Writing a speech for graduation

[T_Money]

I'm going to be salutatorian (sp?) at my schools graduation and am writing a speech for the ceremony about the things poker has taught me. However, I've hit a big block in my mind.

"When I first started thinking about what to say in this speech, I drew a complete blank. I asked alot of my friends about what I should should write about, but in the end, the best advice came from the person I should've asked in the first place, my mom. She told me to stick to something I knew. And I believe the thing that I know most about is poker. So with that in mind, I would offer my fellow graduates and those in the audience a few life lessons that a not-so-simple card game has taught me.

First, only concern yourself with the things you can control. In poker, there is only one goal, making the best decision you can at every point in the hand. As long as you make the right decision, the result makes no difference. For instance, if an opponent calls your bet, and draws the only card in the deck that beats you, congratulate him, and then congragulate yourself for doing everything right. You see, the only part of poker that is truly out of your control are the cards, but luckily enough, they eventually break even for everyone. In our lifetimes we face countless other situations where we must divorce the result from the decisions we make."

I don't know why, but I can't think of examples where we should divorce the result the from the decision although I know there are way too many count. If anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated.

PS: I'm also going to talk about how you must be brutally honest with yourself in all aspects of life and how one can't be afraid to take a gamble if the situation calls for it. Any other suggestions? And also, my purpose in this speech isn't to educate people about poker or to talk about something that relates to me, I want everyone to be able to take something from this, so if you think it's not a good idea, please tell me.

PS2: I know this doesn't directly relate to MTT, but this is the forum I read, so pleeeease don't lock it unless its getting no replies.

[poopstar212]

my class president gave our speech not the salutwhatever you call it but all he said was "see you in cancun" it was great and couldnt have said more about our class and i guess life in general

[0evg0]

Off-topic, but would anyone else feel exxxxxtremely uncomfortable if it was suggested you do this?

And I gradumate from hihg school tommorawz lol

[T_Money]

what?

say a one liner and leave? To be honest, I really don't care, but my parents definitely would, and school is the only place where they still feel like they have a say in what I do.

[poopstar212]

parents schmarents. most of the parents of the kids i went to school would cheat with a monkey if it let em or were too busy drinking thesmelves to a liver translplant to care much about anything expecially spending a few hours at a lame ceremony when they could be getting hammered and laid

[poopstar212]

yeah i wasnt giving advice i was just saying what happened to me. yeah please for the love of god dont listen or do anything that i talk about this is the intraweb for christ sake. yeah he knows this too hes got to be 18 graduating hs hes an adult he can eat a whole box of cookies for dinner if he wants.

it was funny though this other time i remmber in hs i won this pretty big award for markteting or some crap and i skipped school the day they had the cremony and it was like a district thing so the teacher had to send somebody up there to get the award so she sent my stoner buddy friend who didnt skip that day who was like two feet shorter than me but he had to go up there baked he was pissed at me hahaha

[locutus2002]

I think it should be interesting.

I wouldn't use the word divorce.
Or the phrase brutally honest, a graduation speech is a time to build people's dreams.

I think the "best decision" not results oriented is the most important lesson and supercedes all others.

I would be careful not to look like a "life"-donk as claiming that poker is what you know best at a young age will probably be construed by many as ... donkified.

I would also be careful that many in the audience will not relate (resonate) with your experiences except for a few card flippin addicts.

If you post it the forum could help out.

[0evg0]

[ QUOTE ]
yeah i wasnt giving advice i was just saying what happened to me. yeah please for the love of god dont listen or do anything that i talk about this is the intraweb for christ sake. yeah he knows this too hes got to be 18 graduating hs hes an adult he can eat a whole box of cookies for dinner if he wants.

it was funny though this other time i remmber in hs i won this pretty big award for markteting or some crap and i skipped school the day they had the cremony and it was like a district thing so the teacher had to send somebody up there to get the award so she sent my stoner buddy friend who didnt skip that day who was like two feet shorter than me but he had to go up there baked he was pissed at me hahaha

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know what contest you're trying to win, but you have my vote.

[sirio11]

"Life will deal you cards, sometimes rags, sometimes premium hands, but no matter what you're dealt, you got to take the right decision, you got to make the best of it"


"If you want to make money with your good hands, you have to bet, build the pot, if you see a good opportunity in life, invest your time and effort, go for it !!!"

"There will be times when it's clear you're beaten, you just have to fold and move on"

"Study, prepare, to be a winner, it's not enough to know the rules"

"It pays to know when you have the nuts"

[ShakaBauer]

No offense, but an 18-year-old talking about poker as the thing he knows best just gives fodder to the anti-gambling crowd.
Talk about something else.
Something important (i.e., not recycling or global warming).
Something you'd die for.
Poker isn't a word worth dying for.
If I'm gonna die for a word, my word is ...

[poopstar212]

nookie

[Mcot]

I hate anaology speaches. There so dumb, and this is coming from a kid who had to sit through like 15 speechs at my graduation where it was 110 degrees and Imn wearing a robe with 2 shirts and pants underneath.

Make your speach concise DO NOT talk about poker, your only going to get people confused, posibly make yourself look retarded. (I really dont know how popular you are right now)

So basically, make a stright to the point speach and forget the lame analogies and realize most people could guve a damn what you say so dont try to sound to smart or be profound.

[jcm4ccc]

1. Your first paragraph sounds like an apology. Just get right into your theme.
2. Don't teach them poker. Just use poker as an analogy for life.

Something like this:

Some of the most important lessons in life, I’ve learned at the poker table. The game has a bad reputation, but one that’s undeserved. There’s a lesson there. Here are some other important lessons I’ve learned:

1. Always tip the dealer. It is impossible to succeed in life without the support of other people. You should always remember that, and should always show your appreciation.
2. It’s not always the best cards that win. The person sitting across from you may be holding a pair of kings, and you may only be holding a pair of twos. But, if you have more guts, if you are more determined, if you are smarter, you can still win the hand.
3. Never cheat. You may get away with cheating for a while. Eventually you will get caught.
4. Respect experience. The old man sitting across the table may look feeble and weak. If you underestimate him, he will make you pay.
5. Never make a decision that you’ll later regret
6. And remember that sometimes, you just have to close your eyes, push all your chips into the middle, and put it all on the line. Because that’s what makes life worth living.

blah blah blah

[CardSharpCook]

I really don't like the idea of pokering this speech. Analagous to talking about the lessons you learned doing drugs in many peoples' mind.

[stevepa]

[ QUOTE ]
I really don't like the idea of pokering this speech. Analagous to talking about the lessons you learned doing drugs in many peoples' mind.

[/ QUOTE ]

Plus once people hear you say poker no one will listen to the rest of your speech. They'll just know it was about poker.

Steve

[Yo Adrians!]

[ QUOTE ]
1. Your first paragraph sounds like an apology. Just get right into your theme.
2. Don't teach them poker. Just use poker as an analogy for life.

Something like this:

Some of the most important lessons in life, I’ve learned at the poker table. The game has a bad reputation, but one that’s undeserved. There’s a lesson there. Here are some other important lessons I’ve learned:

1. Always tip the dealer. It is impossible to succeed in life without the support of other people. You should always remember that, and should always show your appreciation.
2. It’s not always the best cards that win. The person sitting across from you may be holding a pair of kings, and you may only be holding a pair of twos. But, if you have more guts, if you are more determined, if you are smarter, you can still win the hand.
3. Never cheat. You may get away with cheating for a while. Eventually you will get caught.
4. Respect experience. The old man sitting across the table may look feeble and weak. If you underestimate him, he will make you pay.
5. Never make a decision that you’ll later regret
6. And remember that sometimes, you just have to close your eyes, push all your chips into the middle, and put it all on the line. Because that’s what makes life worth living.

blah blah blah

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey man. This is good stuff. Seriously.

[coopersmydog]

Talk about how in 10 years you're going to look back and wish poker wasn't the thing you knew most about when you were 18. Talk about the importance of making good decisions. Talk about the importance of meaningful relationships. Talk about standing alone in a crowd. Talk about being the life of the party. Talk about integrity and respect. Do not talk about poker. It's dumb and most people are going to be like, "WTF is he talking about."

I've been out of highschool for 10 years. Our validictorian gave some gay analogy speech and I don't remember 5 words of it.

On the other hand when I was 11 I went to my cousins highschool graduation. The dude giving the speech talked about how looking back he wished he would have spent more time getting to know his classmates, himself, etc. It was a great speech and I remember most of it to this day.

Just my $.02 - Oh yeah, make sure you picture everyone naked to calm your nerves.

[ShakaBauer]

Tell them to avoid the evils of warm spirits and loose women ...












after they reach 40.

[T_Money]

Well here's what I have so far

When I first started thinking about what to say in this speech, I drew a complete blank. I asked alot of my friends about what I should should write about, but in the end, the best advice came from the person I should've asked in the first place, my mom. She told me to stick to something I knew. So with that in mind, I would offer my fellow graduates and those in the audience a few life lessons that a not-so-simple card game has taught me.

First, only concern yourself with the things you can control. In poker, there is only one goal, making the best decision you can at every point in the hand. Over the long run, the cards always break even and the winners are seperated from the losers by the decisions they make. In life, we must also concentrate on only those things that we have the ability to affect. If we have literally given 100%, then there's no point in being depressed about not getting accepted into your college of choice, being overlooked in the job you have always wanted, or falling short in the championship of a sport in which you excel. The only thing we can do is learn from any mistake we may have made and strive to do better the next time we confront a similar situation.

Another thing poker has taught me is that you have to always be completely honest with yourself. Whether it be admitting that you're not playing your best, that you're too tired to keep playing, or that you flat-out aren't good enough to beat a certain game, honesty is the most important asset you can possess. Without it, it is impossible to accurately view a situation. There is no doubt that we will be faced with many difficult decisions in our path through college and into profession we choose, but by being honest about our abilities and inabilities, the relationships we build, and the imperfect world in which we live, we will be much more likely to make the correct decision when life throws a fork in the road.

The final lesson I've learned from playing this complex card game is that if the situation is right, you can't be afraid to take a gamble. In poker, you should always gamble if the math justifies it, no matter how much of a long shot your hand is. Otherwise, you are only costing yourself money. Just as in poker, there will be times in our lives where doing something totally out of our comfort zone has more potential reward than risk. So the question then becomes, "do you have the courage." It's normal to be scared about what the future holds, but the difference between those who decide to play play it safe and those that live there lives with no regrets is almost certainly their refusal to let that fear dictate the decisions they make.

[KKsuited]

[ QUOTE ]
Well here's what I have so far

When I first started thinking about what to say in this speech, I drew a complete blank. I asked alot of my friends about what I should should write about, but in the end, the best advice came from the person I should've asked in the first place, my mom. She told me to stick to something I knew. So with that in mind, I would offer my fellow graduates and those in the audience a few life lessons that a not-so-simple card game has taught me.

First, only concern yourself with the things you can control. In poker, there is only one goal, making the best decision you can at every point in the hand. Over the long run, the cards always break even and the winners are seperated from the losers by the decisions they make. In life, we must also concentrate on only those things that we have the ability to affect. If we have literally given 100%, then there's no point in being depressed about not getting accepted into your college of choice, being overlooked in the job you have always wanted, or falling short in the championship of a sport in which you excel. The only thing we can do is learn from any mistake we may have made and strive to do better the next time we confront a similar situation.

Another thing poker has taught me is that you have to always be completely honest with yourself. Whether it be admitting that you're not playing your best, that you're too tired to keep playing, or that you flat-out aren't good enough to beat a certain game, honesty is the most important asset you can possess. Without it, it is impossible to accurately view a situation. There is no doubt that we will be faced with many difficult decisions in our path through college and into profession we choose, but by being honest about our abilities and inabilities, the relationships we build, and the imperfect world in which we live, we will be much more likely to make the correct decision when life throws a fork in the road.

The final lesson I've learned from playing this complex card game is that if the situation is right, you can't be afraid to take a gamble. In poker, you should always gamble if the math justifies it, no matter how much of a long shot your hand is. Otherwise, you are only costing yourself money. Just as in poker, there will be times in our lives where doing something totally out of our comfort zone has more potential reward than risk. So the question then becomes, "do you have the courage." It's normal to be scared about what the future holds, but the difference between those who decide to play play it safe and those that live there lives with no regrets is almost certainly their refusal to let that fear dictate the decisions they make.

[/ QUOTE ]

Make sure you say something about "getting a real job" and not "sitting around playing $11 HU matches all damn day".

/images/graemlins/grin.gif Sorry, couldn't resist.

[BlackAndRed]

I don't agree with the people who say not to write about poker. If some people want to get on their high horse about it, a few misanthropes should not deter you from talking about something that's meaningful to you, and to anyone else who's willing to set aside their prejudices for a minute to learn.

I don't have particular respect for cheerleading, but if someone wants to give a speech on what they've learned about life through cheerleading, I will set aside my personal opinions and listen politely.

[boxedIn]

Ugh, I think every valedictorian speech (and every bad college admission essay) begins with "so I couldn't think of anything to write about ... " Please - do everyone there a favor and junk your first copy. It is pretty boring and I would have stopped listening fairly quickly. If you're going to make a speech to a bunch of antsy teenagers who are looking forward to a night of drunken debauchary, make it short, funny, and clever. The list with those six reasons does that well -- steal it. That will get people to laugh, then contemplate and say "wow - maybe that kid actually learned something about life playing poker" instead of thinking "zzzzzzzzzzz"

My 2 cents. Hopefully the criticism isn't taken harshly, because it's meant in the spirit of help

[T_Money]

When I first started thinking about what to say in this speech, I asked alot of my friends what I should should write about, but the only thing PG enough for this speech was to keep short. In the end, however, the best advice came from the person I should've asked in the first place, my mom. She told me to stick to something I knew. So with that in mind, I would offer my fellow graduates and those in the audience a few life lessons that a not-so-simple card game has taught me.

Always make the best decision possible. The result isn't always what you hoped for, but that's the difference between the best decision and the easy one.

Always respect a person's play until proven otherwise. Overestimating someone's ability wont cost you near as much as underestimating it.

Always be honest with yourself. Telling yourself to keep playing because, after all, you are the 6th best player in the world, won't do you much good if you're playing against the top five.

Cheaters may win, but once they're found out, they never play again.

It's never too early too fold a losing hand. Distancing yourself from harmful relationships and bad habits is always a smart move.

Be courteous in defeat and humble in victory. No one likes being around complainers, but no one can stand arrogant, cocky little, ya, they hate them even more.

And finally, never be afraid to gamble when the situation is right. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, and push it all in, because, really, that's what life's all about.

[CardSharpCook]

agreed. Pretty good speech, but you need to scratch the opening paragraph.

[boxedIn]

Yah, I like that copy. But the opening paragraph isn't good. First off - you never say poker. That might be confusing. I'm not sure if this is a tact you might want to take, but here's a decent attention grabber.



You know what people love to demonize? Poker - it's considering gambling and apparently leads to the destruction of society. That's hogwash - poker is all about managing risk -- any stock trader on Wall St. would recognize the parallels in a second. And ultimately, life is the riskiest assest in our possession - how the hell are we supposed to manage that? Well, in my days I've had some experiences at the poker table that might be applicable - so here they are -- they aren't perfect, they're always being changed but really -- what in life isn't?

[AlphaWice]

"done did it, had fun with it"

[coxquinn]

I could care less if it's about poker or not, but please make this speech GOOD.

Saying "life, as in [insert crappy analogy here], is all about [insert trite/lame connection here]" is SO GOD DAMN BORING OMFG

Tell a sweet story about poker and a sweet story about life that relate, let people figure it out.

Just my opinion--- GET FREAKIN CREATIVE!!!

best HS speech I saw in first senetence the guy said "high school is strange four years, people come from different places and just as quickly separate again, but-" and then paused..." 'But'...what a strange word" and then went off on the word and how it connects two ideas, etc. etc. showing how it was like HS in a creative and different way.

Last sentece was, "But everyone knows, a speech never ends with the word but."

Hope that helps a little.

[jcm4ccc]

[ QUOTE ]
Yah, I like that copy. But the opening paragraph isn't good. First off - you never say poker. That might be confusing. I'm not sure if this is a tact you might want to take, but here's a decent attention grabber.



You know what people love to demonize? Poker - it's considering gambling and apparently leads to the destruction of society. That's hogwash - poker is all about managing risk -- any stock trader on Wall St. would recognize the parallels in a second. And ultimately, life is the riskiest assest in our possession - how the hell are we supposed to manage that? Well, in my days I've had some experiences at the poker table that might be applicable - so here they are -- they aren't perfect, they're always being changed but really -- what in life isn't?

[/ QUOTE ] It's more than an attention-grabber--you have to knock people off their pre-conceived notions about poker. They think it's evil, they think it's gambling (like the lottery or slot machines). They'll stop listening to you unless you say, right off the bat, hey guys that's not what this game is about.

[kiwi]

Good luck with it. It looks interesting, and short - like folding a bad hand early, you can't finish a good speech too soon.
Someone taught me the following about public speaking, and it has served me well.

Make the following very clear to your audience
I know my stuff
I know who you are
I won't waste your time
Here's my important bit

[Fish R Friends]

[ QUOTE ]
When I first started thinking about what to say in this speech, I asked alot of my friends what I should should write about, but the only thing PG enough for this speech was to keep short. In the end, however, the best advice came from the person I should've asked in the first place, my mom. She told me to stick to something I knew. So with that in mind, I would offer my fellow graduates and those in the audience a few life lessons that a not-so-simple card game has taught me.

Always make the best decision possible. The result isn't always what you hoped for, but that's the difference between the best decision and the easy one.

Always respect a person's play until proven otherwise. Overestimating someone's ability wont cost you near as much as underestimating it.

Always be honest with yourself. Telling yourself to keep playing because, after all, you are the 6th best player in the world, won't do you much good if you're playing against the top five.

Cheaters may win, but once they're found out, they never play again.

It's never too early too fold a losing hand. Distancing yourself from harmful relationships and bad habits is always a smart move.

Be courteous in defeat and humble in victory. No one likes being around complainers, but no one can stand arrogant, cocky little, ya, they hate them even more.

And finally, never be afraid to gamble when the situation is right. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, and push it all in, because, really, that's what life's all about.

[/ QUOTE ]

T Money - Whereas many in the zoo would appreciate this speech at commencement, the majority of your audience will most likely view it as bad taste. And I'm sorry to say as much because I believe your mother was correct, that you should stick with something you know about, and care about.

However (read as NIT /images/graemlins/frown.gif), as a Speech Teacher who has experienced many commencement speeches, analogy speeches work best when the audience understands what your're making the connections to; they need to share in the experience. Yes, your target audience is the class of 2006, but the audience who will care (as you've already pointed out) are the parents, families, and community.

Whereas is it an important moment and aspect, most will not remember it a week later, except to say, "he talked about life as poker." The most memorable ones are those that are out of the norm, original, like "see you in cancun." However, I do not suggest you go entirely that route despite how much that would move the ceremony along.

It appears you are set on poker as life so, most of the intro as written, needs to make it more exciting. Yes, acknowledge your mother as it sounds like she's a big part of your life (or that you want to share the blame if you flame out). You don't mention the name of the card game, you'll need to if you play this line.

You need a salutation. Something like: "Dr. ______ (Superintendent), School Board Members, honored guests, Faculty, Families, and Friends, I am honored to speak here today as a representative of the Graduating Class of 2006."

Then wow them with, "you gotta know when to hold'em, know when to fol'em, know when to walk away, know when to run" ie; your poker speech.

GL T ! /images/graemlins/wink.gif ~Fish

[AceLuby]

This speech is all cliches. If you want to make a good speech stop with the damn cliches. Everyone in poker has heard them, everyone out of poker doesn't care about them. Plus, how long do you have to speak. This is like a one minute cliche. I don't know what my Val or Salud speeches were about, because they were equally crappy. Don't give advice. What advice do you have to give to everyone else. Scrap this and use it if you ONLY can't be creative enough to make up your own idea.

[DLizzle]

I had to make a speech at my hs graduation as I was valedictorian. I've never heard of salutatorian or whatever, same thing maybe? Anyway, in my boring 7 minute speech, I made one reference to poker, and it had something to do with poker and life being a mix of chance and the choices that you make. It works well and everyone understands it. Opinions and knowledge of poker are across the spectrum, but everyone can understand this. I also added in a few vaguely hidden references to poker as jokes for friends and family who know me well. For instance, I walked up to the podium and the first thing I said was 'it's a full house in here', slight emphasis on full house. Lame, I know, I'm a loser. I don't like my speech now, even though people told me it was good, like they would say any different. You probably will too.

[MeanGreenTT]

[ QUOTE ]
Off-topic, but would anyone else feel exxxxxtremely uncomfortable if it was suggested you do this?

And I gradumate from hihg school tommorawz lol

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmmmm, I'm working on the opening for our Annual Shareholders meeting (6b market cap company)....not too sure if I could get away with it /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[T_Money]

Dr. Smith, School Board Members, honored guests, Faculty, Families, and Friends, I am honored to speak here today as a representative of the Graduating Class of 2006. Without your love and support, we would surely not be where we are today.
You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run. Poker. Many view it as meaningless game of chance, but I believe that is an underserved reputation. No where else are courage, intuition, nerves of steel, and a superior understanding of psycology and mathematics rewarded like at the poker table, except maybe life. But I guess that's the point.

Good intro so far? Any suggestions on how to transistion into the list?

[dmk]

how about this:

"All,

Since no one really cares about this speech, let me just its been a blast. Good luck wherever you guys may head. See you at the parties tonight."

please please please keep poker out of this

[mlagoo]

I just think that the speech CAN'T go well and be about poker. You're in high school. I don't really know what else to say.

I mean, it's a good speech, I think it's written fine. It's just about poker, from a high schooler. That is going to rub MOST people the wrong way.

[jcm4ccc]

I made some contributions to this theme, but I really think you need to bag the poker idea. Just make a traditional speech with a little smirk on your face, like you don't believe any of it. That's your best chance of getting laid. If you talk about poker, you're going to end up with your other loser friends for a late night marathon of playing Madden '06.

[mlagoo]

[ QUOTE ]
I made some contributions to this theme, but I really think you need to bag the poker idea. Just make a traditional speech with a little smirk on your face, like you don't believe any of it. That's your best chance of getting laid. If you talk about poker, you're going to end up with your other loser friends for a late night marathon of playing Madden '06.

[/ QUOTE ]

hahaha. agreed.

[KneeCo]

This speech reeks of ego, scratch the poker idea.

[Frank Zappy]

You might want to point out that your attitude is at odds with the swashbuckling, egomanical image of the typical Pro Poker player.

After watching televised poker it's pretty clear that but for poker, there are many people on the planet whose contribtion to society is so minimal they would be fortunate to be living in a refrigerator box above a grate at Penn Station.

Congratulation on your success.

[T_Money]

Dr. Smith, School Board Members, honored guests, Faculty, Families, and Friends, and God Above, I would like to thank your being apart of our graduation ceremony. Without your love and support, we would surely not be where we are today.

"He has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abomination--you know, imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate." From Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.

I remember how happy I was at the end of junior year. Not only would I be a senior next year, but since I took speech and debate, I wouldn't have to take any more English classes, specifically Mrs. Cross's AP IV (which by the way, is code for absolute pain to the fourth power). However the bliss soon turned despair as the administration apparently just had to change the requirement to four actual English classes.

So instead of dreaming about an english free senior year, I found myself walking into room 220 and checking out two 500 page books for some light summer reading. The summer flew by and the beginning school wasn't much different. Then one day, Mrs. Cross walks around the room handing out little blue books called "Heart of Darkness". "This won't be that bad," I thought. But then I opened the cover and was staring at what had to be about 6 point font and phrases like "papier-mache Mephistoles" and "intiminate profundity." Nope, everything is that bad in AP english IV.

And reading the book definitely didn't change my opinion, it was long winded, boring, and completely uninteresting. Who really cares about some guy's journey into the African jungle. I've seen the Jungle Book, and that kid grew up in the Jungle. At least that's what I thought until Mrs. Cross started explaining all these hidden analogys and complex metaphors and weird allegories. Only a really good teacher could explain that stuff well enough that the whole class could at least half way understand it. You see, heart of darkness wasn't really about a man's journey through a jungle, it was a story of his quest to find out if he was really willing to stick to the morals he said he lived by. He chose to traverse that unexplored heart-shaped continent in an adventure to examine himself. And at least to me, it seems the the next part of our lives, whether it be college, getting a job, or serving our country in the military, will be that same journey. So my advice is to find out what things in life you think are important. There are as many different sets of morals, values, and standards in life as their people, so their is no wrong answer, just your answer. Also, we can't be afraid to go to places that will make sticking to those beliefs harder. It's incredibly easy to say you believe in something when you will never have to actually stand up for it, because without the test, how can we ever know what things in life are truly valuable to us. Luckily for us, however, college and the workforce will provide us the ultimate labratory for testing our most important hypothesis, ?what governs our actions in life?. ?And when you find that thing you are absolutely sure is crucial for you?, that Ace that you can keep, never compromise it. Hold it up for everyone to see, to challenge you. Because then you will have conquered your own heart of darkness.

Comments, critics? Also, if you have any suggestions for the wording where there are ? around it, I could definitely use them

And BTW, you have all been extremely helpful and I sincerely thank all of you.

[mlagoo]

Proofread it, for sure. intiminate isn't a word (intimate). couple other things throughout it (missed connectors, etc.).

it's pretty good. be careful of being too dark, which is tough when using that particular book as the foundation for your speech. but i really like the message behind it, and i think it's something everyone can get behind. make sure you say thank you at the end, and maybe good luck or something like that.

edit: you also might edit your post to add some paragraphs to make it easier to read.

[A_PLUS]

[ QUOTE ]
Dr. Smith, School Board Members, honored guests, Faculty, Families, and Friends, and God Above, I would like to thank your being apart of our graduation ceremony. Without your love and support, we would surely not be where we are today.

"He has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abomination--you know, imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate." From Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.

I remember how happy I was at the end of junior year. Not only would I be a senior next year, but since I took speech and debate, I wouldn't have to take any more English classes, specifically Mrs. Cross's AP IV (which by the way, is code for absolute pain to the fourth power). However the bliss soon turned despair as the administration apparently just had to change the requirement to four actual English classes.

So instead of dreaming about an english free senior year, I found myself walking into room 220 and checking out two 500 page books for some light summer reading. The summer flew by and the beginning school wasn't much different. Then one day, Mrs. Cross walks around the room handing out little blue books called "Heart of Darkness". "This won't be that bad," I thought. But then I opened the cover and was staring at what had to be about 6 point font and phrases like "papier-mache Mephistoles" and "intiminate profundity." Nope, everything is that bad in AP english IV.

And reading the book definitely didn't change my opinion, it was long winded, boring, and completely uninteresting. Who really cares about some guy's journey into the African jungle. I've seen the Jungle Book, and that kid grew up in the Jungle. At least that's what I thought until Mrs. Cross started explaining all these hidden analogys and complex metaphors and weird allegories. Only a really good teacher could explain that stuff well enough that the whole class could at least half way understand it. You see, heart of darkness wasn't really about a man's journey through a jungle, it was a story of his quest to find out if he was really willing to stick to the morals he said he lived by. He chose to traverse that unexplored heart-shaped continent in an adventure to examine himself. And at least to me, it seems the the next part of our lives, whether it be college, getting a job, or serving our country in the military, will be that same journey. So my advice is to find out what things in life you think are important. There are as many different sets of morals, values, and standards in life as their people, so their is no wrong answer, just your answer. Also, we can't be afraid to go to places that will make sticking to those beliefs harder. It's incredibly easy to say you believe in something when you will never have to actually stand up for it, because without the test, how can we ever know what things in life are truly valuable to us. Luckily for us, however, college and the workforce will provide us the ultimate labratory for testing our most important hypothesis, ?what governs our actions in life?. ?And when you find that thing you are absolutely sure is crucial for you?, that Ace that you can keep, never compromise it. Hold it up for everyone to see, to challenge you. Because then you will have conquered your own heart of darkness.

Comments, critics? Also, if you have any suggestions for the wording where there are ? around it, I could definitely use them

And BTW, you have all been extremely helpful and I sincerely thank all of you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am going to be honest, b/c I think that is what you are looking for. This speach is way too self centered, and way too academic sounding. The biggest mistake people make in giving public addresses is not talking to the audience. 90% of the kids werent in AP anything, 50% of them are going to think you a bragging jerk for bringing it up. Parents of kids who were not in AP, arent going to like any of it either. The majority of people walk out of graduations feeling like the average students werent given enough of the spot-light.

Also, dont get so caught up in grand opening, unless they are done perfectly, and they never are, they just sound forced and boring.

Some tips:
lead off with a joke, anything. Just a short phrase lightening the mood. Maybe, "I'd like to thank all of the parents, etc....I figured they could use some buttering up, in case any of us have yet to tell them about a little trip to cancun next week." Better yet, poke fun at yourself.

Lighten the language. There is never a benefit of using a vocabulary that some people wont understand. This is huge, it ruins a speech. I generally think that somone who can get a poitn across in everyday language is 1000x more impressive than someone who looks like they just want us t know they got a 780 in the SAT verbal.

Dont write out a word for word speech, write out some bullet points and practice each one in everyday language.

Dont get caught up in making it serious and inspirational. No one is going to be inspired by it anyway. Dont be insulted, Winston Churchhill couldnt inspire a bunch of graduating seniors. Instead, make it light, fun, and celebratory. Talk about how you guys and girls are going to conquer the world. Everyone likes to here that.

What do you think most people want to here:
"when you find that thing you are absolutely sure is crucial for you?, that Ace that you can keep, never compromise it. Hold it up for everyone to see, to challenge you. Because then you will have conquered your own heart of darkness."

or

"Take a look around, remember this moment. Maybe you will get interviewed when they do the "behind the music" special on [insert someone well known to be a musician]. When you are contemplating your ballot on the 2028 election, maybe the fact that you saw [insert class president] walk down the isle, will sway your decision...."

Make as many people as you can feel as important and special as possible. This speech seems like it is designed to impress your teachers and YOUR parents. Its not about you, go overboard with praise for everyone else. Trust me, people will never forget it. As the speech currently stands, most wont be listening after the quote of a book most of them never read.

[mlagoo]

yeah, listen to aplus

i like this later one better than the poker one though

[CardSharpCook]

I thought it was pretty good.

[A_PLUS]

[ QUOTE ]
I thought it was pretty good.

[/ QUOTE ]

I didnt mean to come across as bashing it. I thought the brutal honesty card was needed though. Personally, I thought the speech was very good. I would enjoy it. But, I was in AP classes, I understood everything you said. I have done a decent amount of this stuff, from best man speeches, to conference presentations. I was always like the OP when I was young, a select few people would glowingly praise what I said, while I watched other people in the crowd whisper to each other and flip through their programs.

It wasn't until I started coaching a Lacrosse team that I realized why. I would watch the head coach go up at the banquet and recite stats, and talk about very lacrosse specific qualities from a note card. The parents would politely listen, then my brother (JV coach with myself), went up, no prep work, and talk to the parents about why he loved coaching their kids. He never mentioned goals, or faceoffs won. He would describe something he loved about the kid, compliment it with a story, joke, laugh, etc. He had mothers close to tears thanking him for what he said afterwards. Sure, the 30 experienced people may have enjoyed both speaches equally well, but that isnt the point of a speech. Every parent there, is there for one reason, their kid. Everyone wants to celebrate, everyone wants to be happy. Allowing them to celebrate and be happy with you, is the key. As for the students, 18 year olds, dont want to be told about their 'purpose in life', mostly b/c they are smart enough to know, they are pretty far from figuring it out. They want to be told, they did great, they will do great, and they are great. You tell them that, and they will be happy.

This isnt a key note address, it is a graduation speech, take it for what it is worth, and give the people what they want.

Also, this speech comes across as geared towards teachers. Thank them, if you want to do more, write them a letter. This is about you and your freinds, talk to them and their families like you normally would. How often would you ever quote a book, you dont. They know it, and worse, they know you know it.

[T_Money]

Hey guys, graduation was yesterday so it's officially over. In the end, I wrote another (the 4th damn one) speech but I think it was by far the best. I had quite a few adults tell me it was the best graduation speech they'd ever heard, and even had some random lady in the stands yell "great speech" when we were walking off. But the best was that kids I don't even hang out with or mentioned told me that it was awesome, and I can say w/ full confidence that it wouldn't have happened w/o your guys' help. And a huge thank you to A Plus because I even had my sister read the Heart of Darkness speech and specifically asked if she thought it was self centered and we both thought it wasn't in anyway. But your analysis of it was completely right, so thanks for being honest and another huge thanks for giving me the idea of just making as many people feel good. well, here it is...

Dr. Smith, School Board Members, honored guests, Faculty, Families, friends, and God above. Thank you for your love and support, without it we would surely not be where we are today.

Graduation. It's kind of hard to explain the feeling, but I guess it's alot like that feeling when you take a huge....Awesome!

But in all seriousness, I've been thinking alot as to what graduation is really about. What is it that we're really celebrating? The end of one chapter of our lives and the beginning of the next? That we've completed a significant event in our becoming productive members of society. Whatever it is, at least it gives us excuses for having an unlimited number of parties and hanging out with friends all night. But truthfully Im more excited about the future and the possibilties of the greatness of our class. Think about it.

If you're kid messes up big time in school, wont it be nice to be able to talk to Principle White instead of some random dude.

Or won't it be cool when we drive by some bridge or building that's being constructed and the sign says designed by Bob or Holt or Weiser.

Maybe Curtis will even cut you a deal when you're designing you're new house... But he probably wont. He'll probably charge you full price.

And if you're lucky you'll have bought one of Luke x's art projects so your grand kids can sell it for a few mil.

who knows, I may even get my $7 back when Doug finally finds something he'll do 100%.

We'll even be able to say we knew the guy who made the first electrical car that didnt completely suck, Pinkall, and the man who cured cancer, Moyers.

Pike might even figure out a cheap way to make everyone's smile bright and straight.

When some of our softball girls end up on ESPN, they will become part of the most puzzling question in all of college sports, how can the best softbal players also be the hottest.

It will definitley pay big dividends to have known Victor if he does indeed take over the world using nothing but an old wooden pirate ship.

I know I'll be impressed and the first in line for a handout when Robin becomes the first millionaire from playing video games professionaly.

Some of us could even get interviewed by VH1's behind the music when Kinnat, Jared, or Manny hit it big.

It's also gonna be pretty sweet seeing the President pin a medal of honor on Todd x and Aaron x' chests.

Richard, Casey, Charles, Jessica, Juan, David, Shauhnessey, Kourtney, Kylene, Hali, , Jim, Jill, Jennifer, Stacey P and Stacy R, Hammeke, Niedens and Turner. With a principal like Mr. Meter and Teachers like Mr. Pope, Mrs. Reed, Mrs. Holloway, and Mrs. Bercheck Im sure you are all bound for success

Good luck to Zam, Pangburn, Keari, and Sam. I sure hope you'll prove me wrong about that place.

Colton, Katie, Matt, Brett, Chris, Natalie and Ronnie were all going to K-State. Need I say more.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to list how every person in this class will accomplish great things. Then again, that may turn this into the worst speech ever by making us sit out here for an extra hour. So I'll just end this by saying "eat, drink, and be merry, for tommorrow we may die."

Thank you.

P.S. Another huge thank you to everyone who offered suggestions.

[seke2]

Shoulda stuck with poker...

[curtains]

I think if you can come up with some good examples itd work. Im drawing a blank too though /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Fish R Friends]

Well done T. Above all, you followed your mom's advice by talking about things you care about. I'm sure she dug that. Sounds like it was pretty short and concise, probably got some laughs. Congrats!

[A_PLUS]

Hey, just saw this. Congrats, and I'm sure you made everyone's day all the better, which is what it should be all about great job, and good luck

[CardSharpCook]

Congrats, man.