there.
I didn't want to dispirit you like that.
Jesus, what were you thinking? So, you're just a student now?
- What are you doing for money? - I'm driving Knish's truck.
Oh, God, you're killin' me. Mike, Mike, we gotta get you back on the game.
- The old partners here, we're gonna run like... - No, no, no, I'm off it.
I mean, I really am. Done.
You are, huh? All right. I know a game perfect for the two of us.
It's a berry patch right outside New York City... prime pickings.
- I'll drop you... I'll drop you off. - Okay.
- I mean it. No, I'm really off it. - I know, I know.
This is it, this is it.
So get this, here's the plan. I know this girl Barbara.
She's [censored]' hot. I was this close to bangin' her when they sent me away.
She works as a hostess for all these [censored]' trust fund babies in here.
She got me into their little game.
She introduced me as her cousin from out of town who loves to gamble but wants to learn poker.
That sounds solid. That's a nice hookup.
It's all the way nice. There's only one problem. I got this feeling.
- What feeling is that, exactly? - You know this feeling very well.
- You know, when you got your table all set. - Uh-huh.
- Knife, fork, sauce, A- Luger's, but... - Yeah.
- You just don't have the stake. - Exactly. Glad you understand.
A nickel would start me very nicely.
Whoa, Jesus, what have you been livin' on?
I'm livin' a little light, I told you.
- Anyway, that's $ so that'll get you started. - $ I mean...
Hey, thanks, but I mean, that's, like, bets.
I mean, I can't even get a table on this...
Good, so forget this game. I'll straighten you out in the city tomorrow.
No way. I gotta get started. [Chuckles]
I mean, I'm already behind here.
You just got out. What's the big [censored]' hurry?
The hurry is, other than you, my friend, there's about five guys,
like, eagerly awaiting my release.
- How much do you owe? - Like, ten.
- Ten? - I can't even figure it with the juice.
Hey, look, I can get started on this easy if it's you and me working together.
I heard you asking before, and I hear you asking now, but I can't do that.
I just can't do that. I've made promises.
Hey, you know what? What am I saying? I totally understand, I do.
It's fine. I'll make a couple of moves earlier than I would have normally...
- But thanks, I appreciate it. - Premium hands.
- I'll catch you in the city tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hey, Mike, man. [censored]' great to see ya.
You too.
[Mike Narrating] In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said,
"Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems,
"but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy...
the outstanding tough beats of his career."
Seems true to me. 'Cause walking in here,
I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll,
but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Mike.
- Hi. - Barbara. Worm said you'd be running a little late.
Just follow me.
I probably won't even sit. You know, just kinda keep him company.
No, no, that's not gonna work.
Here's the play... you're my new boyfriend, you're looking for a regular game.
Really? Well, I'm not much of a card player.
[censored]. Worm tells me that's precisely what you are.
My cut is per cent.
- I see. - Good. Come on.
Gentlemen.
- This is my boyfriend Michael. - [Group] Hello, Michael.
[Barbara] Be nice to him.
- Leave him enough money to buy me breakfast. - [Laughter]
- Good luck. - Thanks, sweetie.
Here, why don't you pull up a chair.
- Okay, this one's Chicago. - You know Chicago?
- Uh, remind me. - Stud game.
High spade in the hole wins half the pot.
Okay, well, deal me in, I guess.
- That's you. - Oh, thanks.
Okay.
- That's two on you, Murph. - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- I'm in. - I'm gonna make it five.
Hey, big spender.
[Mike Narrating] Worm and I fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe.
We bring out all the old school tricks, stuff that would never play in the city...
signalling, chip placing, trapping.
- We even run the old best hand play. - Raise.
I can probably crack the game just as quickly straight up,
but there's no risk in this room.
Now, some people might look down on Worm's mechanics, call it immoral.
But as Canada Bill Jones said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."
Like they teach you in One-L...
caveat emptor, pal.
- I got the boat, queens over. - [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] He asked you if that stung, Birch.
[Mike Narrating] Worm really has become an artist, too.
Discard culls, pickup culls, overhand run ups, the Double Duke...
His technique is flawless. But his judgment is a little off.
A few times, I have to fold the case on him, just so it won't be obvious.
Still, he plays the part of the loser to perfection.
Flush.
I got the full house. I got the queens over the aces.
Ahh, [censored]! You know what?
- [censored] you and your never-ending string of boats, okay? - Hey.
Well, my Uncle Les says when the money's gone, it's time to move on,
so enjoy it, you secret handshaking [censored].
Murph! Hey, come back any time. Your money's always good here.
- [Door Closes] - Good night, Mike. See you next time.
You guys, uh, wanna keep playing?
How'd we do? Oh, beautiful.
[censored]' [censored], they deserved it.
All right, $ that's your cut.
- Thank you very much, boys. - Hey, you were great. Great.
- When can we do this again? - No, no, it was a one-time thing for me.
- Just because. - Forget it.
- Uh, two weeks. - Two weeks? Okay. Okay.
- Hey, thanks a lot. Yeah. - [Chuckles]
Hey, I had to try, right?
Bye.
Hey, how'd you know I was coming back?
That's easy. Who's your favorite actor?
Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name.
He always doubles back for a friend.
[Worm] Hey, we made good time. Wanna get breakfast?
[Mike] No, I gotta get home. If she hasn't already changed the locks on me.
Just do me a favor. Give me five minutes.
Get me straightened out.
This may not look like Teddy's place, but it ain't the Ivy Leagues either.
So don't [censored] around. You gotta play on your belly.
All right. No problem.
Hey, you know I have no problem with the way you help yourself,
but these guys are fast company.
- They'll spot every move. - Tough customers, huh?
- Yeah. I'm serious. - All right.
- You won't just get a finger up your spine. - Okay, I hear ya.
- I'm playing straight. - [Buzzes]
Michael McDermott.
- How you doin', Mikey? - Good, how you doin'?
Good. You know, um,
the computer tried to delete you last week.
- Oh, yeah? - But I knew you'd be back.
Oh, no, I'm not back, I just...
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Um, this is Les Murphy. He's like my brother.
Call me Worm.
- [Phone Rings] - Hey. Don't wiggle away.
Hey, what's she wearing the button for?
They're wired right into the precinct. They got 'em on the payroll.
- What are they playing? - Uh, - forced rotation.
It's the only game going right now.
Is that Fat Greggie sitting - ? The game's that soft?
Yeah. It's a real live game. So, you guys gonna play?
- No. - Hell, yeah, I'm gonna play.
- Oh, come on, you're not gonna walk away from this. - Not gonna happen.
Mike, we could cut this room up in an hour.
All right, run along, then. Say hi to her for me.
- Me, too. - I will. Take care of him.
Jesus. What a [censored]' waste.
Do you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.
- That's not so bad, is it? - Depends on the grip.
- Come on, give me $ . - On the finger?
You heard Mike. He's good for it. Come on.
Look, I'm gonna triple that in half an hour, princess. Let's go.
Okay.
[Keys Jingling, Door Opening]
Hey.
Reunion run a little late?
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake you up.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
Well, why don't you change and we'll get a cab.
Um, why don't you just go ahead, and I'm gonna jump in the shower.
And if I miss a little bit of the Mulligan meeting, just cover for me, all right?
Hey.
At least give me a story. You know, I mean...
I mean, tell me you were out drinking till you threw up.
Tell me you were getting lap dances over at Scores.
- I don't care, just give me something. - I was entertaining Worm.
- Uh-huh. - The least I can do for the guy.
- So, you were nowhere near a card game. - Sweetie.
What? I'm asking you a question.
- I'm just... - No. I was nowhere near a card game.
All right?
All right. I'll wait for you.
I mean, the key is a seamless passing of the baton among the team.
I think the most important thing is to be respectful to the judges but not obsequious.
Now, wait a minute. Make sure to be deferential.
Gene Marinacci won't buy deferential.
Oh, it's Gene, is it?
Well, I knew there was a reason why you were lead counsel,
and it's got nothing to do with your punctuality.
Sorry. I couldn't find a cab.
Anyway, when you make the opening remarks, make sure you stick to the fact pattern.
And use the right cites. Use book cites, not Lexis.
Hi, Jo.
- Long time. - Knish. How are you?
The same.
I don't mean to interrupt you future magistrates and noblemen,
but l, uh, I need a word.
- Um... - It's important.
Okay. Excuse me.
Sorry.
- I'll act as lead counsel. - It's all right, Kelly.
We were gonna take a break anyway.
Coffee time.
The guy's a cheat. He always has been.
Right now, he's over at Chesterfield's, ruining your reputation...
with every lousy second he deals.
[censored]. I told him. Did anybody else see him?
Nobody saw... I heard it. Snapping sound gave it away.
I didn't know him, I might not have noticed.
I turn around, and I see him with the mechanic's grip, I know.
- You want one? - Did you give him the office?
I tried to warn him, but he looked right through me.
- All right, I'll go get him. - No, no, no. He's okay now.
Most of those Georges are at the tail end of a -hour session.
They can't see straight. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
But if he's still there when Roman and Maurice start their game,
he's gonna wish he was still inside.
I'm gonna go get him.
[Mike Narrating] Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time,
held to his father's maxim...
"You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once."
Gotta bet my jacks.
This is a lesson Worm's never bothered to learn.
- [Speaking Russian] - Hey, guys.
English only at the table, no Russian.
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
If you want to see this seventh card, you're gonna stop speaking [censored]' Sputnik.
- Oh, da, [censored]. - You're worried we might work together.
I'm sure you're just talking about perogies...
and snow and [censored], but let's cut it out, all right?
There's the river, down and dirty.
I think you got that ace, Roman, but I'm gonna pay for it.
Okay, well, I got the jacks. Come on.
- Ace. - Oh, you got it. - And six.
Wow, two pair. But I got sevens, too, though.
- With my jacks. - [censored], slow rolling me like that.
You said just jacks.
But you made me for the sevens, Maurice. You're a player.
- [censored]! - Hey, come on! Don't be a [censored]' baby.
- Hey, Maurice. - [Together] Hey.
Hey, Mike, you here to play? Come on, we need some new blood.
They're putting a [censored] bracelet on me tomorrow for four months.
- I already stuck two racks. - Well, have a good rest, man.
Can I talk to you for a second, Cosmonaut?
No, man, I'm on a roll. This is a very emotional game.
Gotta do it.
- [Speaking In Russian] - I counted these.
Leave it. It's fine.
[Speaking In Russian]
- What's going on? - Where are you at?
I was pumped up eight G's. I was ready to go on a run when you came along.
- All right, listen. - Hey, wait, I want a hot dog.
You're in town for five [censored]' minutes, you already got a sign on your back.
Oh, what, that [censored]' Knish rat me out?
You gotta stop listening to that guy, man.
He sees all the angles, but he doesn't have the balls to play one.
Hey, that guy hasn't had to work in years, Worm.
You don't think that's work, what he does?
Grinding it out on his [censored]' leather ass? No, thank you.
I thought so, too, all right? Now I know what real work is.
Speaking of which, are you even gonna get a job?
Or are you just gonna go back to printing those credit cards?
- Huh? You gonna go away again? - I wasn't printing.
I was distributing. Distributing. It's different, okay?
Second of all, I'm never going back there.
Stop worrying so much, okay?
Come here.
I just want you to think long term, all right? Be smart.
Every place in Manhattan, they all keep books, all right?
If you get listed as a mechanic, then not only are you gonna get the [censored] kicked out of you,
you're not gonna get a [censored]' game anywhere in New York.
It's stupid. It's just bad business.
Look, this is what I love about you... you think about the big picture.
That's great, okay? But it's not me.
I don't play the game straight up, and then if I lose,
go get some real work or something, okay?
I see a mark, I take him down.
That's what I do. That's the way I live.
I know. Listen, you're the guy who taught me all the angles.
- But I'm not the guy with my nose open right now. - Aw, come on.
I'm not gonna preach to you, but those two guys in there, they're not rabbits.
Roman and Maurice? They're Russian outfit guys.
Not as bad as KGB, but you don't want to be [censored]' with those guys.
With those fake Versace shirts and [censored]? Jesus.
Look, you still got time. Just go back in there, right?
Lose their [censored]' money back to 'em, all right?
Just make it look good. Just catch a run of real [censored] cards.
- Give it back to 'em. - I can't. I can't.
I gotta put some scratch together, man. I gotta get somethin' going.
Then go out to suburbia, man. Play in a [censored]' dentist's game, okay?
- Go to Swan Meadow, play in the golf pro game. - That's an idea.
I'll definitely do that, but I can't dump to these guys.
You got to.
All right, whatever, whatever.
Meet me at Stromboli's in half an hour, all right?
I can't, I gotta go. I have a meeting.
And then I gotta go to [censored]' Queens. I gotta load the truck.
Jesus, man, you're such a [censored]' workin' man now. I'm never gonna see you.
- Make it look good. I mean it, make it look good. - You know me.
- So, how'd you do? - Ah, so-so.
Six thousand, two thousand.
Oh, hold on. Two more.
All right, so it's ten grand total,
take back the two we lent you, give you the white meat.
You know what?
Why don't you give me all of it?
Usually, credit players only leave with their profit.
Otherwise, the juice starts five points a week on Mike.
Oh, okay. We'll owe you.
[Sighs]
Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
Didn't want to be found.
You know, Petrovsky waited and waited. So did the rest of the group.
- Jo, look, I missed one meeting. - It's not about the meeting.
I don't care about the meeting. Do you even know why I left this morning?
- I found that gangster's roll in your pocket. - It's not what you think.
- It's not what you think. - Who do you think I am? You lie right to my face?
Look, old days at least you never lied.
You lost everything, but at least you never lied.
Jo, this wasn't even a real game. This was like Wiffle Ball.
- Can you lose your rent playing Wiffle Ball? - No, I couldn't lose.
- That's the point. - No, Mike, you can lose.
I watched you, I stood by you while you lost everything before.
- I don't think I can go through that with you again. - Jo, I wasn't gonna lose!
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table...
at the World Series of Poker every single year?
What are they, the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
- It's a skill game, Jo. - Great. So why'd you have to lie to me?
- Because I knew you wouldn't understand. - Understand what?
Last night, I sat down at this card table.
I felt alive for the first time since I got busted at KGB's joint, okay?
You just told me you felt alive for the first time at a [censored] card table.
- No, what... - What's that supposed to make me understand?
[Sighs]
[Rock]
Midnight, gettin' uptight Where are you
- You said you need me but it's quarter to : - I heard you was out.
Hey, [censored]' Grama. How you doin'?
- I was just thinkin' about you. You know, I could use you. - Oh, yeah?
See me in, like, two weeks. I'll put you back on the payroll.
Well, I got some bad news for ya, Worm. I'm out on my own now.
- Really? - Yeah.
Go figure.
There were a lot of angry people when you went away. A lot of people were mad.
I know, Grama, that's why I'm trying to put together a roll here.
A lot of people coming up to me, asking if I could help,
asking if I knew where to find you.
- So, it got me to thinkin'. - Really, you thinkin' now? That's big.
Hey, Jesus! Come on! Take it easy.
It's just a friend of mine.
Hey! Easy, easy, easy, easy. God!
Get the [censored] outta here. What did I say?
- Hey, man, take it easy! - Get the [censored] outta here!
Okay. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
Instead of you owing grand spread out to five guys, you owe to me.
What? Where the [censored] do you get off? grand?
Where the [censored] do I get off?
[Grunts] Ohh.
Here's how it is. grand, and the juice is still runnin'.
Jesus Christ.
What the [censored] are you doin', man? You were my partner.
No, no, I was your lackey.
But I learned a few things, Worm.
I consolidated your outstanding debt.
[Scoffs] Where'd you get the scratch for that?
You've been rolling [censored] in the Village again. [Grunts]
- Still a wise ass. Unbelievable. - [Spits]
What I did was go partners with an old friend of yours.
Teddy KGB backed me.
[censored]. [censored].
[Spits] Teddy's got plenty of goons.
Why would he put you under his flag?
Because as soon as he heard your name, he became real excited for the prospect.
What, so you bought me up, Grama? [Scoffs]
Yeah, got a real sweet deal, too. cents on the dollar.
There's not a lot of faith in you out there in the business community.
Great, so you're a banker now, Grama. That's really classy.
Not exactly. I don't have to tell you my collection methods.
[Sighs] Oh, God. All right, look.
Just take it easy, all right?
I'll scrape something together, and I'll find you this week.
- That's just what I figured. - No, no, no.
- So I'm gonna take what you got on you right now. - Here. Fine.
Have yourself a ball, okay?
[Sighs, Chuckles]
[Groans] God!
Damn! [Groans]
Excuse me.
Mind if I sit?
Michael.
Please, please. Sit, sit.
That was a nifty trick the other night.
- It was wonderful. - [Chuckles] Thank you.
Marinacci and the D.A. were ready to cut cards for your services at that point.
[Chuckles]
Of course, it was an altogether different trick, that disappearing act...
you pulled today at your group's meeting.
- Yeah. Well, I figure I owe you an explanation. - Ah, not to me.
I'm sure there's a good reason you left.
You'll just have to work harder. Prepare.
- [Chuckles] - And smooth things out with the others.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay, well, thanks. - Stay. Take a drink.
- Jamie? - Yeah?
- Another glass, darling. - Sure.
- What are you drinking? - Gin. Always gin.
- Here you go. - Thanks, dear.
Thank you.
I know a magician doesn't divulge his secrets, but...
[Chuckles] I'm no magician.
Well, if it wasn't magic,
how did you know what everyone held?
It's a combination of things.
Um, I was watching when the cards came out.
That's... That's just an old habit with me, like breathing.
You watch the cards.
I watch the cards also, but I watch the players reacting to the cards.
That's how I knew the D.A. made his two pair,
and Judge Kaplan missed the flush.
I was watching their eyes when they checked their river cards.
- Their faces tell you everything. - You watch the man.
l... I never knew you had to calculate so much at cards.
All right, here's the thing. You only play premium hands.
You only start with jacks or better split,
nines or better wired, three high cards to a flush.
If it's good enough to call, you gotta be in there raising, all right?
I mean, tight, but aggressive. And I do mean aggressive. That's your style, Professor.
I mean, you gotta... you gotta think of it as a war.
You are officially never invited to our game again. [Chuckles]
I don't blame you. Put a guy like me in a game like that, the cards don't even matter.
I'll play it blind.
Michael,
- May I tell you a story? - Please.
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis.
In Israel, before that in Europe.
It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy.
The pride of my yeshiva.
The elders said I had a -year-old's understanding...
of the midrash by the time I was .
But by the time I was
I knew I could never be a rabbi.
Why not?
Because for all I understood of the Talmud,
I never saw God there.
- You couldn't lie to yourself. - I tried.
Tried like crazy.
I mean, people were counting on me.
But yours is a respectable profession.
Not to my family.
My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision.
My father sent me away to New York...
to live with distant cousins.
Eventually, l... I found my place,
my life's work.
What then?
I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae,
I learned everything I could about the law.
I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.
- And did your parents get over it? - No.
I always hoped that I would find...
some way to change their minds, but...
They were inconsolable.
My father never spoke to me again.
If you had to do it all over again,
would you make the same choices?
What choice?
The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this...
We can't run from who we are.
Our destiny chooses us.
Hey. L'chayim.
Hey.
Hey, where you been? I've been freezing my ass off.
- What happened? - Ah, ran into a door. Don't worry about it.
- What happened? - Hey! She crossed her legs too fast, all right?
- Just mind your own business. - You comin' up?
No, I've been standing out here all this time just to say hi.
Listen, things haven't been that smooth on the home front,
so tone it down a little, all right?
- Tone down what, [censored]? - Great.
- Never mind. - [Laughs]
When you become a big shot lawyer, could you find us an elevator building?
Shut up.
What, did you get robbed?
Um, not exactly.
Wait, wait, wait. Did she split on you?
[Scoffs] Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
I always told her she'd be a good card player.
- Know exactly when to release a [censored] hand. - Come on, Mike, forget that.
This girl is obviously wrapped way too tight for living.
No, she was a good... I knew it. I [censored]' knew it.
[Sighs] It's depressing.
You can't trust 'em. You can't trust 'em at all.
I mean, look at you. You domesticated yourself for this girl.
You took yourself out of the life. You walked the [censored]' line for her.
And the minute you want a little of it back, she walks out on you.
It's just like the saying says, you know?
In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
- They are the [censored]' rake. - What the [censored] are you talking about?
What saying?
I don't know. But there oughta be one.
- You know what cheers me up when I'm feelin' [censored]? - What?
Rolled up aces over kings.
- That right? - Yeah.
Check raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off 'em.
- Yeah? - Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Playin' all night, high-limit Hold' Em at the Taj.
- Where the sand turns to gold. - [censored] it, let's go.
- Don't tease me. - Let's play some [censored]' cards.
[Mike Narrating] The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas...
is the center of the poker universe.
Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth...
The legends consider it their office.
Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up...
wanting to beat a world champion.
Usually they go home with nothing but a story.
Down here, the millionaires are scarce or they're playing craps,
but there's still plenty of money for the taking.
In fact, on the weekends you can't get a game in the city,
because all the New York rounders are taking care of the tourists here.
Hey, hey, why don't you warm up a seat for me. I'll catch up with you.
- What? - Look.
- I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay? - Hey, good.
- I mean, I'm overdue. - Good, man, hey, I was startin' to wonder about you.
I thought, maybe, you know, the boys upstate brought about a few changes in you.
Hey, in your dreams, lover.
- Hey, Mikey! - Hey. - Hey, Mike.
This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield south.
- Ho! - Changing $ .
Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?
Twice in one week.
For someone who don't play, you spend a lot of time in card rooms.
This is what I like to see, huh?
Mike McDermott where he belongs... sittin' with the scumbags.
Tellin' jokes, draggin' the occasional pot.
Occasional? Yeah, like my ex-wife occasionally went out with other men.
Forget her, Face. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight.
But in honor of Mike's alley-like return to the ring,
I'll sit with you all for a while.
Hey, don't do us any favors, Knish.
- They're about to go to the board to fill these seats. - Bet it.
I raise. You know, if we wanted to take each other's rolls,
we could have just stayed home.
[Mike Narrating] These two have no idea...
what they're about to walk into.
Down here to have a good time, they figure...
why not give poker a try?
After all, how different can it be from the home games...
they've played their whole lives?
All the luck in the world isn't gonna change things for these guys.
They're simply overmatched.
We're not playing together, but then again, we're not playing against each other either.
It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?
They wear their tells like signs around their necks.
Facial tics, nervous fingers.
A hand over a mouth.
The way a cigarette is smoked.
Little unconscious gestures that reveal the cards in their hands.
We catch everything.
If a fish acts strong, he's bluffing.
If he acts meek, he's got a hand. It's that simple.
- How are you, you workaholics? - Worm.
Good to see ya. Glad you're out.
Number's changed, of course.
Lotta games this weekend, so you're gonna need the number.
- I'll give you a ring. - Hey, Worm?
Do they allow people like you in places like this?
Zagosh, when you get yourself a job, then you can be my [censored]' P.O.
How about that?
Now, let's get started, shall we?
I'm sorry, sir.
You can't take chips from another player at the table.
We all know each other here.
We're like friends, so if nobody complains, do you have a problem?
- It's all right. - No problem.
- Sir, you have to buy 'em from me. - [Sighs]
[censored] this low-limit [censored]. Can we go get something to eat? I got comped at the noodle bar.
I want to talk to you.
Look who's treatin' to a free meal.
Don't let that M.S.G. [censored] up your head more than it is, Mikey.
You keep grinding out that rent money, Joe. It's noble work you're doing.
So, hey, uh, Nick the Greek.
What's with kitin' my checks?
- I'm on empty, that's why. - You are? You're tapped again?
I mean... How much was the hooker?
- Mike, please. Relaxation therapist. - [Chuckles]
Okay?
- It's not where it went. - Wait a minute.
It went to Roman and Maurice?
I told you, man, you didn't have to give it all back to 'em.
Take a little money for your time, you know?
Hey, that's not where it went either.
- I ran into Grama tonight. - Yeah?
Yeah. He took everything I had.
You're kiddin' me. Wait, who's he working for?
Well, he's sorta out on his own.
This [censored] went around and bought up all my debt. Grama.
That turncoat [censored]. Are you kiddin' me?
So what do you owe him?
I don't know. By his crazy [censored]' gorilla math?
Like, .
- Fifteen? Fifteen? - Yeah, I mean...
He says the juice has been running the entire time on my ten.
- So, it's just like... - Why didn't you tell me that, man?
Why did you not tell me that? I could have paid that off.
- I had the... I had the money. - Hey!
I'm not gonna sit in the can and have my friend paying down my debt.
I'm not a leech, all right?
We can help each other, like always. That's why we're here.
That's... That's why we gotta get in the bigger game.
- Do you hear what I'm saying? - All right. All right.
- Listen, man, I'll help you. You know I'll help you, man. - Yeah?
- I mean, [censored] that guy. We'll figure something out. - Yeah.
How long should we wait?
I suggest we wait another five minutes, and then choose another lead counsel.
Here he comes.
Mr. McDermott, perhaps we can begin now.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Come to order in the matter of Slater v. New York State Higher Education Services.
The facts have been stipulated, the briefs have been read.
Lead counsel for plaintiff, Mr. McDermott,
please proceed with oral arguments now.
If that is convenient for you.
Yes, it is, and again, I'm sorry, ah, that I'm late.
Um...
Well,

[adanthar]

I hate to say it but this thread really is kinda lame guys

the other one was better /images/graemlins/frown.gif